TEASER
INT. FONTAINE HOUSE - BASEMENT
Xander is busy setting up the basement to be the
new training room. Audrey is busy painting odd
tribal pictures on the wall and Maya is setting up
a laptop. Maya looks up from her work and gives
Audrey a strange look.
MAYA
What exactly are you doing Audrey?
Audrey frowns at the wall.
AUDREY
I'm not a hundred percent sure. I think
I'm writing ancient African runes of
protection on the wall. Or I'm just
making a mess.
XANDER
Have you got the laptop set up?
MAYA
Yeah it's booting up now. I had a tough
time getting a signal down here. I may
have to move it upstairs.
XANDER
Great. Let me know when you connect to
the Watcher's mainframe.
Xander turns and looks at the wall Audrey's
working on. He tilts his head.
AUDREY
What?
XANDER
No. It's okay. It's just that I can
actually "see" them.
AUDREY
Really? Am I doing it right?
XANDER
Actually... they look exactly like the
runes that were drawn on Igqhira's hut I
visited in Africa. How are you doing
this?
AUDREY
Um... I've been kind of having some...
weird dreams. This old African dude
keeps telling me what to do.
XANDER
(sighs)
Yep. Been there.
A beeping noise is heard from the laptop. Maya is
looking at the screen with concern.
MAYA
Uh... Xander? Do you know where Liv is?
XANDER
She's on patrol. Why?
Maya turns and gives Xander, "the look".
MAYA
We've got a problem.
INT. FONTAINE HOUSE - MAIN FOYER
Liv walks into the house dressed in her standard
patrol gear.
LIV
Hey guys! I'm home!
LUCY
(OS)Honey? Can you come here for a
second?
INT. FONTAINE HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
Lucy, Xander and Maya all sit with fake cheery
smiles on their faces. Audrey sits in the corner
and could care less.
LUCY
(false cheer)
Hi honey! How was patrol?
XANDER
(false cheer)
Did you kill lots of vampires?
LUCY
(false cheer)
Would you like some hot chocolate?
MAYA
(false cheer)
Hey! Maybe later we could make s'mores!
Xander nudges Maya. Liv isn't buying it for a
second.
LIV
Okay. What happened?
XANDER
(false cheer)
Nothing! Nothing at all!
Now Liv is worried...
LIV
Oh god! Who died?!
LUCY
No! No Sweetie! No one died.
LIV
Okay... So why are you guys acting so
weird?
XANDER
Look, I got an e-mail today from the
council and some friends of mine are
coming for a... visit.
Liv looks at Xander with suspicion.
LIV
A visit?
XANDER
Well... more like a...
LUCY
Brief!
XANDER
Yes! Very brief... uh..
MAYA
Inquiry.
Liv doesn't like the sound of that.
LIV
Inquiry?
XANDER
Um... Evaluation.
Liv is beginning to freak.
LIV
Evaluation?!
AUDREY
Test! You're being tested! For god's
sake just say it!
Liv is now officially in panic mode.
LIV
Test!! What kind of test?!
XANDER
It's just a standard exam that's given
to all slay-
Liv's panic reaches full boil.
LIV
Exam!! There's an EXAM?!!
LUCY
Honey. Calm down.
LIV
There's an EXAM!!
MAYA
Oh... this is not good.
LIV
I'm not ready!! I haven't studied!! I
don't even have the lesson plan for
this!!
XANDER
Liv. Listen to me. This is just an
evaluation. They give it to all slayers.
In fact they'll be bringing up some
slayers from the Cleveland site, so you
won't be alone in this.
Liv is trying to process the information through
her panic.
LIV
Okay. Okay. I can do this. Won't be
alone. I have time to prepare.
(realization)
I do have time to prepare, right?
Xander laughs nervously.
XANDER
Yeah... well here's the funny thing...
Sound F/X: Doorbell rings
LIV
Oh God!
Liv turns a shade of green and runs out of the
room.
LUCY
(sighs)
I'll get the door. Then I'll get the
pepto.
Lucy walks into the foyer to answer the door. Maya
collapses on the couch.
MAYA
(sarcastic)
That went well.
AUDREY
What's freakshow's problem anyway?
MAYA
Test anxiety.
AUDREY
She hunts vampires and demons on a daily
basis and she freaks over a test?
MAYA
Just one of her lovable quirks.
AUDREY
Freak.
XANDER
Well at least we know it can't get any-
VOICE
(OS)Greetings fellow Watcher!
Andrew bounds into the room dressed in an outfit
somewhere between Giles and Tom Baker's Dr. Who.
He immediately runs over and gives Xander a giant
hug.
XANDER
Oh God.
END TEASER
ACT I
INT. FONTAINE HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Andrew is still hugging Xander.
XANDER
Really Andrew, you can stop hugging me
at any time.
VOICE
(OS)Geez, Andrew. Down boy.
Xander looks up to see Kennedy and Giles standing
in the doorway.
KENNEDY
Don't make me get the hose.
Andrew reluctantly lets go. Xander goes over and
greets Giles and Kennedy.
XANDER
G-man! Ken!
Giles rolls his eyes as Xander shakes his hand
while Xander is hugging Kennedy.
XANDER
How are you two?
KENNEDY
Well, I'm doing fine. But there's a
certain wiccan who's mighty PO'd at the
moment. Seems like someone hasn't been
getting their weekly phone call
recently.
XANDER
We've had a few setbacks recently.
GILES
Yes. We noticed that when coming in.
What exactly happened to your place?
XANDER
Blew up.
GILES
Bl-blew up?
AUDREY
Yeah. You know. Explosives. They go
"Boom".
GILES
But why?
XANDER
Horde of zombie-like creatures invaded.
Had to go to operation:"Blow up the
Mayor", if you know what I mean.
GILES
Y-yes of course.
XANDER
Don't worry. All the details will be on
my expense report.
GILES
Expense report?
We hear what appears to be a muted scuffle going
on from the outside. Maya approaches the window to
see what it is.
ANDREW
Xander, do you think you might have time
to-
XANDER
No.
ANDREW
But I haven't even ask-
XANDER
Still no.
Maya is looking out the window.
MAYA
Um... Did anybody tell the visiting
slayers about Spike?
ANDREW
(Excited)
Spike?
We hear a door slam.
SPIKE
(OS)Somebody want to tell me why three
girls just tried to stake me while I was
just...
Spike walks into the room and before he can say
anything else...
ANDREW
SPIKE!
Andrew throws up his arms for a hug. Spike hangs
his head.
SPIKE
Oh bloody hell.
And Spike is running out the door. Andrew runs
after him.
ANDREW
Spike! Wait up!
Giles, Kennedy and Xander all sigh in relief as
Liv walks cautiously out into the living room.
XANDER
Liv! You remember Giles, right?
Liv looks at Giles but says nothing.
GILES
Good to see you again Olivia.
Liv just stares at Giles in absolute fear.
XANDER
Uh... and this is Kennedy, she was one
of the potentials at the hellmouth.
She's now in charge of combat training
for the council.
KENNEDY
Nice to meet you Liv. Willow and Xander
have told me a lot about you.
Liv continues to stare at Kennedy and Giles with a
look of fear.
KENNEDY
What they didn't tell me is that you're
a mute.
GILES
Is.. is she okay?
XANDER
She's fine. She.. uh.. just doesn't test
well.
LIV
Eep.
KENNEDY
What was that?
MAYA
Xander said the word "test".
LIV
Eep.
MAYA
It's just one of her nervous tics.
Audrey rolls her eyes as she pages through a
magazine.
AUDREY
(quietly)
Freak.
Giles gives Liv a friendly smile.
GILES
Olivia, I assure you that this will not
be the horrible experience you expect.
This actually just a minor evaluation-
LIV
Eep.
GILES
-that replaces the old tradition of the
council's where-
XANDER
Giles? Maybe we shouldn't bringing up
the cruciamentum.
GILES
Oh. Right. Of course. Well you shan't be
alone during all of this.
On cue three rather tough looking girls enter the
room carrying luggage. Liv looks at them and her
eyes bug out.
MAYA
(sotto to Audrey)
Oh my god. They're huge.
AUDREY
(sotto)
Great. Freaks on steroids.
GILES
Here we are... Susan, Arin and Chandra,
this is Olivia. You will be going
through your evaluation-
LIV
Eep.
GILES
-with her. For the next week we shall be
test-
LIV
Eep.
GILES
-ing you on your knowledge, fighting
skills and performance in the field.
Susan looks at Liv like she just crawled out from
under a rock.
SUSAN
What's with the cricket?
GILES
She... uh... has a form of test-
LIV
Eep.
GILES
-anxiety.
All three girls give Liv a look of disgust.
ARIN
Take a good look girls. This is the one
of the chosen.
CHANDRA
Wait a minute... Is this girl the reason
we all have to wear Kevlar now?
GILES
Ah... well... you see that was actually
a decision...
Susan starts walking off.
SUSAN
C'mon girls, let's go find a place in
this dump to crash.
The girls stomp off elsewhere.
XANDER
Nice girls. What were they before they
were slayers? Truckers?
KENNEDY
They're a little rough around the edges
but they get the job done.
Kennedy turns to Liv and gives her a big smile.
KENNEDY
So how 'bout it Liv. You ready to see
how you measure up as a slayer?
Liv turns a shade of green and runs out of the
room.
GILES
Uh. Well. That's quite a case of nerves.
We hear retching sounds from the other room. Lucy
comes down the steps.
KENNEDY
Either that or a monster food disorder.
LUCY
Oh don't you worry about Liv. She just
has a bad case of nerves.
Kennedy sees Lucy and immediately starts checking
her out with a sly smile. Xander notices.
XANDER
Giles, you remember Lucy don't you?
GILES
Yes. Yes. Of course. It's not often that
someone calls me "thick".
LUCY
Well that was before I really met you.
Now I have an entire new list of insults
for you.
Giles chuckles as Kennedy does some last second
preening.
GILES
Oh. Marvelous.
XANDER
And Kennedy I'd like you to meet Lucy
Fontaine.
Kennedy gives Lucy a seductive smile and a raised
eyebrow as she shakes Lucy's hand.
KENNEDY
Hi.
LUCY
(weirded out)
Uh. Hi.
XANDER
(sotto)
My girlfriend.
KENNEDY
(realization/embarrassment)
Oh! Oh. Nice to meet you. Uh. I better
go check on the equipment.
GILES
Right, I'll go make sure the girls
haven't chewed on any of the furniture.
As Giles and Kennedy.
LUCY
Okay. What was that?
AUDREY
Duh. You were being checked out.
LUCY
I was?
MAYA
Better watch out Xander. Kennedy might
steal your girl.
XANDER
Oh, I doubt I have anything to worry
about. Right Luce?
Luce is looking out the doorway where Kennedy
went.
XANDER
Uh. Luce?
LUCY
Hmm? What? Oh whatever you say dear.
Xander gives Lucy an odd look as we...
CUT TO:
INT. VIZIER'S SANCTUM
The Vizier and Amy are consulting with some of
AMY
Five slayers?
VIZIER
Maybe there's a convention.
AMY
Or maybe they're getting reinforcements.
Nuggano steps out from the shadows.
NUGGANO
I don't want to hear possibilities. I
want to hear options.
AMY
Maybe it is time to see how good the
Kosoko really is.
From the shadows the Izithunzela version of
Lateesha steps out.
VIZIER
We can set up a trap for each of the
slayers and pick them off one by one.
NUGGANO
Excellent. The time grows near for my
purification. The sooner we have the
blood of the chosen slayer, the better.
AMY
Master, might I suggest that any of the
available slayer's blood would be
acceptable for the cere-
NUGGANO
No. The watcher will pay for what he did
to me... and it will be his slayer that
I'll use to reach a purified state.
END ACT I
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