It was one week before her birthday when Gillian told Angel about her plan.
She was having a bad day and she was lying in bed half-asleep when Angel knocked softly on her half-open bedroom door.
Gillian opened her eyes halfway and smiled. "Hey, Angel," she mumbled.
Angel sat down on the bed and kissed her gently. "Hey," he whispered, stroking her hair.
Gillian sat up, wincing, and leaned back against the wall. Angel grasped Gillian's hand and squeezed gently. He stroked the back of her hand with his thumb and she storked his face with the back of her other hand. Then they kissed again, feeling the intimate connection for a brief moment.
"Angel, I have something very important to tell you," Gillian said. "Or, rather, ask you."
Angel nodded. "Anything."
Gillian paused before continuing. "Well, see, I was talking to Jake a while back about vampires and he said that when a Slayer is turned into a vampire, she doesn’t lose her soul 'cuz she's like stronger or somehitng. And then I got to thinking. Since I'm a Slayer and your'e a vampire and there's this whole—dying thing going on—" Gillian broke off when she saw Angel shaking his head. "What?" she asked.
"It—it's just—I mean, it's—no."
"Why not?"
"I knew someday you were gonna figure out about this, so I already know what my decision is. No. I don't want you to have to be like that. Your'e too—sweet. Innocent. I don't want you to be like I am. You shouldn’t have to be."
"Being like you wouldn't be so bad, Angel. At least I'd be with you."
"No, Gillian"
"Don't you love me, Angel?"
Angel hesitated.
"I don't care if the answer's no. I just wanna know, Angel. You've never told me before."
Angel sighed. "Remember that one night in the stables when you got kicked?"
"How could I forget?."
"Well, right before the vampires came, I was going to tell you that, well, I love you, Gillian. Your'e everything to me. I know you're a Slayer—a dying Slayer for that matter—but I still love you, Gillian. I know I shouldn't and I try to hide it, but it's there, controlling everything I do and say."
Gillian looked at Angel, tears shining in her eyes. "I—I love you too, Angel."
"I know." Angel paused. "And that's why I can't change you."
Gillian's face fell. "What? Why not?"
"You're thinking with your heart when you should be thinking with your head. You may love me now, but what’s gonna happen in ten years? Or fifty? Even a hundred years will pass and you'll still be alive. You don't want that. If—no, when you stop loving me, youll have to live like this forever, Gillian! That's a long time!"
"Don't you GET it, Angel?" Gillina was screaming now. "We're SOULMATES! I never WILL stop loving you! I can't IMAGINE ever living without you! That's why I'm DOING this! I've thought about it ALL! IF I ever thought for ONE moment that I would EVER stop loving you I wouldn't ASK you to change me!" Gillian was crying now and she spoke softer. "I just wanna be with you, Angel." Angel looked down and realized he was crying also. "Just the thought of leaving you scares me," Gillian whispered. "The thought of dying scares me even more."
Angel slid his arm around Gillian's shoulders. "You know, since I can't die, I never thought about how it would be from your point of view. You must be so scared."
Gillian nodded. "And I feel all alone. I feel like I'm standing in the middle of a crowded room screaming at the top of my lungs and nobody even looks up. Jake acts like everything's normal, when I go to school all my friends do too, and you—well, I don't know. You say you love me but then refuse to do anything about it."
Angel sighed. "Gillian, I just want what's best for you—for us. Don't you see that?"
"Why would me dying be best for us?"
"What would Jake say?"
"I don't care about Jake."
Angel looked into Gillian's eyes and she stared back, pleading. "Please, Angel?"
Angel stared into Gillian's huge, fathomless blue eyes and knew what he was going to do.
* * *
The day before Gillian's birthday, she was in so much pain that she couldn't even move. Angel took care of her since Jake was once again out of town. No one ever knew what he did out of town. (Do we really WANT to know?)
Angel walked into Gillian's room to see her laying in bed with her eyes closed. Her bright red hair in contrast to her pale face would've made her look even more beautiful if her face wasn't contorted in pain.
"Hey, Jilly," Angel whispered.
Gillian's eyes barely opened. "Hey," she mumbled. It was almost midnight. Almost her seventeenth birthday.
"Gillian, you're in so much pain. Do you wnat me to change you now?" he asked softly, moving to stand by her bed. "I don't want you to suffer."
"No! They said I'd never make it to seventeen and I'm going to prove them wrong."
"Five minutes 'till midnight."
"I was born at 1:03 am. You can't change me until then."
"Gillian—"
"Please?"
"Fine. But if you stop breathing, I'm changing you."
Gillian tried to protest but Angel place his finger over her lips in a silencing motion. "I'm not letting you die, Gillian. You made me realize that I love you too much for that."
Gillian smiled, then bit back a scream of pain. Angel kneeled down beside the bed so he was on eye level with Gillian.
"You okay?" he asked anxiously.
"Hold me," Gillian managed to get out.
Angel climbed up onto the bed next to Gillian and wrapped his arms around her waist, gently rubbing her back. She clung to him like he was a lifeline. And, technically, he was.
"Just hold on a little longer, Jilly," he whispered into her ear.
One hour later—five minutes before she was officially seventeen—Gillian fell asleep. Nothing Angel did seemed to wake her up, but he continued to hold her and talk to her.
"Come on, Gillian. I know you can do it."
Finally, after what seemed like hours, the clocck turned to 1:03am. "You made it, Gillian. You're seventeen."
Maybe Gillian heard him and decided to give up, but at any rate, her heart sped up and her breathing increased and became laboured. "Gillian? Gillian?"
Deciding that it was time, Angel shifted to his game face. Trying hard to control the hunger he felt, he sank his fangs into Gillian's neck. He felt her blood flow down his throat, but somehow, he was not tempted to drink his fill and leave her to die. Her blood tasted so sweet and he was pulled inside her mind. Although she had been in his mind before, he had never been in hers.
Her mind was like a green field with beautiful, clear sparkling ponds all over it. It was sunny and butterflies were flying all over.
Angel thought.
Angel turned to see Gillian, laughing. Obviously, she had heard his private thought.
At that moment, Gillian fell to the ground and screamed.
This thought jarred Angel out of Gilian's mind and away from her neck.
He quickly ripped a vein in his wrist with his teeth and held it up to Gillian's mouth, releived when she began to drink. This time, SHE was drawn into HIS mind. She was surprised to see that some of the icicles had melted. He was still cold, but not as frozen.
Angel's voice.
< I love you, Angel. >
< I love you, Gillian. >
The two sentances were spoken at the same time and seemed to somehow join the two speakers as they were pulled back to real life.
Angel looked down at Gillian—in vampire form—and smiled. Gillian's eyes fluttered open and she looked at Angel lovingly. He leaned down and kissed her softly.
Gillian—now feeling much better—sat up and her hands—those small, delicate hands that Angel loved so much—went to her face.
"It worked," Gillian said softly.
Angel nodded, forgetting he still had his game face on, also.
Her hands moved from her face to his and their lips found each others.
Angel's hand trailed down to the hem of Gillian's shirt and slid under it, rubbing her bare back with his strong hands.
Gillian nestled her head into the space beneath Angel's chin and began unbuttoning his shirt as the night wore on . . .
* * *
EARLY JUNE, 1998
"Now, if you can't figure out what happens next, you don't NEED to know," Gillian said with a chuckle.
"Wait. When me and Angel—well, you know—" Buffy said. Gillian nodded. "—well, he lost his sould because of it. And he obviously didn't know what was gonna happen. Now either this part of your stroy is locker room talk or something weird is going on."
Gillian shrugged. "It really happened. Does Giles have an explination?" Gillian asked, turning to the Watcher with her eyebrows raised.
Giles sighed. "Yes, actually I have two possibillities."
"Only two?" Buffy mumbled sarcastically, causing Gillian to giggle.
Glies glared at the girls before continuing. "One is that Angel’s gulit was too fresh and—and—imminse for a single moment of pure happiness to make him forget it completely. The other is that I read somewhere something about ‘soulmates can cause each other no harm’. Now, it that’s true, it could quite possibly be the reason."
Gillian pondered this for a minute before speaking. "I like the second one better. The first one makes it soud like I’m no good."
Buffy smiled weakly. "I guess it’s true, then. You guys really ARE soulmates."
"I’m sorry," Gillian said.
"So, you and Angel must have, like, split up or something. I mean, otherwise I would’ve met you the same time as him."
"Yeah, we did. It was ten years later when it happened. We were in Missouri. We had just found Spike again . . ."
* * *
MISSOURI—APRIL, 1937
Gillian reached her hand up and was pulled out of the opening by Angel to find herself in a room barely big enough for her to sit up in. Angel was lying on his stomach.
The two were sneaking through an intricate cave system which they knew Spike and his mistress, Drusilla, were hiding in. As far as they knew, Spike thought Gillian had died ten years ago, as Jake also thought.
"This way," Angle whispered, pushing himslef through a small tunnel on his stomach, Gillian followed, and when they came out, they found themselves in a slightly larger room overlooking a huge room. Inside the huge room, they saw Spike yelling at one of his minions. Drusilla was watching on.
"I can’t believe you have failed me again, Luke!" Spike was saying.
"Master, I’m sorry. But Angelus cannot be found," Luke replied.
Gillian and Angel shared a glance. They were talking about him. Gillian leaned closer to hear, and a rock—not a big one—tumbled over the edge to land at Spike’s feet.
"Someone’s in the caves," Spike said in that sing-song way of his.
"Stay calm, Jilly. He doesn’t know about you," Angel whispered. "Stay here." He dropped down into the larger room to face Spike.
"Why, Angelus. We were just talking about you," Spike said.
"Really?"
"Yeah. Sorry to hear about your little Slayer friend."
Gillian thought.
"What about Hannah?" Angel asked carelessly. Hannah was the current Slayer.
Spike laughed. "Do you mean to tell me that you have already forgotten about your little girlfriend?"
"What girlfriend?"
Even though Gillian knew Angel was acting, the two words stung her like a thousand knives. Angel must have sensed Gillian’s hurt (the time they spent in each other’s minds when Angel was changing Gillian had bound them together somewhat) because his eyes flicked up to where she still hid. It was only a brief second, but Spike saw it. He followed Angel’s gaze and in the second before he saw Gillain, she dropped down so Spike was in between the two good vampires.
"I don’t believe it! You’re dead!" Spike exclaimed.
"I am? Really? Woah. Thanks for telling me," Gillian said. Looking up, she saw Luke sneaking up behind Angel. He sensed her fear a second too late. Luke had already knocked out Angel.
"Angel!" Gillian screamed. She tried to run to him, but Spike blocked her.
"Oh, you’re not going anywhere, Slayer," he said, pulling her body close to him and baring his fangs.
Gillian struggled to get free, but Spike held on to her as Luke dragged Angel over to the side. "No! Angel!" she screamed.
Spike sunk his fangs into Gilian’s neck and started to drink, but almost instantly pulled away. Angel, in the corner had started to wake up, unnoticed by Spike, Dru, and Luke.
"God damn, what’s in your blood?" Spike exclaimed, spitting.
"Gillian?" Angel mumbled to himself.
"No matter," Spike said, recovering. "There’s a place over here where I can burn you—alive."
As Spike dragged Gillian into another room (Luke was helping reestrain her and Dru was being idiotic next to them) Angel tried to stand up.
Gillian screamed in her mind. Angel couldn’t hear the words, but he could sense her fear.
Slowly, he dragged himself to his feet and silently followed. When he got itno the room where Spike and Luke were tying Gillian to a wood pole, HE started to get scared. They were really going to burn her. He was going to see Gillian—his Jilly—turn to ashes right before his eyes.
"My Angelus," Drusilla said.
Spike and Luke turned and Gillian looked up.
"Well, Angelus. Good to see you’re awake."
Gillian and Angel shared a glance that clearly said, "I love you."
Luke went and tied Angel’s (who was still weak) hands behind his back and kept him from moving. Spike lit a match and threw it into the pile of straw surrounding Gillian. Then he threw Angel over his shoulder and he, Luke, and Dru left. That was the last Gillian and Angel saw of each other.
SUNNYDALE—MARCH, 1997
Angelus—he was only "Angel" to Gillian—hid in the moselium, waiting for the Slayer, Buffy. He had been watching her for a while, but had only spoken to her for the first time the previous night. He needed to keep her safe. After what had happened to Gillian . . . Oh, Gillian. Her bright blue eyes and beautiful red hair. The soft, sweet was she kissed him and made all his pain go away . . .
But he wouldn’t think about that now. It’d been sixty years since he’d last seen her and he wasn’t gonna let thoughts of her torture him.
Just then he heard a noise. Looking up, Angelus saw the Slayer—a beautiful blonde with medium height—standing in front of the locked door. He walked over and stood behind her, and heard her sigh.
"I don’t suppose you have a key on you," Buffy said.
She was nothing like Gillian. Instead of the innocent, vulnerable blue eyes, this girl had green eyes. Instead of the curly red hair that had made Gillian look so sweet, there was long, blonde hair. God, how he missed Gillian . . .
"They really don’t like me dropping by," he said, to keep up the conversation.
Buffy turned around and Angel felt—longing? No, he just missed Gillian. That’s what it had to be.
"Why is that?"
"They really don’t like me."
"How could that possibly be?" Sarcasm. It halfway reminded him of Gillian.
"Alright, so, if you’re gonna be popping up with the cryptic wise guy act—at least tell me your name?"
Angelus wasn’t ready to forget Gillian—not yet. He needed a reminder of her. He took a deep breath and said, "Angel."
"Angel. Pretty name."
As Buffy turns around and kicks the door open, he thinks about how she doesn’t know how important that name is to him. Suddenly he got a sudden urge to not let her go down there and get hurt. "D—don’t go down there."
She sighed and turned around again. "Deal with my going."
"They’ll be waiting for you." She can never say he didn’t try to warn her.
"Yeah, well, I have a friend down there. Or at least a potential friend. Do you know what it’s like to have a friend?"
That hurt him. He remembered how much he missed Gillian and how good of a friend she had been to him. Then he remembered that he HADN’T had a friend since she died. Yeah, that remark hurt.
"That—wasn’t supposed to be a stumper," she said with a small smile.
"When you hit the tunnels, head east—towards the school. That’s where you’re likely to find them," Angel said, still hurting.
"You gonna wish me luck?"
When Angel didn’t respond, Buffy turned and walked through the tunnels.
He missed Gillian more than words could say. But he still needed someone. He realized with a start that he felt an emptiness in his heart that he desperately wanted filled with someone’s love. Quietly, through his mixed emotions, he whispered, "Good luck."
* * *
JACKSON, MISSOURI—MARCH, 1997
Gillian’s thoughts raged inside her head as she fought the vampire in front of her.
Gilian dusted the vamp and sighed. She had escaped from the fire by breaking the rope tying her hands to the pole and finding her own way out of the cave system. She missed Angel—he would always be "Angel" to her—so much. His penetrating brown eyes, his soft dark hair, the way she felt that nothing bad could ever happen when he kissed her . . .
No! She had to stop this! Angel was gone forever and it was high time she got on with her life and her mission—to find Spike and distroy him once and for all.
* * *
EARLY JUNE, 1998
"So, that’s it. I never knew Angel was alive until I started having dreams about him again. Then I came here—to find he got sucked into Hell."
Giles looked at the clock and realized it was 7:50 am. They had planned to meet at the library even during the summer, so Xander, Willow, Oz, and Cordelia would be getting there soon.
"The funny thing is I actually understand why you had him turn you into a vampire," Giles said.
"Yeah," Buffy agreed. "You really loved each other."
"Yeah," Gillian whispered, looking down, lost in her own thoughts.
At that moment, the rest of the Slayer gange came bounding into the library.
"Hey, Buffy. Hey, Giles," Xander said. When he got to Gillian he paused. "Hellooo! Who are you?" he asked, practically drooling.
Gillian shared a glance with Buffy and Giles before adressing Xander, Willow, Oz, and Cordy. "Well, I guess I’ll start at the beginning. In 1924, when I was fourteen, I found out I was the Slayer. One night when I was coming home after patrolling, my whole life changed . . ."
THE END
So, how’d you like it? One word, (what am I talking about? Nothing’s one word with me) FEEDBACK. I wanna know if you liked it, if you hated it, and, well, anything. Even if you just want to talk. Anyway, I’ll shut up now. So, I’m telling you to e-mail me at xander_girl13@hotmail.com NOW!! (Okay, I’m over it. Well, actually I’m not, but I’m pretending to be over it.) ;)
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