Love Makes Ya Do The Wacky
by Terri Roberts
Don't own 'em. They belong to Joss, WB and Mutant Enemy.....okay?
Author's Notes: Should this be the final Part? Read and let me know!
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Part Three
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Beautiful. Gorgeous. Ethereal. No, none of these words could describe her beauty. She was, after all, the most beautiful woman in the entire world. But then again she didn't exactly live on earth... Aphrodite sat high above the earth on Mount Olympus, just sitting and watching the world below her. It was Spring on earth, a time when love was in the air...And when love was in the air things could get really interesting. Like the sitch Aphrodite was watching unfold before her at this very moment. A group of people, who obviously had some unresolved sexual tension between all of them, were basically making fools of themselves by chasing after someone who wasn't in love with them...Hell, it was better than an afternoon soap opera! Aphrodite brushed a curly strand of blonde hair out of her eyes, and kept watching the scene below, until...
"Mother," a familiar voice called out.
Aphrodite sighed and turned to her son, Cupid. " What is it now? Can't you see that I'm very busy?" She focused her clear, blue eyes on the scene below once more.
"Mother, I think that I have created a problem below. See, I shot my arrows towards a group of people...."
His mother interrupted him, " And the arrows went towards the wrong people, and now they're all chasing after the wrong person, and it's a big mess."
Cupid looked at his mother suspicously, " How did you know?"
"Because I've been watching these people. It's very entertaining," she replied with a chuckel.
"Well, what do you propse I do about it?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing? But this is wrong..."
"I know that! Geeez! Sometimes I think you're the parent and I'm the child! What I mean is that there hasen't been anything this interesting below since the last episode of Jerry Springer, so we'll just watch for a little while. Then after we entertain ourselves, I'll give you a little help and we'll undo this " mix up" so you can clear your damn conscious."
Cupid hestitated, but decided it was best to go along with her, besides this could be interesting.
* * *
She twisted a strand of her lush, brown hair around her delicate finger. She batted her big, brown eyes until it seemed they would fly off her face. She looked at him with a hunger and a passion that would have surely gotten any boy's attention. But what did he do? He sat there and read a book!
Cordelia sighed. Nothing was working. She'd done everything that her guy obsessed brain could think of, and still Giles seemed to be imune to all of it! What would it take for him to notice her?
So, Cordelia sat there and pretended to read a book.
After a while Giles looked her way. * Finally!* she thought * He does know That there's an opposite sex out there!*
Giles eyebrows were creased, his handsome face puzzeled.
"Cordelia," he asked.
Immediatly, Cordelia perked up faster than a double expresso. " Yes," she asked hopefully.
"Don't you think you should be getting to class?"
Cordelia's face fell. " Um....I have a free. I thought why not spend it in the library ...with you?" She smiled.
Giles raised an eyebrow, " You said you had a free last period."
* Damn!,* Cordelia thought. But before her brain could come up with a excuse to stay, the library doors swung open.
And in walked Xander. Or it looked like Xander. He was wearing stylish clothes, his hair was in place. He walked into the library with a confidence that was not his own...normally Xander's amount of self confidence was equal to that of a door mat. But not today. Today Xander had a purpose. A mission....that might just prove to be impossible.
Giles acknowledged the boy's presence with a slight nod. Xander wasn't exactly the teenager he was hoping would walk through the library doors. THAT teenager was of the female persuasion, blonde, beautiful...Giles haulted his thoughts when he realized Xander was talking to him.
"I'm sorry," Giles said.
"I said, have you seen Willow? I was looking for her." Xander sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
"Um...No. I haven't seen her. Is something the matter, Xander?"
"You mean besides the fact that those shoes don't match that shirt," Cordelia offered.
Xander kept his mouth shut, and Cordelia noticed, " What? No catchy comeback? No insults? Are you sick?"
Xander just shrugged, " I'm looking for Willow. That's what I'm thinking about right now. Not some snide remark to waste on you." Ouch!
Cordelia wasn't gonna sit down and take this. She rose from her seat. " Yeah....well.....I- oh forget it! I can't think clearly while I've got Giles stuck on my brain."
Giles put down his book and turned towards the brunette at the mention of his name, " What did you say Cordelia?"
Cordelia gave herself a mental slap and quickly thought of some way out of this mess, " Um, I said I can't think cleary when I've got Gile's ...um....outfit stuck on my brain. " She walked over to him and ran her fingers along the buttons of his jacket. " I really love this jacket...it's tweed, right?"
Giles nodded and turned back to his book and Cordelia sat down again, pouting.
Xander scratched his head, " Okay I can seen everyone's forgotten to take their medication again, so I'll just go look for Willow."
But before Xander could exit the library, a certain Vampire Slayer sauntered on in.
Buffy had a sly grin on her face, that could be considered both sexy and dangerous...For Giles, it was VERY dangerous. He sat up as soon as he was her enter the room.
"Buffy," Giles smiled, " How are you?"
Buffy ignored Giles and walked towards Xander.
Xander looked at Buffy with relief in his eyes.
"Buffy, have you seen Willow? I've been looking all over for her."
Buffy didn't speak. She just teasingly played with the buttons on his shirt collar. Xander raised an eyebrow and pushed Buffy's hand away.
"Buff, what's up with you?"
Buffy ignored his question. She had something that was a mix between passion and hunger in her piercing hazel eyes. She pulled his face towards her own and his him on the lips, but Xander pulled away quickly and Giles intervened.
"That's enough! We will not be having any of that in my library! Xander, I think you and Cordelia should leave."
Cordelia jumped out of her chair in protest, " What the hell did I do?!?"
"Buffy, what the hell is your problem!? Geez! I'm going to find Willow!"
Xander turned to leave the library, but Buffy's voice stopped him.
"Willow!? Why the hell are you looking for Willow!? I can make you happy Xander...come on let's get out of here." She smiled and took his arm. But Xander pulled away again.
"Buffy, look I'm sorry...But you're one of my best friends.....I don't think of you that way anymore."
Giles smiled. More chance for the Watcher to score.
"What?!?," Buffy exclaimed, " Okay, you're in love with me for over a year and now you've got the hots for Willow!? What's up with that?"
"I'm sorry, but I'm leaving now." Xander turned to walk out of the library, but again Buffy's voice stopped him.
"Xander," Buffy called to him in her most child like voice.
Xander sighed and turned around, " Yeah, Buff, what no-"
Xander was cut off by the force of Buffy's fist hitting him square in the jaw, knocking him out.
Xander lie on the floor, out cold. Buffy walked over to him and proceed to haul him on her back. But before she could lift him up , Cordelia spoke up.
"Buffy, should we start calling you cave girl now? Jeez! Why don't ya just knock him over the head with a club for God's sake!!!"
Buffy just stared at Cordelia for a moment. " I love him.....I don't know why he ever went out with a tramp like you who's fashion sense amounts to-"
"What!??" Cordelia shrieked. " Okay , first you knock out one of your best friends and proceed to drag him off to do god knows what, and now you're insulting MY fashion sense...Oh, I DON'T THINK SO!"
With that Cordelia lunged at Buffy , forcing her to drop Xander onto the library floor. Cordelia tore at Buffy's hair, Buffy kicked and bit Cordelia as hard as she could. You could call this a cat fight....but that would be putting it mildly.
"Buffy," Giles yelled, " Buffy, you're going to kill Cordelia if you don't stop."
"That's the point," she yelled back between punches.
"Cordelia stop hitting Buffy! Girls! Stop!"
But Giles voice was drowned out by the shreiking and screaming that was going on. Cordelia had managed to scratch Buffy's face with her well-manicured finger nails, which only made Buffy more pissed off.
Suddenly the Library doors opened, and Angel stepped into the fray with Willow right behind him.
"What the hell is going on here!?" Angel asked.
But neither Buffy nor Cordelia paid any attention, they just kept tearing at each others eyes.
Finally Angel managed to get between Buffy and Cordelia, but as soon as he did, Buffy bunched Angel in the face.
"What the hell are you doing here?! I can take care of myself! I don't need you protecting me! Now get out of my way!"
Cordelia was standing close to Giles, which made Cordelia a happy camper, but Giles was still staring at Buffy intently.
Finally Angel spoke, " Buffy, what is you deal? Are you possesed or something!? What the hell is wrong with everyone! And why is Xander lying on the floor out cold....not that I really mind- but that's not the point!"
Willow snapped her gum and snaked her arms around Angel's back. " Come on, let's get out of here. We can do something...fun." She smiled, but Angel shrugged her arms off of his shoulders. He went to stand next to Buffy.
Willow was now more than pissed off. She stood with her hands on her hips. " Oh, I see how it is. You still have a thing for the freaky ass chick, whom I used to call my friend! Why you ever wanted her I'll never understand."
Buffy glared at Willow fiercly, " Maybe cause I'm not prude like some people!"
"Excuse me," Willow said while walking towards Buffy.
"Oh, come on," Buffy started," You and Oz's idea of making out was holding his hand and letting him kiss you on the cheek. Guys want more than that Willow, too bad you can't give it them."
Again Angel got in the middle, " Would everyone shut up!"
This time Giles stepped in, " Yes. I think it would be best if everyone went home...except Buffy. WE need to work on some training excersizes." Giles smiled.
But Buffy just looked at Xander trying to open his eyes. " Sorry, Pops! Got better things to do."
Giles stood crushed, but Cordelia was ready to give some comfort. " I could stay...and help you research things." She smiled.
Buffy walked towards Cordelia, " Jeez! Excited much, Cordelia?....or maybe we should start calling you teacher's pet?"
Cordelia launched at Buffy again, " I'm gonna kill you!"
Willow smiled, " Cool! I'll help!"
The three girls started to pound each other once again, and Giles and Angel tried to tear them off of each other.
Sudeenly a gun shot made everyone's head snap up to look at the Library door.
It was Oz! With a gun to his head! He was crying.....
Luckily, it was night time and no one was around.....or all of them would have been in deep dodo.
Oz looked at Cordelia, whose hair was disheleved and whose face was red from being scratched.
"All I wanted was for you to love me!" Oz cried, " But no! You don't! But I can't live without you. This way....we'll be together."
Then Oz turned the gun from his own head and pointed it at Cordelia's.
* * *
"Oh shit!" Aphrodite exclaimed, " Just when things got interesting, some nimrod has to be melodromatic and pull this Romeo and Juliet crap."
She sighed and looked at her son, " Well, we knew it wouldn't last....Go ahead, do your little magic trick. I'm going to watch Jerry Springer. Someone's gotta be getting in a fight on that show."
With that , the goddess of love left her son to fix things on earth. Cupid took out 5 white arrows, which would turn things back to normal and shot them at the lunatics that were fighting below.
"Oh, well," he said allowed, " Accidents do happen!"
* * *
Oz cocked the gun, " I love you!"
Then suddenly everything got hazy. Oz found himself crumbling towards the floor along with the others.
Oz awoke on the floor, the gun lying by his side. " What happened, " he said grogily.
The others looked around totally confused. " I don't know," Giles said.
Cordelia grabbed her head, " Is everyone sane again? Cause if not, I'm leaving the country."
Buffy smiled wearily, " Yeah, I think so."
Willow smiled and rushed over to Oz. " Are you okay?"
Oz looked at her tight skirt and shirt and smiled, " I am now."
Giles looked across the room, both Xander and Angel were lying on the floor. Angel woke up and felt his head.
Xander opened his eyes slowly and then saw Willow. He rushed towards her, " Willow. I need to tell you, something! I love you!"
"What!?," everyone else in the room said simultaneously.
Then suddenly Angel stood up and tried to walk around as if he were drunk. " I LOVE ALL OF YOU! EVERYONE!" he said in a slurred voice.
"Oh no," Buffy groaned, " Here we go again!"
What everyone didn't know was that again Cupid had messed up big time. He had shot the white arrow at Angel instead of Xander. Causing Xander to still be in love with Willow, and Angel to be in love with....well everyone.
Buffy looked towards Giles, " Now what!?"
"I'll -um....look-um something up!"
Everyone took seats at the table and started to look through books for answers. That is everyone, but Angel.
He pranced around merrily, and then took his shirt off. " COME ON EVERBODY! LET'S GET NAKED!" And then worst off all, he started singing, " DO A LITTLE DANCE, MAKE A LITTLE LOVE, GET DOWN TONIGHT! GET DOWN TONIGHT!"
Once more Buffy looked towards Giles for advice. " What do we do with him," she asked.
Giles looked at Angel, " Best to maybe...knock him out..." Angel jumped up and down with glee," I LOVE SURPRISES!"
Buffy's fist came around and knocked Angel out cold.
"Sweet dreams, " she said softly.
Then she returned to the table to figure out what the hell to do next.
The End?
I dunno! Email CreativeGirl@rocketmail.com
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