MST3K: XANDER AND THE SATELLITE OF LOVE
MUSIC
In the not too distant future...
Next Sunday, AD
There lived a guy named Xander
Not too different from you andme
He use to live in Sunnydale
'Til the place just blew up
He's now at Gizmonicinstitute
'Cuz that's just his luck
We'll send him cheesy movies
The worst we can find (la-la-la)
He'll have to sit and watch them all
And we'll monitor his mind (la-la-la)
Now keep in mind he can't control
Where the movies begin or end (la-la-la)
He'll try to keep his sanity
With the help of his robot friends
Robot Roll Call:
Cambot! (Show yourself!)
Gypsy! ('m not ready!)
TomServo! (h'lo there!)
Croooow! (That's one "o"!)
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
and other science facts (la la la),
Just repeat to yourself,
"It's just a show, I should really just relax
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!"
INT. SATELLITE OF LOVE
Xander lies unconscious on the desk, while Tom and
Crow examine him closely.
CROW
Who the hell is this guy?
TOM
Must be the new blood.
CROW
I'm mean he has an eye patch. Who the
hell wears an eye patch these days?
TOM
Modern day pirates?
CROW
Soap Opera actors?
TOM
Tattoo artists?
CROW
You think he's a tattoo artist? I've
always wanted a tattoo of Joe Don Baker
on my beak.
TOM
Think he's funny? 'Cuz if we're doing
this show again, he better be funny. I
mean Mike was great and all, but the
jumpsuit just didn't fit right, if you
know what I mean.
CROW
Too short in the sleeves?
TOM
No.
CROW
Pants were too long?
TOM
No.
CROW
Too tight in the waistline?
TOM
No! I meant he didn't fit in! Not like
Joel! Joel was kind! Joel was clever!
CROW
Joel wrote "Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves."
TOM
Joel is dead to me.
CROW
So what's the verdict of Patch boy here?
SATTELITE OF LOVE
Commercial sign in twenty seconds.
TOM
I'm going with pirate.
CROW
Should we make him feel at home?
TOM
I'll get the construction paper.
SATTELITE OF LOVE
Commercial in five... four... three...
two... one
COMMERCIAL BREAK
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