“Soon, the world will tremble beneath my feet!” Douglas proclaimed triumphantly.
“How can the world tremble beneath your feet?” Owen asked sardonically, “Isn't it already meant to have been crushed?”
Douglas glared at him momentarily.
“Of course it's been crushed! I''m obviously talking about those parts of the world which have escaped my feet so far.”
“Yes, because Douglas' feet are mighty and all encompassing.” Neil added, expert boot licker that he was.
“Must make up for his -”
“Guys, trust me!” Douglas interrupted, “Once we do this the world will be our oyster.”
Owen paused reflectively. “What, a ball of crud surrounded by excrement? Well when you put it that way...”
“Shut up! You know what I mean. We'll pay back Stewart and his bunch of idiot jocks a hundred fold before this night is done! Or maybe 'before this night is through' would have sounded more dramatic?”
“No, done did well.” Neil spluttered supportively.
Owen considered doubtfully.
He was, he had to acknowledge, a nerd. He was probably the proto-nerd.
His appearance didn't help his cause. Small. Frail body. Interest in computers. Swollen cranium. Glasses had damned him beyond possible redemption. Unfortunately to make matters ten times worse also had a mouth that simply would never take a hint and shut.
In short, upper school was less than pleasant for him, and he had a virtually limitless supply of reasons to literally want to kill many of his classmates.
Thing is, he didn't really mean it literally.
Douglas on the other hand did.
“One last time, I'm only here to laugh at you morons.” he reaffirmed.
Doug glared at him again. “You'll be laughing out of the other side of your face in a few minutes!” he almost screamed.
“I've only got the one.”
“Shut up! Once I raise again the great lord Acathla, he will reward me with untold rewards! Erm. And He will punish my enemies with punishment beyond...”
“Punishment?”
“Yes. And that!”
“You're a twat.”
“Fuck off!”
Owen sighed an shook his head slightly as the other two began the ritual. He'd only come along as Neils mum had made him promise to give him a lift home after school. He liked Neil, in a kind of vaguely embarrassed way. He was so inoffensive it was hard not to like him, and easy to understand why he became the school doormat.
Douglas on the other hand was an entirely different affair. Owen always tried his best to like the guy, but the way the guy sneered at him made his skin crawl.
He mumbled incoherently, simply to fit in. What did the really think they were going to achieve? This was ridiculous, and he was acutely aware of the fact that the last bongs worth of weed was fast wearing off. He opened his mouth to protest.
The sad chalk circle burst into flames, which danced incandescent in the astonished silence that followed in its wake.
“Er...”
The demon insinuated its way into existence like the sad little guy in the kitchen at a party, as if it had always been there and you'd simply been too embarrassed to noticed it.
“Hi guys!” it said brightly.
Owen stared at it in some embarrassment.
As demons went, it certainly wasn't what he had expected. For a start – it was bright pink. For another, it was approximately two foot tall. That wasn't such a problem however, as it fluttered about cheerfully on two scrawny little wings.
“Erm, hello?” Douglas replied nonplussed.
“Hi!” the demon fluttered brightly, “I'm Howard! Thank you for summoning me. Le me assure you as the professional wiccan / mage, that your darkest desire will be fulfilled regardless of what you want, so long as you don't want anything exorbitance thats to say, such as the return of King Arthur or something stupid bastard he never even existed idiot! could have done some research before he summoned me and who got the blame? muggins thats who....” the pink demon trailed off.
They stared at it speechless.
“Excuse me?” Neil tried?
The demon glared. “What?” it snapped.
“Ah, you're supposed to grant us three wishes,” Neil said apologetically.
The demon fanned its wings and looked at them arrogantly. “Oh, I am am I?” It looked from face to face, “Well! Thats some cheek! Here I am, pulled from god knows what dimension (actually, he doesn't know, I made sure of that – interfering git), and I'm just supposed to grant you three little brats wishes? You know where you can stick that!”
“Um, this book says that -” Douglas mumbled, but was cut off.
“Oh! A book!” the demon smacked its head with false understanding, “Well thats all alright! You've got a book! That must mean every thing's good. Carry on!”
“Um, by Diabella, by Hircine, by the daedra of old, by erm Om and Offler -” Douglas began again.
“They're from Discworld.” Owen supplied, having slightly recovered from the shock at seeing the random demon.
“Oh. Erm, well the first two anyway. And some others. I bind thee. I think. And conjure thee. I abjure thee to do our bidding, oh foul and pink one from most damnedest hell!”
The demon applauded. “Not bad! I've heard worse. Admittedly, sometimes from vegetables! What are you kids really expecting? You can't even conjure me with real hell gods! I mean, at least use Glorificous – she was on TV, and she has stupid hair! Fine. This is your own fault. What do you want?”
His resolve totally dissolved, Douglas stared at the demon helplessly.
Neil replied “We want to be rich!” he stammered emphatically.
The demon nodded encouragingly, “Is that it?”
Neil frowned, “No! We want women to ah – lust after us and fall over themselves to get to us. Obviously only attractive women.” he amended.
“Check.” the demon ticked off on its fingers. “Anything else?”
“Oh, yeah, we want to live forever, be famous, and get back at the jocks!”
The demon glared at him. “You get three wishes. Thats it.. Which do you want?”
Neils brow crinkled, “Erm, gets back at the jocks?”
The demon rolled its eyes. “Fine!” It snapped its fingers and vanished. A moment later its vioce said, “Done!”.
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