ACT II
INT. FONTAINE HOUSE
Dawn takes the letter from Giles and looks at it.
GILES
Where did you get this?
WHISTLER
Anya gave it to me before Sunnydale made
with the whole hole thing.
XANDER
And you're delivering this to me now?
WHISTLER
Not the postal service buddy.
BUFFY
How do we know this is really Anya?
DAWN
(reading)
"My dearest Xander, if you are reading
this now I must be dead. How sucky is
that? How come you got out alive and I
didn't? This totally sucks."
Xander sighs.
XANDER
It's Anya.
MAYA
Who the heck is Anya?
LIV
Ex-girlfriend as well as an ex-vengeance
demon.
WILLOW
Also the reason why we're not allowed to
make a wish before we blow out candles
on birthday cakes.
WHISTLER
So see? Not me! Didn't know anything
about a blurry energy thing!
Buffy drops Whistler on the floor.
BUFFY
Get out.
Whistler wastes no time running for the door.
WHISTLER
Happy birthday!
Buffy scowls at him as he runs out.
WILLOW
What does she say?
DAWN
(reading)
"Enclosed you will find a token of the
Ratselttab Acitalag which will grant
whoever first touches it the ability to
make one life-altering wish. This was
originally going to be a gift for you on
our wedding day which, by the way, you
totally blew by running away from the
altar. But since we've had many orgasms
together since then..."
(stops reading aloud)
And she goes on from there. And on.
And... whoa... You must really be a
viking in the sack.
LUCY
Boy howdy! You got that right.
Everyone looks at Lucy with a weird look.
LUCY
Did... I say that out loud?
Liv starts rubbing her temples.
LIV
Okay. I have a very disturbing visual
image right now.
Giles has picked up the "token" and is examining
it.
GILES
Incredible. To say that these are rare
is a major understatement.
BUFFY
So it's true? Xander gets to make a
wish?
Xander is not thrilled.
XANDER
Aw crap.
DAWN
What? This is good news right? It's like
a genie in a lamp. Except that it's a
coin and there's no fear of Robin
Williams popping out of it.
WILLOW
Dawn? Have we forgotten how well wishes
have worked for us in the past? Need I
remind you about a paler version of me
wearing tight leather outfits?
BUFFY
Or us being stuck in the house?
XANDER
Not to mention all the fun and frivolity
that a vengeance wish could bring?
LIV
But this isn't a vengeance demon wish,
this is a razza-ma-taz who's-it-thingie.
GILES
She's right. Historically the Acitalag
were a benevolent tribal society with no
ill will to its fellow man.
MAYA
Until? I sense an "until" coming on.
GILES
Well... until their powers were
discovered and they were exterminated by
a neighboring tribe.
DAWN
So see? Except for the tribe being wiped
out... nothing to be worried about.
GILES
W-w-well I wouldn't say that. An
ill-worded wish can still
DAWN
Anybody tell you that you suck the fun
out of everything?
GILES
Constantly.
BUFFY
Wow Xan... A wish. I mean you could wish
for almost anything.
A thought hits Lucy and she practically jumps out
of her skin.
LUCY
EYES!!
Everyone looks over at Lucy who is embarrassed by
her outburst.
LUCY
Uh. Yeah. Um... I vote for eyes.
GILES
Xander, I don't have to tell you...
XANDER
I know Giles. I lived with an
ex-vengeance demon.
BUFFY
An ex-vengeance demon you left at the
altar.
WILLOW
Right. Who's to say that this wish-mojo
you have is a good thing.
LUCY
So, what does this mean?
XANDER
I'm not going to use it.
LUCY
Ever?
XANDER
Not if I can help it. The "w" word is
now permanently off my vocabulary.
F/X: Doorbell rings
Buffy scowls.
BUFFY
If that's Whistler, he's going to be
wearing his ass for a hat.
LIV
Um. Maybe I should get the door.
DAWN
You sure about this Xander?
XANDER
Very sure. I haven't utter that word in
years, I can-
Suddenly we hear Liv scream. Instantly the whole
group of people run to the foyer and see...
INT. FONTAINE HOUSE - FOYER
Liv is squealing and hugging the stuffing out of
Jordy.
LIV
It's Jordy! It's Jordy!
Jordy calmly smiles at everyone.
JORDY
Hi.
Maya steps forward with a pissed expression on her
face.
MAYA
"Hi"? Is that all you've got to say?
"Hi." Let's see... no phone calls, no
letters, not even a freakin' post card
and all you got to say is "Hi"?
Jordy crocks an eyebrow.
JORDY
Uh. I missed you.
MAYA
You got that wolf of yours on a leash?
JORDY
Yep.
Maya rushes across the room and tackles Jordy to
the floor. Jordy's head bounces off the floor
JORDY
Ow!
Jordy isn't complaining much more because Maya is
kissing him like there's no tomorrow. Liv is still
squealing.
LIV
It's Jordy! It's Jordy!
LUCY
Yeah. We got that.
DAWN
Who's the oz clone?
BUFFY
Jordy. His Cousin.
DAWN
Ah. the biter.
Giles watches the two teenagers make out on the
floor.
GILES
Should we be doing something?
DAWN
I'll get the hose.
Maya and Jordy stop finally kissing.
JORDY
Miss me?
Maya shrugs.
MAYA
Just a little.
Xander helps the two back up.
XANDER
Good to have you back.
JORDY
Good to be here. What happened to the
firehouse?
XANDER
Blew it up.
JORDY
Ah. Explains the rubble.
Maya is holding on to Jordy pretty tightly.
MAYA
Have you been working out?
JORDY
Been scrubbing a lot of floors. Plus the
monks have a kick ass nautilus machine.
MAYA
Monks?
JORDY
Tell you later. We've got trouble
coming.
Everyone perks up.
JORDY
Two guys were coming in on the same
flight as me. Sounds like they're up to
no good.
GILES
What are they?
JORDY
Not sure. All I know is that they're
looking for the "fishbearer".
BUFFY
Great. An apocalyptic cult that deals
with fish.
WILLOW
Should be easy to research.
LIV
(looking out door)
Uh. Guys? I think I know who the bad
guys are.
The gang looks out the window to see
EXT. FONTAINE FRONT YARD
A mess of Fyarl demons and a pair of cloven handed
vampires from a previous episode (World Without),
Khaos and Aionios stand outside on the front yard.
KHAOS
Attention inside! We only want the
wishbearer!
AIONIOS
Give him to us and no one has to die!
INT. FONTAINE HOUSE
Everybody sighs heavily.
MAYA
So. You think they might have said
"Wishbearer"?
Jordy shrugs.
JORDY
Could be.
END ACT II
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