Chapter 2: Hold me
Buffy and Spike stood in the doorway, not knowing what to say next. The silence was beginning to be excruciating so Buffy spoke up.
“I’m really sorry Spike…I have put you through hell, and all you wanted to do was help me. The truth: I do want you. I do want to be with you…but I didn’t want to believe that you could really love me.” Buffy paused and tried to swallow the lump in her throat.
“Buffy-”
“Just, please…let me finish.” She inhaled then let it out before continuing. “I didn’t want to think of how good I could have it with you. Afraid that one-day I’ll wake up and realize: you’re gone. That you’ll leave. Just like everyone else.” She spoke with a bitter tone. “And I’m going to hate myself for ever even thinking that you would stay.” Tears welled up in her eyes, but she forced them not to fall.
Spike reached out and ran his hand down her cheek gently. Buffy closed her eyes and leaned in his hand. “Buffy…I do love you. More than anything…and if you want me…I’m yours.” Spike didn’t care that he sounded desperate…cause he was. He had waited so long for a moment like this, that he didn’t care how desperate he acted. “No matter what you did or do to try and push me away, I’ll always love you. You can’t choose how love, pet. But I wouldn’t want anyone other than you. And I don’t mind if you don’t love me…just as long as you give me a chance, to show you that I can be a good man, Buffy.” Spike looked at her with pleading eyes.
Buffy took his hand off her face, and held it in hers. Tears fell as she spoke, being touched by his words. “I know. I know you can be. And you are.” she said the last word in a whisper. “I told you that I hated myself for being with you.” Spike lowered his head, feeling the rejection coming. “That’s not true.” She stated shaking her head. Spike’s head shot up to look at her. “I loved myself for being with you. I finally let myself have something that I wanted…and it felt good. You treated me ways that I’ve only dreamed of being treated. You made me feel things that I never thought I’d feel. And I’m not just talking about the sex, Spike. Yeah that was amazing. Amazingly amazing…” they both giggled through their tears. “…but it was the other parts.”
“Oh, you mean the ones where you kick me in the head and run off?” Spike replied indignantly.
“No…the parts when I wasn’t near you. I’d miss you, I’d miss waking up and seeing you, I’d crave to be near you again…I was drawn to you. And when you’d tell me that you loved me…the butterflies in stomach just didn’t want to stop fluttering.” Buffy cupped his face with her hand. “I could never hate you, Spike. And when I said I could never love you…well, I lied. I can, and I could…and I want to.”
Spike let the tears of happiness fall not caring if she saw them. She wanted to love him…she wanted to. That was good enough for him.
“So what do ya say? Give me another chance?” Buffy asked hopefully.
“Do I even have to dignify that with an answer?” Spike asked with a husky voice.
Buffy gave him a wide smiled of happiness that made Spike melt. He scooped her up into a hug, and they held each other tight. Buffy closed her eyes, letting her tears fall to his duster. Spike couldn’t believe this was happening to him. The woman that he loved more that the world itself, was clinging to him, and asking him for a second chance.
Buffy weaved her hand through his hair, missing the feel of him so close to her.
* * * * *
“I’ll be two seconds, Willow…I just forgot a few things.” Dawn said leaning through the window on the passenger side of the car.
“Okay…just be quick. Buffy wanted some time alone tonight.” Willow told her.
“Got it.” Dawn said walking away, and up the steps to the door. It was already late and Buffy could be resting. She pulled out her keys, and entered the house quietly.
Shutting the door behind her softly, she noticed two figures in the living room. She stepped in quietly to get a better look. A big smile graced her lips at the sight before her. Buffy and Spike were holding each other close, and sharing a soft yet passionate kiss. It wasn’t like the others Buffy explained to her. Hard, desperate, and anything but gentle. It was the opposite. Seems like things are starting to look up for them…bout friggin time! She made her way up the stairs to grab her things, and exited the house after one more quick glance at the kissing couple.
She hopped down the porch steps, and skipped down to the car, and jumped in.
“So, how’s Buffy doin’?” Willow asked as Dawn got in the car.
“I didn’t talk to her, cause she was kinda busy but…she’s great!” the great big smile on her face was a little suspicious to Willow, but she didn’t call her on it. She pulled away and drove back to Willow’s place.
* * * * *
Buffy and Spike reluctantly pulled out of the kiss to look at each other. Buffy just knew that she had a dazed look on her face. That kiss made her dizzy with adoration.
Spike brushed a stray hair from her face, and tucked it behind her ear. “I better go…Niblet will be home soon-”
“She’s…spending the night at Willow’s. She won’t be coming home till tomorrow. And Wils said she’d take her to the mall before coming here. So, if you wanna stay…” She looked at him hopefully.
“Okay.” He kissed her on the forehead, and grabbed her hand, as she led him to her room.
When they got up to her room, Buffy closed the heavy drapes and hung up a blanket, just in case. She got under the covers, shortly followed by Spike. He took off his boots and duster, and placed it on a chair. As soon as he lat himself down, Buffy cuddled up next to him, molding herself to his side like she’s been doing it for years. It comforted him. He hugged her to him and rested his cheek on the top of her head.
“Goodnight, William.” Buffy said contently, and fell asleep with a small smile on her face.
Spike looked down at her when she said his name. He loved it when she called him by his real name. It made him feel real. He remembered the last time she called him that, and quickly pushed it away. He placed a long and soft kiss on the top of her head.
“Goodnight, Buffy.” He lay there and watched her sleep for a good hour before forcing himself to fall asleep as well. Waking up would be great…this time he knew she wouldn’t leave.
A/N: sorry for the long wait!! r&r please..!
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