TEASER
EXT. CAPE KENNETH CEMETERY
A vampire crawls up from the ground, bumpy faced
and snarling.
LIV
(OS)
Hi.
The vampire looks up to see Liv and Maya looking
down at him.
LIV
Sorry to make your undead life so short
but...
Liv stabs the vampire in the chest and he explodes
into the dust.
MAYA
That was fast.
LIV
I like it when it's easy like that.
MAYA
Well it is only Monday. Have you talked
to Harris yet?
LIV
About Tucker? No.
MAYA
Oh you're worrying way too much about
it. I think it's kind of cute that he
wants to join the squad.
LIV
Yeah. I mean it's a pretty big step in
our relationship, don't you think?
MAYA
Well I mean after you came out of the
closet... so to speak, the rest should
be easy.
LIV
You think?
MAYA
Are you kidding? Xander will probably be
ecstatic to have another guy hanging out
at the house.
INT. FONTAINE KITCHEN - THE NEXT DAY
XANDER
No.
Xander is leaning against the counter massaging
the bridge of his nose. Liv is dressed for school
and Lucy is drinking coffee and reading the newspaper
at the kitchen table.
LIV
Oh, come on! What's the big deal?
XANDER
The deal? The deal is that he doesn't
have powers, can't fight and as he's
your "boyfriend" will be more of a
distraction than assistance in the
field.
LIV
But Maya doesn't have any powers.
XANDER
Maya is a force to be reckoned with and
knows when to lay low. What's this
Tucker guy going to do? Carry around a
bag of fertilizer on patrol? Plus with
Jordy gone, you've got enough people to
protect here without having one more
body to be worried about. You don't need
the distraction.
Xander rubs his forehead.
LIV
He's not a distraction! He doesn't even
have to do any field work. You're
totally being unfair.
Xander starts rummaging through a cabinet.
XANDER
Look, I'm not telling you to stay away
from this guy. I'm just telling you that
for his own good, he needs to stay away
from any slayer-like activities.
Xander pulls out a pill bottle and shows it to
Liv.
XANDER
Is this aspirin?
LIV
No, but if you want to feel less bloated
that's the stuff. I still don't see why-
XANDER
Brad.
Liv visibly stiffens at the comment.
LIV
That's... this is different. Tucker is
different. He's smart. He can do
research. He can-
Xander takes another pill bottle out of the
cabinet.
LIV
Don't take that unless you want to live
in the bathroom for the next hour.
Xander promptly puts the bottle back. Liv pulls a
bottle and hands it to him. Xander takes out a few
pills.
XANDER
(gently)
Liv, I'm sorry. I know you feel for the
guy but I'm worried about putting
another kid in the line of fire.
LIV
But-
Xander pulls out a glass and fills it with water
and takes a pill.
XANDER
No. That's final.
Liv turns to her Mom who is still reading the
newspaper.
LIV
Mom!
LUCY
(distracted)
Listen to your father.
Xander does a spit take, spraying a pill and water
across the room, before Lucy even realizes what
she said.
XANDER
Listen to your what?
Lucy and Liv both laugh.
LUCY
Sorry. Just kind of slipped out.
Liv puts on a cute pout and baby voice.
LIV
Can you just meet him first before you
made a decision? Please... Daddy?
Xander sighs in defeat. He rubs his head again.
XANDER
Fine. I'm going to go lay down before my
head literally explodes.
END TEASER
ACT I
EXT. FONTAINE HOUSE
Tucker, Liv and Maya walk toward the house in
their school uniforms.
TUCKER
Are you sure this is a good idea?
LIV
Look, he's going to love you. Just be
yourself.
MAYA
And don't forget to bring up Twinkies.
It's a sure way in with him.
TUCKER
Right.
LIV
Are you sure you want to do this? I
mean, no one is going to think less of
you if... you know. Live the less
supernatural life.
MAYA
Oh, I'll totally look down on you.
TUCKER
No. This is something I want to do.
LIV
You sure? You can change your mind if
you want. Some of the stuff we run into
can be pretty weird.
TUCKER
What? Like that zombie thing the other
night?
Liv and Maya share a look.
MAYA
He has no idea, does he?
LIV
Maybe we should ease him into it.
MAYA
Nah. This is a band-aid type situation.
We just got to pull it off all at once.
TUCKER
You two do realize I'm standing right
beside you, right?
Suddenly the sound of an explosion emanates from
the house. Without thinking, Liv runs toward the
house at top speed, throwing open the door. Maya
and Tucker are right behind her. From inside the
house we hear shouts.
INT. FONTAINE FOYER
Inside Xander and Dawn are battling three Ypoog
demons. Xander is wielding a fire poker and Dawn
is going after the demons with a baseball bat.
XANDER
Look out!
A fourth Ypoog pops into existence behind Dawn.
Dawn turns and sees the Ypoog jump at her-
Only to have the monster's head hit with the
flying feet of Liv. Liv crushes the Ypoog against
the wall where he explodes into goo.
LIV
Bat!
Dawn tosses Liv the bat. Liv jumps and spins in mid-air;
catching the bat and smashing the ypoog's head
doing the requisite explosion of goo.
Xander beats back his Ypoog until the demon is
against the wall and manages to bash the head in,
covering himself in goo.
Maya and Tucker run into the foyer to see Liv
about to make a home run with the final Ypoog's
head.
LIV
Duck!
Maya ducks quickly. Tucker, who is stunned by the
sight of the demon, does not move. Liv connects
the bat with the monster's head, sending all sorts
of goo onto Tucker.
Tucker sputters from the goo on his face. Maya
stands up straight, looks at Tucker and then
laughs.
MAYA
Yeah, Tucker... when she says "duck"
she's not talking about waterfowl.
XANDER
Tucker. Good to see you again. Looks
like you got some entrails there on your
shoulder buddy.
Tucker leans over and throws up on Xander's shoes.
Xander sighs.
TUCKER
I'm... I'm so sorry.
Xander plants a fake grin on his face and pats
Tucker on the shoulder.
XANDER
Oh the post fight vomiting? We're used
to that. Don't worry about it. I'm just
going to change. I'll see if I have
anything of Jordy's you can wear.
Xander gives Liv a doubtful look as he passes. Liv
sighs.
MAYA
Well. So much for the first impression.
DAWN
Don't worry about it Tucker. He'll come
around. Let's see if we can get this
mess cleaned up.
LIV
Where did the Ypoog demons come from?
Dawn sighs.
DAWN
Magic lessons.
INT FONTAINE BASEMENT
Audrey is being lectured by Willow
WILLOW
I told you! You have to mix the elements
with your hands before the incantation!
I told you twice! Why didn't you mix?!
Mixing is good!
Audrey rolls her eyes.
AUDREY
That goop? There was no way in hell I
was going to mix that goop with my bare
hands.
Audrey waves around her nails in front of Willow
AUDREY
I just got a French manicure!
Willow massages the bridge of her nose.
WILLOW
Cord- I mean, Audrey. Audrey, you've got
to listen to me on these things. Magic
is not something-
AUDREY
"-to be trifled with." Yes, I know. Iggy
tells me that every night... while I'm
asleep. Between you during the daytime
and him in my dreams, I can't get a
break!
WILLOW
His title is Igqhira. It's given to a-
AUDREY
Okay. Could we please not go over this
again? I've got African folklore coming
out of my ears!
MAYA
(OS)
You sure that wasn't the brain matter
you leak everywhere.
Audrey turns to look at Liv, Maya and Tucker and
dies laughing. Tucker is cleaned up but is wearing
Jordy's "slacker" clothing which is obviously way
too small for him.
AUDREY
Nice look for you Tucker.
Tucker scowls.
MAYA
Leave him alone. He just got pooged on.
TUCKER
Yeah, can we not call it that?
LIV
I think you look great.
TUCKER
Biased.
MAYA
Oh totally.
WILLOW
C'mon Audrey. Let's get back to-
AUDREY
Forget it. I'm out of here. C'mon
Freakshow, I'll need an escort.
WILLOW
Nuh-uh. You've got more work to do
missy. Spike can pick you up when it is
dark out.
AUDREY
Yeah. If he decides to show up.
WILLOW
Spike didn't show up last night?
AUDREY
Try two.
LIV
Why didn't you say anything?
AUDREY
I just did. Duh.
Willow sighs and rubs her forehead
WILLOW
I need an aspirin. I swear-
INT. FONTAINE HOUSE - BEDROOM
Lucy is massaging Xander's temples.
XANDER
-my brain is about to explode.
LUCY
Did you take any aspirin?
XANDER
Too many.
LUCY
How long have you had this headache?
XANDER
Ever since I had that conversation with
Liv about Tucker. It's been knocking me
for a loop. I know she likes the guy
but...
LUCY
She's just trying to include him in her
life.
XANDER
Her life involves death and destruction.
LUCY
How old were you when you got involved
in this gig? And how is this different
from Jordy and Maya?
Xander shakes his head.
XANDER
She's emotionally involved with this
guy. If something were to happen...
Lucy frowns.
LUCY
Yeah. I know.
There's a knock on the door. Dawn peeks in.
DAWN
Hey. Sorry to interrupt, but Spike's
gone AWOL again.
Xander sighs.
XANDER
This would be the part where I would
take off my glasses and rub my nose.
DAWN
You up for another intervention?
XANDER
No. Take Liv and roust him out of bed.
I've got my own headaches to deal with.
EXT. CAPE KENNETH GRAVEYARD - DAY
Dawn, Liv, Maya and Tucker trounce through the
graveyard to Spike's crypt.
TUCKER
(confused)
He's a vampire? With a soul? How is that
supposed to work?
LIV
The soul makes him a good guy. Well...
mostly a good guy. Um... Okay he doesn't
eat people. For the most part.
TUCKER
Why do I find that not comforting?
Dawn struggles to open the door on the crypt.
DAWN
He's fine. That is if he isn't under
some kind of spell.
TUCKER
Great.
Dawn forces the door open and walks in with the
rest of the group.
INT. SPIKE'S CRYPT
MAYA
Nice place. Could use a few curtains
though.
DAWN
Spike?
A moan and some muttering is heard. Dawn and Liv
share a look. Liv pulls out a stake.
DAWN
Spike?
Spike crawls out from behind a crypt. If possible,
he looks paler than normal. His eyes are
completely blood shot.
SPIKE
(muttering)
...I don't know what Buffy told you, but
the thing is, the Slayer and I worked
together, side by side...
TUCKER
That's a vampire? I don't think we have
anything to worry about.
Dawn kneels down in front of Spike.
DAWN
Spike? What happened?
Spike doesn't even look at her.
SPIKE
(muttering)
It's just ... I'm trying to explain. She
might have said some things that sounded
like I expressed some kind of feeling-
LIV
Is he drunk?
Spike's eyes roll around in his head almost
independently of each other.
SPIKE
(muttering)
I'm trying to explain.
DAWN
I don't think so.
MAYA
He's totally lost it.
DAWN
Yeah, this is not good.
Dawn looks around and grabs a blanket that Spike
apparently has been using.
DAWN
Help me get this wrapped around him. He
needs to see Willow.
LIV
We're taking him back?
DAWN
The last time he was like this... well
let's just say several months later
Sunnydale was just a hole in the ground.
TUCKER
Hole? In the ground?
Liv and Maya help Dawn wrap Spike up.
DAWN
Make sure we wrap him up tight.
TUCKER
Seriously. A hole?
LIV
I think we've got him covered.
DAWN
Everybody grab an appendage.
Tucker and the rest pick up Spike.
TUCKER
You guys are kidding about the hole
right?
SPIKE
(muttering)
I don't know what you mean.
DAWN
Watch the head!
Tucker stumbles and Spike's head is knocked
against the wall. Hard.
MAYA
Well that's going to leave a mark.
INT. FONTAINE FOYER
Liv, Maya, Tucker and Dawn pull Spike, who's
wrapped up in a blanket that's slightly smoking,
into the house.
TUCKER
Uh... Should he be smoking like that?
DAWN
He's fine. We only need to worry if he
bursts into flames.
TUCKER
What?
MAYA
Vampires and sunlight don't mix.
TUCKER
Oh. Right. I knew that.
SPIKE
(muttering)
My bleeding sympathies to Warren.
LIV
Mom? Xander? Ms. Rosenberg? We're home!
Lucy comes halfway down the steps.
LUCY
Uh guys? Can you come upstairs a minute?
INT. FONTAINE HOUSE - BEDROOM
Willow and Xander lie on the floor thrashing
around and muttering incoherently.
XANDER
(muttering)
We're just gonna play with matches, run
with scissors, take candy from ... some
guy ... I don't know his name.
LUCY
All of a sudden they just collapsed and
they've been like this ever since.
DAWN
This doesn't make any sense. What would
tie in Willow, Spike and Xander into
this?
WILLOW
(muttering)
Maybe we could wear some kind of special
ring that identifies us as members.
LIV
Is this a chocolate thing?
DAWN
No. Besides Spike doesn't eat chocolate.
TUCKER
Right. 'Cuz he's a vampire.
DAWN
No. It makes him break out.
TUCKER
Oh.
WILLOW
(muttering)
You don't have to. She's got big sister
Buffy happily looking out for her.
DAWN
What? What did she say?
LUCY
They've been like this since you left.
Just spouting nonsense like they're
talking to somebody.
XANDER
(muttering)
Slip Joyce a 10 or a 20 once in a while.
Then we'll see who's the favorite.
DAWN
Oh God.
XANDER
(muttering)
That means you're winning. Yes. Cash
equals good.
LUCY
What is it?
DAWN
It's me. These are all conversations
regarding me or when I was with them.
XANDER
(muttering)
Slayer come out and die.
TUCKER
But why would-?
Dawn smacks her head.
DAWN
The memory spell. That's got to be it.
TUCKER
Memory spell?
MAYA
How come we're not effected?
DAWN
The original spell was only cast on
people I would have interacted with in
Sunnydale. The spell must have gotten
corrupted somehow.
LIV
Or it's wearing off.
DAWN
That's it! That's why everyone is
forgetting things! Last week Amy didn't
remember who I was. Buffy forgot about a
memory we had about her dying and Xander
forgot about picking me up at the
airport.
Author's Note: So for those two readers who sent
me e-mails: See! It *WAS* intentional!
Neener-Neener!
LUCY
To be fair, I'm pretty sure that the
airport thing was Xander being Xander.
LIV
What should we do?
DAWN
Call the Council's office in Cleveland
and check to see if Buffy and Giles are
affected. Also check the mainframe for
Giles's watcher journal from 2001-2002.
There may be some information on the
spell that was cast.
MAYA
I'm on it.
LIV
I'll bring up Spike and see if I can
track down Audrey.
DAWN
Good idea.
LUCY
I have some tranquilizers downstairs
that should keep these guys quiet. I
don't like the way they're thrashing
around and I don't want to restrain
them. You need anything else?
DAWN
No I'll keep an eye on them while you
get the stuff.
As everyone files out, Dawn spots Tucker standing flabbergasted
at Willow and Xander on the floor.
XANDER
(muttering)
And we'll be ready for you! Stakes.
Crosses. The whole enchilada.
DAWN
You okay Tucker?
TUCKER
Did I mention I was having a very
strange day?
DAWN
Trust me Tucker, this is absolutely
normal.
Tucker motions to Willow and Xander on the floor.
TUCKER
This? This is normal?
DAWN
For a Tuesday? This is almost boring.
Now when May rolls around? That's when
you need to worry. That's when the
really-
Suddenly Dawn's flickers out of existence and is
replaced by a great green glowing ball of energy.
Tucker's eyes almost pop out of his head.
TUCKER
What the-?
And with another flicker Dawn is back.
DAWN
-strange stuff happens.
Tucker looks at Dawn like she... well just
flickered in and out of existence.
DAWN
What?
Dawn flickers out and back again. This time Dawn
eyes begin to roll back in her head.
DAWN
'zokay. Thatz a little weiiirrrr-
Dawn falls over on the ground.
Tucker looks at Dawn as she begins to flicker in
and out of existence more rapidly.
TUCKER
Aw, crap.
END ACT I
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