So, I’m at the Bronze and about to give a Valentine’s Day gift to Cordelia and she breaks up with me.
Right then and there.
I’m not sure she gave a reason. She may have been mocking the speech I gave before I gave her the gift.
Then I told her that her dramatic irony level was way up.
Amy’s a witch. You remember Amy… her mom was psycho and caused cheerleaders pain via witchcraft. Amy’s embracing such arts now. Faking homework.
So I kind of asked her to cast a love spell on Cordy.
It backfired. Giles got mad.
Well, it didn’t really backfire at first. I mean, it wasn’t right, but no big deal…
Buffy was all over me. There was talk of a lap dance.
But then everyone else liked me. Amy, Willow, Ms. Calendar… Buffy’s mom. It was scary. Every woman in Sunnydale was quite literally obsessed with little old me. Then there was a mob thing, and Willow and selected others tried to kill me. Drusilla was the only one who wanted to kill me out of love. I would probably have been flattered if it wasn’t so freaking freaky.
Cordy seemed pleased that the spell was meant for her, but she hasn’t said anything else about our relationship. I think maybe that’s it for us.
Buffy got a little intense. After I pushed her away the first time she approached me wearing absolutely nothing but a ridiculously revealing raincoat. I said some things about how she didn’t really mean it and how much it would mean to me if she did, but she didn’t take it well. Mostly, Amy just turned her into a rat.
Oz found Buffy after punching me in the face. She was… not a rat anymore. She was also naked.
And on that happy note, I’ll end this particular rant.
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