ACT III
INT. FONTAINE HOUSE
Everyone is talking at once.
XANDER
Great. Heckle and Jeckle are holding me
hostage for a wish. Dandy.
BUFFY
Fyarl demons. I fought one of them
before. They won't be much of a problem.
GILES
Actually that wasn't a Fyarl demon. That
was me.
BUFFY
Oh. Right.
LUCY
Why is it that my house has now become a
showcase for property damage?
XANDER
Weapons! Liv, do we still have those
silver plated weapons from the last time
we faced the Fyarls?
LIV
They're in the weapons locker. I'll go
get them.
Willow has an epiphany!
WILLOW
Ooo! Presents!
Willow dashes off into the living room
XANDER
Uh, Will? Don't you think that's better
suited for another time?
AIONIOS
(OS)
You have ten minutes watcher!
KHAOS
(OS)
We assure you there will be no
survivors!
Maya and Jordy are snuggling in the corner. Maya
is pouting.
MAYA
So. You couldn't write?
JORDY
No mail delivery at the lamersery. Big
Mountains, no letters. No mail. No
phone. No internet. I swear.
MAYA
So they have a gym but no phone?
JORDY
Three-quarters of the monks there were
under a vow of silence anyway. How are
they supposed to answer a ringing phone?
MAYA
Good point.
DAWN
Uh... Guys? You are aware that there are
a dozen Fyarl's outside waiting to kill
us?
JORDY
Yeah, we're just catching up here.
DAWN
Okay. Catch up faster.
JORDY
Anything new?
MAYA
Audrey's a skank.
JORDY
I knew that.
MAYA
Okay we're done.
Liv rushes in with a bunch of daggers.
LIV
I got 'em!
Buffy takes a dagger and frowns.
BUFFY
Daggers? Is that all we have?
XANDER
Do you have any idea how expensive it is
to silver-plate a sword?
Xander hands a dagger to Giles and Jordy
XANDER
(to Giles)
Think you can handle this old man?
GILES
Next time you call me an "old man" you
better hope I don't have a dagger with
me.
XANDER
(to Jordy)
You can control that wolf of yours
right?
JORDY
Yep. Just nobody stab me with the
silver.
XANDER
Ooo! Important safety tip! No stabbing
the werewolf.
Buffy and Liv nod together.
LIV
Right.
BUFFY
Got it.
XANDER
Okay... all non-powered human beings who
aren't watchers... get thee to a
basement.
MAYA
But...
Xander pushes Dawn, Lucy and Maya towards the
basement.
XANDER
Go! Willow! Where are you?!
INT. FONTAINE HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
Willow is tearing off the wrapping paper on
Xander's presents.
WILLOW
Why did everyone use the same wrapping
paper?!!
EXT. FONTAINE HOUSE - FRONT YARD
KHAOS
Has it been ten minutes?
AIONIOS
Does it matter?
KHAOS
Good point. Gentlemen? Go get 'em.
The Fyarl's all grunt and lumber toward the house.
AIONIOS
Oh! One more thing!
The demons turn and look at the two vampires.
AIONIOS
Don't kill the blind guy!
KHAOS
That would be bad.
The Fyarl's nod and grunt and head into the house.
Battle sounds can be heard in the front lawn.
AIONIOS
I love watching a good battle, don't
you?
KHAOS
Oh. Quite.
INT. FONTAINE LIVING ROOM
Willow is still tearing open gifts. Battle sounds
can be heard in the other room.
WILLOW
(to herself)
Where is it?! Where is it?!
Buffy flies into the room and hits the wall. hard.
She shakes it off and runs back into the foyer.
BUFFY
(while running)
Will?! Little help here?!
WILLOW
I'm working on it!
INT. FOYER
Giles and Xander tag team a Fyarl demon. Xander
pins it to the wall and Giles stabs him with the
silver dagger. The Fyarl disappears in a poof of
black smoke.
Jordy has transformed into werewolf mode and
charges a Fyarl. The Fyarl grabs him and tosses
him across the room. Liv jumps in while the Fyarl
is distracted and dusts him.
Buffy ducks under the attack of a Fyarl and uses
his own momentum to smack him into another Fyarl.
XANDER
Willow! Could use a little wiccan mojo
here!
INT. LIVING ROOM
Willow tears open a box to find about a dozen
glowing little spheres.
WILLOW
Finally!
She grabs one of the spheres and runs towards the
foyer
WILLOW
Get back! Get Back! Everyone get back
behind me!
INT. FOYER
Everyone backs off behind Willow as she runs into
the room. Willow throws the sphere on the ground
in front of her where it explodes in a flash of
light. The Fyarl's hold up their arms and suddenly
freeze.
The scooby gang look on amazed.
XANDER
What the heck was that?
WILLOW
Freezing spell. Thought it might come in
handy if you were caught again by a
horde of African zombies. Just make sure
everyone is behind you when you throw it
or you'll freeze them.
XANDER
For me?
WILLOW
Happy birthday!
Liv stabs one of the Fyarls and watches it poof
into smoke.
LIV
Nifty.
Buffy does the same to one of the other Fyarls.
She frowns.
BUFFY
Kind of makes it a little easy, don't
you think?
Everyone gives her a strange look. Buffy pouts.
BUFFY
I'm just saying.
EXT. FONTAINE HOUSE - FRONT YARD
Khaos and Aionios watch the front of the house
with confusion.
KHAOS
What's going on in there?
AIONIOS
Not sure. Think they killed him?
SPIKE
(OS)
Not bloody likely.
Khaos and Ainonios turn to see Spike standing
behind them.
KHAOS
Spike!
AIONIOS
How are you? What's it been? A century?
SPIKE
Something like that.
KHAOS
I heard a rumor that you got your soul
back, is that true?
Spike stakes Khaos who explodes into dust.
SPIKE
Yep.
AIONIOS
Now Spike, I don't suppose you'd let me
go? You know, for old times sake?
Spike thinks about it for a second.
SPIKE
Hmmm.
Spike stakes Aioinos
SPIKE
No.
AIOINOS
Well that's just rud-
And Aioinos explodes into dust.
INT. FONTAINE LIVING ROOM
Everyone is relaxing and getting nursing for their
battle wounds.
XANDER
How'd they know I got the whole
wish-deal?
JORDY
I thought I heard something about a
prophecy on the plane.
WILLOW
The energy signature being released by
the token might have given them a way to
track where it was too?
XANDER
So this whole thing could happen again?
LUCY
Great. More property damage.
SPIKE
Why don't you wish for something simple
and get it over with?
GILES
It's not that simple Spike.
SPIKE
Sure it is. You make a wish for a glass
of water.
MAYA
Kind of wasteful don't you think?
SPIKE
Beats dealing with the consequences.
WILLOW
Maybe there's a way we could do some
research on how to get the wish back
into the token.
LIV
How long will that take?
DAWN
Oh... given the resources that the
watcher council has? Probably a couple
of months.
LUCY
Months?
XANDER
This isn't going to work. I can't have
this thing hanging over my head.
BUFFY
So...
XANDER
I'm going to use it.
MAYA
What for?
XANDER
That's the million dollar question. What
would you guys wish for?
BUFFY
I don't know. I probably wouldn't use it
for myself. Maybe a peaceful world?
Giles is reviewing Anya's letter.
GILES
According to the letter and what I know
about the Acitalag, this is a
life-altering wish. Not a universal
wish. One can only wish for something
that will affect yours or another
persons life.
JORDY
So he can wish for someone to have a
better life, but not for world hunger to
end.
GILES
Correct. And most wishes to destroy any
particular kind of evil are usually
ineffective.
XANDER
Figures. I would be the guy to get the
Yugo-version of wishes.
DAWN
Angel! You could wish for him to be
human.
SPIKE
Pfft. He wouldn't take it. The poof
wants to make it on his own even after
he signed it off in a binding legal
agreement.
BUFFY
It's true. He wouldn't take it.
LUCY
What about you Spike?
SPIKE
Me? Human? Give up the super strength
and blood drinking. Never happen.
DAWN
Didn't you go through a whole battle
with Angel just to be the center of some
prophecy?
SPIKE
Well... yeah. But that was mostly to
piss off the nancy boy. Plus the whole
thing was a hoax anyway. Besides if you
think I want anything to do with that
wish thing, forget it.
XANDER
Ahhh... He just didn't want Angel to
have it. Jealous much.
SPIKE
Whatever.
Spike stalks out of the room. Willow pulls Xander
aside.
WILLOW
Xander, are you sure about this?
Xander looks over at Lucy who is tending to a
small gash on Liv's forehead.
XANDER
Yeah. I'm sure.
END ACT III
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