"Nothing," Willow said, frustrated. "Nothing, nothing, nothing."
"I'm afraid we've done no better," admitted Giles.
"I, however, may have gotten something done," Buffy informed them, grinning.
"I just bet," muttered Xander. He did a double-take. "Hey, where's Tall, Dark, and Cryptic?"
"He said he had something to do," Buffy sighed, then got herself back on track. "We dug up some old articles about a songwriter who died mysteriously in the area, back in the 'twenties."
"Songwriter? as in, composer?" Calendar asked, eyes brightening.
"Bingo. I think he's our ghost."
"But how can we prove it?" Willow said, turning from the terminal.
"And what do we do about it?" Xander added.
"And how do we plan to handle the vampires about to run amok in the town?" asked Angel, appearing [as ever], out of nowhere.
"Yeah, how-- what??"
"Sorry-- new information time," the vampire sighed. "The Anointed One knows something of an occult nature is occurring, but not what. He figures you'll be too busy handling the new threat to worry about him...."
"A two-front war. Precisely what I did *not* want to deal with. Well, I suppose it was bound to happen, sooner or later." Giles rubbed his eyes wearily.
A guitar chord sounded. "Oh, man," Xander groaned. "Here we go again...."
[GILES steps forward to a dry-erase board and draws what is either a map of Sunnydale, or a Cubist version of an Escher print and turns to the OTHERS. Miles beneath the town, the ANOINTED ONE is addressing his VAMPIRES.]
GILES:
Sunnydale is under attack.
ANOINTED ONE:
Sunnydale will soon be a snack.
GILES:
Good preparation is just what we need.
ANOINTED ONE:
Get prepared, friends, for soon we will feed.
GILES:
Sunnydale-- cheery and bright...
BUFFY:
Yeah, that's just what it is, until night!
VAMPIRES:
Well-a, well-a, well-a, umph!
Tell me more, tell me more!
VAMPIRE 1:
Can we kill ev'ry man?
OTHER VAMPIRES:
Tell me more, tell me more--
BUFFY: [spoken, while rolling her eyes]
Like, do we have a plan?
ALL:
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh....
ANOINTED ONE:
Just remember-- we're not safe yet.
BUFFY:
Hey, wait, the spook-- or did you forget?
VAMPIRE 1:
The Slayer chick is still on the scene.
GILES:
The *revenant*-- is that what you mean?
ALL: [LIBRARY]
Sunnydale-- cheery and bright--
ALL: [VAMPIRES]
Oh, I can just barely wait for tonight!
ALL: [ALL]
Well-a, well-a, well-a, umph!
Tell me more, tell me more!
ANOINTED ONE:
All their hopes will collapse!
ALL:
Tell me more, tell me more!
GILES:
An exorcism, perhaps?
ALL:
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh....
[VAMPIRES disperse.]
ALL: [LIBRARY]
Tell me more, tell me more!
CALENDAR:
Willow, we're on the hack!
ALL: [LIBRARY] Tell me more, tell me more!
XANDER:
Buffy, I'll watch your back!
ALL: [LIBRARY] Tell me more, tell me more!
GILES:
I'll retreat to the stacks!
ALL: [LIBRARY] Tell me more, tell me more!
BUFFY & ANGEL:
We're prepared for the flak!
ALL:
Sunnydale-- cheery and bright--
Yeah, that's just what it is until niiiiiight!
"Okay, we have *got* to cut that out!" Xander exclaimed. "It's getting *way* too weird!"
"Plus, we're *not* going to do more research," Willow said flatly. "We already know who; we just have to figure out *why*."
"I did suggest an exorcism," Giles pointed out.
"Not an exorcism," Calendar said, thoughtfully. "How about just trying to reach this guy-- what's his name?"
"Andrew Ancile," Angel announced.
"You were thinking a contact circle?" Giles inquired.
"It's probably the easiest," Calendar said.
Calendar turned to the computer and called up a graphics editor. She yanked a disk from her purse and inserted it into the floppy, and called up circle.jpg. "Dim the lights, someone," she said.
"How come it's always got to be dark for this stuff to work?" Xander wondered, as he turned off the overheads.
"It just adds to the creep factor," Willow said.
Giles watched Calendar with his lips pursed. "Why not just use the powder? One power failure, and it's gone."
"One good breeze, and your powder's gone," she countered.
"What about--"
"Can we just get on with it?" Buffy suggested.
"Right. Okay." A few more keystrokes, and the air in the room took on a strange, tense feeling. From the computer speakers, a .wav file played.
.WAV CHORUS: [Gregorian-style]
This I say, and this I know;
As above, so below.
Let us Hear, and let us See:
As we ask, so let it be....
Slowly, the glowing form of a man appeared, hovering over the terminal.
"Hey, got it right the first try," muttered Calendar.
"Mister Ancile?" Buffy asked, tentative.
The figure rotated in mid-air. Slowly, slowly, it raised one spectral hand and pointed at her. "You," he intoned.
"Me?" she squeaked.
"You. Hear me, o mortal girl--"
"Oh, great. Here we go again," groaned Xander.
ANCILE:
Let me tell ya a story, 'bout an ordinary guy
Who made a mix of spells and music; okay, alright, that is, he tried.
Thought he'd make a rockin' wizard, thought he'd make a sight to see.
Okay, alright, he got it half right-- alright, okay, the shmuck is me.
Shmuck is me, shmuck is me-- Shmuck is me, shmuck is me--
Oooh-ooh, oooo-ooh.
Now, understand, it isn't like I was a bad guy--
It's only that I kinda went a little wrong.
I tell ya, bein' stuck down here makes me a sad guy.
Wontcha please give me a hand? I been down here way too long!
Ya know, ya got a reputation for gettin' folks out of a jam.
So I thought I'd bug on over, 'cos I must admit I am.
I always tried to do the right thing, I don't deserve this misery.
Whip out a wand and do the spell thing. Have some mercy, please, on me.
Mercy me, mercy me-- Mercy me, mercy me-
Oooh-ooh, oooh-ooh.
"Uh-huh," Buffy said. "So let's try that again. You want us to help you get to wherever you're going?"
"That's the idea, doll," said Ancile. The ghost sat on top of the monitor, looking dejected.
"Exactly what happened?" Giles frowned.
"I thought, if I could combine music-making and spell-making, it'd make the spells stronger. Why do ya think so many of 'em rhyme, anyway? Anyway, I was doin' pretty well, until...."
"I know I'm gonna regret this," Xander said, "but until what?"
"It involves mucus and a one-horse open sleigh. Still want the details?"
"Nooooo."
"Anyway, when I bought it, I sorta got stuck. I've just been hangin' out... I know ya helped Sid; so I figured, maybe you could help me, too."
"You know Sid?" asked Buffy, eyes wide.
"Knew him, doll. He's gone ahead-- where *I* wanna go," he added, wistfully.
"So you're responsible for all the, ah, song and dance?" Giles enquired.
"Looks like it, son. Sorry. I don't know why, though."
"The Hellmouth, I suppose," Giles said.
"*Deux es Britannica*," murmured Nikki Calendar.
ANCILE: [slowly] I always tried to do the right thing, I don't deserve this misery. So, Buffy, tell me, can ya help me? Slayer, can ya set me free?
* * *
Song ID time! Parodied so far: "Oh, What a Beautiful Morning", "Leader of the Pack", "Stayin' Alive", "The Phantom of the Opera", "Bitch" [Meredith Brooks], "Midnight Special", and a bit from *Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat* [when the Brothers appeal to Joseph for Benjamin's life], "Ghost in the Machinery" [Sarah Brightman, *Fly*], and David Lee Roth's "I'm Just a Gigolo", "Another Suitcase in Another Hall" [Evita], "You Have Your Work," [Jekyll & Hyde], "I Dreamed a Dream" [Les Miserables], "Summer Lovin'", and "Christy Lee" [Billy Joel].
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