Amy woke slowly, feeling the punishment a couple of hours on a couch did to her back. Then she realized the strangest thing, Pinky was bouncing from one of her breasts to the other. "What are you doing?!", she shreicked at the mouse.
"Well, it's not like I could sing the current top 40 hits like a clock radio.", Pinky replied. "You and that computer lady have to come quick. One of the spells has broken out at the Library. Willow's in the middle of it, trying to hold everything together, poit!" "Why didn't you call?", Amy asked the Mousy Pink Defender (who still happens to be standing on her chest at this point in the story). "I tried to, but the library's windows don't open far enough to yell out of.". Amy shook her head and called out to Ms. Calander.
Ms. Calander, dressed in only a slip, nearly fell down the stairs in her haste. "What happened?", she asked sharply. "Pinky says/", but Amy was cut off. "Pinky can speak for himself, thank you.", Ms. Calander said pointedly. "What are we up against mouse-man?"
"Everyone in Sunnydale High has come to the Library in search of books.", Pinky told her. Ms. Calander shrugged her shoulders while Amy turned pale. "No. Not...actually trying to read.", the young witch stammered.
"Whatever is wrong with you, it'll have to wait. Pinky, get me a dress from my room. Amy, take these keys and start up my bug. I'll dig up some spells on wisdom and the like.", Ms. Calander commanded.
* * *
"So you see,", Amy concluded, "if a school full of the fighting illiterate is after books from just the smallest spell that my mother used to accentuate her reading rate..." "absolutely every single one of her spells is going to come true, not just the big ones.", Ms. Calander, now miraculously dressed while driving, summed up. "Well, at least we'll get to see the trouble we're in.", she said while racing the spell books in her arms to the school library.
The two humans and the mouse could hear the library well before they could see it. Cries of "Let go of that damn book or I'll breack your mother/" and "Get your own damn book, and you can take it straight to hell and when you get there stick it up/" mixed in with the sounds of a full fleged bar brawl. The young women openned the doors of the library to allow Pinky the sight of it all. The mouse eloquently surmised the situation. "Naaaarrrrf."
Willow was on top of a table shouting at the entire room of brawling students and faculty members in a vain attempt to establish order. Blaine was taking a more direct (and violent) approach to the same principle (if not the exact version of order). The Brain ran out to the new arrivals.
"Don't go in there!", the mouse told them. "It's a mad house! A MAD HOUSE!", he yelled. "Quick Amy, do your stuff and read this here.", Jenny said while pointing to a passage in one of the books. "Ooh, a wart removal spell.", Amy cooed. "That's really interesting. I wonder why I never read it before. I wonder if/"
Jenny cut her off with a slap on the back of her neck. "Hey, that's gonna leave a mark.", Amy protested it. Ms. Calander raised her hand to strike again. "Okay, okay.", Amy said and began to read.
"Of peasantry you were spawned, no longer science you will fawn. Deadly tangle unwoven now, lest I kick your ass with a quick 'pow'.", the witch recited. A small halo appeared around the heads of everyone, then dispersed. With the typical "I live on the Hellmouth in a town filled with vampires and don't know it" apathy, everyone dropped their books, looked around, and quietly left. Well nearly everyone left, Cordelia seemed unaffected and Blaine took her concentration on a book as a cue to hit on her.
"What happened?", a disturbed Giles asked running out of his office. Amy pointed to Blaine with the typical "Is he in the know?" gesture. Giles waved his hand dismissavly, signalling "He's too stupid to matter." "My mother had apparently cast a spell to increase her reading level.", Amy informed. "That washed over most of the high school.", Ms. Calander continued. "But I don't see any other spells in effect, so I'll be taking witch girl back home."
"Why are you ragging on me?", Amy said. "I'm not taking anything from someone who wants to be an abusive mother, at least not anymore!", she told Jenny. Jenny put on an expression of mock surprise. "I know this. 1)You're inexperienced if not simply ignorant of what magic is about. That makes you a danger and menance."
Ms. Calander held up two fingers. "Secondly, you did last week's love hocus pocus. That doesn't show me a whole lot of responsibility. So I'm ragging on you because I don't want another Catherine on our hands while we're in the midst of this Witches Revenge." Jenny crossed her arms in a snooty pose.
"Amy!", the Brain called out. "We can't afford this kind of bickering. Can you both simply accept that Amy has a long way to go to being not only an adult but a responsible magic practitioner, as well as her being a valuable member to this effort?" Amy shrugged her shoulders. "I suppose", Ms. Calander. "Then go home. We can't let you two get too tired to cast a counter spell." The witch and the Gypsy left.
Giles arched an eyebrow. "Brain, do you really think your patch work parenting will work?", he asked. "No, but at least they aren't throwing fireballs at each other.", the stressed out mouse told him. "Good point.", the librarian conceeded. "Now our shift is almost up. Where are Xander and Oz, they were supposed to have checked in by now."
* * *
Oz clucked his tongue at Xander yet again. "Tsk, tsk, tsk.", Oz admonsihed. "Hey, how was I to know she was an ex-marine?", Xander asked, holding the bag of ice to his eye even more tightly.
"Do the words 'I'm an ex-marine. I'd wipe the floor with you Alexander LaVelle Harris' ring a bell?", Oz asked the boy that was now sitting on the nurses' office's only bed. "Actually, everything after 'Can I spar with you?' is a blurry haze of fast and furious blows.", Xander repsonded. "I actually thought you might make it for a moment.", Oz said. "You did?", Xander looked up hopefully. "Yeah. But then the two of you stopped talking and she clocked your ass.", Oz lamented.
That moment was the one chosen for two genetically altered lab mice to enter under the door. "What's this?", the Brain asked the two boys. "Oooh. Look at all the sparklies.", Pinky commented, staring slack jawed at the shiny stainless steal in the nurses' station. Pinky walked up to a floor level cabinet and started to make faces. Occasionally a laugh or a "Zort!" escaped when he found one particularly amusing. The Brain looked after him a second, then turned to Xander for his answer.
"I, uh, sort of...challenged the self-defense teacher to a sparring match.", the injured boy admitted. "What?", the Brain began his lecture. The 4 inch high mouse berated, "What were you thinking? Or were you under the impression that Pinky's delocalized insanity is fashionable? The Library nearly collapsed with Giles and Willow in it..."
"Willow?", Xander asked around his ice pack. "Did anything happen to her?", Oz asked concerned. "Yes, everyone is currently safe. A large portion of the school just rushed the library in a disorganized quest for books." The two boys gasped in shock. "Doesn't anyone read in this town?", the Brain asked them. "I think there might be more vampires than library card holders in this town.", Xander told him.
"Any way, we have to find a replacement on your patrol Oz.", the Brain began. "I propose Willow. She is currently riled up from her time today, and a tour of populated areas such as the Bronze or the mall might be relaxing." Ever smooth, Oz replied, "Well, if it's the best for everyone. I wouldn't want Xander to be cheated out of his chance to help."
"Cheat me.", Xander mumbled behind his ice bag. "Just be sure to actually keep a look out instead of making out. Angel and Buffy used to pretend they were hunting, and she'd come home pregnant."
"Don't worry,", Oz said. "Willow and I are the responsible ones remember?"
* * *
"Are you sure you don't want to make out a little?", Willow asked. "I mean, kisses are good luck right?"
Oz took the van through the left turn smoothly. "We're trying to save Sunnydale, and then the world. We should be patrolling." Willow's face fell just a little. "But once we stop at the Bronze, if we just happen to make out, it might be like...good for a cover story or something. You know?" Oz playfully suggested. Willow's smile returned.
Pinky was on the main library table, honing his Slayer skills by beating up one of Willow's Ken Dolls. The Brain was flipping through a book on magic on the Library's counter. When night had fallen, Giles had taken Xander home, leaving the two mice holding down the fort of Slayer Central. That's whey THEY came in.
"Don't fret luv,", Spike told Dru as she wheeled him in. "I can smell the Slayer at forty feet, and she isn't in here. We'll just get some Dr. Suess and be gone before anyone notices us." "You always could take care of me Spiiiiike...", Druscilla cooed.
"Can I help you?", the Brain asked the two pointedly. "Yeah, you can help me. You got a 'Cat in the Hat' anywhere 'round 'ere?", Spike replied. "Ooh, I don't think so.", Pinky said. "Their ears would get all mashed down wouldn't they?"
Spike snickered, but Druscilla stalked over to the table. Slowly she bent down to Pinky's eye level and stared at him. "I suppose they would.", she said spookily. "You must be very smart to have thought of that. Isn't he, Spike?" "Yeah, a real flippin' genius.", Spike answered her. Pinky quickly laughed following with a "Narf", and Dru giggled delightedly-the two candidates for a mental ward now were fast freinds. Spike turned his chair around to face the Brain again.
"You mind me sayin' somethin'?", Spike asked the Brain. "No, not at all.", the Brain replied casually. "You seem...um, a mite bit short to be a school librarian. Why is that now?" The Brain looked Spike right in the face and replied, "Actually, I'm a genetically altered lab mouse on a constant quest for global domination."
"A man's got to be somethin'.", Spike conceded. "What is your occupation?", the Brain asked, now genuinely interested. "I'm the local vampire king.", Spike answered honestly. "Impossible!", the Brain declared. "No really.", Spike responded. "I'm a vampire, and I'm runnin' most of the operations in this little villa."
"Well, if your true nature is vampirical in...nature-", the Brain began. "Why are you in a wheel chair and displaying scars?" "Well, I got this scar in Prague.", Spike said pointing to his left eye. "The other scars and the chair came from being put under and church organ."
"Spike? Can I go outside and play with Pinky?", Druscilla asked her mate while cuddling the mouse in her arms. Pinky, for his part, was purring and kicking a leg like a dog while Dru rubbed his belly. "Sure luv.", Spike answered. "I'll be out in a second." Pinky jumped out of Dru's arms while still holding one of her fingers, and led her out of the Library hunched over.
"I'd better go out and make sure she doesn't run in the streets.", Spike told the Brain. "Could you keep an eye out for Pinky as well?", the Brain asked Spike. "He's not quite on the road to Sanity City."
"Sure thing.", Spike said. "I know all about being loco, with Dru and all." "You simply haven't been exposed to insane if you have not been exposed to Pinky.", the Brain countered. "Really?", Spike asked. "Has your Pinky ever told you that he had a psychic message from a house pet?"
"Has your Dru ever inquired on how to teach a monkey how to tap dance?", the Brain replied. "My Druscilla punishes her dolls for talking out of line.", Spike told him. "My Pinky openned up an oyster petting zoo.", the Brain said. "And the towns people made him mayor. Upon induction of said office, he declared the day and the town to be named "Shiny Pants" and arrested everyone who didn't dress as if they were at an Earth, Wind & Fire concert."
Spike scoffed. "My Druscilla's fawning over the guy who killed her family. But when he was feeling all guilty about it, she decided to torture him. You try listening to 'Say Uncle, oh wait a minute, you killed my Uncle.' for a day straight and then put up with her damn near flirting with him after he gets back to bein' bad."
The sound of screeching brakes broke Spike off. Druscilla's voice carried over to the Library, "If that beast had touched one hair on this mouse's head..." "Looks like I ought to be gettin' out there.", Spike told the Brain. "Good luck dealing with your girl, Spike.", the Brain called out. "Same ta you mate.", Spike said while rolling himself to the Library doors. Then he turned, "Well, not girl. Unless you two are like that, I ain't got nothin' against what people do in the privacy of their own homes. But not nesseccarily sayin' that either. You know w'at I mean."
The vampire king then rolled himself out of the Library. The Brain smiled to himself, and returned to his book. Then the mouse sat straight up.
Killed her family. Vampires. Dru is insane. The facts rolled over in his mind. Could Spike have been talking about Angel? Then the Brain remembered how Pinky actually found someone who spoke his version of English in Dru. He dismissed the thoughts, and returned to reading about a spell that a powerful witch could cast to heal an injured vampire.
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