We held each other awhile longer. I couldn't believe she was actually there in my arms. I had given up hope so long ago, and suddenly, it was handed back to me. I wasn't quite sure where to go from here. I just knew I never wanted to let her go again.
Suddenly, a thought struck me. Cordy had mentioned paying a babysitter. She had a child! God, no! Had she gotten married?
I looked at her left hand. No rings. That didn't mean a whole lot. Cordy changed jewelry as often as Oz changed hair colors. But, would she take off a wedding ring?
I then remembered the heart I had given to her. The only time she had taken it off was when I had demanded it back from her. Surely she would feel the same way about a wedding or engagement ring.
"Cordy?"
"Hmmm?"
"You... You mentioned needing a babysitter?"
Anyone could have heard the fear in my voice. I don't think I could stand to lose her again. Not after having her in my arms again.
"I have a daughter. Her name is Alex."
"The little girl who was with Mandy today?'
"Yes, you met her?"
I drew in a deep breath. I wasn't an expert in child development, but she had looked to be about three years old. Which means Cordy would have gotten pregnant shortly after I left.
"Xander... Her father is a very special man. I love him like I've never loved anyone else in my life."
I got up and walked deeper into the stacks. She didn't love me anymore. I should have expected it, five years is a long time to wait for a man that you don't know if you'll ever see again. But the thought of my Cordy with another man...
I stopped in front of another bookcase and laid my head back against a shelf. I wondered who he was, this man who had stolen her from me. If he made her happy, I would force myself to walk away. But, if he didn't, I would beat him to a bloody pulp.
She came up to me again. I resisted looking at her; I didn't want her to see the pain showing in my eyes.
"Why didn't he marry you?"
"He... Was taken away from me before he found out I was pregnant."
"He's dead?"
"No... He's not. And I've prayed every day that he would come back to me."
"So... That's it then. I think a miracle has happened and I have a second chance with you, only to have it ripped away again. God must be crueler than you ever were, Cordy, to play games like this."
"Xander, let me explain..."
"Explain what? Why you jumped right from my bed into his? No thanks, I can live without that!"
"Can you honestly tell me that you didn't have a single intimate relationship in five years, Xander? Come on, give me a break! I know you!"
"I didn't have a relationship of any kind in five years, Cordy." I said in a monotone. "I tried, I honestly did. But, every time I would look at another woman, I'd see you."
"Xander..."
"Will you at least give me his name? I'd do anything to see you happy, even if that means giving you up. I have connections, I could find him for you. I wouldn't approach him, I'd let you decide what to do with the information."
I could feel her eyes on me, studying me. Weighing what I said. I hope she won't take my up on the offer. I think if I knew where the jerk was, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from hurting him for leaving her alone.
"All... All right. Find him for me. To have him back in my life would be that greatest gift you could ever give to me."
Damn. She would have to accept.
"His name is Alexander Lavelle Harris and I love him with all my heart."
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