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Buffy The Vampire Slayer > BTVS - Alternate Universe
The Zeppo: The Series by Timan
[Reviews - 2]
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BANK OF AMERICA, SUNNYDALE – TWO NIGHTS AGO


The main foyer of the bank sat silently in the pre-dawn hours. It’s architecture denoting a pre 1920’s feel. In the security office security guard Hank Foreman sat peacefully at his security station. He was about Forty years of age with a stocky build. He scratched his sandy blonde, balding, hair as he slurped happily on his soda cup. From the lobby there was the sound of a faint thud. Hank looked over at one of his monitors to see a man slithering down a rope then run for the counters. He put down his soda cup and rushed out to the foyer. Looking around Hank saw a man dressed in black trying to pry one of the cash draws open. He walked up to the man quickly

“Hi!” Hank said cheerfully to the robber, “are you trying to take the money?”

The robber looked up startled. He noticed that Hank wasn’t reaching for his gun instead Hank was grinning at hi with an unsettling smile. The robber back away from the cash draw

“No I was just checking the security of the building.” The robber replied nervously.

Hank walked around the counter and noticed the tools on the ground. He laughed at him gleefully and shook his finger at him.

“Now, now. Winners aren’t fibbers.” Hank lectured to the robber happily, “Besides that’s not how you get the money out.”

From his belt Hank pulled out a set of keys and unlocked the money draw. It slid out and he started to collect the money for the robber.

“See the draw opens much easier with the key.”

The robber looked curiously at Hank as he handed the cash over to him. The robber walked in cautiously but moments before he could take the bills Hank pulled his hand back and examined the notes.

“Oh wait you don’t want these bills.” Hank said, “They’re all smudged and dirty. Come with me to the vault there are brand new bills in the vault.”

Hank leads the confused robber to the vault. Once inside he joyfully aided the robber in loading up his bags with as much money as he can carry. Once the bags were full. Hank happily let the robber out the front door. As the robber was loading up his car hank frowned at him.

“You can’t take the money in that.” He said throwing the robber his car keys, “take my car, it’s a sedan it will hold the money much better”

Hank waved the Robber goodbye and merrily went back to watching his security station. He picked up his soda and started to slurp. As he was drinking Hank started to glow red and a small vapor trail sailed up and out the window.


SUNNYDALE HIGH SCHOOL, SUNNYDALE – NOW


The school bell rang and the class began to gather their books. The fastest to pack up was Xander. His recent efforts to keep the town safe from Turidul activity was seriously clashing with his school hours and the teachers began to notice.

“Make sure that you finish your paper by Friday no exceptions.” Mr. Hannegin said as he was erasing his notes from the board.

Xander tried to hide himself in the crowd as the students piled out of the classroom. Just before he left he noticed that Mr. Hannegin was pointing at him.

“Mr. Harris can I see you for a moment.”

Xander cringed and moved up to the desk. Mr. Hannegin finished with the board and sat down in his seat. He pulled out a notebook and started to browse through it. Once he found the correct page he scanned down and found the name his was looking for

Harris, Alexander

He looked up from his book and calmly stared at Xander. Xander looked up from Mr. Hannegin book and nervously looked Mr. Hannegin.

“I’ve noticed a change in your behavior over the last few weeks or sow Mr. Harris.” said Mr. Hannegin

“I totally agree with you Mr. Hannegin. It’s puberty. I am now finally becoming a man plus as an added bonus I think that our bond has been growing stronger.” Xander replied nervously.

Mr. Hannegin raised a non-believing eyebrow, which wiped Xanders nervous smile, off his face.

“Your not talking about that are you?”
Mr. Hannegin sighed and consulted his notes.

“Your frequent absences and steady decline in your usually D quality of work has been a concern amongst some of your teachers.”

“I have a good and believable excuse for all those days.”

Mr. Hannegin leant back in his chair and folded his arms. He waited patiently as Xander tried to find the good and believable excuse in his head.

“I don’t have it with me,” Xander replied weakly, “it’s at home. I have to go fetch it from my house. Where I live.

“Mr. Harris if your grades don’t improve I will be recommending expulsion.”

Xanders eyes widened. His parents would kill him if he got kicked out of school but on the other hand the truth about him running around with a pointy weapon stabbing invisible monster that only he can see wasn’t going to fly either.

“I’ll buck up!” Xander exclaimed, “ From now you are going to see the new Xander Harris! I’ll do summer school, I’ll study late at night, and I’ll get a tutor!”

“I’m glad you mentioned that. I took the liberty of organizing one for you.”

At that moment there was a knock at the classroom door.

“You wanted to see me Mr. Hannegin?” a familiar timid voice came from the doorway.

Xander closed his eyes and said anxiously to himself ‘Please don’t be Willow, please don’t be Willow’

“Willow, just in time, I was just explaining to Mr. Harris how you were going to tutor him.”

‘Damn’ Xander though as he opened his eyes and looked at Willow smiling at him from the doorway.

“Aye sir,” Willow replied happily, “I have him ship-shape and ready to sail.”

There was that pang of guilt again. Xander wasn’t sure he was ready to face Willow yet but the situation has given him no choice. He smiled at Willow briefly and followed her out of the classroom. As Mr. Hannegin began to tidy his desk Xander popped his head back in

“When you say expel you don’t mean, like, from a tube or something do you?”

“Get out Mr. Harris”


SUNNYDALE HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY, SUNNYDALE


Xander and Willow walked slowly down the hallway. As willow explained how his extracurricular learning was going to be run Xander tried not to let the guilt creep in too much. On top of that there was this weird soft ringing in his head that he couldn’t shake off.

“. . . Then if you like. We can watch TV and call it studying. Something like ‘how current events echo past times’,” willow said excitedly, “Oh there is some great books in the library . . .”

Willow noticed Xander flinch when she mentioned the Library.

“ . . . Or we could go someplace else. There are these places in town where you give them money they let you take the books home! Maybe we could do that and get some coffee and enjoy the revolution together.”

Xander had been silent ever since they left the classroom together. Willow was trying as hard as possible to get a conversation but was running into one dead end after another. She stopped walking as Xander continued on.

“Are we still friends?”

Xander stopped. He hung his head down and sighed heavily. He turned to face Willow and smiled.

“Yeah Will we’re still friends.” He replied softly

“Why wont you hang with me anymore?”

Willows’ pouting was more then he could stand. He walked up to her and hugged her.

“I’m sorry Will. Stuff has just gotten kinda crazy for me lately.”

After the hug he placed his hand on her shoulders and gave her the biggest smile he could.

“I’ll tell you what. You exchange money for books and then . . .”

His sentence was cut short when the ringing in his head turned into a strong whisper. He looked around to try and find the direction the sound was coming from. He turned around and stared intently at the window at the end of the hall. With out another word he bolted as fast as he could towards it. Moments before he arrived he called his Marquessa sword and dived out the window performing a perfect summersault. Below a Turidul was draining the life force of a student. Xander sailed down slicing the Turidul feeding tube in two. The student fell to the ground and the Turidul stumbled back in pain. Xander got back onto his feet and stood in a fighting stance. The Turidul reacquired its bearings and charged on Xander. Xander ran up and jumped over the creature performing a 180-degree spin and striking it in the back. The Turidul slammed hard against the wall and collapsed to the ground. Xander, surprised by his own combat prowess, took a moment. The Turidul climbed back onto his feet. It charged at Xander again. Thinking quickly Xander bolted towards the creature and slid between its legs. Quickly flipping back onto his feet he performed a spin kick, which sent the Turidul flying against the tree. Xander leaped into the air and landed hard on the creature’s chest. He plunged his sword straight through it’s heart and the creature turned to vapor. He lent on one knee and caught his breath. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed that the girl was waking up. He dashed over and helped her to her feet. The girl looked confusingly at Xander.

“What happened?” she asked

“You took a pretty nasty fall there.”

“It felt like I had the wind knocked out of me.”

“Too much sun. Happens to a lot of people in this town. Go inside and get a drink you’ll feel better.

The girl wandered off. Xander ran the entire battle through his head. He understood what Lukus explained to him about the sword of Marquessa inherently holding the skill of the Pure-Lights that wielded it before but some of the move he pulled out felt a lot different.

From behind a nearby tree Lukus came waddling out.

“Kid! Just got the news. A Turidul Is gonna try and feed on some of the students at the school some time today!”

Xander swung around and shrugged annoyingly at him.

“Thanks for the post-game wrap up captain after! Where the hell were you before?”

“Had some stuff to clear up. You don’t think you’re the center of my life do you?”

“And what was with the weird David lynch backward talking in my head?”

“That’s your sense, it’s like an early warning system. If Turidul activity is nearby you’ll know.”

Xander pondered this for a moment and smiled smugly to himself.

“So I’m finally getting my spidey powers? Cool”

Lukus shook his head.

“Yeah you are getting your ‘spidey powers’. I’ll let you know when you start shooting webs from your butt. The powers sent me to get you to check out some weird activity happening around the mall area.”

“No one ever explained the exchange of money for good and services to you did they?”

“Cram it numb-nuts! Can we get back to the reason why were here?”

“Okay but don’t get grumpy at me if you miss your train back to Fantasia.”

“The powers aren’t exactly sure but the focal point of the disturbance is centered around one of the stores of the Mall. Not sure which one. You need you to go in and find out.”

“So you’re telling me that the almighty powers that be, the seers of everything, have absolutely no idea what’s going on?”

“Hey if they did. I would be stuck with you.”

“Note to self: Must find time to kick Lukus in face.” Xander said as he wandered off to investigate the mall.

Lukus stared at Xander as he left the school grounds. Moments later the Mysterious woman walked up next to him.

“His power grows quicker than anticipated.” She said

“Shouldn’t be a problem.” Lukus replied, “Just need to accelerate the plan.”

“He is still unaware of his true purpose?”

“I tell him what he needs to know. When he needs to know it.”


Back inside Willow stood still and stared at the open window down the end of the hall. The classroom door opened behind her and Buffy wandered out. As she placed her book in the bag he noticed Willow.

“Hey Will.” She called out excitedly.

A look of concern crossed her face when Willow didn’t respond or move. She slowly walked up next to her.

“Are you okay?”

“Huh?” asked willow softly, “Oh I’m fine. Just talking to Xander”

“That’s great you two are talking again. So what happened?”

“He ran away.” Willow replied still staring at the window.

Buffy put a caring arm around her friend.

“I know you’re trying Will. And Xander, well, he just being selfish. You two have been friends forever and if Xander wants to throw that away that’s his problem. You still have me and Giles and Oz to keep you company.”

Willow turned to Buffy. Her pout was more a confused pout then an upset one.

“No I mean he really ran away,” she said pointing, “out the window.”


SUNNYDALE MALL, SUNNYDALE – AN HOUR LATER


Xander entered the spacious building. It seemed a lot bigger then the last time he was here. Then again, the last time he nearly had his head split open by a fictional demon. He wandered around the ground floor trying to get a sense on anything weird. His new ‘spidey’ sense wasn’t humming so he figured that maybe it was a false alarm. That was until he saw one of the security guards. He seemed normal enough with his tan uniform and badge but the big difference is that he had an aura around him. This aura wasn’t the purple white the hijackers had this one was a deep crimson red and was a lot more vaporous. He walked up to him cautiously and tapped him on the shoulder. The six foot five security guard turned around and beamed the biggest smile at Xander

“A very good morning to you sir and how may I be of assistance.” The security guard said in an unusually cheerfully tone.

“Ah . . . hi,” Xander replied cautiously, “Have you seen anything, like, weird around here?”

“Absolutely no sir. We run a very tight ship here at the Sunnydale mall if there were any strange occurrences either me or the other guards will rectify the problem immediately.”

From behind Xander the sound of breaking Glass could be heard as two robbers lift a TV from an electronic store.

“I told you man. The security around here they are whacked out on something.” One of the robbers said

“Excuse me for a moment I have to deal with this problem.” The security guard said as he wandered over to the criminals.

As the guard approached the robbers put down the TV and drew knives. The guard stopped and smiled at them

“Good morning to you sirs. You are taking that TV without permission. This is a crime I must ask you to stop.”

“What are you going to do?” the first robber asked

The guard put his hands on his hips and sighed happily

“This is all wrong. You can’t rob a store like this. Here take my gun.”

The security guard drew his firearm and handed it to the robbers. The robbers looked at each other then looked at the guard. The first robber pointed the gun at the security guards chest

“Thanks.”

Xander moved quickly. He rushed over and kicked the gun out of the robber’s hands. With a quick round house kick he knocked the first robber unconscious. As the second robber approached Xander spun around knocking him to the ground. He gets on top of the robber and knocks him out. He stands up and looks at the security guard who is smiling at him.

“Violence isn’t condoned in the Sunnydale mall.” The security guard chirped at him happily

“What the rule about giving people your gun?” Xander asked

“I was trying to help,” the security guard replied as he skipped off.

Xander watched him curiously.

“Okay that was weird.” He said to himself.

He looks around the mall and notices that many other people had the same strange glow around them. And all seem to be overly friendly to people whom that really shouldn’t be. He wandered around a little further trying to find a connection between them but all the people seem random. The only real connection is that they glow red and are really nice.

From one of the stores the manager watched Xander as he wandered around. After a few moments he walks back behind the counter and picks up the phone and dials a number. He watched Xander further as the person at the other end of the line picked up.

“It’s me. We have a Pure-Light problem.”


SUNNYDALE HIGH SCHOOL, SUNNYDALE – 12:30 PM


Xander sat in the lunchroom by himself. He pondered over what he saw at the mall earlier that morning. He had a lot of puzzle pieces but none of them fit. As he was deep in thought another student hit him in the back of the head.

“Oh my god I am so sorry!” said the sweet female voice

Xander rubbed the back of his head and turned to see who was talking to him. Kathy, who was trying to co-ordinate her overly large school back and her tray of lunch, smiled awkwardly at him.

“That’s okay,” he replied, “I wasn’t using that part of my brain anyway. What’s with the big rush act?”

Kathy sat down next to him. She was a little shorter then him, dark brow hair with red streaks running through it. Her deep blue eyes were covered with wide framed glasses. Xander sits next to her during geography. He doesn’t necessarily call her a friend just someone to talk to.

“It’s my first week of working,” she said excitedly, “I’m just a little excited, and nervous . . . and I kinda feel nauseous.”

“Thanks for the visual.” Xander said, “Where’s the job?”

Kathy excitedly fidgeted around in her bag and pulled out an apron.

“I’m one of the new ‘Happy Face Soda’ girls!”

The apron it’s self was white with lime green vertical stripes and the logo in the center was a smiley face holding a drink. That’s not what interested Xander. He was interested because that apron was giving off a similar aura to the people in the mall. Xander looked up at Kathy’s smiling face. She didn’t give off the aura so he assumed that Kathy wasn’t getting high on her own supply.

“That’s great. Where is this soda place?” Xander asked

“It just opened two weeks ago. Do you remember where the pet store was?”

“Aw they got rid of the puppies? . . .” Xander asked in a surprised tone

Kathy looked at him curiously for a moment. Xander quickly composed himself

“ . . . I mean no.,” he replied in is his most manly tone.

“It’s there now,” Kathy, replied, going back to her trademark happy tone, “you know I though that pet store was doing okay. Then a few days later, poof, they were gone and ‘Happy Face Soda’ had moved in like magic.”

“Yeah I bet it was.” Xander said to himself

Kathy’s watch started to beep. She checked it and quickly packed away.

“Darn I’m late. I promised Sarah I would study with her,” she said as she stood up quickly.

Kathy dashed off leaving Xander alone. Or so he thought.

“Cute girl. Another potential friend you’re gonna ignore?”

Xander looked over to see Lulus, sitting where Kathy was, smugly consulted his scroll. Xander glared at him

“First off. I’m not ignoring them . . . I’m on sabbatical.”

“You would have had to have a job in the group to be on sabbatical dumb ass.”

“And second,” Xander continued ignoring Lukus’ comment, “She just given me somewhere to start looking. Someone’s been spiking the punch at the mall.”

“What do you mean?”

“From what I can tell. We have a bunch of people who have gone all Brady Bunch because of something that happened to them. When I was checking out the mall all the happy people had a weird red glow to go with their new sunny mood. I saw that exact same glow on Kathy’s apron. I gotta a feeling that some bad juju’s going down.”


SUNNYDALE MALL, SUNNYDALE – 3:30 PM


Xander stood outside the Happy Face Soda shop and watched the customers as they go in and out. He saw them take one sip from their giant cup then start to glow. The energy would then rise up and travel back into the building. After the draining was complete he witnessed the customers become extremely happy. This didn’t sit right with him at all. He took a sip of the coffee he was drinking and though about what he was going to do next.

“Hey what are you doing here?” a voice called from behind him.

Xander choked and spilt the scalding hot coffee all over himself. As he winced in pain he turned to see who was talking to him. Kathy beamed happily at Xander. She was wearing her uniform, which resembled something you would wear working in a 50’s diner.

“Hey Kathy.” Xander replied, trying to hide the pain of the hot coffee slowly running through his underwear, “just though I’d come by and wish you good luck, you know, with the work thing.”

Kath put her hands on her heart in surprise.

“That is so sweet.” She said, “You are, like, the best guy ever.”

“That me. Guy number one.”

They stood awkwardly for a moment before Kathy checked her watch.

“Well I gotta scoot. Those drinks aren’t going to pour themselves.”

“Those lazy liquids” Xander quipped

Kathy laughed. Then she moved closer to Xander.

“Maybe I’ll see you after and we can go do something.”

Xander lent back uncomfortably.

“I’d love to Kath but, darn it, fresh out of somethings.”

From the pockets in her apron she pulled out a note pad and quickly scribbled down something. She tore off the page and handed it to Xander.

“If you find a spare something laying around. Give me a call”

She slinked off in what she interpreted as a sexy walk. It looked to Xander like a drunk trying to dodge traffic while walking down the middle of a highway. Xander cringed to himself. He sipped the remainder of his coffee.

“Good to see you have your eyes on the prize Harris.” a gruff voice said behind him

Xander winced in pain as he spills the rest of his coffee over himself. Lukus walks up slowly next to him.

“It’s a good thing I don’t need this skin on my chest.” Xander said painfully as he rings out his shirt.

“What do we have?”

“I was right there is definitely something wrong with the drink. From what I can see from here one gulp and you lose some energy. I don’t know what energy though. It’s all kind of red and fuzzy.”

Lukus though for a moment he narrowed his eyes as he ran the options through his head.

“Sounds like emotional energy,” he replied, “that usually can be seen as primary colors.”

“So this stuff goes all emohawk and, wham, instant Christmas special. Why though? I mean aside from making very happy crime spree what’s the point?”

“Don’t know. Can’t think of any Turidul with that kind of power?”

Xander leant against one of the poles and stared at the store.

“What we need is someone with a gigantic brain.”


SUNNYDALE HIGH SCHOOL LIBRARY, SUNNYDALE – 4:30 PM


Buffy sat quietly and flicked through one of the many dusty books sitting on the table in the center of the room. Sitting next to her was willow doing the same.

“I’m not even sure what I’m looking for.” Buffy said putting down one of the books

From his office Giles walked out reading his own book. He stopped on an image of an archaic symbol and showed it to Buffy.

“Did it look something like this?”

Buffy took the book and examined the symbol. She pointed at the symbol

“That’s the one.” she said, “He had it etched into his forehead.”

“‘The symbol of the Envoy of Aturnath’ last of a long line of warrior demons who’s sole purpose is to destroy the slayer.”

“So I’m guessing that I don’t take him out for a movie and popcorn.” Buffy replied.

“This is very serious Buffy. What ever brought this to Sunnydale obviously wants you out of the way.”

“Giles a lot of people want me out of the way. That’s what makes me special. So how do I kill him?”

“It says here in order to kill the envoy you need to pierce the rune on his forehead.”

Buffy walked to the weapons locker and pulled out a sword. Giles lent forward and stared at Buffy intently.

“Do I need to remind you to be careful?”

“Just keep the research coming we need to find out who sent it.” Buffy said as she left the library

Giles sat back. He listened as Buffys footsteps echoed down the hallway. As soon as he couldn’t hear them anymore he stood up. He places his hands in his pockets and looked at the floor.

“She’s gone,” he said calmly

“Great,” Xander replies as he pulled himself out from under the table. He dusts himself off and puts a friendly hand on Giles’ shoulder “ I owe you one British man.”

“Is that before or after you pay for the repairs to the skylight you decided to use as a door?”

“Oh . . . right”

“So Xander, aside from practicing your hiding skills, what did you want to see me about?”

“We have a problem at the mall.”

Giles sat down and looked curiously.

“Is this related to the calling you talked to me about the other day?”

Xander joins him in sitting across from him at the table.

“Yeah. Lukus came to me the other day saying that the powers wanted me to look into something going down.”

“Lukus?”

“He’s the Milturi given to me by the Powers that be, think garden gnome with an attitude, anyway I checked it out and something definitely wrong.”

“Is it related to one store or the entire building?”

“Just the one. New store called Happy Face Sodas. They’ve been mixing up cocktail that goes down smooth and wipes away any common sense you have.”

“You think that there’s something being placed in the drink?”

“Trust me Giles this is one go juice you don’t want to put in your tank.”

Giles removes his glasses. He wipes them thoughtfully

“I’m not exactly sure how I can help Xander. My expertise lies mainly with demons.”

“You must have heard of something like this.”

Giles thinks for a moment. Putting his glasses back on he starts to rummage through the large pile of books on the table. From the bottom of the pile he produces a large black leather bound book. He flicks through the pages until he finds the one he was looking for.

“There are a race of Demons know as the Helarthi,” Giles said handing the book to Xander, “They say that the creatures saliva had mystical properties and could be used as a conduit to transfer energies from one entity to another. I’m not sure if this applies to your creature . . .”

“ . . . But it’s a place to start.” Xander finished, “thanks Giles.”

HAPPY FACE SODA, SUNNYDALE – 5:20 PM

The place was bustling with customers. Out off all of the stores the Happy Face Soda Store seemed the busiest. Customers happily gave over their money for large cups of the drink. The manager watched the activity with an evil grin. One of his staff indicated that they were running low on the drink so he wandered into the back room. Behind the cheerful façade lay a cold and empty concrete room. In the center of the room, hovering a few feet off the ground, sat a small portal. From the wall nearest the entrance he unhooked a tube and ran it across from the portal. Moments later the head of a large insect like creature poked its head out and made loud slurpy sounds. The manager hooked the tube into the creature’s mouth. As he did a steady stream of liquid started to pour out and into the wall.

“I trust that there is no problem.” Legotha said as he walked slowly out of the shadows

“That Pure-Light was sniffing around earlier but he left so things are looking Rosy.”

“Good.” Legotha replied softly.

He walked up to the insect creature and stroked his head softly.

“How much have we collected so far?”

“I’ve been running this scam in many different town, and I have to tell you, Sunnydale is one angry place.”

He turned and faced Legotha. His evil smile has become even more evil.

“But not for long.”

“It was quite an ingenious plan you conceived,” Legotha said, “drain the town of it’s, lets just say, more unsavory impulses and they will be willing to do anything.”

“And all I needed was that.” The manager said pointing to the creature in the portal.


SUNNYDALE MALL FOOD COURT, SUNNYDALE – 5:20 PM


“A Turidul Goba,” Lukus said as he showed the image of the large scarab like creature to Xander, ”it’s the closest thing I could find but I’m pretty sure this is the thing running the voodoo.”

Xander looked over the image in Lukus scroll. Xander took a quick sip of his coffee and placed it as far away from himself as he could. After this mornings incident he didn’t want to take any chances.

“So this thing can suck energy for anywhere?” Xander asked.

“Not exactly. See this tube thing in its mouth. When it injects its prey the fluid acts like lubricant to help extract the energy.”

“What is it about these guys with the long tubes and the sucking?”

“Well the Goba must be getting help because its slime doesn’t work from a distance. You have to find a way in kid.”

“I’m going to hate myself afterwards but I already did.”

Kathy bounded up happily and stood in front of Xander.

“Hi, hi. Sorry I’m late.” She chirped happily

Xander and Lukus exchanged a look. Lukus chucked to himself before he left. Kathy sat down on the chair next to Xander and grinned at him merrily. He couldn’t help notice that she went to a great deal of trouble with her appearance.

“So what did you want to talk about?”
Xander took a deep breath. He set up a place in the back of his mind where his dignity could hang out while he worked. He looked over to Kathy and gave her the biggest fake smile he could produce.

“How’s working at the soda shop going for you.”

“Great. I am getting stacks more money. You looking for work?”

“I was kinda hoping that there was a place.”

“Sure I can talk to the manager. The place has been uber busy it’ll be great.”

“Do you think we could talk to him now?”

“Okay. He’s usually there until late anyways.”

Xander nodded. It wasn’t the best plan but it was a plan. They both stood up and collected their things

“This is so great!” Kathy exclaimed, “I can totally teach you how to be a jerk!”

Xander stopped and stared at her worried. Kathy picked up on Xanders confusion.

“…A soda Jerk,” she continued, “you know the people who pull the leaver things . . .”

“Okay I get the picture.” Xander replied as they made their way to the store.


HAPPY FACE SODA STORE, SUNNYDALE – 6:00 PM


The last of the customers filtered out of the store as Xander and Kathy arrived. Kathy rushed in excitedly and caught the manager as he was coming out of the back room. The manager smiled at Kathy sweetly.

“Kath I wasn’t expecting to see you in.” he said sweetly

“I’m sorry sir. I think I have found another happy face to add to our working family.” She replied excitedly.

Xander walked in and looked around. A whisper, similar to this morning, was clearly ringing inside of Xanders head. The source of the whisper was coming from the back room. When the manager looked over to Xander his smile dropped. When Xander looked over to the manager he did the exact opposite.

“I’m sorry we don’t have any positions available.” The manager said coldly
“What are you talking about?” Kathy asked, “You keep saying that you want to hire more staff.”

“Yeah and if you need someone to feed the bug monster you are using to brainwash the town I am totally your guy.” Xander replied.

“What?” Kathy asked staring at Xander strangely.

The manager walked slowly up to Xander while trying to be as menacing as he could. Xander stood his ground and didn’t flinch.

“You have no idea what you are getting yourself into Pure-Light.”

“Kathy I think you should go” Xander said calmly.

Kathy slowly moved to the door.

“What are you going to do?” she asked nervously

“I was planning to hit your boss hard in the face, breaking into the back room and stabbing the Goba with my extra shiny sword.”

Kathy looked at Xander strangely. He motioned her to go with his hand. The manager watched as Kathy bolted out the door. He looked back at Xander and smiled evilly

“You really don’t think you have time to do . . .”

The manager’s sentence was cut short as Xander hit him hard in the face. As the manager fell Xander elbowed open the back door. He walked inside and was face to face with the portal and the Goba head sticking out. Xander stared at it for a moment

“This is new.” He said to himself

Calling his sword he spun it around to strike through its head. Just before he struck he was hit from the side. Xander flew across the room. He hit his head hard against the concrete wall and fell unconscious. Legotha walked slowly out from his hiding place. He shook his head disappointedly.

“Dear boy. It’s never a good idea to reveal your plans before you do them.”


CENTER OF SUNNYDALE MALL, SUNNYDALE – 8:00 PM


Xanders head pounded. It felt like an elementary school band was trying to learn the star spangled banner inside his head. He opened his eyes slowly. As he looked around he really wished he didn’t open his eyes. He was suspended from the roof of the mall in-between the walkways on the third floor. He looked down and realized that he was exactly about the sculpture in the center of the mall. Xander always wondered why the city decided to buy it. It was just a large sculpture consisting of a spherical base with a large sharp point on top. He was never a big fan of modern art particularly modern art that was about to skewer him. He looked around the walkway. Surrounding him was about twenty Turidul soldiers with the anger less helpful humans in front of them.

“Ah I see you’re awake.” Legotha said as he walked into view

“Yeah sorry about the snooze. Someone knocked me out.” Xander replied. “Were you too scared to face me while I’m conscious?”

Legotha stopped pacing and looked at Xander.

“No I needed you unconscious so I could dangle you over the pointy art.”

“Oh” Xander replied in a disappointed tone.

“You are really not that bright are you Pure-Light?”

“What do you want?” Xander asked defiantly, “I’m guessing making happy-land isn’t the entire plan.”

“It was just a means to an end. As it turns out you might have the information I am looking for.”

“Might as well kill me now Legotha.”

“You are resistant now Pure-Light . . .”

From the crowd one of the drained happy people walked forward with a cup of soda from the shop. The person was Kathy she happily bounded up next to Legotha and handed him the drink.

“But you will be more helpful in a moment.” he continued.

Legotha approached Xander and force-fed him the drink. Xander squirmed. He felt like his inside were being ripped out. After a few moments she stopped squirming and hung his head down. He lifted it moments later with the biggest grin on his face.

“Much better.” Legotha said as he moved back from him, “now Pure-Light where is the center of the mystical convergence in this town?”

Xander laughed really hard. He stared at Legotha who was patiently waiting for his answer.

“I just worked out something.” Xander giggled.

“And what it that?” asked Legotha

“For some reason that drink . . .”

Xanders smile dropped he stared coldly into Legotha eyes. While everyone was distracted with the show Xander managed to call his sword.

“. . .Has no effect on me”

He swung his sword up cutting the rope that held him. He dropped down and narrowly missed the point of the sculpture. Using the momentum of the fall he swung himself around the sculpture and back up to the walkway. Without a moments hesitation he started to attack the Turidul soldiers hacking and slashing their way through until none stood standing. He turned his attention to Legotha.

“It seems as though I have underestimated you Pure-Light.”

Xander rushed towards Legotha but was stopped in his tracks as Kathy blocked his path.

“Mr. Legotha says that you are evil. And that I must destroy you.” Kathy said in an unusually happy tone.

Kathy punched Xander sending him flying backwards into a pole. He quickly got to his feet. This is a major problem. He can’t attack the humans because they are still human. The crowd began to swarm around Xander pushing him closer to the support rail.

“What are you going to do now Pure-Light? These people are your own species. Not only that but you have to deal with my friend.”

From a floor below the sound of rumbling could be heard coming from the soda store. Moments later the front collapsed as the Goba scuttled out. Xander looked down. The beast was three times the size of him with very nasty looking pincers.

“This Goba is particularly nasty. It was trained in the great deserts of our hell dimension to be merciless as well as . . .”

While Legotha was talking Xander griped the back of the handrail and flipped over. On his way down he readied his sword and at the precise moment he sliced. The Gobas head rolled peacefully onto the ground.

“Ah crap” Legotha said before teleporting away.

From the next of the creature the energy stored sprung out and returned to its owners. One by one the people came to their senses and looked around. Xander knelt down and caught his breath. The surprise maneuver was the only thing he could think of at the time. He stood up and realized that everyone was staring at him.

“Ah . . . and that concludes our talk of the dangers of high altitude.” He yelled nervously “I hope you enjoyed this talk come again soon.”


SUNNYDALE HIGH SCHOOL GROUNDS, SUNNYDALE – THE NEXT DAY


“Altitude lecture?” Lukus asked

“Yeah, well they were up top and I was underneath” Xander replied

“And they bought that?”

“I don’t think they bought it as much as thy tried to repress the memory of it. At least we know exactly what Legotha is looking for now all we need to know is why.”

“I don’t think he’s going to surface soon,” Lukus replied, “you may not have hurt him but I think you bruised his ego pretty badly with the way you killed the Goba. That’ll give us some time to figure it out. So are you going to call her?”

“Call who?”

“Who do you think?”

“Kathy? No she’s still pretty freaked about what happened to her.”

They both sat silently for a moment. That is until Lukus started to make chicken sounds. Xander glared at him.

“I am not chicken!”

“C’mon you can’t do any worse.”

“Hey when I need love advice from a footstool I’ll give you a call.”

The both of them argued for a while longer. Across the grounds they were being watched. The girl stood silently as her dark brow eyes took in the entire display. She brushed the strands of blond hair away from her serious looking face. Although she leaned relaxed next to a tree her body language displayed a hidden strength.

She watched Xander have, what looked like, a conversation with himself. This didn’t sit right. He had been acting strangely for the past month or so and her senses told her that this is linked to something deeper. For the moment she decided to play along with his game. Humor him until she gets the information she needed. She had made a promise to her best friend to solve this.

Willow deserved that much.



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