"Cordy, I'm going to call Wesley and Fred and let them know that we won't be at Will's for a little while." Angel said as he walked out of the hospital to call Wesley.
"Spike, please calm down. Buffy needs you to be strong." Cordelia said as she took Spike's trembling hand.
"I did this to him." Spike said as he looked at nothing.
"You didn't, the liver did. Now please, Buffy really needs you." Cordelia said, but even telling him that Buffy needed him didn't do anything.
"I think your getting no where. Think he just needs some time to work things out in his head. I'll be fine." Buffy said smiling slightly as she put her hand on Spike's other hand.
"They said they'll be here as soon as possible." Angel said as he came back into the waiting room.
"I gotta get out of here." Spike said suddenly as he got up and ran out of the hospital.
He knew he couldn't go back to the house because it wasn't the same, and the demon bar probably wasn't even a demon bar, so the only place he knew would be basically the same was the cemetery. He ran as hard as he could to the place he knew wouldn't be there but knew it was quiet and secluded. Completely out of breath he collapsed onto the soft grass. He saw not stone, just grass, indicating that they had never buried her and Glory had never taken her blood. He realized at that moment, he wanted to go back. Yes he was happy to be with her but he still had one hardship after another and never a real true moment of peace, and he felt useless, he couldn't fight to help other people, especially Jimmy. He then knew how Buffy felt when her mom was in the hospital.
"You know some people find it a little creepy to be hanging out alone in a graveyard." A voice said suddenly, making Spike jump a little.
"Shouldn't scare people like that, Angel." Spike said glaring at Angel a little.
"Sorry, Will, you scared us though, running out like that." Angel said softly.
"Gosh, it's Spike, you've known that for years. I'm not your brother and you hate me." Spike said angrily.
"Wi-Spike, what are you talking about? I've been your brother since you were born." Angel said as he took a step toward Spike and Spike stepped back.
"No, you're my grandsire and I'm your grandchilde. This whole thing is not real! I don't belong here! I can't even be happy!" Spike shouted angrily, startling Angel a little.
"What the heck are you talking about?" Angel asked confused.
"I can't be happy, think it's a curse or something. As William, wasn't happy, mum was sick, Cecily hated me, got turned and Dru didn't think she should only be with me, you stole her from me, killed to slayers but that was only temporary happiness if it was even that, then I meet Buffy, I obsess over her and try to kill her but can't, then I get this bloody chip put in my head and I can't kill anything but demons but after awhile that was alright. Buff's mom then gets sick and ends up dying leaving Buffy with Niblet or Dawn you decide what you want her called, the gang then finds out that Dawn is some sort of key, and then Buffy dies and then she comes back. I thought she's turning to me for comfort, and she was but she didn't love me.. I thought I'd get my soul back for her and hoped she would love me then but she still didn't love me and I had to put up with being tortured by the First and all the evil things I've done. End getting killed because I wanted to save the world, thought that was the end but again I was wrong and I ended up at Wolfram & Hart and man that place is a pain, can't find any happiness there especially since we lost Fred." Spike said. He was crying now and he didn't care if Angel thought he was looney about everything he had just said.
"Spike, none of that happened. Buffy and Fred are all alive. You never killed mom, a heart attack did. I don't know what's happening to you but you belong here. Jimmy and Buffy need you right now. They need you strong." Angel said not moving any closer.
"I can't Angel. I want to but I go back there I'll brake down again. I know Cordy said that I didn't have anything to with this but I know I did. I was sick and I made Jimmy bloody sick and now he's paying for it." Spike said. He had stopped crying but could feel new tears coming and he didn't want them. He just wanted to stop being such a wimp.
"Spike, how many times do I have to tell that it's not your fault. He could have gotten sick from anywhere, I mean Connor was just sick, I'm sure some of his friends were sick, and even people he's passed on the street could have given him something. There are a number of possibilities of how he got sick." Angel said.
"I know, I know. Fine I'll go back." Spike said a little reluctantly.
"Good, now I hope you don't mind walking, I followed you on foot." Angel said smiling a little and Spike did too although his was fake, and he knew he was going to have to keep it on for a little while.
"That's fine. Might help me to clear my head a little." Spike said as he started walking. He surprised Angel a little bit by how well he knew his way from the cemetery to the hospital.
"I know you never come here unless you're visiting mom and you never have to go straight to the hospital from here, so what's with knowing your way back so well?" Angel asked once they were half way there.
"Guess I'm good with direction, is all." Spike shrugged and Angel started laughing.
"Man, you've never been good with direction. I remember we invited you to our first house, and it was only three blocks from yours and you got lost." Angel said continuing to laugh and Spike knew something was wrong. Vampire Spike knew his way around easily, he found the cave in which he faught for his soul with barely any problem at all and he had never been there in his life and unlife.
"Hey, what's with the contemplative look? You aren't going to go running off on me again are you." Angel asked seriously as he looked at Spike.
"Wha-oh no. I'm fine. Just thinking." Spike said with another shrug. They had reached the hospital and saw Fred and Wesley talking to Buffy and Cordelia while Connor played with Peter and Susan to keep them busy.
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