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Buffy The Vampire Slayer > BTVS - Season Five
Welcome to Your Alternity by slayerfest
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“Faith’s right,” Anya said between bites of the wholesome dinner of popcorn that Jenny had made. (Xander had started to make it, but the floating bowls were freaking Anya out, so Jenny took over.) “This is taking entirely too long, and we are getting no where. There are all these words, and none of them say the right things. Isn’t there a spell or something that could make the words say the right things?”

Willow looked up at Anya with raised eyebrows, but then looked crestfallen a second later. “Y’know, for a second there I thought I knew one. It’s just a spell that makes all the words on the page move to the right hand side.”

“Which could be handy in case other words need to get through,” said Oz.

“Thought you knew one what?” asked Xander.

“It’s all useless,” Anya said cheerfully. “We could look through all these books and all the ones at the Magic Box and all we’d find would be absolutely nothing. Maybe you should all ask this ‘Xander’ guy you keep talking about. He probably knows something.”

“Xander is not a Knowledge Man. Nor is he a superhero, nor is he an anything,” Giles said frusteratedly as he rubbed his eyes.

“Oh, thanks, Giles. Way to make me feel good. Why’d you just say that, anyway? Personal vendetta much?” Xander said irritably from the other side of the table.

“I was talking to Anya, Xander. My apologies.”

“Yeah, well, why don’t you talk ‘Anya’ into explaining what’s going on. She doesn’t exist, so she probably knows.”

“Anya exists.”

“…Very good, Giles. I exist, Xander doesn’t.”

“Xander exists too!” Giles said, getting even more annoyed.

“Yeah, Giles… Anya exists, Xander exists… even you exist! Haven’t you ever heard the quote? ‘I think, therefore I am’…” Xander countered.

Fortunately, this confusing encounter was interrupted when Spike suddenly appeared in the room. First he wasn’t there, and suddenly he was.

“See? Now Spike exists,” Xander continued. Then he took a double-take. “Hey!” he started. “You’re in hell!”

Spike looked momentarily in shock as he ran and looked out the shattered window to see if the building was surrounded by lava. Then he sneered. “I’m not in hell, you git. I was. Then I figured it out.” He looked about and then frowned at Jenny. “Hey, aren’t you dead?”

She sighed. “So say everyone at this table except Riley, Faith and Anya.”

“Oh, so Anya’s at the table now,” Xander said sarcastically.

“Figured what out, Spike?” Giles asked impatiently.

He shook his head in mild surprise at the criminal whom he’d only encountered once vicariously through Buffy. Then he remembered what he knew and totally dismissed his shock. “Oh, yeah.” He looked about at the stack of books, took a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it as he spoke. “Your research is useless. You won’t find what you’re looking for.”

“Ha!” said Anya quietly. Faith smiled sarcastically.

“You know what’s happened?” Giles asked, nearly standing to offer Spike a chair and then remembering that he hated the vampire.

“Yeah. I’ll explain once the Slayer gets here. Where is she, anyway? Off with the amazing poof, I suppose?”

“Good guess,” Riley said, almost moping. “I think they’d be back by now if they were ever planning on it.”

Spike sighed. “Well, soldier boy, you’ll love this by the end of it, I assure you.” Spike sat down in the arm chair Xander had earlier collapsed into. “We’re all in the wrong dimension.”

Nobody said anything for a while. Anya kept eating.

“Oh,” said Giles eventually, wiping his eyes again and removing his glasses. “Oh.”

“Rupert gets it,” Spike started, and threw what was left of his cigarette out the shattered window. “Think for a moment. What’s wrong here? Rupert’s girlfriend here is dead, this slayer should be in prison, I’m not in hell, and Angel is not only still here but human and having many moments of perfect happiness with Buffy.”

“Ex-slayer,” Faith corrected grudgingly.

“Well, see now? There you go. I assume Buffy’s not a Slayer either? I don’t know why the inter-dimensional leap isn’t giving me this information.”

Something clicked in Riley’s head. He blinked and noticed that Giles had his face in his hands and was muttering something to himself. Jenny was trying, without much success, to calm him down. “Dimensions,” Riley started slowly.

“Yeah. Neat things, really. Infinite amount of them. Every possibility exists. With the exception of one dimension destroying all others, of course,” Spike mumbled in explanation.

Riley’s mind switched back to that morning when he and Xander had been talking to Jenny. She’d said something. What was it?

Anya took another handful of popcorn. Xander snapped. “Can someone tell whatever it is that’s making the popcorn disappear to keep it down?”

Spike looked over at Xander with his eyebrows raised. “Is that what’s wrong with your life, then?” He laughed. “Oh, I get it, then. And if I’m not mistaken…” Spike looked over and spotted Oz sitting next to Willow. “Yep. There’s the wolf. This is bloody brilliant.”

“Hey, man. I’ve got that under control now,” Oz protested.

Riley remembered what Jenny had said. Have you had Alternate Universe cereal this morning?

“You knew,” he said suddenly to Jenny. She looked up, confused, her arm on Giles’ hand to get him to tell her what the problem was. “You knew. Somehow, maybe not consciously, but you knew.”

“…Knew what?” she asked, obviously confused.

“We’re in the wrong dimension,” Giles said unsteadily, still hiding his face. “Something, undoubtably the noise at the Bronze last night, caused all of our consciousnesses to hurry to a different dimension. The transfer was not perfect; that’s why everyone thought you were dead.” He came out from behind his hands, looking very weary, and stared somewhat vacantly into Jenny’s eyes. “You are dead. Not here. Where we came from, you are. People who have never met you before thought you were alive; Anya, Riley. They’d never heard of you and therefore had no reason to think you were dead.”

Jenny was taking everything in stride, aiding Riley’s theory that on some level she knew. “Angel thought I wasn’t dead,” she said slowly.

“That’s because Angel isn’t supposed to be here,” Spike said quietly, not quite sure why he was respecting the moment that the Watcher and his pet were having. “He killed you where we came from. He’s supposed to be still a vampire, in L. A., and he hasn’t seen Buffy in months. In our dimension right now, he’s still living his life in L. A. whereas you lot are in bed, fast asleep, and have been for close to 24 hours now.”

Spike sighed and continued his explanation when everyone just stared at him. “Everyone’s relationships are bollocksed. That’s what this dimension is all about. I was exempt from this dance because the me in this dimension was sent to hell by Angel last night. I realized what was happening and popped out of there like I popped in here. When I did that, a duplicate of me reappeared in my crypt in hell, not remembering anything about having a second consciousness for a while. If I hadn’t been sent to hell, I imagine that Drusilla and I would be gallivanting around town.”

“We have to get out of here,” Giles said in a muffled voice from through his hands again. “We’ll continue to sleep until we do, and if we die over there of starvation or what have you, then our consciousnesses will die as well.”

“Wait,” Willow said. “I know something about alternate dimensions, and this doesn’t fit any of the characteristics of an alternate dimension. How can we find out?”

Spike sighed again. “Do you believe what I’m saying?” Most people nodded. “Then think of something you want to happen. Your original consciousness will pop you into the nearest dimension in which that event is taking place.” The vampire sat and watched as everybody in the room with the exception of Faith, Oz, Giles and Jenny left the room and then reappeared moments later.

“Why couldn’t we do it?” asked Faith once they all came back.

“Because you belong here. This is your dimension.” Giles stood up suddenly and regarded everyone at the table. “All of you pop back to our own dimension; you should wake up. Eat something, shower, do whatever it is you need to. I doubt you’ll remember anything about this.” He turned to Spike, who nodded vaguely as he lit up another cigarette. “Was there anyone else at the Bronze last night we may need to find?” he asked Spike.

“The witch,” Spike responded, not really paying any attention to the people anymore.

“Of course,” Giles said, fully understanding. “Willow, I’ll ask you to stay behind, then.” Willow nodded, totally confused, but noticed that Giles seemed to be in a hurry to do something. “Spike can explain to you what you need to do. Then, if he’d be so kind, he could go and find Buffy to get her out of here as well. I think,” he finished, looking around and taking Jenny’s hand, “that’s everything. Spike, keep this from us once we return. We’ll remember none of it and it’ll only confuse us.” Then Giles turned swiftly and walked out of the apartment, still holding on to Jenny. She waved solemnly at everyone around the table and stumbled out the door behind Giles.

Nobody at the table moved.

“All right. Giles was a bit rushed what with giving his honey a proper goodbye. I’m still a little unclear on what’s going to happen on this end,” Oz said.

“Your people are going to pop out. It’ll take a couple of minutes for them to wake up on the other side, because that dimension is bloody far; when they do, your people will come back here and not remember anything from this conversation or today. As Watcherboy said, it’s best not to say a word about anything,” Spike said lazily, looking out the window every so often as though he was anxious to leave. “Red, you stay behind. Everyone else, get ready to be back in your own reality. Just focus on where you need to be, not where you want to be, and you’ll end up there. It’s been swell, watching you all in torment. Too bad none of you will remember it. Bye, then,” he said, and left the room. “Red, let’s go. We haven’t got all night,” he shouted from the hall.

Willow got up but was held back by Oz. People around them started popping away. “Come back to me,” Oz said.

“I will,” Willow returned, kissed her boyfriend, and hurried out the door. She caught up with Spike down the road a little. They walked in silence for a while.

“Where…”

“In our dimension, you’re with the witch. She was at the Bronze with us; she’s probably living her life somewhere. We have to find her and explain, otherwise she’ll die of starvation,” Spike said. “But I doubt we’ll find her here; you’ll have to pop.”

“So why are we walking?” asked Willow, confused but not asking questions.

“I have to find Buffy.”

“…Oh. She ran off with Angel a while ago.”

“I know that. I’m following her scent. Vampire thing.”

“Oh. Okay. But why do you remember everything when no one else does?”

“I just do. Vampire thing.”

“Oh. Okay.” A beat. “I’ll just go find… who?”

“The… oh hell. Tara.”

“Oh. Okay.” Willow popped out without another word.

Spike hated dimensions where people didn’t belong. They understood too much and said the same thing too often.


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