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Buffy The Vampire Slayer > BTVS - Season Two
Pinky the Vampire Slayer and the Revenge of Catherine the Great by Kirbyclause
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"Hey, where did everybody go?", Chris asked when he got back from the water fountain. "Pinky and the Brain left to get Angel and take him to the Moseleum in the Graveyard.", Amy answered. "Giles is in his office, sleeping with Buffy." Chris raised an eyebrow. Amy blushed, "I mean, they're both asleep right now. Xander and Cordelia went to gym class, he said something about a re-match."

Chris walked to the device on the main table, a methane bomb he designed. "I don't get it, why does Willow want a bomb that'll burn a large area without an accordingly large explosion?", he asked the witch. Chris tapped a screw driver on the end point of a wire he was touching to a relay. "Well, these guys main thing is vampires.", Amy started. She pointed at the end of the wire, and a small light jumped from her finger tip. "With Buffy not feeling well, they're hoping to lure the vampires into this bomb's...uh..."

"Blast range.", Chris supplied. The point of light landed on the end of the wire and welded it to the device. "I get it, burn up the vampires but since they're underground in the day time and we don't want to cause an small earthquake, we'll need a burn radius instead of blast zone." "You're pretty smart.", Amy said. "Idiots don't raise their brothers back from the dead.", Chris told her. "Morons, yes. Idiots on the other hand...You must be pretty.", Chris said. "Er, I mean, pretty smart too. To learn witchcraft. How long did it take you?", he asked Amy.

A smack sounded from behind the library counter. "If you didn't want to get touchy feely with me, why did you get us out of sight down here?", Eddie asked. "I was getting close to the outlet, freak.", Willow said at the end of her patience. "You probably planned this. After all, I'm not the one that remembered to bring a pornographic pack of playing cards but forgot to bring an extension cord!"

"They're good luck baby.", Eddie countered. "Ugh!", Willow spat out. She got up and stormed to Chris. "Your freind had better get the fact that this is important through his overly adolescent mind because I am not going to put up with his cheuvanistic meanderings and if such behavior continues I am going to seriously injure his pathetic...", she yelled at the young bomb maker. "Most people would have said, 'Tell him to stop being a jerk.'", Amy commented. Willow glared at her. "But what you said works.", the witch apologized. "I'll take care of it.", Chris promised.

"He's actually a good guy, once you're a white male his age that knew him for life.", the boy said. Eddie stood up and leaned over the library counter. "Hey, I like Black people.", he said. "They have big/" "Don't go there Eddie. Please, don't go there.", Chris pleaded. Chris joined Eddie, and the two continued the attempt to [Insert techno babble and big words that mean 'make bomb part'. This is the internet, and this author doesn't want the FBI down on him for handing out plans in fan fiction!].

Willow turned to Amy exhasperated. "Well, how are things going on the detonator?", she asked the witch. "Isn't he gorgeous.", Amy responded. "Uh, I guess so.", Willow said picking up the detonator. She looked at the device carefull. "How do you know it's a boy?", Willow asked niavely.

"No, I mean Chris. Is he seeing anyone?", Amy asked. "Oh. Chris. Him.", Willow realized. "No, he's been real quiet ever since his brother had that trouble. We...resolved that issue for him though. I don't think he's seeing anyone yet. And hanging around with Eddie the Lewd Faced Monkey can't be helping him."

"Well, if anyone knows trouble in the family, it's me.", Amy told her. "Maybe when all this is over...", she began. "Don't think like that.", Willow advised her. "Around here, we know that every day is a new danger. There is never a good time to celebrate when you're living on the Hellmouth. So if you like Chris, you better tell him soon. Don't let him slip through your fingers...that's something I know...now."

Willow frowned slightly. "And besides, if the Brain is right-even if we do blow up all the vampires before they go above ground to feed-we still might not make it through this week.", she commented.

"Eureka! I told you these cards were good luck.", Eddie yelled jumping up and down holding a canister of electircally polarized flammables.


* * *
There had been steady progress on the bomb, and it was completed just before noon. Angelus, Amy, Giles, Ms. Calander, Willow, Chris, Xander, Pinky and the Brain had assembled in the Moseleum (Eddie and Cordelia excused themselves. Both said something along the lines of cheerleader practice.) The plan was simple-make the vamps mad, get chased back to the moseleum, and set off the fire bomb in the tunnel on the way back. The relatively small volume of the tunnels for the large amount of flaming gas produced was progected to take out any vampires in the tunnels for blocks around, without causing a suspicious jump on a Richtor scale or a bright flash in the sky.

Angelus, Buffy, Amy, and Pinky were in the shadows of a tunnel leading to the Master's Lair. The Annointed was leading the vampires in a chorus of the Barney Theme song. Amy turned to Buffy. "They have to be stopped before that singing reaches the surface!", she hissed. "Well, go make them mad.", Buffy spat back.

Amy revealed herself to the vampires. "Uh, hi.", she said. "Uh, you're not very nice people. And your mother wears army boots.", the witch beamed. "Yeah, she does, so, what does that matter to the rain of holy fire?", the Pork & Beans vampire asked. Amy turned to the darkness. "They're not comming this way.", she said.

A hand reached out of the shadows, and a moment later she reemerged. "You're all a bunch of paid in food concubines!", Amy yelled. "Huh!", the vampires gasped, shocked. "I know how you like to hump!", the witch continued. Amy leaned into the shadows, listened intently and went on.

"You like to be chained to a wall and beaten while wearing a kimono!", the witch yelled. "Hey, I got two questions for you bitch.", Darla spat. "How did you know? And...what are you doing later this evening?", she asked with a slight wiggle in her hips. "Eeeewwww", Buffy whined. Angelus stepped out of the shadows. "I told her.", he said.

"It's that ABC After School Special vampire!", the Annointed yelled. "What do you want done to him, sire?", Luke asked him. The Annointed hopped off the throne (which was pretty high for him) and yelled, "Kick him in the nuts!". The Annointed threw a high kick out to demonstrate his point, but lost his balance and rolled down the incline to the throne.

The vampires turned to the tunnel that Angelus and Amy were standing in front of. "You heard the Annointed, may his nuts be kicked most unholy.", Luke said. Asbolom picked up his sledge hammer. "I will bruise you till your skin easily cuts, before I kick you in your nuts.", he chanted. "Amen.", the Vessel agreed. And with that, the vampires charged.

Buffy and Pinky emerged from the tunnel at the same time. They, Amy and Angelus met the vampires charge. Pinky jumped kicked Zachary in one knee, and the vampire momentarily stopped. Bright beams came from Amy's eyes, picking up the vampire and sending him into the rush of monsters behind him. Buffy pulled two stakes from the bandage around her head, and pushed them down into the hearts of two other vampires she thought she remembered. The Slayer began throwing blows to every vampire that rushed her. "Try...to...keep...it...qui..et..er. I... have...a...head...ache!", she said, punctuating every syllable with a punch or a kick.

"Time to get out of here.", Amy yelled while holding her hands out. Several vampires pushed against an unseen force, attempting to get to Amy. "Where's Angel?", Buffy asked, while holding back her attackers. "I think he was gone with the wind.", Pinky said. "No, no...", he corrected. "That was some other guy I saw on TV. I know! He went straight into the crowd of vampires."

"We have to wait for him.", Buffy said. "What, wait for the guy that's going to kill you when my mother's through with you?", Amy asked incredulously. "But...but...I don't want to lose him down here.", Buffy yelled back, followed by a spin kick to Asbolom. Asbolom flowed with the momentum, and caught Buffy in the arm with his hammer. Amy's eyes turned solid black. "We must go now!", she yelled at Buffy. "There's cookies back at Angel's place!", she said.

"Ooh, I hope he has chocalate chip.", the semi-controlled Buffy said. Pinky, Amy and Buffy darted into the tunnel entrance they were fighting in. The vampires followed. Fast.


* * *
"What's taking them so long?", Xander asked. "It's not like Buffy's going to take long making people mad with those master bones sending 'naughty thoughts' straight to her head.", he continued. "Give them time, Xander.", Giles comforted. "I just hope that Buffy's added prowess was enough to overcome her injury."

"Do you actually think that Amy can do alright for herself down there?", Chris asked Willow. "She turned Buffy into a rat. If she did the same to a vampire, Pinky could take care of it.", she answered. Chris lost some of the brooding in his face. "Good. I'd hate to think we just started talking to each other today and...do you hear that?", he asked.

The group in the moseleum listened intently. "Keep a move on Witch- Face!", echoed up to them. "They're gonna slice you to ribbons before ...*pant*...they even...*pant*...think about me.", Amy said, not being able to match Buffy's endurance. And an unmistakable string of "Poit!"s came as well.

Buffy's image burst into veiw. "Set it off, set it off!", she screeched. Ms. Calander, Giles, and Xander ran out the door. Willow and Chris pushed in a combination of keys in her lap top at the same time, slammed it shut, and followed. Amy and Pinky burst into the room a split second later.

With her official Slayerettes out the door, Buffy turned back. Amy ran into her, and Pinky changed course to a hole in the gratings of the windows. Pinky clamored out to the sill of the window, Buffy hurled Amy out, and then it came.

A great sound of a thousand jets whooshed up to the Slayer. An abrupt increase of air pressure pushed Buffy out of the Moseleum. The Pork and Beans vampire had reached the door of the building. He looked back, and lept at Buffy.

Buffy shreicked and covered her head. Pure fire poured out of the Moseleum. Pork and Beans vaporized in mid air as the sun took its affect on him. Pinky was followed by a small smoke trail as he lept from the window now belching fire. Xander fell into Ms. Calander and Giles, unable to keep standing in the face of the blast of hot air that reached well beyond the flame. Chris braced Amy up against the pressure. Only Willow had been wise enough to lie down on her stomach, the blast passed right above her.

The team picked themselves up. "Buffy, are you okay?", Giles asked, shoving Xander off him. "I'm a Slayerette, not a football.", Xander spat. Buffy got up slowly, put her hand to her head. "Uuuuhhhnnn", she whined. "Got to get...Angel...out...", the Slayer moaned. "Oh, did we forget about that?", Xander asked sarcastically. Giles let Willow support the now weak Buffy, and motioned to Xander and Chris.

The males walked back into the Moseleum. Angelus was supposed to have gotten into the sarcophagus in the middle of the room before the blast, since he couldn't simply exit to escape the blast of fire. But lid was still on. The males stepped through the ashes of the slain vampires to the sarcophugus.

On Giles signal, they pushed the concrete block off the sarcophogus, revealing it's contents. A decomposed body. No Angelus.



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