ACT III
INT. FONTAINE HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
The entire gang is looking out the window at the
men in armor on the front lawn.
TUCKER
Okay. Why are there people outside
wearing armor?
WHISTLER
Crap. I was hoping these guys wouldn't
show up.
MAYA
Who are they?
WHISTLER
The reformed sect of the Knights of
Byzantium. Good men. Narrow minded,
stupid and and unsubtle in a huge way,
but for the most part, good men.
MONK
Je ktery myslim si?
WHISTLER
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Listen, we got one
hour to get this thing taken care of. Me
and Reggie will make with the mojo. You
kids hold them off.
TUCKER
Hold them off? Are you nuts?
WHISTLER
It's either that or the girl dies.
The reality of the situation REALLY hits home with
Tucker. Whistler and the monk lift Dawn and carry
her to the basement.
LIV
Maya check the weapons locker. See if
Xander has any of the stuff from the
military supply store. Audrey, can you
whip up a force field or something like
that?
AUDREY
No but I can make fun of the renaissance
fair thing they've got going.
LIV
Okay. That would be a no. Tucker, have
you ever handled a sword before?
Tucker gives Liv a blank look. Liv gives him a
pitying smile and pats him on the shoulder.
LIV
Nevermind.
Tucker looks at Liv and tries to smile but fails,
As Liv walks away he looks down and sees a lamp
cord plugged into the wall.
TUCKER
Wait!
Liv looks back and Tucker gives her a big grin.
TUCKER
Do you have any rubber boots and gloves?
Oh! And a fire extinguisher!!
LIV
What?
Tucker gives her a sly grin.
TUCKER
Trust me.
EXT. FONTAINE HOUSE - FRONT YARD
The Knights stand impatiently in the front yard.
KNIGHT1
Has it been and hour yet?
The Knight Officer pulls out a large hourglass to
check it. It appears to be moving quite slowly
KNIGHT2
I think your hourglass is slow
KNIGHT1
I told you we should go digital.
KNIGHT OFFICER
Don't start with me. The Knights of
Byzantium have a long standing
tradition-
KNIGHT2
Look, I'm all for tradition but it's
the twenty-first century. There's
digital watches, instant messaging and
Kevlar now.
KNIGHT OFFICER
I will not tolerate any insubordination!
KNIGHT1
How about tolerating bullets? 'Cuz plate
armor doesn't do jack against bullets.
The Knight officer bashes the helmet of the first
knight with his gauntleted fist. It makes a nice
clanging noise.
KNIGHT OFFICER
Quiet! We'll attack when I say we
attack!
The two knights silently roll their ryes at each
other as the Knight Officer tries to maintain his
dignity and authority.
And they wait. They wait some more.
The second knight starts whistling the theme from
Jeopardy.
KNIGHT OFFICER
Fine! We'll attack! Satisfied?
KNIGHT2
What about the Kevlar?
The Knight Officer sighs in frustration.
KNIGHT OFFICER
I'll think about it.
INT. FONTAINE HOUSE - FOYER
Maya is looking out the window. She jumps up and
runs up the steps to the banister overlooking the
entrance. Tucker is there busily twisting together
a net to a bare wire from looks like an extension
cord.
MAYA
They're coming!
LIV
Positions people!
Maya picks up a fire extinguisher and pulls the
safety pin from it.
MAYA
(to Tucker)
Hear that? We're people. You ready to
have some fun?
TUCKER
You guys have a strange definition of
fun.
Maya gives him a wild grin and starts cutting
loose with the fire extinguisher.
The cloud from the fire extinguisher covers the
room like a fog screen. The knights burst through
the front door and march into the foyer.
KNIGHT OFFICER
We are here for the key!
Liv steps forward, becoming visible in the fog.
LIV
Yeah. Kinda gathered that.
KNIGHT OFFICER
Surrender now, Slayer and no one has to
die.
LIV
Hmmm... Yeah, I don't think so.
The Knight Officer steps forward and slips on the floor. He looks
at the floor which is covered with water. Maya
and Tucker throw a net connected to the extension
cord on top of the group of knights. The knights
fall all over themselves trying to get out.The
Knight Officer looks over at Liv who is holding
another cord that is plugged into the wall. He
then notices she's wearing thick soled rubber
boots and rubber gloves. Liv gives him a sly grin.
LIV
Nice armor.
Maya plugs in the extension cord upstairs.
MAYA
Drop it!
As Liv drops the wire as we cut to:
INT. FONTAINE BASEMENT
"Reggie" sits in front of the flickering Dawn,
chanting his little heart out. Whistler and Audrey
stand back and watch.
The lights flicker in and out for a few seconds
and we hear shouts, screams and assorted pieces of
armor falling over each other.
AUDREY
Should we be doing anything?
Whistler pulls out a jelly doughnut and starts
munching on it.
WHISTLER
I think Reggie and the kids have got it
all in hand.
Audrey looks at the Jelly doughnut.
AUDREY
Where did you get that?
WHISTLER
Let me tell you something kid: In this
world there are laws. Laws of science
and magic. Laws of good and evil. You
will find that when push comes to shove,
very little of these laws have anything
to do with the spontaneous creation of
jelly doughnuts.
Whistler produces another Jelly doughnut.
AUDREY
How'd you do that?
WHISTLER
It's all in the wrist.
MONK
Zpáte
ní lístek ten vzpomínka pro ty kdo
ztratil je!
Lightning flash from outside occurs with some
thunder.
WHISTLER
Ahh... things should really start
cooking now.
INT. FONTAINE BEDROOM
Lucy is huddled in the corner, her fingers in her
ears to block the noise of fighting going on.
Xander, Willow and Spike lie on the floor
mumbling.
Another lightning strike occurs and suddenly
Xander, Willow and Spike sit upright, gasping for
breath. This startles Lucy who starts to scream.
Willow, Xander and Spike get startled and scream
back.
After the screaming's ended...
WILLOW
What happened?!
SPIKE
Where the bloody hell am I?!
XANDER
What those two said!!
Lucy is a little freaked out.
LUCY
Enh! Dawn! Memory spell! Knights
invading! Floors ruined! Property
damage!
Willow, Xander and Spike sigh in unison.
ALL
Must be Tuesday.
INT. FONTAINE HOUSE - FOYER
Liv is fending off against the unshocked Knights
on the staircase with a sword. Tucker and Maya are
tossing anything they can find at the knights.
LIV
You guys better run for it!
Spike, Willow and Xander rush in behind them.
SPIKE
(gleefully)
Knights! I haven't fought them in a-
WILLOW
(waving her arms)
Equites ab lacunar!
Suddenly all the knights fly up into the air and
stick to the ceiling. Spike sulks.
SPIKE
Well that's no fun.
KNIGHT OFFICER
Do you think this will stop us?
XANDER
Actually, you are stopped.
WILLOW
Stopped pretty well I might add.
KNIGHT OFFICER
More will come! We'll continue to come
until the key is safe again. Or
destroyed!
DAWN
(OS)
I have a name, you know.
Everyone looks over to see Dawn standing in front
of Whistler, Audrey and "Reggie".
WHISTLER
Boy... one little interdimensional
incident and you guys just go nuts.
DAWN
Like I told you guys the last time: Get
your stinkin' armor clad butts out of my
life!!
MONK
Jak si oni zisk zcela tam?
KNIGHT2
Told you we were being hasty.
KNIGHT OFFICER
Oh shut up.
END ACT III
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