I don’t own anything except Gillian and the lame plot of this story. I am not associated with Mariah Carey or her song, My All. Everything else belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the little Grr Arrg dude, and all those other people. Oh, yeah. I own that dude in the dark cloak, who appears later on in the story. I’m not making money, so don’t sue.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: THIS IS A SEQUEL TO GILLIAN'S SECRET!! Sorry for the caps.This happens about two weeks after Gillian’s Secret, and Gillian's living in what was Angel's apartment. The third season never ever ever happened. As faras this fic is concerned, Angel is still in Hell. Although Joyce knows about Buffy'sslaying and stuff.
"I’d give my all to have Just one more night with youI’d risk my life to feelY our body next to mine‘Cuz I can’t go on Living in the memory of our song I’d give my all for your love tonight"
-My All: Mariah Carey
The dark figure was glad to see that Gillian was fine. Except for her knee, of course. There was a brace around Gillian’s knee and she still had to limp on it, but it was slowly but surely healing.
Now as the dark figure watched Gillian sit and the table at the Bronze all by herself, it felt bad for her. She loved Angel and there he was, dancing with Buffy right in front of her. But, then again, Angel had glanced at Gillian and she had nodded at him before he went off to dance with Buffy. The figure had to give Gillian maturity points for that.
It knew that someday it would have to fully reveal itself to her, show her who it was, but for now it was content to stay in the shadows and—watch. Funny. It had never been much of the type to watch. Like Gillian, it had liked action more than talk. But now, it just felt the time was right to watch.
* * *
Xander hurried over to the table at which Gillian was sitting alone, Cordelia trailing behind him. "Hey, Gillian!" Xander exclaimed. "You look like you’re bored."
Gillian couldn’t help smiling. "I’m fine. Why?"
"I was wondering if you felt like dancing," Xander said, waving his arms around spastically.
"Please," Cordelia said, "save me the embarrassment," only half-joking. She headed off towards the bathroom.
Gillian chuckled, but stared past Xander. He turned and followed her gaze to where Angel and Buffy were dancing. "Why do all the hot girls fall in love with HIM?" Xander exclaimed.
Gillian looked up at Xander. "I wish I knew why. I WISH I could fall in love with someone else. But—I can’t. I don’t know why, I just can’t."
Xander sighed. "If you weren’t in love with that freak, who WOULD you fall in love with?"
Gillian raised her eyebrows at Xander and smiled. "You taking a poll?"
Xander shrugged. "Just wondering."
Gillian shook her head. "I wouldn’t be able to choose." She looked up at her friend. "When you fall in love you can’t choose who, when, where, or how. It just—happens. When you least expect it. It jumps up and grabs you." Gillian paused. "Like the inscription on the back of a necklace," she continued softly.
Only then did Xander realize that she had been playing with a butterfly pendant on the end of the long chain she wore. He nodded to it. "Is that the one he gave you on your sixteenth birthday?"
Gillian smiled faintly and nodded as Angel and Buffy walked back to the table, followed by Willow and Oz. Gillian quickly slid the necklace under her shirt, out of view.
"You wanna dance, Gillian?"
At first Gillian assumed Xander had asked again, or maybe Oz. But when she looked up, she saw the face of Angel looking down at her hopefully. She chuckled softly, surprised. "I don’t know. I have a bad knee, you know."
Angel smiled. "Oh, come on. Just once for old time’s sake. I’m not much of a dancer anyway."
Gillian smiled back, and quickly glanced at Buffy, who was also smiling. "Sure," she said. Then, though it hurt to admit that her and Angel’s time was over, she added, "For old time’s sake."
She followed Angel out to the dance floor, wishing, hoping that it would be different. Wishing Buffy didn’t exist, or at least didn’t love him. But she DID exist and she DID love him. Right now, all Gillian could do was pretend.
When they got onto the dance floor, the somewhat fast, upbeat song that had been playing changed to a slower song.
Gillian laughed somewhat nervously. "We, uh, don’t have to still—if you don’t want . . ."
Gillian trailed off as, without even speaking, Angel wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to him.
"Or we could dance anyway," she said, smiling up at him and wrapping her arms around his neck.
They started swaying back and forth gently to the music.
**Lying in my bed I hear the clock ticks and think of youCaught up in circles, confusion is nothing newFlash back warm night, almost left behindSuitcase of memories**
"You know you have to choose, don’t you?" Gillian asked softly.
"You mean between you and Buffy?" Angel asked.
Gillian nodded.
"I know. But it’s too much for me to think about now. Let’s just enjoy the dance."
They smiled at each other again.
**Time after sometime you pictured meI’m walking too far aheadYou’re callin’ to meI can’t hear what you’ve saidYou said: "Go slow, I fall behind"the second hand unwinds**
< I know I love him, > Gillian thought as she stared into his eyes.
**If you’re lost you can look and you will find meTime after timeIf you fall I will catch you, I’ll be waitingTime after timeIf you’re lost you can look and you will find meTime after timeIf you fall I will catch you, I’ll be waitingTime after time**
< I know I love her, > Angel thought to himself.
< I know what I have to do, > Gillian thought to herself. < I have to let him go. That’s why I get this one goodbye dance. >
**I turn, my picture fadesand darkness has turned to graywatching through windowsyou’re wondering if I’m okaySecrets stolen from deep insidethe drum beats out of time**
Gillian looked up at Angel and silently pulled him closer, resting her head on his shoulder. Angel hugged her close and kissed the top of her head softly.
< I don’t know what to do, > Angel thought to himself.
< I know what I have to do, > Gillian thought. < I just don’t know if I can. >
**If you’re lost you can look and you will find meTime after timeIf you fall I will catch you, I’ll be waitingTime after timeIf you’re lost you can look and you will find meTime after timeIf you fall I will catch you, I’ll be waiting Time after timeTime after time . . . .**
Gillian and Angel pulled away and Gillian took a deep breath. "Angel, I’ve decided something."
Angel looked down at her. "What?"
Gillian sighed and glanced down before turning back to look in his eyes. "You should go with Buffy. She needs you more than I do. Right now, anyway."
"Gillian . . ." Angel started.
Gillian held up a hand. "No, let me finish. I might be able to say this again. We have an eternity, right? So what’s a few more decades gonna do, huh? She needs you to be her guardian angel. Like you were to me. I’m eighty-eight years old. If I can’t take care of myself, I never will be able to. She’s seventeen. She’s a child. Buffy’s the one that needs you most."
Angel looked down into Gillian’s huge blue eyes and said the only thing he could. "I love you, Gillian," he whispered.
Gillian smiled. "I know," she replied. And, with that, she walked out of the Bronze, the rest of the Scooby Gang looking after her.
* * *
Gillian silently turned and walked down the street, away from Giles’ apartment, where she and Angel had been staying since Angel’s burnt down, away from her only love, away from all the memories; good and bad.
she told herself.
"Gillian!"
Gillian's head snapped up but she didn't turn around. Convinced this, she kept walking.
"Gillian, wait up!"
This time Gillian knew she wasn't imagining it. She whirled around to see Angel running up to her. She set down her small bag and Angel stopped in front of her.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
"I'm leaving. There's nothing for me here. Not now," Gillian looked up into Angel's eyes and saw her own pain reflected back. "Hey, it's okay. I made a decision and I'm sticking with it. You two obviously need each other."
Angel looked down and saw that, subconsciously, their hands had grasped each others'. Taking a deep breath, Angel said, "How can I ever repay you, Gillian?"
She smiled faintly. "For what?"
"For making this choice for me. I know I couldn't have done it on my own. And also for risking your life for mine. That took a lot of guts, Jilly. I admire you for that. Especially when you didn't know if I'd still love you."
Gillian shrugged. "Hey, it’s okay."
"How can I repay you?" Angel stared intently into her eyes and she smiled.
"Be happy."
Angel wrinkled his brow. "Huh?"
Gillian glanced down at their intertwined hands, then back up at her love's face.
"As long as you're happy, that's all I need. I'm happy as long as I have the satisfaction that YOU'RE happy. So, be happy."
Angel smiled down at Gillian, then hugged her. She reached up, hugged him back, and tried to forget that there was someone named Buffy.
After a while, Angel released her and Gillian bent down and picked up her bag.
"Will I ever see you again?" Angel asked.
Gillian smiled briefly. "Only time will tell."
Gillian turned and walked away. When she was almost to the corner, Angel called, "Goodbye!"
He knew she had heard him, for she turned around and looked directly at him. Not trusting her voice, Gillian half-smiled and nodded slightly. Then she turned and finished walking the rest of the way down the street. Even with the limp, Angel thought the quiet dignity she carried with her was more than enough for her to be proud.
Gillian turned and walked around the corner. Only when she was on the bus, heading out of Sunnydale, did she lean against the wall, and let the tears freely stream down her face. As she passed the sign that said "Now leaving Sunnydale, please come back soon!" she whispered, "Goodbye, Angel."
AN END
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