ACT III
INT. FRICK AND FRACK'S NOVELTY SHOP
Hans and Werner sit on either side of the table.
Watching the eight ball vibrate and bounce.
WERNER
Is it supposed to do that?
HANS
I'm not sure.
PONGO(OS)
My sources say no.
Hans and Werner turn to see Pongo standing in the
store trying to look badass.
HANS
I'm sorry sir, but our store is closed.
Suddenly there is a sword point ed at Hans' throat.
Hans and Werner exchange a worried look. Nervous
smiles cross their faces.
WERNER
But we'd be happy to serve you.
PONGO
Yes. Definitely.
XANDER(OS)
Special Agent Pongo! Stand down.
Hans, Werner and Pongo turn to see Xander and the
rest of the odd squad standing behind them. Xander
flashes his wallet as though he's some kind of law
enforcement dude.
XANDER
FBI. Special Agent Mulder, artifacts
division. You boys are in violation of
the magic eight ball statute of 1978.
HANS
The what?
XANDER
You'll have to excuse Agent Pongo, he's
been under deep cover infiltrating a
bizarre sex cult that worships these
damn things.
(to Liv)
Agent Scully. Please take possession of
the artifact.
(to Jordy and Maya)
Agents Dogget and Reyes, please take
Agent Pongo to deprogramming.
Hans and Werner exchange blank looks as Liv grabs
the eight ball and Jordy and Maya pull Pongo away.
HANS
Werner. They are taking our Eight ball
away.
WERNER
We should probably stop them.
Suddenly Hans and Werner's bodies grow to the size
of giant wrestler. Their heads however still
remain very little.
LIV
Oh crap.
XANDER
So much for the non-violent approach.
PONGO
Outlook not so good.
LIV
Duh!
Hans and Werner rush forward at Xander and Liv.
HANS
You get the girly-girl. I'll get the
girly-man.
XANDER
Hey! Who's a girly man?
Hans punches Xander and sends him flying into the
wall.
XANDER
(a little dazed)
Okay... Guess that'd be me.
Maya turns to Jordy with a questioning look.
JORDY
I.. I don't know if I can.
MAYA
Oh crap.
WERNER(OS)
Hold still girly!
ANGLE ON:
Werner as he knocks Liv to the side, knocking
loose the eight ball. Werner catches it in his
giant hand.
WERNER
I've got it!
HANS
Nothing can stop us now!
PONGO(OS)
My sources say No!
ANGLE ON:
In slow motion, Pongo leaps into the air... His
Hawaiian shirt and plaid shorts flutter in the
breeze as he flies up to the level of Werner and
Hans' heads and lops them off with his shiny
sword.
HANS
Oh.
WERNER
Crud.
The eight ball flies into the air. Liv races to
catch it.
LIV
I got it! I got it!
She jumps and grabs the ball in mid-air.
LIV
I got it.
...but she lands on two cardboard boxes which
explode with more magic eight balls. She drops her
ball in the aftermath and it becomes lost in the
pile
LIV
Oh God. Oh God.
Everyone starts digging through the pile.
XANDER
Where is it? Where-
There is a popping sound, a flash and suddenly a
half naked woman with blue skin and black hair
appears from nowhere.
XANDER
Never mind.
ORACLE WOMAN
Outlook not so good?
Pongo smiles and takes the hand of his
"sister-being" and pats it calmly.
PONGO
Outlook good.
The two blue skinned oracles smile at each other.
Meanwhile Liv sits on a pile of magic eight balls
and shakes her head.
LIV
Weirdest. Day. Ever.
END ACT III
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