The Memorial Service
The mourners stood on a rocky outcropping overlooking the ocean. The sun had set just moments before. There were vases of peach colored roses and ivory pillar candles on stands everywhere.
Xander and Willow stand apart from the rest, staring out at the dark waters. Xander reaches over and squeezes Willow's hand. "This is amazing, Will. How did you guys manage to get all of this accomplished so fast?"
"It wasn't too hard. Buffy left pretty explicit instructions. And Mrs. Summers has experience arranging events. She just told Giles and I who to call."
"How is she doing anyway?" Xander inclines his head towards Joyce Summers, standing on the other side of the clearing between Giles and her ex-husband, Hank.
"I was worried about her at first. She just collapsed when she saw Buffy's letters. But somehow she managed to gather her strength again. How are you doing? Did you read her letter?"
"Yeah. I read it. It was just-" Xander's voice grows thick with emotion. "It was just Buffy. It made me happy and also incredibly sad."
"I know. I was laughing and crying all at once when I read mine." She looks over her shoulder at the latest arrivals. She sees Cordelia helping Angel out of the car. She nods her head in Cordelia's direction. "How are things with the two of you? Do I have to worry about bloodshed tonight?"
Xander smiles a bittersweet smile. "Surprisingly, no. She's different now. I don't know if I have Deadboy to thank for it or her having to work for a living or just time, but she's not the same person she used to be. She seemed genuinely sad about Buffy. She was really worried about Angel. I mean, there wasn't a single pointed remark. I almost wouldn't recognize her."
"I guess she grew up. But then, didn't we all?" A hand softly taps her on the shoulder and she turns around. "Oz! You made it. I didn't think you'd be able to get here in time." She throws her arms around his neck and hugs him tightly.
Oz smiles at Xander and holds Willow close. "I dropped everything as soon as I got your message. I just canceled our next week of shows and hopped on the first plane out. How are you holding up?" He pulls back to look at Willow more closely.
"I'm doing OK. I just have to make it through tonight. Once I deliver her eulogy, then I can feel free to fall apart, right? I'm most worried about Angel though." They all turn to watch the vampire as he moves through the crowd lost in his grief. "Oz, he tried to kill himself last night. He found her just before she died and then he sat outside, holding her body waiting for the sun to rise so, he could join her."
Oz grimaces at that revelation. "Alright, I'm going to go pay my respects to Mrs. Summers and Giles and then I'll see how he's doing. OK?"
"Thanks, Oz." Willow watches him walk over to Buffy's mom. * Even after all this time, he is still the most amazing man I have ever met. I wish things could have worked out differently for us. * She still remembers the exact moment 4 years ago when they both realized that their relationship was over. That they loved each other but not with the burning passion you would expect from a love affair. * I guess it's better this way though. We got to stay friends. And he is my rock. I can lean on him when I can't on anyone else. *
The minister moves to the podium at the edge of the clearing and asks for everyone's attention. "If everyone would please take a candle from the young people handing them out and light them on one of the pillar candles throughout the clearing we can get started."
Xander and Willow move through the crowd handing out and helping light candles. Willow hands a candle to Cordelia, who surprises her by reaching out and hugging her. "I'm really sorry, Willow. This must be hell for you."
"Thank you Cordelia. It's tough but I'm just trying to keep putting one foot in front of the other." Cordelia nods in understanding. Willow moves along to give a candle to Angel. Her hand shakes as she glances up and sees the dead, vacant look in his eyes. She opens her mouth to say something but is cut short by the minister.
"We are gathered here tonight for a most unusual memorial service. To honor a most unusual young woman. By all accounts, Buffy Anne Summers was a unique and unconventional soul. She had asked that this ceremony be kept short and to the point. Therefore, I will turn this service over to those that knew her best. Willow Rosenberg, one of Buffy's best friends, will now give her eulogy."
Willow steps up to the podium. She looks out at the crowd of faces. Oz catches her eye and gives her an encouraging smile. * I can do this. I *can* do this. * She takes a deep breath and begins.
"Two nights ago, I lost one of my dearest friends. I can't begin to tell you how that feels. To know that I'm never going to see her face or hear her voice again. Even as I stand here at her memorial service, helping all of you to say goodbye, I can't believe that she's really gone. I suppose that's because she isn't gone. Not truly.
"Buffy left something of herself behind. She managed in her short time on this earth to give a piece of her spirit to every person whose life she touched. I never believed in myself. I always thought I was weak and useless. But through knowing Buffy, from being her friend, from witnessing her strength, I found my own. I *was* strong, deep inside, hidden by my own doubts and insecurities. And I think that every person who loved her and was loved by her experienced that also. She gave us each a gift. She helped every single one of us to realize something good and pure and useful within ourselves."
Willow looks at Xander, "We found self-confidence."
Her eyes move to Giles, "We found trust and compassion."
She glances at Buffy's mom, "We found courage and determination."
Willow then looks at Angel. Their eyes meet and hold, "We found the best and most worthy virtues within our own soul."
Willow holds up the letter that Buffy left her. "She left me this letter. It was her way of saying goodbye. I would like to read you a small part of it. 'I'm telling all of you to go forward and find happiness while you can. Wherever you can. Life is short. Live every moment to the fullest.' She was right. And my pledge to her memory is this battle cry, Carpe Diem! Seize the Day! I will not let my life pass me by, Buffy. I will squeeze out every precious drop of happiness that I can and thank you for it every day of my life."
Willow turns to Giles and nods. He reaches for the portable stereo and presses play. The clearing is filled with the sounds of Sarah McLachlan.
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Buffy's parents move slowly to the edge of the cliff carrying the simple steel urn.
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one
They pause for a moment looking at each other. Unable to believe that she's gone. United in their grief.
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Hank Summers unscrews the top of the urn and together they tip it over. Spilling the contents out.
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
Together they watch as their daughter's ashes are scattered by the stiff ocean winds. Clinging to one another, they turn from the cliff and walk back to the car.
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
One by one each mourner steps forward to throw a single rose off the cliff.
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light
Then they each blow out their candle. Retreating in darkness to their cars.
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Until only they are left. The Scooby Gang. Six candles flickering in the wind at the edge of the abyss.
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Willow nods and in unison, they reach up and blow out their candles. And there is only darkness.
Weep not for the memories.
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