V.O.
And now it is time once again to venture out into the field as Timan delves deeper into the world of the slayer in ‘TIMAN: OUT AND ABOUT’
(Audience looked at each other confused)
TIMAN
Hello Timan here with another one of my treks into the Buffyverse with Timan out and about. Now some of you might have heard some crazy rumors about the difficulties between me and Axel . . .
CAMERA MAN
Didn’t he hit you with a baseball bat?
TIMAN
(To camera man) SHHH! (To Audience) I just want to say right here and now that it is not true. I talked it over with Axel for a good few hours and he was completely fine with it. and if it wasn’t for the septic tank he accidentally fell into that I might have accidentally welded shut I’m sure he would have given his blessing for the segment to continue. But for right now the show must go on.
It was fortunate that this happened because, as it turns out, this segment has soared to new heights of popularity. My fan mail bag is brimming over with the one letter I received. It reads . . .
Dear Timan
I KEEEEL YOU!!!
Signed Miss. P Jones
Now I’m not entirely sure what ‘KEEEL’ means but I’m pretty certain it’s a sailing term. Thank you Miss Jones and I’ll be happy to join you on your yacht any time. now onto today’s segment.
(Cut to busy street south of France)
There were many strong people and vampires who helped keep the world safe during the last season of Buffy but one of the most under rated of them all of a simple nerd by the name of Andrew. He was a simple man with a bright vision, a certain twinkle in his eyes, and a strange pointy haircut that couldn’t make up its mind where it was going. During the final days of the Hellmouth he took it upon himself to document the day to day life of the slayer so that future generations can look at it and go ‘oooooo that was fricken awesome!’
I’m here at the Cannes film festival where first time director and cinematographer Andrew released his masterpiece ‘Buffy: Slayer of the vampires’ to rave reviews. I managed to catch up with the tiny man for a chat . . .
(Cut to amazing looking hotel room. Andrew is sitting down wearing a smoking jacket and holding a pipe)
TIMAN
First off let me say that it’s great to have you on the show.
ANDREW
Thank you it’s really cool to be here
TIMAN
I’ve just come out from seeing the film and, speaking personally, it is a fantastic motion picture. You really captured the strength and the vulnerability of the slayer.
ANDREW
I like to think of myself as an artist. But then I can’t really paint or do cool drawing so I like to think of myself as that guy in the video store who knows stuff about the films
TIMAN
I know exactly what you mean. Those scenes where you filmed the final Scooby meeting before the big battle were moving. There wasn’t a dry eye in the theatre.
ANDREW
As a director you needed to find the moment where each of the people were at their most expressive. I like to call that the Anakin turning to Darth Vader moment.
TIMAN
I couldn’t have said it better myself. However I did notice some . . . how can I put this? . . Discrepancies in your movie and what actually happened. I made a list and, if you don’t mind, I’d like to share it with you
ANDREW
Alright.
(Timan flicks through clipboard until he finds the right page.)
TIMAN
I’m not going to do this in any particular order . . . Okay, let’s start with the scene where the giant army of uber-vamps was defeated by the Ewoks, now; I don’t remember that happening at all.
ANDREW
Well, when I looked at the footage I shot I, like, realized that it was sooo boring. So I decided to spice it up a bit with like some cool, kick-ass action sequences.
TIMAN
But it never happened
ANDREW
It could of.
TIMAN
(Consulting clipboard) Alright, let’s move to the scene where Faith and Buffy have a light saber duel over a boiling lava lake.
ANDREW
This was a curtail scene. Faith decided that she was stronger them Buffy and decided to have one final showdown.
TIMAN
(Confused) didn’t those two work together in the end?
ANDREW
Well, Yeah, but this is, like, a movie it doesn’t have to be real.
(Timan looks at Andrew strangely. Andrew puts pipe in mouth and bubbles come out end)
TIMAN
Moving on, the heart wrenching scene where Buffy found out that spike had a soul . . .
ANDREW
Yeah?
TIMAN
Didn’t that happen in a church?
ANDREW
Yeah, that’s where Buffy, like found out and stuff.
TIMAN
That’s what I thought. So why did your version happen on tatoeen?
ANDREW
I saw it like a metaphor. You know spikes burning desire for Buffy and stuff
TIMAN
Oh . . . kay, speaking of Spike. That scene with you two where you were hanging over that large pit and he tells you he is your father. I don’t remember spike ever mentioning that.
(Andrew shrugs)
ANDREW
He is, like, so shy about that topic (giggles) actually there’s, like, a really funny story about that.
TIMAN
Okay
ANDREW
So I was, like, at the food table and there was only, like, one doughty left. I was so gonna take it but at the last minute he did.
(Long pause as Andrew smiles)
TIMAN
That’s the funny story?
ANDREW
You kinda had to be there
(Timan sighs)
TIMAN
Andrew thanks for your time
ANDREW
Hey, can I speak to Axel next time?
TIMAN
(Looking guilty) He’s, ah, little busy.
This is a roundrobin story. Would you like to contribute?
|
|
|
|
Rave
Barbie Girl (Becca)
biscuit07
Filmtheory (Jim)
Malice (Jess)
MebbtheScribe (MichaelB)
Reset (Allie)
Shay (Marrisa)
somnambulist29 (Shea)
Stephanie Loss
Wendyness (Wendy)
Questions?Contact Us
|
|
All stories on this site have been archived with the authors' consent. Do not copy these stories for your own uses without the express consent of the author themselves. Buffy the Vampire Slayer TM and Angel TM are © UPN, WB, Fox and its related entities. All photos on the site are © UPN, Fox, Warner Bros, and/or their respective owners. No profits are being made by use of these images.
Powered with the assitance of eFiction.
|
|
|
