“Angel!” Lorne said as he ran into Angel’s office. “Did they call you?”
“About what?”
“Cordy! She’s awake!”
Angel jumped up and headed for the door. “Do the others know?”
“Fred and Wes are already down there. I left a message on Gunn’s phone. He should be joining us soon.”
*
“How did this happen?” the boy snarled.
“During the disturbance, Knox snuck away and gave Cordelia an adrenaline shot. It would look like hospital error. We were even going to sue them.” Eve laughed internally at her own little addition to the plan. “The only problem was, Knox wasn’t aware that Cordelia was part demon. As a result, she was able to sustain the adrenaline overdose.”
“I’m so disgusted right now,” the boy said irritably.
“On the plus side, we were able to neutralize Sirk as a source of information for Angel without actually killing him. He’s in Denver at the moment.”
“Wonderful,” the boy said sarcastically. His almost skeletally thin frame was just short of six feet tall. Neither the height nor the apparent weight made him intimidating. But when one stood in the boy’s presence, the dark power emanating from the boy was so pungent, one couldn’t help but shiver.
*
“Hey guys!” Cordelia said happily as Angel and Lorne entered the room. Angel leaned down and hugged her. She squeezed him tightly. “I asked where everyone else was and Fred said you were on your way.”
“Gunn will be along soon,” Lorne said.
“Great,” Cordy said. “What about Connor? When’s he coming?”
“Connor?” Wesley said. “Connor Reilly?”
“Wow,” Lorne said. “How did I ever forget this kid? He’s so big even people in comas know who he is!”
“Who’s Connor Reilly?” Cordelia asked.
“The hockey player,” Wesley said. “To whom were you referring?”
“Connor was a friend of Doyle’s,” Angel interrupted quickly. “He was killed not long after Doyle. We should probably get Cordy a CAT scan to make sure she’s okay.”
Angel’s look told Cordy not to argue. Not until they’d spoken. “Um, yeah,” she said. “Maybe I should talk to them about that now.”
Fred followed Cordy’s look to Angel. She could tell from the looks on their faces something was going on. She turned and glared at Angel. “Yeah. Let’s let Cordy get dressed and checked out. Then we can lavish her with attention.”
“That sounds fun,” Cordy smiled. But for her, the reunion was tainted by the strange moment she’d had with Angel.
The others filed out of the room. Fred tried to grab Angel and take him with her but he shrugged away.
“It’s okay, Fred,” Cordy said. “Angel might need to fill out some paperwork for me.”
Angel looked at Fred and whispered, “Did you tell her about Wolfram & Hart?”
Fred shook her head and left. In the hallway outside, Wesley and Lorne convened with Fred. “What was that all about?”
“I don’t know,” Fred answered. “I have some idea, but I need to talk to Cordy first.”
In her hospital room, Cordelia watched warily as Angel sat on her bed. “We were transported to an alternate universe where he never existed,” she said. “That’s all I can come up with.”
“Cordy . . . how much do you remember?”
“Skip taking me to a higher plane. I have hazy memories after that. Like watching myself from outside my body. I got the general details of Jasmine’s plan. Highjack my body and have herself a revolution.”
Angel sighed, not knowing where to begin. “Connor . . . Holtz made it look like I killed him. Connor, he . . . he got angry. He wanted revenge. He locked me in a box and sunk me to the bottom of the ocean.”
Cordelia slammed her fist down on the bed. “I begged you, Angel. I begged you not to lie to your son!”
“I know. And there’s nothing you can say that will make me feel worse about that than I already do. So please, save your energy and let me go on.”
Cordelia waved her hand disgustedly, indicating she was pissed but wanted to hear the rest.
“After Wesley got me out of the ocean,” Angel began.
“So that’s why he’s back on the team.”
“Yes,” Angel said irritably. “Can I go on?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “I was pretty angry with Connor.”
“For something that was mostly your fault,” Cordelia emphasized.
“I wouldn’t say it was mostly my fault.”.
“I would.”
“Fine. Whatever. The point is, there was no way I could live with him.”
“Oh, come on!” Cordy shouted angrily. “You made Fred and Gunn watch Connor?!”
“No. I told him to leave the hotel.”
Cordy balled her fists up and tried to hold back. She couldn’t. “Are you crazy?! He was angry! And confused! He didn’t know how to live in this world, Angel. How could you do that to him? Just throw him out on his own.”
“I didn’t think he’d listen to me! I didn’t think I could teach him or raise him.”
“Then who could? Who was supposed to do it when you unceremoniously threw him out on his ass! Maybe you couldn’t raise him, Angel, but I’ve got bad news for you. That was your job. Yours. And no one else’s.”
Angel slumped his shoulders. He started to cry. Cordelia had never seen him do that before. Part of her wanted to reach out and comfort him. Another part was glad he was crying and thought he deserved it.
“None of this explains why no one remembers him,” she said.
“You slept with him.”
“Who?”
“Connor.”
“I did not!” Cordelia yelled.
“Not you, but whoever controlled you. When they controlled your body. You slept with him and that’s where Jasmine came from. She was your child. Yours and Connor’s.”
“Oh my god, I’m going to be sick. I’m a statutory rapist. And I’ve had a baby.” She looked down at her legs and whimpered. “No wonder my thighs are so fat!”
“Connor was . . . lost,” Angel said.
“He died?” Cordelia asked, looking on the verge of tears.
“Emotionally. This is where it gets tricky. Wolfram & Hart offered us a deal.”
“Which we turned down because they’re evil.”
“It was a chance to control the L.A. branch,” Angel said. “To take all those resources and use them for good. We took the deal, Cordelia. And in exchange, I had Wolfram & Hart perform a spell. Connor got new memories. A new life. A happy life. And everyone else on the face of the planet forgot he ever existed.”
Cordelia looked down. She slowly stood up and walked to the pile of clothes Fred had brought her. She picked them up and took them toward the bathroom.
“Cordy?” Angel said as she walked by him without looking at him. He reached out and gently took her arm, but she jerked it away from him.
“I don’t know you,” Cordelia said coldly.
“Cordy,” Angel said in a pleading, but slightly condescending tone.
“No,” she said. “I take it back. I do know you. This is just like you. Always thinking you have to do everything yourself and never listening to or consulting anyone else. And always cutting a running when things get rough. You’ll try to move heaven and hell for a busty brunette slayer, but when it comes to your own son, you take the first memory wipe from an evil law firm that comes your way!”
“You weren’t there! He was a wreck!”
“More of a wreck than Faith? And even if it was, that doesn’t justify what you did to Fred and Gunn and the others. What you tried to do to me. I could see on your face when I first mentioned Connor. You were surprised I remembered him.”
“I didn’t try to do anything to you!”
“You tried to rape my mind, Angel! It’s bad enough to have an evil force steal my body, but for someone I trusted and loved to steal my memories? When Connor was a baby, I held him in my arms and rocked him until he fell asleep. It was this wonderful, beautiful, peaceful moment in my life that I wouldn’t trade for anything. And you tried to take that from me. When Connor came back from Quar’Toth and tried to kill me, I healed him. I remember feeling so wonderful. Like my life had purpose. I knew if I never did anything else meaningful with my life, I still made a difference with one person. You tried to take that from me.”
“I didn’t think-”
“No, you thought all right. You thought about yourself and just yourself. What’s easiest for Angel. And you left your son’s fate in the hands of your worst enemies. And you know they always wanted to get a hold of him; rip him apart and see how he works. If something happens to you, Angel, there’s no one left to remember who he is. What do you think happens to him then?”
Angel sat on the bed, his mind filled with images of Connor being tortured by Wolfram & Hart. “I . . . I . . . I . . .”
“You, you, you. That’s what it’s all about, isn’t it?”
“Cordy, I didn’t want to hurt anyone. You know how hard I work to help people.”
Cordelia sat on the bed next to Angel and put an arm around him. “I know. I guess I overstated the whole selfish, I-don’t-know-you thing. I just . . . Angel, you’ve done stupid things in your time. But this qualifies for the Nobel Prize in Stupidity.”
Angel laughed slightly. “I think I already won that one once. And you can’t win a Nobel Prize twice.”
“When the committee hears about this, they’ll make an exception.”
Angel gave a slight laugh. “You can’t leave me, Cordy. This is proof of it.”
“What? What the hell does that mean?”
“I lost you for just a little while and I violate my friends, destroy my family, and sell my soul to my mortal enemy. You’re my moral compass, Cordy. You’re like . . . true north. All I have to do is look to you and I know which way I should be heading.”
Cordelia grabbed Angel and kissed him. “I’m still pissed at you. But that was to let you know you’re heading in the right direction.”
Angel smiled. “It’s good to know. So what now? Do I tell the others?”
“I’d leave them and Buffy some in case of my death notes for now. But let’s come up with a plan before we break the news to them.”
*
“It’s been three weeks,” Cordelia said as she sat with Angel in his office.
“I know,” he said.
“I think maybe we should talk to someone. Try to figure out a plan on how to get out of this spell.”
Angel looked at the ceiling. “I think we should tell the others and let that be the end of it. He’s so happy now, Cordy. He’s such a great kid.”
“He was a great kid before. When Angelus was back and the sun was blotted out, he went out and protected people like you would have done.”
Angel smiled an odd smile, feeling the slight sting of pride for a son whom he’d destroyed in more ways than one. “But he’s so well-adjusted now. How can I take that away from him?”
“Because in giving it to him, you disrupted the natural order of the universe and his life. Lives aren’t disposable, Angel. You don’t throw one away and start over because things get tough. I’m remembering more and more of what happened while Jasmine controlled me. I’m remembering more and more of how he was manipulated and confused and hurt. But we can save him, Angel. I know we can save him. And I know that just as much as I know that he’s worth saving.”
Angel flipped on the television. “The game’s about to start.”
Cordelia stood and stormed from the room, hearing the television announcer behind her as she left.
“This signing is already called ‘Bailey’s Blunder,’” the announcer said smugly. “Eighteen year-old, five foot, eleven-inch Connor Reilly’s hundred and fifty-nine pound frame is starting at center. The coach says he wants to make use of Reilly’s speed, which, he better have a lot of given his size.”
Connor took the face off easily and took off toward the opposing goal. The defensemen immediately got on him and pushed him toward the side, knocking him off the puck.
“Get off the boards!” Angel yelled. “Get off the boards!”
Fred walked in to see Angel yelling. She was going to mention that Cordy looked pissed, but was taken aback by the appearance of hockey addict Angel. “I didn’t realize you were such a hockey fan.”
“Oh,” Angel said, looking as embarrassed as if Fred had caught him watching pornography. “Well, it’s Lorne’s favorite client’s first game.”
“Right.”
“Besides, I always liked hockey. Remember the itty, bitty hockey sticks?”
“What?”
“Nothing,” Angel said, embarrassed that he’d forgotten the hockey sticks were related to Connor. He always remembered Connor had three distinctly different lives. His life now, his life in Quar’Toth then L.A., and the life he had as a small baby. Sometimes he forgot that Wolfram & Hart hadn’t compartmentalized the boy’s life as much as he had. To them, Quar’Toth and infancy were the same. But Angel knew better. He was cursed with the memory that there was a time, however brief, that Connor was a helpless and innocent baby in his father’s arms with an entire life of endless possibilities before him.
Angel reminded himself that that’s where Connor was again. Hockey, physics, history; Connor had so many interests and talents he could pursue. The price Angel paid was not for nothing. Even if he couldn’t tell his son, Angel would always know that he would literally sell his very soul to keep Connor safe.
“Angel?” Fred said quietly. He looked up at her. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. Angel, you used to be able to talk to me. Well, okay, maybe you never much liked talking to anyone, but you’re definitely upset. More upset than I’ve seen you since . . .”
“Fred?” Angel said.
“Sorry. I . . . I lost my train of thought.”
*
“Demitra to Giuliano, back to Demitra to Reilly. Reilly shoots, blocked, but he’s up on the goalie, shoots again, and . . . score! We are tied at three.”
“Reilly was off to a slow start in his first NHL game, but has come on strong scoring a goal at the end of the second period and another at the beginning of the third.”
“Vancouver has the puck. Linden to Naslund, passes to Park but it’s picked off by Reilly! He carries back into Canuck territory. Brookbank moves to intercept and whoah! Did you see that move?!”
Another announcer cut in. “Reilly feints right and goes left, Brookbank moved to the right and wound up face down on the ice.”
“Reilly shoots. It ricochets off Cloutier’s mask taking a nice chunk of plastic with it, but Cloutier has it in front of him. Passes back to Linden, but Reilly intercepts again, shoots and . . .”
“Yes!” Angel shouted, jumping to his feet in his office. Cloutier barely had time to react to the shot. He was only able to raise his mitt about half an inch before the puck slammed into the net behind him and scored the goal.
*
Connor was blinded by lights when he came out of the locker room. His hair still wet, he wore a plaid shirt and baggy blue jeans.
“Woah,” Connor said as lights, cameras, and microphones were shoved in his face. “Wish I’d known I’d be on TV. I’d have brushed my hair.”
“Guys, we’ll talk to you tomorrow,” a woman said, cutting in between Connor and the cameramen. “But why don’t we let the kid enjoy his first night as an NHL superstar before we subject him to the life of an NHL superstar?”
The reporters laughed. “Just a couple questions, please,” one called.
The PR woman looked at Connor and he shrugged. “Okay,” she said. “We’ll do ten questions.”
“How was your first night as a professional hockey player?”
Connor shrugged. “Got off to a slow start, then pulled a hat trick. Of course, for what they’re paying me, I better be able to do all that every night, but without the slow start.”
The reporters gave appreciative chuckles.
“Are you single?”
The PR woman covered the microphones with her hand and whispered to Connor. “Lorne believes you’ll be more marketable for endorsements if girls think you’re available.”
“Apparently I have to check with my lawyers to find out if I’m dating,” Connor said, getting a few more laughs. “Am I single? Well, I’m not married, but I am seeing someone. I just don’t know how serious it is.”
“What’s her name? Are you off to meet her now?”
“Does that count as one question or two?” Connor joked. “What are we up to now? Three, right? I’m obviously not going to tell you who I’m dating because then I know how serious it’d be. It’d be completely not serious because it would be over. And please don’t follow me, because I’m not going to meet her. I’m going to talk to my agent and some lawyers. As you can tell, it’s going to be an exciting night.”
“Have you thought about life after hockey?”
“Geez,” Connor said, as if frightened by the question. “It’s my first game and already I should be thinking about retirement? Was I that bad? I guess after hockey, I’ll go back to school. Stanford. Think they’ll give me a discount for giving them a plug right now? Probably not. They’re pretty well known already. Then, after that, I guess I’ll start some kind of club with Tiger Woods and John Elway. Athletes that went to Stanford. I’ll be the biggest loser in the bunch, I’m sure.”
Connor turned to the PR woman. “Am I talking too much?”
“It’s cute. Just don’t say anything stupid.”
“What are you going to do with the money you earn?”
“Save some. Give some to charity. Give some to Stanford. And probably buy something stupid like a Joe Montana rookie card. Hey, now that I’m a hockey player, do you think I’d be able to meet Joe Montana?”
“So you’re a bigger Niner’s fan than Oakland?”
“Absolutely. But if the Raiders come back to L.A., I promise they’ll be my favorite AFC team.”
*
“Early reports are saying that you came off as funny and charming,” Eve said as Connor walked her up to her apartment.
“So, you’re basically saying I fooled them,” Connor smiled.
“I’m saying they saw you the way I do,” Eve smiled. Connor smiled and leaned in to kiss her, but she ducked out of the way and began unlocking her door. “I heard you had a girlfriend.”
“Oh,” Connor smiled, playing along. “Well, I don’t know how serious it is. She’s really smart and beautiful. So, basically, way out of my league. Plus, she’s older than I am.”
“A lot older?” Eve asked as they entered her apartment.
“Oh, no,” he said, closing the door behind him. “I’m not answering that. Could only get me in trouble. Besides, I never asked her how old she was.”
Eve kissed Connor and stroked his still wet hair. “Big night for you,” she whispered as she kissed his ear. “You’re officially a professional hockey player.”
“Yeah,” Connor said. He wanted to kiss her back, but didn’t want to move. He had no idea what it was she was doing to his neck with her tongue, but he didn’t want it to stop.
“You’re officially a millionaire,” she whispered as she began unbuttoning his plaid shirt.
“That’s so weird.”
“And it’s your eighteenth birthday,” she said as she slipped his shirt off. “So you’re officially no longer jail bait.”
Connor moved to kiss her deeply, but she ducked out of the way. “Oh, no. If we did it your way, it’d be five thrusts on the couch and you’d be done for the night.”
“You think I could hold out for five whole thrusts? What am I? A machine?”
Eve turned her back to him and pulled her hair up above her neck. “Unzip me.”
Connor slowly unzipped her dress. “How about this?” he whispered, gently running his hand over her bra strap.
“Leave it for now.” She kicked off her shoes and turned to face him, standing only in her underwear. She unzipped his jeans and slid her hand inside, slipping it into his boxers.
“Oh, fuck,” he moaned as her hand gripped his hard cock. She squeezed it, applying the perfect amount of pressure, and slid her hand down the shaft. She loosened her grip and slid her hand back up, only to repeat the process.
“You’re killing me, here,” he moaned.
“It hurts?” she grinned coyly as she continued stroking him.
“You know what I mean.”
“Do you think you’re ready for me?”
“I am now. But only for about six more seconds.”
“I’m different than those other girls you dated. Older. Like you said. I like things less . . . vanilla.”
“Vanilla?”
Eve rolled her eyes. “Less traditional.” She gripped the necklace he wore with a crucifix and a medallion of St. Peter. “Think you can handle it, Catholic boy?”
“Do you mean . . . like handcuffs and stuff?”
“I mean all sorts of things.” She continued her slow massage of his dick.
“Eve, I’m going to . . . you know.”
Eve pressed her body against his and put her lips to his ear. She breathed her warm breath on it, nibbled it, then whispered to him. “Do it. Cum for me baby. Cum on my hand.”
Connor continued thrusting into her hand. “Unh,” Connor moaned at the release. Eve left Connor leaning against the wall. Going into the bathroom, she washed her hand off and returned to Connor.
“How was that?” she whispered.
“It was nice.” He couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“I wanted to get that out of the way so the next time you could last longer.”
“Okay,” he laughed.
“Do you want too play with me.”
“Yeah,” Connor nodded enthusiastically.
“Then we’re doing this at my speed with my rules.”
Connor nodded again. An eighteen year-old boy’s hormones and a little perversion were always the perfect combination.
“Fuck me, Connor. Fuck me here against the front door of my apartment.”
Connor slid his hand under the elastic band of the panties and pushed them down. He unbuckled his belt and quickly pushed his jeans and boxers down. He started to kick them off, but Eve wrapped her legs around him.
“No time,” she moaned.
Connor’s cock felt its way along her soft thigh to the entry of her sex; the entry of her. He leaned her back against the door and slowly slid into her. She moaned softly and draped her arms over his shoulders.
He looked her in the eye as he slowly pulled out. “Do that again,” he whispered as he pushed into her. “Moan for me again.”
Eve put her mouth to his ear and purred as he drove deep into her. “Now fuck me. We can make love later. For now, I need you to fuck me. Like an animal that wants nothing more than to put its seed inside its mate.”
Connor leaned her against the door and inhaled nervously. He didn’t know how to do what she was asking. With Tracy and Gretchen, he’d always took such care to be a conscientious lover. He wondered if he knew how to, as Eve put it, fuck.
Connor followed instinct. He pushed as deep into her as he could. He put pressure on her shoulders, making her sink and letting him impale her deeper. His cock throbbed inside her. He wanted to thrust, but at the same time didn’t want to pull any bit of himself out of her. He slammed his hips forward, pinning hers against the door. He grabbed her hips and held her on him as he pulled his hips back and slammed her back against the door again.
This was it. This was fucking. Buried and throbbing deep inside her the whole time as he used his hips to slam her into the door. He didn’t care if he gave her pleasure. He didn’t even care if he hurt her. He just wanted to pump his semen into her.
Eve arched her back as Connor slammed her into the door over and over. He ripped her black bra away and put his mouth to her breast, not because she’d like it, but because the feel of it in his mouth was appealing to him. Connor moaned and Eve moaned louder. She squeezed her legs tighter and he slammed his hips harder.
“That’s it, Connor,” she moaned. “I’m yours. I’m all yours. Use me like a fucking post and unload inside me. You own me, Connor. Show me that you own me.”
Connor let out a vicious feral growl in Eve’s ear as he began pumping his fluid into her.
The two of them slid down the wall and collapsed into a tangled heap of limbs and clothing on the floor. He leaned his head against her shoulder and she stroked his hair gently.
Eve could feel it coming and she almost felt like she’d relive the orgasm she’d just had. It was so wonderful and sensual. From the first choked sob to the feel of wet tears on her shoulder. Connor buried his head in her chest and cried. He didn’t know why he was crying. He just felt a presence inside of him. It was violent, feral, animal instinct rolled up in some kind of deep and overwhelming darkness. Connor hadn’t wanted to acknowledge its presence. He didn’t even really know it was there until he’d treated Eve like an object as he violated her against her apartment door.
“It’s okay, baby,” Eve cooed, rubbing the back of the crying boy. “It’s all okay. That’s enough for tonight. You can spend the night and we’ll hold each other. Would you like that?”
Connor tried again to stop the sobbing as he nodded. He’d gotten his sexual satisfaction. Now he wanted intimacy. He wanted to lay with this woman for whom he had deep feelings. He wanted to hold her and breathe in the scent of her skin and hair and sex. But somewhere inside, he knew what his parents had feared was happening. It wasn’t drugs or groupies or money. But his moral compass was broken. He was adrift at sea and had no idea which way was home. More importantly, being lost in Eve was such a powerful seduction, he wasn’t sure he’d leave this even if he could.
For Eve, the night had already been a fantasy. Sure, there’d been the sex. An ever so barely legal boy with superhuman speed and strength who’d fucked her more viciously than he even realized. But the ultimate joy, the ultimate rush came when he laid his head against her and cried. He cried.
Eve was not conflicted. She never had been. Almost from birth there had been something wicked inside of her. Over the years it had grown until it pushed out everything else and became her. Eve was evil. And to evil, there was nothing in the world more delicious, more erotic, and more enjoyable than innocence lost.
“It’s okay,” Eve cooed again as she patted Connor’s back. “You can cry, Connor. Cry for me, baby. Cry for me.”
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