Hey diddle diddle, can a mouse play a fiddle? Well, this one can throw a vampire over the moon. But when the Revenge of Catherine the Great works its way past dream's mental gate, everyone will swoon.
* * *
Darla woke up slowly. Stretching her claws out, she remembered that she hadn't been in vampire form when she had returned from Angel's apartment the previous night. After she reverted into her human visage, she looked down. "I wasn't naked either.", she said to herself. Then another thought struck her. "And I'm a dark haired male!", she exclaimed. Darla took a quick glance to her left, and saw Angelus fast asleep next to her. "Augh!", Darla yelped as she fell off the side of the bed.
The vampire picked up Angelus' leather trench coat and wrapped it over herself. With the belt loosely tied, she raced down the hall to Spike and Dru's room. Darla rapped on the door excitedly. "Spike, get out here.", she called.
Druscilla came out in a white dress, rubbing her eyes with one hand and holding Spike's cigarrettes and lighter with the other. "Quiet, you'll wake Dru.", she said. Dru flicked a cigarrette out of the pack, knocked it on the pack, then lit it up. "Dru, you don't smoke.", Darla told her.
"I know Dru doesn't smoke, she goes bonker's when I smoke indoors too.", Dru said. Then Dru looked at Darla curiously. "Why are you calling me Druscilla?", she asked. "I wish I could show you with a mirror.", Darla replied. Dru looked down.
"Hot damn!", she exclaimed. Dru dropped the cigarrette in shock. "But I'm Spike. I knew Dru and me were close, but blimey!", she declared. Darla clutched the trench coat tighter. "I think we need to find whose body Dolton's in. Fast."
* * *
Joyce Summers woke up exactly with the alarm clock. Then she noticed the room she was in. All frilly with that artsy smartsy stuff hanging about. Then she saw herself in the mirror. A gurgled sentence escaped her lips, "I have hair." Then she noticed the face.
* * *
Buffy was fast asleep, her hands and feet twitching as if she was dreaming about running on four legs. An occasional "Narf" or "Zort" escaped her lips.
* * *
The Brain woke up on top of the Library's main table. He stood and promptly fell over. "Ow.", the mouse declared. "Feels like my head is gigantic.", he said to himself. Seeking to check the time, the Brain spotted a computer and walked toward it. "My computer seems a lot bigger today.", the Brain mumbled with a switch of his tail. Then the mouse realised.
"I don't have a tail!", the Brain exclaimed. The mouse tried to chase his tail for a moment, but the work of balancing his head was too much and he fell down exhausted. Pinky awoke with a stretch. "Alright mom. I'm up.", he called out.
"Pinky?", the Brain asked. "No Pinky's a lab mouse. I'm Buffy mom.", Pinky told the Brain. "Well if you're Buffy, then I must be Willow.", the Brain replied. Pinky sat straight up. "This is a really weird dream, right Brai..., er Willow?", Pinky asked the other mouse. "Well, Amy's mom did switch bodies with her."
"I'm not going to face life as a mouse.", Pinky told him. "You find something that'll fix this, and I'll get all the sleep I couldn't get when I was still Buffy." Pinky settled back down on the Library table, but awoke and stood quickly. "If I'm in Pinky's body, then who's in my body?", Pinky yelled.
* * *
Darla was still in Angelus' leather trench when all the vampires in the factory were on the main floor. They were arguing with each other as to who was who. Dru turned to Spike, "Are you Dru?". Spike waved his hands in the air, despite disloging his wheel chair. "No silly-dilly, I'm a floating butterfly. Float little ones...float!", Spike squealed. "That's one question answered.", Darla stated.
Angelus turned to Darla. "You know, that body looks a lot better if you sagged the neck line instead of clutching it together like that.", he said to her. Darla smacked him. "Don't you think we should hold off sleeping together until we see if the proccess is reversable, and if your plan needs to be altered Angel?", Angelus asked her. "That wasn't a love tap.", Darla spat.
* * *
Buffy walked into the Library. "See, I told you he would get dressed.", the Brain told Pinky. "Well it is Pinky we're talking about. I had to worry.", Pinky told the Brain. "Well, at least you recognized me.", Buffy told them.
Ms. Calander looked up from her cup of tea, taken from Giles' private stock. The Brain seemed to have just realized he was naked, and hid behind a pencil sharpener. Oz looked up from combing Cordelia's hair. "I wouldn't mind so much if Oz knew how to take care of a head of hair as delicate as mine.", he said. "If I did do anything to your hair, would you not blow a gasket?", Cordelia asked him. "No, I've seen what you do with your hair. I could understand if it was a full moon, but Jesus Christ that color..."
Then Xander walked in. All eyes turned to him. "What?", he asked. "Do you know who you are?", Giles asked. "Uh...Xander?", the boy surmised. Giles approached him, "No. I meant who...augh!". The librarian yelped as he tripped over a chair. "I told you that I need my glasses.", Ms. Calander told him. "I didn't know you were that old Snobby.", Giles said from the ground. "Uh, could someone fill me in here?", Xander asked them.
The Brain, Willow, Giles, and Ms. Calander spoke at the same time, "A cognitive relocation matrix is in effect. Direct co-copulation of specific, unique, dynamic engrams from the cerebral cortexes of the populous have been recofrabricated silmultaneously..." "So you mean the Borg took over, and that's why the big words in unison party started.", Xander said. The four looked at each other...well, after Giles had picked himself off the ground. "Could someone tell me what's going on in plain old public education English?"
Cordelia spoke up. "Well, people tell me that Amy's mom had cast a spell that switched people's bodies. That's the current one that's come back to haunt us." "Stop squirming.", Oz snapped before returning to carefully combing Cordelia's hair. Xander thought on this a moment.
"Okay, roll call.", he said. "Buffy?", the boy asked. Pinky raised his hand. "Willow?", Xander called and the Brain raised his hand, then quickly pulled it down to cover himself. "Cordy?", he called. Oz put a hand on his hip, "I'm never going to get the tangle YOU put in my hair out if you keep fidgeting. You wouldn't last 5 minutes under Raul's tender touch. It's bad enough I have to drive that rusty old van of yours..."
"Okay, that's settled.", Xander said. "Cordelia, I can only hold still so much.", Cordelia told Oz calmly. "But I will try harder if it gives you help, but I could wiggle more if you would like to complain louder." "And that's Oz.", Xander confirmed. "Let's see...", he continued. "Ms. Calander's holding tea, that's Giles. Giles said 'snobby', so that's Ms. Calander. If Pinky and Brain are Buffy and Will, then Buffy and Will are Pinky and the Brain." The boy got a confirming nod from Willow and a "Hahaha, Narf!" from Buffy.
"So where's Amy?", Xander asked. "At her mother's house with Chris, trying to dig up another copy of the counter spell that Giles through away.", Giles said glaring at Ms. Calander. Ms. Calander looked sheepishly at her tea. "They switched with each other, so we know who they are.", he continued. "They were getting along pretty well yesterday. And they are still both teens.", Xander said. "You don't think...", he lead.
"No way.", the Brain said. "That would be like kissing someone that looked just like you, including being in your own family and being the same sex as you. That would be disgusting. That would against every law of god and man. That would...where did Ms. Calander and Giles go?", he finished.
Then Mr. Snyder walked in the door. Everyone gasped. The principal of Sunnydale high walked up to the person believed to be the school's biggest trouble maker. And then...he hugged her. "Huh?", everyone (including the mice that weren't supposed to talk) exclaimed.
"I don't know why Buffy, but I've been very worried about you.", Snyder told her. "Er...um...poit?", Buffy stammered. Willow quickly spoke up, "What Buffy is trying to say, Mr. Snyder, is that this concern for Buffy is rather...unexpected."
"Nonsense.", Mr. Snyder countered. "Why wouldn't I be concerned for my favorite student in the whole wide world?", he continued. Buffy stared at the principal perplexed. "Oh yes you are. Oh yes you are.", Snyder repeated. The man let Buffy go from his hug and dug into his pocket for his wallet. "Here's some extra lunch money. And Buffy...", Snyder continued naggingly. "Try to buy something that looks like a vegatable."
After he left, Pinky spoke up. "That was my mom...I mean his mom...er, I mean my "Buffy's mom" mom in Snyder's body." Willow looked down at Pinky and started speaking in perfect monotone. "It seems that this particular spell is affecting everyone in town. Disperse and attempt to keep everyone from doing anything that won't be lived down after Amy and Chris find a cure. Pinky, Willow, Buffy and I will remain here for a few moments." "Why?", Pinky asked from the table below.
"First, I don't think that anyone will be very concerned with what a mouse has to tell them. Considering this communities knack for forgetting the obvious, a student might simply ignore that you even exist.", Willow replied. "Secondly, how much help do you really think Pinky will be in a sociological manipulation? Finally, I think Willow has some trouble recreating my balance, and I'm not quite certain Pinky can even jog let alone run with Buffy's...proportions."
Oz stopped combing Cordelia's hair and turned to Willow. "So you think I can just run around and do backflips in dog boy's short and skinny body? I'm supposed to just what? Save the world as a boy while my boyfriend is in his body? What do you think that's doing to me?", he ranted. Willow simply glared at him, signalling the pent up frustration of countless failed attempts at global domination. Oz cowered, "I'll be good."
* * *
Most of the population's personalities were sufficiently alike that the switch didn't cause problems. Many of Cordelia's ex-flunkies switched personalities, and couldn't tell the difference after they started getting their names right. The teachers of the school that didn't know about the Hellmouth just found themselves ignorant of the subject they were teaching yet vastly more knowledgable about the subject being taught next door (but instead of switching classes, pop test for everyone). The same held true for the athletic teams of the school. What follows is a description of some of the most interesting switches.
* * *
Cordelia discovered a girl in the girl's lockerroom's shower. She had obviously been bathing for several hours, her skin hideously wrinkled. "Let me guess, you're Chris' friend that helped with the bomb yesterday? You've been showering so long just to look at the other girls?", Cordelia surmised calmly. "Oh crap.", the girl said. The two had a merry chase around the locker room before Cordelia put forced her to dress and put her back into class...in time for a pop test.
* * *
Rumors were beginning about Larry and his possible...persuasions. But today, the rumor ran like wild fire, then halted, re-ignited, then halted again.
It seems Larry was seen skipping down the hallway before he caught himself. On the otherhand, Harmony carried herself as if she weighed as much as a high school line backer. Then the two were spotted together making out in one of the feilds surrounding the school, each telling the other that they were the most attractive people on the face of the planet...nearly as if they were the other person and just that self absorbed or homosexual.
The real trouble didn't come until the big football game was going to start. The team was made up of players who had a special inkling that they were suppose to be in practice for some other sport, but they were ready to play. The only member of the starting line up that couldn't figure out how to even put his equipment on was Larry. An alternate was nearly put in for him, but a young Harmony declared she would play. Since it is Sunnydale, where stranger things have happened, Harmony was allowed to join the starting line up. A marvelous performance won the game for Sunnydale, and no one cheered louder for Harmony than Larry.
* * *
Realizing that, despite Snyder and Mrs. Summers' switch, the lie about Amy and Buffy being on a special feild trip was over-Willow and Buffy went back to Buffy's house after school. When they were in the privacy of Buffy's bedroom, the two conversed about being human.
"The thing I detest the most is the amount of fur...hair Willow retains.", Willow said brushing her hair aside yet again. "Well at least Willow doesn't have Buffy's body.", Buffy told Willow. "I thought my back was going to snap in half all day." Willow partially snorted, partially sighed and turned to the window. In a couple of seconds she was pulling at her collar again.
"I refuse to comprehend why any sentient creature would wear clothes in a Californian climate as well as all structures having their own climate controls.", Willow said testily. "Uh, gee, Brain. Do you know what that closet's for?", Buffy asked. Willow glanced at it quickly and returned to glaring out the window, "Yes, Pinky. It's where humans store their clothing." Then Willow's face brightened.
"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?", she asked. "I think so Brain, but how are we going to convince Big Foot we're freindly?", Buffy replied. Willow snatched a perfume bottle from Buffy's dresser and flung it at the Slayer. The bottle missed after being thrown like a mouse threw it instead of a human. "No blondie. We're in Buffy's bedroom, where a total lack of clothing is permitted." Pinky stared at Willow for a moment. Immediatley after that look, the two girls started to frantically pull their clothes off.
The two stretched for over a minute, happy again with their new found freedom. "Uh, Brain...", Buffy began. Willow turned to Buffy. "Yes, Pinky?", she prompted. "I can't seem to find my tail.", she said. Willow sighed. "Pinky, humans don't have tails." "Are you quite sure Brain?", came the response. "I always thought they just tucked it in some pockect or some such thing."
Willow was about to smack Buffy when the noise of a blazer rolled up to the house. The two girls rushed to the window. "Buffy's mom!", they both exclaimed. "Quickly, Pinky.", Willow said. "Put your clothes back on." "But I thought we could be naked in here.", Buffy replied. "But what if she comes in here, or asks for your presence down stairs?", Willow told Buffy. "Naaaarf...that would be a different story altogether now wouldn't it?", Buffy replied.
The two girls worked feverishly trying to reapply the clothing (that mice had absolutely no practice with) to Buffy. Unfortunately, Buffy's mom burst into Buffy's room the same way Mr. Snyder burst into classes. "Uh, it's purely platonic?", Willow guessed while trying to rehook Buffy's bra.
* * *
In the factory, things were a little more organized. Well, they were after the first brawl knocked out Teresa who had Dolton's mind inside her. Darla was now carefully drawing a pencil on manilla paper image of Druscilla, who was only posing because Spike had begged her to do so. She still took a cigarette break every half hour despite the ragged coughs that were caused by her smoking.
Angelus was still expected to help Buffy tonight. The vampire couldn't simply duck out of his pledge until this switching episode had been stopped. So Angelus skipped down the street toward his apartment, then remembered himself. A somber and dark Angelus passed quietly through the shadows.
* * *
Angelus slipped quietly into Buffy's room. The entire room was pitch black without a shread of light to the human eye, and Angelus could barely make out the pattern on Buffy's bed sheet. He stood by the end of the bed until Buffy naturally woke up.
"Hey Buff.", he said. "Oh, hi Angel. Narf!", Buffy replied. Angelus nearly tumbled over in shock. "Narf? What the hell is a 'narf'?", Angelus spat. "Oh, you don't know do you?", Buffy asked. "Know what?", Angelus asked hesitantly. "That we all had switched bodies.", Buffy said. Angelus dug a piece of paper out of his pocket in the dark, quickly reminding himself of the lies Darla told him he could and should tell, as well as those he should not.
"Oh no.", the vampire said. "The switching spell must not have affected vampires, as I haven't changed.", Angelus lied. He quickly checked the other side of the sheet. "Narf.", he quoted. "You must be the mouse...", Angelus squinted at the paper. "Rinky?", he asked.
"No, Pinky.", Buffy told him. "Oh, of course.", Angelus replied. "Do you know where Buffy is?", he asked.
* * *
Willow and Xander were sitting at a table in the Bronze, Pinky and the Brain were sitting on the table in the Bronze. "This isn't so bad.", Pinky said while climbing a glass to get a drink of coke. "The rest of us aren't Slayers.", the Brain said. "Oh, I'm sorry Willow. Toss me that peanut shell.", Pinky replied while balancing himself on the edge of the glass. Xander handed him a peanut shell, and Pinky dipped it into the coke. The Slayer (for mice) backflipped off the glass, and handed the Brain the shell filled with coke. After a few seconds of picking the remnents of seed casing from the shell, the Brain spoke.
"You were telling us how you got my eye blackened.", he said simply. Willow shuffled in her seat. "Well, you know how we normally don't wear clothing?", she asked. "Don't remind me.", Pinky said. "I'm trying very hard to think of this fur as a coat, and the lack of all labelling of any kind is working against me."
Willow and the Brain arched an eyebrow at Pinky. "Well it is.", he asserted. "Anyway.", Willow continued. "We tried to remove ours in Buffy's room. We were enjoying the situation immensly until Buffy's mother appeared." Xander snickered. The rest look at him. "I'm not saying anything.", he asserted. "Well, maybe one thing. You wouldn't happen to have any photos of that would you?"
"One of you mice wouldn't happen to be Buffy?", Angelus said. All the mortals at the table let out a gasp. "How do you relocate so effectively without disturbing anything, Angel?", Willow asked in response to his sudden appearance. Angelus smiled seductively...for a female.
"A man of mystery has to have some secrets.", he said. Then he felt a mouse clamouring up his arm. Angelus looked at his shoulder and recieved a kiss on his eye from Pinky. "Oh, Angel. I'm so glad to see you.", the mouse cooed. "Uh, right Buff.", Angelus replied. Pinky was still sighing contentedly and gazing at Angelus lovingly. "I would suggest we dance...", Angelus began. But Pinky was too quick for him. "Okay.", he said hurridly. The mouse dragged the vampire by the finger out onto the dance floor.
"That's one slaying mouse.", Xander offered.
* * *
"I think everyone will appreciate it if we were to simply put everyone in the correct bodies now, Amy.", Amy told Chris. "Oh come on Chris.", the boy replied. "Didn't you ever wanted to do something everyone would disallow if it was possible? That's exactly what undressing our switched bodies would be.", he told her. Amy arched an eyebrow. "Okay, I'll do the counter casting.", the boy said.
Five minutes later one vampire was wondering why he was dancing with a mouse, Willow was moaning over her black eye, Snyder was wondering why he was still at school tolling over social work like he actually cared about these good for nothing kids, Dru nearly choked on the cigarrette in her mouth, and one Buffy the Vampire Slayer slept peacefully in her own bed for the first time in a long time.
|
|
|
|
Rave
Barbie Girl (Becca)
biscuit07
Filmtheory (Jim)
Malice (Jess)
MebbtheScribe (MichaelB)
Reset (Allie)
Shay (Marrisa)
somnambulist29 (Shea)
Stephanie Loss
Wendyness (Wendy)
Questions?Contact Us
|
|
All stories on this site have been archived with the authors' consent. Do not copy these stories for your own uses without the express consent of the author themselves. Buffy the Vampire Slayer TM and Angel TM are © UPN, WB, Fox and its related entities. All photos on the site are © UPN, Fox, Warner Bros, and/or their respective owners. No profits are being made by use of these images.
Powered with the assitance of eFiction.
|
|
|
