‘What am I feeling for him? Why can’t I get him out of my mind?’ Buffy puzzled to herself later that night, while she was lying in bed. She was a bit disappointed that Spike had changed the sheets because they no longer smelled like him and it greatly disturbed her that she missed the scent. She had to say something to him. She didn’t even know why but she wanted him in her presence, for just a little longer.
Spike was laying on the couch looking at the blank screen of his t.v., wishing it was her beautiful face. Did she even know what she was putting him through?
He would jump through a ring of fire for her. He lit up a cigarette and sat up straight. How was he going to make her his? Did she even feel any thing for him? So many questions that had complicated answers.
While he was staring off in space he didn’t realize Buffy was standing in the doorway watching him.
She wanted to go and sit next to him and have him throw his arms around her and tell her that everything was going to be okay. Maybe she couldn’t have all that but she could go sit next to him.
Buffy sat on the edge of the couch hoping he wanted her there. Spike looked at her and smiled. In the second that she sat down he knew everything would be okay and that everything was going to work out just fine. How could it not?
“So, since I couldn’t get to sleep, I thought maybe you wanted to hang out because I didn’t hear you sleeping.” Buffy said trying to break the silence.
“Couch isn’t too comfortable so unless I’m really exhausted I can’t fall to sleep.” ‘Way to go you nancy boy ponce. What a bloody right wanker you are. Making it seem like you want to jump in bed with her. She’s only been here two nights.’
“Well if you want you cane come share the bed with me.” Buffy stated simply, hoping that her eagerness wasn’t totally out in the open. What a perfect opportunity he had left her with to invite him. She smiled warmly at him, hoping to any god she could think of that he would say yes.
“I’m actually not too sure if that is such a good idea Buffy.” He said, though his heart and brain was telling him differently.
“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything and it really is my fault that you can’t sleep in your own bed. We can sleep on different sides’ even. Please, please, please???? It would make me feel better knowing you got a good night’s rest.”
Buffy had no idea why this was bothering her so much that he didn’t want to just sleep on a real bed.
Maybe she was the reason that he was saying no. The last thought mortified her and she immediately jumped back into her insecure shell left over from years of Hank telling her she was a worthless nobody who could never be loved and deserved nothing.
“I’m sorry I have obviously made an error in judgement. You obviously don’t even want to sleep near me so I think I should just go. I didn’t mean to bother you and I know see that I have. I don’t know why I thought that you liked me. I’ll go pack my things. Sorry for inconveniencing you.”
And before he could even blink an eye, she had left the room and retreated beck into her sadness.
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