V.O.
And now it is time once again to venture out into the field as Timan delves deeper into the world of the slayer in ‘TIMAN: OUT AND ABOUT’
(Awkward silence interrupted by occasional coughing)
TIMAN
Hi again it’s Timan with some great news! After a meeting with Alex and his associate he called ‘Mr. baseball bat’, followed by a brief stint in hospital, Alex has finally agreed to make my segment a permanent part of his show. Since this has happened my staff have become incredibly helpful when it comes to the title. Although their suggestions were delivered very energetically ‘this bites’, ‘you suck’ and ‘I quit’. Don’t work very well for an opening. Thanks anyway guys and I hope you can all return to work soon!
There has been a heated debate between philosophers and scholars over who was the best watcher Giles or Wesley. Some say that Giles, with his many years of experience, his head for the occult and his superior research skills made him the clear leader where as think that Wesley with his proper manners and go-getter attitude, but lacking in everything else, puts him ahead in the scales. In my personal opinion the best watcher is Rob Freeman who lives in the bayou of Louisiana but since nobody has ever herd of him he wasn’t allowed to be included in this pole.
To find out the answer I used the stations way back machine and decided to find out for myself.
(Inside the library. as usual Giles is surrounded by books while Wesley is practicing some fencing with his sword.)
I met up with both men where they could be usually found in the Sunnydale school library. They were both hard at work trying to improve their skills as watcher.
WESLEY
(Swinging sword wildly) I think this debate is silly. Expending all this energy in deciding who is better is a waste of time and resources. This would only serve to drive us both apart as professionals . . . besides I am clearly the more superior watcher.
TIMAN
Oh yes and why is that?
WESLEY
I’m younger and fitter and more in tune to my slayers need.
(Timan looks around and notices the complete lack on any slayer in the room.)
TIMAN
Where are the slayers?
(Wesley stops and looks around curiously)
WESLEY
They were here a second ago . . . no matter I’m sure they are off doing something incredibly Slayery
TIMAN
You don’t sound to confident about that.
WESLEY
Nonsense! I am in complete control and fully aware of my surroundings. (Thrusts sword)
TIMAN
OW! MY EYE!
WESLEY
Oh my, I am terribly sorry! He let me pick that up for you.
(Wesley picks up dislodged eyeball from ground and hands it back to Timan. Cut to graveyard at nighttime. Timan is now wearing an eye patch over one eye.)
TIMAN
Of course the real evidence of the quality of a watchers work is the skill and efficiency of his or her slayer. I have ventured out to Restfield cemetery to watch each slayer in action. This should prove if the different styles of Buffy (trained by Giles) and Faith (trained by Wesley and some other dude who wasn’t mentioned in the series). Then we will finally know
(Faith rushes up and grabs Timan’s Arm. She brings it down hard on her knee and we hear it snap)
AHHHH!!!
FAITH
(Looking apologetic) Ooo sorry man though you were a vamp.
(Cut to inside Giles office. Timan not only has and eye patch but his arm is now in a sling.)
TIMAN
So Giles what do you think it takes to be a good watcher
GILES
Dedication and focus are two of the primary things required for a watcher to be vigilant.
TIMAN
My research tell me that a good wardrobe full of tweed also helps (laughs at own joke)
GILES
(Annoyed) I’m sorry are you making fun of me?
TIMAN
(Laughter quickly stopping) No, well yeah, it’s just that you were a lot of . . .
GILES
This is a very serious business young man it should not be taken so flippantly. I’m sorry this interview is over!
(Giles indicated to leave. Timan stands up just as a crossbow bolt flies through the window. It hits him square in the back and he collapse onto the ground.)
WESLEY
(From other room) Sorry about that. Just showing the girls the proper archery technique.
TIMAN
OH MY GOD! I AM IN SERIOUS PAIN HERE!! WHY IS NOBODY PULLING IT OUT?!
(Cut to Timan standing inside the library. he is wearing an eye patch a sling and there is a hefty bandage on his back.)
TIMAN
I think the answer is VERY clear who the more superior watcher is. That comes to the end of this weeks segment so until next time this is Timan saying . . .
FAITH
Wait. Did you say your name is Timan?
TIMAN
Yes.
FAITH
As in author of ‘hell on earth’ Timan
TIMAN
So you read it huh (smug smile). It’s always good to meet a fan.
FAITH
(Seriously pissed off) You’re the son of a bitch who killed me!
TIMAN
(Gone quickly for smug to scared) Ah no. . . No that wasn’t me that was, ah, that was Axel . . . yeah Axel did it.
FAITH
No he didn’t. It was you! Come here you (censored) (censored) (censored).
(Large amounts of graphic violence)
TIMAN
AHHHH! WHY IS NOBODY STOPPING THIS?
CAMERA MAN
Did you hear something?
SOUND MAN
Nope. Nothing important.
(they both laugh at host getting pummeled.)
This is a roundrobin story. Would you like to contribute?
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