Buffy sat on her bed and stared at the ceiling. Maybe, I’ll have a look around before Giles comes home and tells me not to go somewhere Buffy thought as she got off her bed and left her room. She came out into a long corridor and was unsure of where to go next.
“Enniey, meniey, miniey, moe,” she said as she pointed right, “right it is then.”
She walked down the corridor for awhile, opening doors here and there; until she found a room that interested her. When she had opened the door to the bedroom she found a room not unlike her own, except slightly different. This room had posters on the walls of various punk rock bands such as the Ramones and the Sex Pistols. Buffy was surprised she had pegged Giles as the type to listen to classical music and drink tea while eating a scone or two.
As she looked around the room she noticed a picture on a small table next to the bed, it was of a young boy with brown hair and blue-grey eyes. He was being held by an older woman, his mother probably and a man who looked quite like himself, his father Buffy assumed. There was also a girl in the picture a little older then the boy. She had snow white skin and raven black hair. They were all smiling and looked happy. Buffy couldn’t remember the last time her family had been like that, she didn’t come from what one would call a happy home.
“What are you doing here?” someone asked causing Buffy to turn around suddenly, almost dropping the picture in the process. In front of her was a young man, about her age with brown hair and blue-grey eyes. He was the little boy in the picture Buffy realized.
“Sorry….I was just looking around…”
“Just looking around my bloody room!” He said as he took the picture out of her hands and then regretted yelling at the girl. She was the most beautiful girl he had ever met and he was treating her very poorly, “I’m sorry….I shouldn’t have yelled.”
“No, Its okay. I’m Buffy.”
“Oh, Giles’s goddaughter. I’m William; his nephew.”
“Nice to meet you, well I’m really sorry for…you know. I should probably go,” she said as she walked out the door, leaving William alone once again.
*****************************
Buffy was about to walk back to her room but decided she’d rather explore a little longer. After walking up a flight or two of stairs and down another corridor or two she found her self in a large room with high ceilings and bookshelves around every inch of the room. Giles had quite a collection, Buffy thought as her eyes scanned the room. They lit up when they fell on the piano off to the side by the windows.
She use to take lessons when she was younger; she had wanted to be a musician when she was little but like most childhood dreams she had abandoned that one and decide she’d rather be a ballerina instead.
Buffy sat down at the piano, trying to think of something to play. It was a big house and this room was far away from the others, no one would hear her.
************************
She began to play and then started to sing along, all the while thinking about everything that had happened; reliving all the memories:
“I will not make the same mistakes that you did, I will not let myself, Cause my heart so much misery, I will not break the way you did, You fell so hard”
Buffy watched as her father hit her mother and threw her across the room; causing Joyce to fall hard against the door frame on which she hit the back of her head.
“Mom!’ Buffy cried as Joyce slowly slumped down to the floor, leaving a small trail of blood on the wall behind her from the wound on the back of her head.
“I've learned the hard way, To never let it get that far”
“Your late,” Hank Summers told his daughter as she entered the house, “You were supposed to be home at ten it’s almost 11.”
“I know….I’m sorry….Oz’s van broke down and…”
“No Excuses!” he yelled as he back handed his daughter causing her to whimper in pain.
“Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk, Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt, Because of you, I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me, Because of you, I am afraid”
“Jenny! I’m home!” Giles called as he entered the house.
“Oh good, I’ll call Buffy and tell her to come down,” she said as he followed her and watched her pick up the phone and call Buffy’s room, “That strange there’s no answer,” she said as she hung up the phone.
“I’ll go to her room and see if she’s there. Perhaps she feel asleep or she in the shower or something and didn’t here the phone,” Giles said as he headed upstairs towards the room he had had Jenny prepare for Buffy; but when he got there she was no where to be found.
“I lose my way, And it's not too long before you point it out, I cannot cry, Because I know that's weakness in your eyes”
Buffy cried on the floor in pain as her father loomed over her body. She was only 3 years old and her father had never hit her like that before. He was drunk and as usual he had overreacted.
“Big girls don’t cry,” her father told as he grabbed her arm and pulled her into a sitting position, but still the young girl continued to cry, “What did I just say?!”
“Big girls don’t cry,” Buffy whispered.
“That’s right and you’re a big girl,” he said a little too friendly as though he had done nothing wrong.
“I'm forced to fake, A smile, a laugh everyday of my life, My heart can't possibly break, When it wasn't even whole to start with”
“Buffy, what happened to you?” Willow asked shocked and concerned. They were standing by in the hallway and Willow had just noticed a large bruise on Buffy’s shoulder. Her shirt had been covering it up all day but it accidentally slipped down when she was picking something up thus revealing the bruise.
“Oh, this it’s nothing,” Buffy said quickly covering it up, “I just fell down the stairs.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really,” Buffy said seeing her best friend wasn’t buying it, “Will, I fell down the stairs and that’s the truth. Come on you know me I’m not exactly the picture of grace.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure,” Buffy said smiling at her friend.
“Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk, Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt, Because of you, I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me, Because of you, I am afraid”
William was just leaving his room to go to the library to find a book to read, when he heard someone playing music. He couldn’t recognize the words but he could tell it was coming from one of the upper floors. Just as he was leaving his room to investigate the source of the sound he ran into to Giles.
“Do you hear that?” William asked.
He watched as the older man listened intently and finally nodded, “Perhaps we should go see what it is.”
Giles had already assumed it was Buffy though. She had wanted to be a musician when she was younger; Joyce had sent him a tape of one of her piano recitals after he had moved back to England. She was quite gifted if he recalled correctly.
“I think it's coming from upstairs,” William said as they followed the sound of the music.
“I watched you die, I heard you cry every night in your sleep, I was so young, You should have known better than to lean on me”
Buffy laid in her bed in the dark, listening to her mother cry. Her mother didn’t know it but Buffy could here her cry herself to sleep at night; every night.
“You never thought of anyone else, You just saw your pain, And now I cry in the middle of the night, For the same damn thing”
Buffy looks at herself in the mirror, staring at all her bruises.
“Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk, Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt”
“I think it’s getting louder,” William said.
“This way,” Giles replied pointing down the corridor that led to the library.
“Because of you, I try my hardest just to forget everything, Because of you, I don't know how to let anyone else in, Because of you, I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty”
Buffy stood on her porch watching the scene in front of her as the lights of the cop cars and the ambulance passed over her face. She watched as her father was handcuffed, read his rights, and put in a police car and she watched as the ambulance took her mother away rushing her to the hospital.
“Because of you, I am afraid, Because of you, Because of you”
******************
Buffy finished the song not noticing that sometime during her performance William and Giles had found her. They had been watching from the door and when she finished they began to applaud.
“Hi,” Buffy said.
“Hello, you probably don’t remember me but I’m your godfather and this is my nephew…”
“William,” Buffy replied, “We already met.”
“Oh...I see…well dinner should be ready,” Giles said looking at his watch, “Perhaps we should go downstairs.”
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