The funeral
Dawn arrives in L.A. the day after she got the phone call from Buffy.
Buffy is waiting for her at a small coffee shop in the center of L.A.
Dawn gets out of the taxi and sees Buffy sitting at a small table, she's drinking some sort of coffee. She looks very sad, Dawn hasn't seen her look like that since their mom died.
"Buffy!" Dawn yells and raises her hand.
Buffy stands up, runs to Dawn and gives her a hug.
Dawn looks into her eyes and sees that her older sister is crying.
"Buffy ? What's wrong ?"
Buffy takes a hold of Dawns hand, looks her in the eye and says : "We should probably sit down first."
***
They are now sitting down at the table Buffy was sitting just a minute ago, Dawn is now drinking a coffee too.
"Now will you tell me what's going on here ? Where is the gang, where is everybody ?"
Dawn suddenly asks after taking a sip of her drink.
Buffy takes her chair and sits closer by Dawn.
"This is very hard for me to say and it's gonna be even harder for you to hear..." she pauses, then starts crying.
"Buffy, you're freaking me out. What's going on ?"
"The gang, Willow and the others, are at the funeral home, they're with Xander."
Buffy hopes Dawn gets it, cause she really doesn't want to say what she has to say eventually.
But, sadly for her, she will have to tell Dawn the whole truth.
"Why is Xander in the funeral home ? Does he work there or something ?"
Dawn's heart is beating faster, it's racing, she thinks that she knows what happened, but she needs to hear it from Buffy.
Buffy grabs Dawn's hand.
"There was a demon, four days ago, a big big demon, very strong too. Faith, a few girls and myself were fighting it, but there was something we didn't know about the demon, about how we had to destroy it, so Xander came in the middle of the fight to tell us how to defeat it..." she pauses again.
"Buffy ?" Dawn asks so that she would continue.
"But before we had a chance to kill it, the demon hit Xander and he fell on some metal, eum, we didn't see it at first cause we killed the demon first. Then, after it was killed, we saw that Xander was hurt, he had a piece of metal in his back, he was bleeding bad. So we took him to the hospital."
"No...." Dawn knows, and starts to cry.
"They said he would be fine, that they stopped the bleeding, Xander looked fine, we talked to him, he laughed about it, but yesterday he suddenly felt a sharp pain in his back and before we knew it he stopped breathing. They did everything to save him, but it just wasn't enough." after saying what happened, Buffy now cries too.
She stands up, together with Dawn and gives her little sis, who is in a bit of a shock, a hug.
"I'm so sorry I couldn't protect him better..." Buffy blames herself.
Dawn lets go of her sister.
"No, this is how it goes, we fight a war, and sometimes people die, I'm so sorry he's dead, and that we'll never see him again, but you can't blame yourself, or it will destroy you. And I don't want that, I don't wanna loose you too." she cries and hugs her sister again, other people who are in the coffee shop look at them, but Buffy and Dawn don't even notice.
***
Dawn and Buffy arrive at the funeral house, Willow, Giles and Faith are standing around the body of their lost friend.
Willow has a very sad look upon her face, as do Giles and Faith.
Willow turns around.
"Dawnie ? Oh thank god you're here." she gives Dawn a hug, then Giles gives her a hug.
Faith just shakes her hand.
"I'm sorry Dawn." it is the first time ever Faith says she's sorry to someone while she did nothing.
"Sorry, for what ? You didn't kill Xander, so why are you sorry ?" Dawn asks suprised.
"I guess I should have done more to save the guy, that's all."
"I'm sure you did everything in your power." Dawn answers.
"Can I see him, alone ?" she asks everyone.
Giles nods and they all go outside for a minute.
***
"You always saw everything, who will we have now to be the heart of the gang ?" she smiles for a second.
"You saw me, you said I was special, but I didn't believe, to be special, I had to leave the gang, I had to leave everyone behind to feel important. Maybe if I'd stayed you'd still be here. I may not have been here when it happened, but your death is my fault, normally I always go to give the information, it should have been me, not you."
Someone sneaks up behind Dawn, she doesn't hear it.
"It wasn't your fault."
Dawn turns around, she scared a bit.
"Willow. You scared the hell out of me."
"I heard you, blaming yourself for something you weren't even part of. You shouldn't do that."
"But that's just the problem, I wasn't part of it. And I should have been. I shouldn't have left."
Willow grabs Dawn gently by the arms.
"Did you do some good while you were away ?"
"I... I guess I did." Dawn hesitates.
"Then you did the right thing leaving here. If you blame yourself, imagine how I must feel, I've known Xander my whole life long, and now he's gone, he was my best friend in the whole world. I'm never gonna meet anyone else like him, he was the one that saved me when Tara died, and it kills me I didn't get to save him when he needed saving."
Dawn now realizes that everyone blames him or herself, even Faith blames herself. Dawn has to stop it, or the gang will fall apart.
She gives Willow a hug.
"I love you." she says.
"I love you too Dawnie." Willow says back.
"I'm gonna give you another minute now. I'll see you outside." Willow says and she leaves the room.
Dawn turns around to Xander's lifeless body.
"Look at you, you look amazing, you'll forever be in my heart Xander. You were like a brother to me, when everyone ignored me, you saw me, I'll forever love you for that."
She touches his hand, then lets it go and turns around to go outside.
A miss comes running before Dawn leaves the room.
"Miss, miss!" she calls out.
Dawn turns around and wipes her tears of.
"Yes ?"
"These were some belongings from the mister, the hospital just delivered them."
The woman gives Dawn some keys, a picture of the gang and a picture of Anya and there is also a letter addressed to Dawn Summers.
***
Dawn sits back down and opens the letter and begins to read it.
'Dear Dawnie,
if you are reading this, it means that I did not make it.
You see, I asked the doctors to lie to the gang about my condition.
I was not fine, I was dying, there was only a small chance of survival.
I knew, that if anything happened to me, that they'd call you.
I know the gang, everyone is probably blaming themselves.
I can only hope you don't.
I need you to tell the gang that I wasn't scared, or mad.
If I died, it was because it was my time.
My time to be with Anya again.
I'm happy, I'm going to meet the woman I love again.
I survived so much, I know now this was my destiny.
I once said you were extraordinary, not special.
I meant that, I hope you know that.
I hope you are the first and the only one to read this letter.
I once was the heart of the gang,
but the truth is, I was just an ordinary guy,
the heart is all of them.
Tell Willow I love her, tell her that I'm safe and she doesn't have to worry.
Tell Buffy she's one heck of a girl, and that she keeps fighting and I love her.
Tell Giles he was like a father to men, to everyone, he has a huge heart and I also love him.
Then there is still Faith, she was the first woman I was ever with, she had a hard life,
made a lot of mistakes, but I've always known she'd be alright and she's good now.
Last there's you, Dawn, you were like a sister for me,
you are on your own now, don't blame yourself for not being here when I died,
cause I was very happy when you decided to stand on your own.
Don't come back to the gang because of me, you belong somewhere else now,
with your new friends.
Oh, and tell my parents, I don't know if they'll even care, but tell 'em I loved them too.
Give everyone my love and hold them together, you need to do it now Dawnie.
I'll see you around, count on it.'
That was it, that was the end of the letter.
Dawn cried after reading it, she never expected he'd write a letter for her.
She never expected that he'd known he was gonna die.
"I'm gonna keep the gang together. I promise you Xander, that much I ow you."
***
It's the day of the funeral, Buffy, Willow, Giles and even Faith are all going to say something about him.
No one known what Dawn is planning to do.
It's very sunny today, a beautiful day, this was a day that Xander would want to have his funeral on. He'd be happy.
Buffy is standing in front of everyone, she looks down at the coffin, a tear falls down her cheek.
She smiles.
"Xander was, he was always kind of a goof. He was able to laugh with almost everything, even if it threatened his life. HE was our goofy Xander, but he wasn't just that.
He was kind of heart, he had the most pure heart of anyone I've ever known. He was a friend to everyone, even if we sometimes didn't deserve his friendship. He also made mistakes from time to time, but who doesn't. He did much more good things then bad. He saved my life once, he saved Willow's life once, he saved a lot of lives, even if he just comforted someone, sometimes that was all we needed to have our lives saved. It was an honor to have known you, friend of mine."
she throws a white rose on the light brown coffin and walks away to her seat.
Willow steps forward.
"I haven't got much to ad to that, all that Buffy said was true, Xander made mistakes, but he always did everything because of his heart. He always listened to it. In good times and in bad.
I've known him since forever. I'll never forget him, I'll love him forever." with that, she also throws a white rose on his coffin, and steps away to her seat.
The pastor says a few words before Giles and Faith come to the front. A lot of people are crying, even his parents, who Buffy managed to find also here in L.A., are crying. They may not have been the best family ever, but today, you can see they loved him. Even if Xander didn't always know that.
Giles steps forward.
He just stands there for several minutes and then suddenly starts to talk.
"Buffy was right, Xander was indeed goofy. He always was, that's why we loved him. He was good of heart, what more can you ask from someone, if he would have seen someone who he thought needed help, he'd help them. That's who he was, he loved people. He was an amazing man and he will be very missed." He also throws a white rose on the coffin and walks away.
Now is the moment Faith will speak, no one knows why she wanted to speak, she didn't know him that well. She'd even tried to kill him once, it is wait and see for what she will say.
She walks up to the front and stares at the coffin for a while.
She looks around and sees people crying, people she knows, people she has never seen before. Old friends of Xander maybe, she doesn't know, she doesn't really care either.
"Uhum..." she begins.
"I wasn't such a good friend of Xanders, I slept with him once upon a time, I treated him badly, but despite that, he still wanted to help me when I was in trouble. I'm not one for the whole touchy feelly thing, but he deserves it. He was a good guy, it's rare to find that in a person. That's eum about all I wanted to say." She stands there for another second, looking at the coffin, then also throws a white rose on the coffin and walks away.
Buffy nods at Faith, meaning that she respects what Faith said just now, and that she did a good thing.
***
The pastor gets out of his chair and walks forward.
"Lets now all form a circle around this beloved man's coffin, join hands and say our final goodbyes." he says.
Dawn quickly stands up before anyone else does.
"Wait! I have something to say first."
"Dawn." Buffy pulls at Dawn's jacket to make her sit down but Dawn gives her a sign that it is all fine.
Dawn steps forward with the letter Xander wrote her in her hands, everyone is suprised by this sudden event.
"A few days ago, I received a letter in the funeral-home. A letter Xander wrote to me before his death. I'm not gonna read it, he didn't want me too. But I am gonna say this, he knew he was gonna die, he lied to you, to make it easier I guess. It wasn't a sudden death, he knew it was to come. He was very brave, he wrote a letter asking me to tell everyone he loved them and to keep you guys together." Xander's mother cries even louder now.
"He asked me to tell you not to blame yourselves, cause everyone can think of a reason to blame him or herself, but if you truly loved Xander, which I know you did, then you'll respect his wishes and not blame yourselves. Xander was good, he was amazing. And I loved him, I will always love him, how can I not ? He said he'd be happy now and to give you all his love." that's all Dawn says, she takes a, not a white, but a red rose and throws it on his coffin.
"He'd love a bit of color." she says and walks back to her seat, mean while she gives a hand to his mother who is grateful for what Dawn has said.
Dawn also gives Buffy a hug and Buffy thanks her, but Dawn just says to thank Xander, that it were his words.
***
They form a circle around the coffin and give each other a hand, on the coffin, there is a picture of Xander and Anya, how he would have liked it to be, after all, he never had a chance to give Anya a funeral.
After the funeral, they go back to the hotel they are all staying in and there they hold a small reception, with all sorts of pictures of Xander and his friends on the walls.
***
That night, Dawn says her goodbyes tot the gang.
"Be safe you guys." Dawn says when she gets in the taxi.
During the ride to her hotel somewhere in New York, Dawn thinks about the good times she had with Xander.
And how she even had a crush on him when she was young.
The taxi slows down, she's back at the hotel.
"Thanks." Dawn says, pays the driver and gets out the car.
***
Krista, Cindy and Joy are watching some TV when there is a knock on the door.
"Dawn ?" Cindy says and looks at Krista and Joy.
Joy pulls her shoulders up and walks to the door.
She opens the door, and yes, it is Dawn.
"Hi." she says and gives Joy a hug, then she gives Krista and Joy a hug.
"So, what happened ?" Cindy asks.
"I lost a good friend of mine in the battle against good."
Dawn smiles but a tear runs from her cheek.
"Oh, we're so sorry to hear that." Joy says.
"Don't be sorry, he's in good hands now." she looks up and then back at her friends and smiles.
Dawn steps forward to Krista.
"I stromed out of here after I got that phone call that i forgot to hear what you had to say. You still wanna tell me ?"
Krista nods, so she and Dawn go outside to talk on the balcony.
***
Dawn stands there, she doesn't want to ask what happened or what Krista did, she waits till Krista is ready to tell it.
"Joshua was my husband and he was in the institution to save me. But he went crazy, like everyone else in there, so, I tried to make him healthy again. It worked, but it failed too."
"What do you mean ?" Dawn doesn't understand that.
"He was violent, not the man I married, I doubt that he even new who I was when he was healthy of mind again, he could think clearly again, but all the rest was gone, he wasn't kind, he wasn't the man I knew. I could see it in his look, he was changed. I guess he was to far gone when I gave him the needle. It only worked half, right after I gave it to him, he attacked me. He came at me with the needle, so I grabbed two needles that were on the bed and threw them at him, one was right in his heart. He died only seconds after." she cries, she feels ashamed of what she did.
Dawn looks her in the eye.
"It was self-defence, besides, the man you killed wasn't your husband, from what you told me, your husband was long gone, long dead. You did nothing wrong, you shouldn't blame yourself."
"Shouldn't I ?" Krista says, blaming herself.
"No, you shouldn't. You lost a loved one, we both did recently. If you want to honor his memory, then do it by living on your life, celebrating life and him. If there is one thing I've learned by loosing my friend, it was to always live on. Live your life, that's the only way you'll honor them."
Dawn gives Krista a hug, she's been giving a lot of hugs lately, it does her good and it does Krista good also...
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