Angel finally took a breath. Buffy waited patiently inside the school perimeter so she didn’t waste any time. “Okay,” he said at long last. “Okay. Let’s go across the bridge and inspect this town Tara told us about.”
Buffy nodded. ”Right. Town. On my way.” She left the school and walked out onto the field. She noticed a tinny tune in the background and looked around with a furrowed brow. “Where the hell is that coming from?”
Angel blinked. “What?”
“The music.”
“Oh. You didn’t hear that before?”
“No.”
“Oh yeah. It changes every time we walk into a new location.”
“…Why?”
Angel frowned, in a fairy-like way. “I don’t know. It’s just… been that way, since I found you. Even in the forest there was a silly tune in the background.”
Buffy looked around some more. “Huh,” she commented, and started running toward Death Mountain. Only a second later she slowed to a walk. “Why the fuck am I running?”
Angel sighed. “Because you’re saving Sunnydale. It’s sort of an urgent matter, if you ask me.”
“But everyone else around here walks. Why do I have to run?”
“Again with the saving Sunnydale. Now stop asking questions. This is a fanfiction about a videogame; this makes things even more unbelievable than normal. Just get to town, already. Wouldn’t you rather run?”
“No.”
“Too bad. Get moving, hero.”
Buffy stepped into town and was immediately greeted by a small child.
“What the fuck?”
Angel flew around, laughing. “Go find someone in town looking worried. I bet someone will want that kid back… he looks kind of distressed.”
Buffy saw that he was right… the kid was clucking. She nodded. “All right.” She went through town and Angel pointed out at least two more of the children, flailing around and all clucking. Finally she encountered a woman standing by a low cage with a horrified expression on her face.
“All the kids got away,” she wailed. “I… I can’t pick them up. They’re… scary.”
Buffy raised an eyebrow. “You’re scared of children?”
The woman nodded. “They’re very peculiar creatures, children. They’ve got diapers and what have you… I just get the heebie jeebies thinking about it.”
“Don’t you think maybe you should have chosen a different career?”
The horrified expression became that of great sarcasm on the caretaker’s face. “There are three careers in this town: Construction, shopkeeping, and caretaker. I’m too frail for construction, and I recently got fired from my tenth shopkeeping job because I withheld receipts again. There aren’t any more stores in town.” she explained, her voice turning back into a wail. “And if I anyone pays enough attention to realize that their children are running loose through town, I’ll be fired from the last available job in town. I’ll have to leave and find work elsewhere otherwise. And I don’t want to do that.”
Buffy nodded. “Don’t worry. I’ll gather them for you. But really, you need to learn to get over this stupid fear. I was afraid of leaving my forest until yesterday, when this nuisance of a fairy came out of nowhere, and now I’m going to save Sunnydale.”
The woman smiled. “Oh. Neat. I wish I had that job.”
Buffy shook her head. “No you don’t. High pressure. What’s your name?”
“Joyce.”
“Hi, Joyce, I’m Buffy. This is my fairy Angel. We’ll get your kids in no time, just… sit tight.” Buffy went back to the entrance of the town and picked up the child, who promptly stopped clucking and began kicking and screaming. Buffy had to hold him at arm’s length to prevent getting kicked in the face. Finally she put the annoying kid down in the pen and turned to Joyce. “Okay, Joyce. I’ve got a job for you. See that kid right behind you? Pick it up and put it in the pen. Just one. You have to get over this phobia. It’s stupid and you’ll be fired more easily if you don’t get over it.”
Buffy traveled throughout the town, accumulating children and putting them in the pen. She found one up top and didn’t look where she was going, accidentally stepping off a roof and instantly terrified that she was going to fall.
Instead she floated gracefully down to the ground. The child’s flailing arms had provided enough air resistance that she was in no danger. “Cool,” she breathed, and ran back up the stairs to do the same thing again, this time aiming at a platform with another child on it with no access. The landed gracefully, put the original child down, and picked up the other one, jumping off. She put it in the pen and ran back to get the other one.
Joyce was still struggling with the child near her. She stepped close to it, tried to hold its hand and lead it away, but it wrenched free and clucked further away.
Buffy ran around town and tried to find more. She encountered a gate with a child behind it, but there was no way to get across; not even jumping from the windmill entrance platform with allow her to make it. She ran back to the pen, grabbed a child and jumped, using the flailing to try and get across. She threw it back over the fence once she succeeded and glanced after it in horror, making sure it was okay.
It was fine. It clucked. Joyce, still chasing her child, was nearby, and looked in horror at Buffy when there were two. Buffy grabbed the kid, threw it over with the other two, and climbed up the ladder that was there just in case there were more.
There was. She put it in the pen and was amazed to see Joyce coming back with two of the screaming children, holding them by the straps of their overalls and wincing as she put them in the pen.
“Am I done? Do I have to get the other one?” she asked pitifully. Buffy shook her head and got it for her. Joyce counted. “We’re still short one.”
“What?” Buffy asked. “I looked everywhere.”
Joyce looked panicked. “Oh God, oh God…”
Buffy sighed. “But I’ll look again. After that I can’t help you.” She ran around town once more annoyedly, Angel flying around and trying to point out anything weird. As they approached a box, Angel stopped Buffy in her tracks.
“What’s that noise?” he asked quietly. Buffy crept around and was led to a wooden box; it was clucking enthusiastically.
“The kid wandered into a box?” she asked, and tried to lift it (to no avail). She took out her sword and tried to slash it open.
Nothing worked. She stood back and stared at it. Angel flew up and down. “Try rolling.”
She glared at the fairy. “Rolling won’t make the box disappear, Angel.”
“No, but rolling into it might make it explode.” Still Buffy frowned.
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“I already told you that little does in this world. Just try it.”
She did. The box exploded, and the child clucked away unscathed.
“That’s fucking weird.”
“And that’s the fifth time you’ve said that in the past two days. Get the kid and let’s get going. We’ve wasted too much time for no reason.”
Buffy put the kid back in his pen and Joyce clapped emphatically. “Thank you so much! Oh, oh. Okay. I’ve got something for your trouble.”
Buffy smiled and turned to her fairy. “See? Not for no reason,” she mumbled.
“Oh, here it is.” She pulled out a jar. “It’s glass, so be careful, but it can hold lots of useful things. Good luck on your saving Sunnydale… I’m sorry to distract you.”
Buffy took the jar graciously. It promptly disappeared. Buffy looked around. “Hey… where’d it go?”
But Joyce had turned away and was tending to the children. She scattered break throughout the pen with a slightly disgusted look on her face. Angel jiggled. “It’s okay, it just went to your START menu.”
Buffy blinked. “My what menu?”
“Your START… oh god, you don’t even know… Even more sheltered than I thought,” the fairy muttered. He shook his head. “Go into the graveyard and I’ll explain.”
Buffy frowned at the fairy. “Are you sure this isn’t the town that’s called Restfield Cemetery?”
Angel shook his head. “I’m certain that’s the town before the castle. This one’s called Uncle Rico… but I hear that Warren wants to change it.”
“Who’s Warren?”
“Groundskeeper for the graveyard. Which is that way. Go.”
Buffy went in the direction the fairy implied. “Also, Uncle Rico? Should I even ask?”
Angel shook his head. “Probably not.”
Buffy sighed. “Okay. Something about a menu? Which would be great at this point, since I haven’t eaten in about 48 hours… but why aren’t I hungry?”
“You’re not tired, either. And you never will be until you get back home, to the forest, and stay there for the equivalent of a day. Never mind. Long story. Your START menu is a place where you store things too big for your hat. The START stands for Simply Terrible Ability for Retaining Things. It holds your bottles, and now the Forestfolk Emerald, since when the Great Watcher Giles died he decided your hat was no place to hold such things. The START menu is also the only way you can view a map. By the way, you can only hold three things in your hat at a time; you have to visit the menu to interchange items. Right now I think your spellbook, your slingshot and Willow’s letter are in your hat.”
Buffy blinked as she slowly took in all this information. “So…” she said eventually as they walked into the graveyard, where it was inexplicably raining. “How do I access the START menu?”
“Think about it. NOT NOW, wait until I’m done explaining,” Angel said hurriedly. “If you think about accessing the START menu, it’ll happen, but there are consequences; time stops, you stop, everything becomes a void except your mind can visualize the start menu. Once you’ve done what you want to, mentally close the START menu and reality will come back without a hitch. It’s weird. You can try it if you want, but you won’t hear me—“
Buffy cut him off and instantly thought about the START menu. Suddenly she couldn’t see, couldn’t hear, couldn’t breathe… everything stopped except for her racing mind and four screens. One was an image of her with images of what she wore, with space for more options; one was a map of Sunnydale, most of it clouded over, telling her the current position was the graveyard; one was a listing of her items, three of them highlighted as the ones she had in her hat. The final screen showed her spells, how many Gold Skulltulas she’d killed, the Forestfolk Emerald, and an empty heart. She thought she should get out and reality flickered back, as though she’d only blinked. Time had not passed.
“—while you’re in there. In fact, I won’t be talking… the world won’t exist,” he finished. He looked at her expectantly. “So… go ahead.”
“I already did,” she said. “You were halfway through a sentence. And that’s…”
“Let me guess… fucking weird?”
Buffy grinned. “Good call. So… why are we here?” she asked, looking around the graveyard.
Angel frowned and swung around, looking at where they were. “Oh! Right. Well, there are legends about a metal shield hidden beneath one of these graves, and I thought we could use one. I hear you can buy them, but for more money than you can carry at this point, so…”
“We’re stealing again? And from DEAD PEOPLE?”
“Buffy, let it go. Just trust me. Have I been wrong yet?”
“…No…”
“Right. So start looking. Maybe ask that boy over there,” he said, beckoning with his entire fairy form. Buffy walked slowly up to the kid… he had a stick and was mumbling under his breath about something. He looked up when she approached.
“Hi,” he said conversationally. “I’m only here because Warren won’t let me go on the Gravedigging tour, so I come all the time to bug him about it. Mom won’t let me come at night, though, and he’s always asleep during the day…”
Buffy blinked. “That’s… nice. What’s your name?”
The boy jumped once. “I’m Andrew. I’m not supposed to talk to people.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you… I only want to ask a question.”
Andrew pouted and crossed his arms. “It’s not that. Mom says people get really weirded out around me, and she likes to have friends, so I’m supposed to stay quiet.” He jumped again. “I don’t, though. I like to talk and make muffins.”
Buffy nodded and glanced at Angel. “Great. Say, do you know if there’s a shield hidden around here somewhere?”
Andrew nodded and pointed to a grave nearby. “There’s one under there. Warren told me once to try and get me to go away.” The boy ran and stood protectively in front of it. “But you’re not going to look! I’ll tell Warren, and then you’ll be sorry!”
Buffy frowned. “Oh…kay. Well, nice talking to you… I’m just going to look around a little, and then I’ll be out of your way.” She backed slowly away and walked toward the back of the graveyard. “Geez, that kid was weird. I feel sorry for him, really,” she mumbled to the fairy, and stopped dead in front of a large grave. There was a symbol on the ground that she recognized…
“Trifirce,” Angel muttered.
“Hey, check it. You’re right,” she said happily. “Now, where did I put my… oh no. You’re going to tell me to access my inner START menu, aren’t you.”
“Good call,” Angel said smugly. Buffy sighed and focused.
Instantly everything stopped, just as it had before. The map portion of the menu came up, and Buffy switched her mind around until she accessed the spellbook screen. She blinked hard and came out of the screen land. “Ouvre, par puissance du roi,” Buffy muttered quietly with a perfect French accent that she didn’t know she had.
Suddenly, the sky turned stormier than it had been; the rain started to come down harder. “Hey!” shouted Angel, and brought her attention back to the huge headstone that was there. It began to glow; energy gathered behind it and Buffy was instantly reminded of one of the spells Xander tried to cast.
Unexpectedly, the gravestone exploded. Buffy screamed and flung herself to the ground for cover, but little else happened; when she and Angel chanced a look again, the gravestone had exploded and in its place sat a small hole.
“You want me to go down there, don’t you,” she asked the fairy, prepared to be indignant about it.
“If it had a Triforce, there can’t be much bad down there,” he told her.
She glared at him. “If it’s a fucking grave, then something dead is down there. I don’t like dead things. They tend to be icky.”
“Oh please. You’re never going to save Sunnydale with that sort of attitude,” Angel said indignantly. “But fine. If you want certain peril to rain down, then…”
“Oh, shut up. I’ll go already,” she said annoyedly to her fairy, and jumped down the hole without further hesitation.
“Bats,” Angel whispered the second she hit the ground.
“Bats?”
“Bats. One above the entry and three more inside. I can sense them. Slingshot ‘em, please. Bats and fairies have never gotten along.”
“Four dead bats, coming up,” Buffy murmured, taking out her slingshot and shooting the nearest one down in one swift movement. She ran into the room full of bones fearlessly and shot down the two bats she saw immediately ahead of her. “Where’s the other one?” she asked herself alive.
Angel flew over to her right. “Hey!” he called to her. The bat, like the others, seemed to be asleep. Buffy shot it down and Angel flew back over to her quickly. “Thank God. I haaaaaaate those things,” he drew out, shivering. Buffy whirled around as the bars across the door in front of her were lifted.
But instead of moving on, she walked slowly throughout the room. “So many dead,” she whispered. “This isn’t a traditional tomb. I’m sorry, but something weird is going on. If it was an actual tomb…”
“The skeletons wouldn’t be scattered like this,” Angel finished. He flew over to one complete skeleton and began to mutter: “Those who enter the royal tomb will be obstructed by the living dead.”
“See?” Buffy asked. “I told you we shouldn’t have come down here.”
“Don’t rub it in. We’re here now, let’s keep going.”
“Fine, fine. You’re lucky I have this burning desire to be a hero. Otherwise we’d have been out of here before you could say… uh, let’s get out of here.”
“Such a well-spoken girl,” the fairy said sarcastically and followed Buffy as she ran toward the door to the next room.
“I’m not going in that fucking room,” Buffy said the second the door closed behind her. A moaning was instantly heard; a green, steaming, and obviously poison substance filled the crevasses in the room.
“You have to.”
“But, I’m not.”
“But, you have to. Just run past them. I’ve seen these before. They’ll kill you slowly and painfully by sucking the life force out of the back of your head, and they’ll freeze you so they can catch you…”
“Gee, thanks for the inspiration.”
“But keep running and don’t try to move when they freeze you, and you’ll make it through. I have a feeling I know what’s on the other side of this room, and it’ll help you considerably. I hope,” Angel added under his breath.
“I heard that.”
“Well, good. I’m not going to lie to you. It’s too easy to die. But if you’re brave, then you’ll live one hell of a lot longer.”
Buffy sighed and stared into the room, trying not to let the green steam sting her eyes. “Well, you know what they say… there’s a fine line between bravery and stupidity.” Slowly she stepped forward, caught one sight of what surely was the living dead, and tried to back away.
“Don’t falter! Run forward or they’ll kill you!” Angel shouted, and flew forward to prove to her that forward was the way she had to go. She took a deep breath and ran, veering left and missing the one that seemed to be in her way.
She silently congratulated herself when she heard a scream and found herself unable to move. She ceased trying, despite her claustrophobia settling in, and the living dead looked around, saw nothing, and Buffy soon found herself able to move again. She got through and ran until she was in a dead end.
“Nothing’s following,” Angel reassured her.
“I screamed. I didn’t even mean to, it just happened…”
“You didn’t. They did. They like intruders because they can eat them. They haven’t eaten in a long time. They scream in delight when they freeze you because they think they notice something, but they’re deeply stupid, and sort of blind. So you got away.”
“If you weren’t so goddamn helpful, I’d wring your little fairy neck. You know that, right?”
“And respect it. Now, read what you’re leaning against. I hope I’m right.”
The wall behind her was covered in strange writing. Buffy looked at it for a while and realized she could read it. It gave her a poem devoted to the royal family in what was obviously French. Buffy was strangely able to translate to the dialect she knew, though; it read as follows:
The rising sun will eventually set, a newborn’s life will fade
From sun to moon, moon to sun…
Give peaceful rest to the living dead.
“I was right,” Angel muttered happily. “This makes the living dead sleep. They won’t notice you or attack you if you say the last line in their presence; the middle line is another spell. It turns night into day and day into night, so you don’t have to fight the vampires anymore. Write them both down.”
“Thank God,” Buffy said, the spellbook suddenly appearing in her hands.
“That was cool. START menu?”
“Yep. I’m slowly getting used to it, but it still seems kind of like an abyss, you know?”
“I know. Now, say that last line once we get into the next room and let’s get out of this god-forsaken grave,” Angel muttered.
“Here, here,” Buffy agreed, creeping into the next room and saying, “Donne de la paix aux mortes vivantes”. The living dead instantly crystallized. Buffy hurried through and stepped into the light teleport she hadn’t seen when she’d jumped down.
She appeared back in the graveyard. Still it rained, but it was night time now. Angel flew up and joined her. “Warren,” he muttered, beckoning at the hunched figure tending to the graves. “Ignore him. There’s a grave with flowers in front of it. Pull it back and jump in.”
She started to pull the grave Angel beckoned to back without protest so as not to catch the Gravekeeper’s attention. But still…
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“Interfering with your dreary graveyard. No one’s ever in here, it’s not like anyone would notice.”
“Except, oh maybe… the dead people you’re interfering with!”
“Oh, they don’t mind, really. They like the company.”
Warren glared at Buffy. “If you don’t get out of my graveyard right the fuck now, you’ll be joining the dead since I’ll whack you with this shovel.”
“Oh, shut it,” Buffy said, jumping into the grave without so much as another glance at the skulky man. She could hear him still shouting as she landed, but she paid no attention.
There was nothing in this grave except two chests. Of course, one was a treasure chest, and the other was a collection of rib bones. Buffy opted to open the treasure chest.
Angel cleared his throat as something leapt out of Buffy’s reach. “You’ve found this metal shield! It’s a little big for you right now, but you can use it to protect yourself from fire and falling lava rocks, whereas the basic shield will simply be eaten away by these things! Haha… ahem. Well, retail value of this lovely piece of armour stands at about 200 rupees, so you’d better thank that talented fairy of yours for bringing you down here… otherwise, you’d be out a pretty penny!”
“Good God. Now you’re advertising yourself as well as the things I get?” Buffy asked unbelievingly.
“Yeah, well. That whole routine gets stagnant after a while. Besides, I feel underappreciated,” the fairy sniffed sarcastically.
“Yeah, yeah. Let’s scram. Where next?” she asked, taking the teleport. Before Angel could catch up and answer, Buffy was faced by Warren.
“I’m not going to tell you I’m sorry, but I’m having a bad day. Leave now, and we won’t have a problem. Got it?”
“Got it,” Buffy nodded. She pushed past Warren and shouted over her shoulder, “but if you threaten me again, we will have a problem.”
Following Angel’s instructions, Buffy went through the town, which was extremely dull at night, and found a guard standing by a gate up the mountain. Buffy brought out Willow’s note and handed it to the guard. “Look,” she said shortly. “I have to get up the mountain, and I’m not really thrilled about it, what with it being called ‘Death Mountain’ and all. So, can I just get through and not bother explaining what I’m doing? Because I’m kind of in a hurry if I want to save… uh…”
“Sunnydale?” the guard provided. Then he burst out laughing. “You’re going to save Sunnydale. You’re just a kid!”
“That’s my excuse, but no one else will have any of it,” Buffy sighed.
“Well, this is definitely the Princess’ handwriting, so I have to let you up, but if you get the chance, would you pick up a mask from Restfield Cemetery? My son wants one and I have no time to get it. You don’t have to, but… he likes them.” The guard cleared his throat. “I mean, if you’re not off… saving Sunnydale or anything,” he recovered, chuckling.
“Uh… right. Well, I’ll try,” Buffy said, going through the gates up to the mountain. She shook her head once she was out of earshot. “Everyone expects so much of me. Like I’m really going to go and get him a… giant red spider,” she finished loudly, ducking it and unsheathing her sword. She killed it quickly with two hits, but she felt half a heart slip away from her meter. She continued slowly around the corner and was quickly pursued by another of the giant spiders.
“Just run past them, they’re slow enough. Don’t waste time,” Angel told her after she’d killed the second one. She ran past the third and ignored the fourth as it tried to attack her from above. She passed a strange-looking brown rock and wanted to explore, but Angel prompted her forward. “There’ll be more further up. You can talk to them. Ignore that one,” he whispered to her. She kept running until she came across a flagpole with pants flying as a flag.
“Geez,” she said. “What I wouldn’t do for some pants right now. These tunics are getting kind of old,” she admitted. Suddenly another brown rock stood up and started talking to her.
“They say that a beautiful fairy lives on the top of Death Mountain!” he said in a beautiful deep voice. “Don’t you want to see her?” he asked strangely.
“Um, actually, I think I’ve got enough of a fairy following me around. Thanks for asking, though,” Buffy told him as she walked toward town. “Is that why you told me not to talk to that one?” she asked Angel.
“No, I told you not to talk to the one below because you were being chased by red spiders. Head to the right of the pantsflag, I think it’s the Initiative up ahead.”
“What’s the Initiative?” Buffy asked.
“An underground establishment that used to find demons and examine them, making the odd one harmless. But a giant battle caused the Sunnydale Council to decide to fill it in with stones. These folk, who happen to be harmless vampire types, like to eat rocks instead of people nowadays. So they ate away, and now live in the old Initiative, where they were all made harmless in the first place.”
“That’s… a damn weird story, Angel,” Buffy said before avoiding a rolling Initiative resident. “What the hell are these harmless vampires called?”
“Harmless Vampires. But in French they’re called Gorons. You could call them that.”
“Sounds good. Is… that the place?” she asked, standing in front of a hole in the side of the mountain with stairs leading up to it.
“That’s the place. Go on in. No one’ll hurt you. These Gorons are really harmless and actually quite fluffy nowadays. Very nice folk, but kind of weird. The only completely sane one is the boss.”
“Who’s the boss?”
Angel hesitated. “I’ll… let you meet him.”
Buffy walked in and was greeted by another of the Gorons. He stood up to greet her and she walked over to the weary-looking former vampire. “I’m so hungry,” he said wearily. “Our food crop is missing and we’re in danger of extinction. It’s all because we can’t enter Chirago’s Cavern.”
“What’s a Chirago?” Buffy muttered to Angel.
“I’ll explain later,” Angel responded.
“We Gorons live on a diet of rocks, since we’ve had these chips or what have you in our heads. And the best rocks, that remind us of our people-eating days, are found in the cavern. But that seems…” The Goron shook his head. “We’ve become so greedy with our people-tasting rocks that we can’t eat them from anywhere else. Either that, or we just don’t want to. We’ve had to change our eating habits drastically once already in our lives, we just don’t want to do it again.” The Goron moaned and sat down again. “So… hungry…”
Buffy walked slowly away. “I want to help these guys.”
“Good. Go to the bottom level, that’s where the boss lives. I imagine he’s probably a wreck,” Angel muttered. Buffy jumped down one level and then another, coming out of each fall with a roll. Buffy stood in front of the door that Angel directed her to, but there was no obvious way in. Buffy noticed how plush the carpet was under her feet. A Goron nearby caught her attention. He stood up immediately and smiled wearily at Buffy.
“Big Brother has shut himself up in his room. He said, ‘I’m not coming out of this bleeding room until the messenger from the Royal Family finally decides to show up.’ He’s not in his best mood ever… well, actually, he’s never in a really good mood…”
Buffy thanked the Goron and stood in front of the door, staring at it for a while. “Okay, well. This makes no sense at all. I’m the messenger, and there’s no way in.” Buffy sighed.
“Buffy. Royal. Family. Put it together. What did the Royal Family give you?”
Buffy grinned. “Oh, right. Ouvre, par puissance du roi,” Buffy muttered. The door immediately slid open and she smiled at her fairy. “Okay. You’re redeemed. I don’t feel like wringing your neck anymore.”
“Appreciated,” Angel said. Buffy walked through the door and was greeted by a very blonde Goron, standing perfectly still in the middle of the room, looking surly.
“What the bloody hell do you want?” he asked, glancing at Buffy.
“I’m the messenger you’ve been waiting for,” Buffy said.
The Goron laughed evilly. “The hell you are. Surely I, the great Spike, hasn’t lost so much stature as to be sent some six year-old girl.” The former vamp’s face turned dark. “Get the fuck out of here. I have no time for this sort of thing.”
“Geez, lighten up,” Buffy muttered as she turned to leave.
A hand fell on her shoulder and she found herself facing a very angry Goron with excellent facial structure. It took her a moment to realize that it was still Spike. “Lighten up? I will not bloody well lighten up. These Chirago demons came and infested the cave that supplies food to us Initiative victims. I won’t lighten up until they are out of that bloody cave and my people can eat again. But this is a Goron problem. More specifically, my problem. And if you don’t get the hell out of my face, you’re going to have a different sort of problem in the sense that I don’t bloody well care how many migraines I get, I will suck you dry until you haven’t a drop of blood left in you. Then we’ll see who has the fucking problem.”
Spike stepped away and walked slowly back to the exact same spot he’d been standing in before. Buffy stood there in offended disbelief for a second. “You know what? I think you could use a dance. La Bastrangue or something,” she shouted after the vampire.
Suddenly he turned, eyes wide, and started to dance like mad. Judging by the look on his face, he wasn’t dancing of his own free will. He started to scream a little bit until the dance was over, at which point he doubled over and tried to catch unmandatory breath.
“That was fucking creepy. Where’d you learn to do that?” Spike asked once he’d calmed.
“A spell a friend of mine taught me. I didn’t think it actually did anything. Cool, though.”
“Okay, well, you’re powerful. How’d you like to save my people? Great. Here’s some bracelet that should help you; you can pick up bombs with this. Otherwise, a kid like you wouldn’t be strong enough.”
“Hey! Explaining is my job,” Angel pouted. Buffy put the bracelet on and felt particularly strong.
“Not so fast, Spike,” Buffy said. “I’ll do this under one condition; I want the Spiritual Stone of Fire.”
Spike turned back to Buffy. “Oh, you do, do you? Isn’t that an interesting coincidence. So did the guy who sent the Chiragos there in the first place.” Spike sighed. “Fine. Get them gone, all of them, and you can have the bloody ruby.”
Buffy nodded. “Good deal. But keep in mind that if you’re lying to me, I’ll take one of these lovely sticks I have under my hat, and I’ll plunge it through your chest and take the ruby anyway.”
Spike regarded Buffy carefully. A slow smile spread across his face. “I like you. You’re not afraid, unlike the goddamn royal family.” Spike sat down in the great stone chair and pressed a button. A projection of Passions appeared on the wall behind Buffy. “Chiragos are tough. You’ll never beat them unless you’re stronger than me, which I personally doubt. But good luck anyway.”
Buffy smiled and nodded. “Thanks. I think.”
“Now leave. Timmy needs to be sewn up again and I want to know if what’s-her-face still has any tolerance left for the little bugger. I’d personally have ripped his head off years ago.”
Buffy backed slowly out of the cage and started to climb the stairs back up. “I thought you said the boss was sane,” she whispered to Angel.
“I misjudged,” he muttered back. Now go out the way you came and turn to your right. There’s a bomb flower that you need to drop over the edge to open the cave. I thought I sensed something demony coming out of there, I just thought it was the spiders,” he murmured to himself.
“This the bomb flower?” Buffy asked.
“That’s it. Pick it up and drop it. If the boulder doesn’t explode, do it again. Once the boulder’s exploded, backflip over and get in the cave. It’ll hurt, but you barely flinched when Spike was threatening you, so I think you can take it.”
“Damn right,” Buffy said, uprooting the flower and tossing it over without hesitation. The boulder exploded a few seconds later.”
“Whoa. Impressive,” Angel managed to get in before Buffy backflipped over the fence and landed hard on her feet before slipping. She massaged her feet for a second before standing and walking slowly into the cave.
“You’re sure this is the only way to get the stone?” Buffy asked the fairy, wincing ever so slightly as she walked.
“Pretty well. Spike’s always been stubborn.”
“You’ve met him before?”
“Years ago. Long story. Now let’s go. Sunnydale’s not going to last forever.”
Buffy nodded and entered the dark, damp cave.
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