ACT III
EXT. FONTAINE HOUSE
Xander and Liv exit the house. Liv is dressed in
her fatigues and battle armor.
LIV
Are you sure Mom and Willow are going to
be okay?
XANDER
Maya and Dawn will look after them, and
Willow promised not do to do any
magic...
VOICE
Hey.
Xander and Liv turn to see Tucker standing on the
porch.
LIV
Tucker!
XANDER
uh... tricks! Magic tricks. 'Cuz they
never work right and..
LIV
What are you doing here?
TUCKER
I was coming by to make sure no one ate
any of that chocolate I gave you.
Apparently some wise guy laced it with
PCP. Plus... um... we had a date
tonight.
Liv's face freezes in horror.
LIV
We...?
Tucker tries to cover the hurt.
TUCKER
Which you seem to have forgotten.
LIV
It's just... uh...
XANDER
Sorry, Tucker. Liv forgot she had
survival training tonight and-
TUCKER
Survival training? You?
LIV
Yeah.
Tucker looks at Xander and Liv with a suspicious
look.
TUCKER
Look, I don't know what's going on here
Liv but... well maybe I thought we had
something we didn't.
Liv and Tucker stare at each other. There isn't a
word to describe how uncomfortable how Xander
feels.
LIV
Tucker, I-
TUCKER
Forget it.
Tucker turns and walks away.
If you listen really closely you can hear Liv's
heart breaking. Xander put an arm around Liv's
shoulder.
XANDER
You okay?
LIV
No.
Liv shakes her head and sighs.
LIV
Come on. Let's go to work.
INT. AUDREY'S HOUSE
There's a knock at the door. Xander opens the door
and creeps into the house.
XANDER
Audrey? Spike?
AUDREY
(OS)
Mr. Harris! In here!
Xander follows the sound of Audrey's voice to the
INT. AUDREY'S HOUSE - SOLARIUM
Audrey stands in the middle of the room looking
scared.
XANDER
Audrey? What's wrong? Where's Spike?
SPIKE
(OS)
Up here.
Xander looks up to see Spike lying flat against
the ceiling smoking a cigarette.
XANDER
Spike, why are you on the ceiling?
Spike rolls his eyes.
SPIKE
Because it's a trap, you idiot.
XANDER
What?
Suddenly Xander flies up to the ceiling, hitting
his head with a resounding thunk.
XANDER
Ow! What the hell?
SPIKE
Told you.
Ethan steps out from behind the door.
ETHAN
Well, well, well. If it isn't the
watcher who sees everything.
SPIKE
Well he didn't see this coming.
ETHAN
Aren't you one of those little snots who
used to run around with Ripper's slayer?
SPIKE
Oh look. He remembers you perfectly.
XANDER
So what brings you here this time
Ethan? You just here to raise a little
hell or is someone paying you to do the
dirty work again?
ETHAN
Oh the second one definitely. Though I
must say that killing you all and
causing all sort's of pain to Ripper's
new little watcher's council is just an
unexpected bonus.
Ethan pulls out a very long knife. He turns to
Audrey with an evil smile.
ETHAN
Don't worry dear. This will only hurt
until you die.
EXT. ST. BUFALARI'S SCHOOL - CAMPUS
A man in a football coach's outfit runs across
campus. Two vampires are chasing after him.
COACH
Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!
He's tackled to the ground outside a gardening
shed.
VAMPIRE1
I love it when they call for their
mommies. Hold him down while I take a
sip.
VAMPIRE2
All right, but leave some for-
Vampire2 goes flying through the air and bounces
off the shed. A combat boot kicks the first
vampire away from the crying coach. The coach
looks up to see Liv in a fighting stance.
LIV
(to coach)
Run.
The coach runs off as Liv dusts the first vampire
with a stake. The second vampire charges Liv and
catches her off guard with a spinning kick and
follows it up with two punches to the head. Liv
blocks the third punch and stakes the vampire
through the heart. As the the vampire explodes
into dust, Liv twirls the stake like she was a
gunslinger turning around to face...
A very surprised looking Tucker.
LIV
Tucker?
TUCKER
(in shock)
That was... that was...
LIV
Oh crap. Tucker, what are you doing
here?
Tucker really is freaking out.
TUCKER
Maya. Told me. You. Be here. Might.
But... That was...
Liv grabs Tucker gently by the arms. Tucker
LIV
Breathe, Tucker.
TUCKER
(still breathing rapidly)
That was...
LIV
(gently)
A vampire. That was a vampire.
That really didn't help. Tucker really freaks.
TUCKER
Okay! I was going to say that was really
weird, but if you say it was a vampire!
Okay!! Not a problem!!
LIV
Don't freak out.
TUCKER
Little late for that don't you think? I
mean... I mean...
LIV
Tucker. Look I would've told you but...
how do you explain something like this?
TUCKER
What are you?
LIV
I'm one of the chosen Vampire Slayers
whose destiny is to save the world from
vampires, demons and other supernatural
phenomena.
TUCKER
Okay.
LIV
You have no idea what I'm talking about,
do you?
TUCKER
None at all.
Liv rolls her eyes in embarrassment.
LIV
I'm... I'm kind of like a superhero.
TUCKER
That kills vampires.
LIV
Right.
TUCKER
Okay... I knew there was some strange
things about you, but they were cute
things. Like how you would break Pyrex
containers with one hand whenever you
got nervous but this...
Liv winces in preparation of a world of hurt.
TUCKER
This is... kind of cool. I guess.
Liv smiles. Suddenly she finds herself hugging the
stuffing out of Tucker.
TUCKER
(somewhat strangled)
I mean... it's weird, strange and
somewhat freakish, but it's still pretty
cool.
LIV
Really?
TUCKER
Well I haven't quite wrapped my mind
around the whole vampire concept but...
Liv hugs Tucker tighter.
LIV
but what?
TUCKER
Is... ah... that another vampire?
LIV
What?
Liv turns just in time to be tackled by a blurred
form. Liv throws the body off to see that it is
Lateesha. Lateesha attempts to kick Liv, while she
is still on the ground. Liv rolls and pops up into
a fighting stance.
TUCKER
Liv!
LIV
Tucker! Get out of here!
Lateesha charges into Liv on the attack. Fists and
feet fly everywhere, but it's Liv who's taking the
most damage.
Tucker watches, too afraid to move.
LIV
Tucker! Go!
Tucker hesitates and then notices the open
gardening shed. He runs to the door and opens it
up.
INT. GARDEN SHED
Tucker looks around for some sort of weapon. All
that is in the shed is a riding lawnmower,
gasoline, a can of engine starter fluid, some
rolls of duct tape and some old rags.
TUCKER
Crap!
Tucker turns and then sees a bag of fertilizer. A
smile crosses his face.
INT. FONTAINE LIVING ROOM
Lucy and Willow bounce up in front of Maya. Maya
is reading a magazine on the couch.
WILLOW
Hey Ma-ya?
MAYA
Hey Wha-at?
WILLOW
Can we make our own cereal for dinner?
Maya looks up from the magazine gives Lucy and
Willow a suspicious gaze.
MAYA
How are you going to do that?
LUCY
Crush up Oreos and chocolate chip
cookies and pour milk over it.
Maya just looks at Willow and Lucy with an
unreadable expression. Finally she shrugs and
returns her attention to the magazine.
MAYA
Knock yourself out.
Lucy and Willow cheer as they run into the
kitchen.
MAYA
This is why *all* the kids love me.
INT. FONTAINE KITCHEN
Willow and Lucy run to the cupboards.
WILLOW
This is going to be cool!
LUCY
Maya's the best baby sitter *EVER*!
VOICE
(OS)
Hello girls.
Willow and Lucy turn toward the voice. Lucy looks
confused. Willow's face shows recognition.
WILLOW
I know you!
ANGLE ON:
Amy stands in the kitchen with an evil look on her
face.
AMY
You remember me? I'm flattered.
EXT. ST. BUFALARI'S SCHOOL - CAMPUS
Liv takes a solid kick to the mid-section and goes
flying. She lands hard on the ground with a grunt.
She barely has time to roll before Lateesha
attacks her again.
TUCKER
(OS)
Liv!
Liv looks up to see tucker standing away from the
shed holding something in his hand.
LIV
Tucker! Get out of here!
Liv blocks two punches and ducks under a kick from
Lateesha.
TUCKER
Get her in the shed!
LIV
What?
TUCKER
Get her in the shed!
Liv dodges another punch, ducks under another
kick and rolls over in front of the gardening
shed. Tucker pulls out a cigarette lighter and
lights what appears to be a bundle of rags taped
shut with duct tape. Lateesha charges Liv and
attacks with a flying kick. Liv ducks and Lateesha
crashes into the shed. Liv grabs Lateesha and
shoves her into the shed.
TUCKER
Duck!
Liv dives out of the way as Tucker throws the
flaming bundle of rags into the shed.
Suddenly there is a loud explosion and the entire
shed crashes in on top of itself.
Liv rolls over and looks at the collapsed building
in shock.
LIV
Whoa!
TUCKER
Pretty cool huh?
LIV
But... how... with the... go boom?
TUCKER
Fertilizer bomb.
Liv is just amazed.
LIV
You... you're not like some sort of
unibomber are you? How did you know how
to do that?
TUCKER
Simple chemistry.
Liv gives him a look.
TUCKER
That and I saw it on an episode of
MacGyver.
A thumping noise comes from the collapsed
building.
LIV
Come on.
TUCKER
She's still alive?
LIV
Nope. Still dead. That's the problem.
Let's get out of here.
Liv moves Tucker along as they run away from the
rubble.
INT. FONTAINE LIVING ROOM
Maya sits on the couch reading her magazine. Suddenly
There is a large booming noise from the kitchen
MAYA
Girls! I told you! No more experiments!
Lucy and Willow run in screaming. Maya jumps up
from the couch.
MAYA
What's-
The door into the living room explodes, knocking
all three to the ground.
Amy makes a dramatic entrance into the room.
AMY
Oh... this is going to be so much fun.
VOICE
(OS)
I doubt that.
Amy turns to see Dawn coming at her with a
baseball bat. Amy waves her hand and sends her
flying across the room crashing into the wall.
Dawn falls to the floor groaning.
AMY
Who the hell are you?
Dawn picks up the baseball bat and stands up.
DAWN
The girl who's going to kick your wiccan
ass.
Amy rolls her eyes and waves her hand again. Dawn
is thrown against the wall again. Willow looks up
with the expression only a pissed off six year old
in an adult's face can muster.
WILLOW
That wasn't very nice!
MAYA
Uh... Willow? Let's not piss off the
witch, shall we?
Willow scrunches her face in anger.
WILLOW
Too late!
Willow waves her arms
WILLOW
Discede!
Amy's brief look on her face shows that she knows
what's going to happen next.
AMY
Oh F-
Amy disappears in a poof of smoke.
MAYA
What the-?
LUCY
That was so *COOL*!
WILLOW
Magic. I kick booty with it.
DAWN
Willow? Where did she go?
WILLOW
Somewhere else.
LUCY
Can you do that again?! Send me
someplace!
DAWN
Um... I don't think that's a good idea.
Lucy pouts.
LUCY
I never get to have any fun.
EXT. CAPE KENNETH GARBAGE DUMP Amy re-materializes
thirty feet in the air.
AMY
-uck.
Amy looks down at the pile of garbage she's about
to fall into.
AMY
Cr-
And down she goes...
INT. AUDREY'S HOUSE
Xander and Spike are floating up against the
ceiling. Ethan has cornered Audrey with his knife.
AUDREY
Oh god. Oh god.
ETHAN
Squirm if you want. I love it when they
squirm.
AUDREY
Oh God. He's going to kill me.
SPIKE
Got any other bright ideas whelp?
Xander tilts his head. A smile crosses his lips.
XANDER
Me? No, but the guys might have a few
ideas.
SPIKE
What guys?
Suddenly light floods into the room. All the
windows are smashed into smithereens as men in
military garb jump through them. Within seconds
the room is filled to the brim with
initiative-type folk and all their guns are
pointed at Ethan.
SPIKE
Oh. Those guys.
Audrey looks around at the mess of broken glass.
AUDREY
Jesus! Haven't you guys ever heard of a
door?
The soldiers all roll their eyes at each other.
SPIKE
Feel free to shoot the girl, if you
want.
Audrey gives Spike a glare.
VOICE
(OS)
Sorry about the mess.
Riley Finn wades through the machine guns to stand
in front of Ethan Rayne and Audrey.
RILEY
The boys like to make an entrance.
Riley turns to Ethan.
RILEY
Ethan. Lovely to see you again.
ETHAN
Agent Finn. I don't suppose that-
Without missing a beat Riley pulls out a stun gun
and shocks Ethan. Ethan falls to the ground and
starts flopping around like a fish. Spike and
Xander crash to the floor.
SPIKE
Ow! Bloody hell!
Riley gives Xander and Spike a sheepish grin.
RILEY
Uh. Sorry about that.
Riley turns to the soldiers.
RILEY
(pointing at Ethan)
Get him out of here. If he wakes up,
feel free to beat the crap out of him.
The soldiers salute and go to task.
RILEY
Thanks Xander. We've been trying to
track this guy down for months. The
brass pitched a hissy fit when they
found out he escaped. Do you need
anything else from this guy?
XANDER
I got what I needed. That's a nice
little toy you got there.
Riley smiles and hands it over to Xander.
RILEY
Prototype. Constantly recharges itself.
We're still testing it out.
XANDER
How is it against demons?
RILEY
Well, we haven't field tested-
Audrey snatches the stun gun out of Xander's hand
and presses it against Spike's side
SPIKE
What are you-
Spike screams in pain as Audrey shocks him. He
drops to the floor and starts flopping around like
a fish. Audrey hands the stun gun back to Riley.
AUDREY
Well look at that. It does work. Now
since your men went through all the
double pane windows in the house, I
assume you'll be paying for it?
RILEY
Well, ah...
AUDREY
Great. I'll expect your crew tomorrow.
Audrey leans over Spike and gives him an evil
grin.
AUDREY
That's what you get for telling men with
guns to shoot me. G'Night Spike!
Audrey walks off. Graham and Xander watch Spike
continue to twitch on the ground. Spike snarls.
SPIKE
When I get control of my legs, you're
dead! Do you hear me? DEAD!!
RILEY
He's still a good guy, right?
XANDER
For the most part. Can I get one of
those things?
Riley shrugs and hands over the stun gun. Xander
examines it.
XANDER
Now Spike, what was it you said about me
being a "idiot"?
SPIKE
Oh bloody-
Xander shocks him.
SPIKE
GAH-AAHH-AAH!
Xander gives Riley a big smile.
XANDER
Where can I get more of these?
END ACT III
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