For those of you familiar with Pongo the Wonder puppet, you can skip the "Previously" and head straight to "Teaser"
PREVIOUSLY ON THE WATCHER....
From "Closure"
INT. ANGEL'S OFFICE
Fred is introducing new "technology" to Angel and the team.
FRED
This tool will revolutionize the way we investigate ethereal matters.
Wesley holds up what appears to be a "Magic Eight Ball".
WES
You must be joking. This actually works?
INT. ANGEL'S OFFICE - LATER
Angel and Xander sit alone in Angel's Office.
ANGEL
So is this it? Are you done with the demon world and all its black magic?
XANDER
I don't know. Seems I can never get away, no matter where I run to.
Angel picks up the Magic Eight ball.
ANGEL
Here.
(tosses ball to Xander)
Next time you find yourself dealing with a creature of the night, this might be of use.
From "Training Day":
INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - MAIN ROOM
Xander looks at the table and spies the Magic Eight Ball. He picks it up and tosses it from one
hand to the other.
XANDER
Oh mysterious and all-knowing magic
eight ball! Will the swedish bikini
team be dropping by tonight with
pizza and beer?
The Answer: Signs point to No.
Xander sighs.
XANDER
Could've guessed the answer to that one.
(beat)
Am I doing the right thing here?
The Answer: Yes, definitely.
From "That Old Familiar Feeling":
INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - MAIN ROOM
Lucy, Liv, Maya, Xander and Brad stand among the remains of smashed magical relics.
XANDER
Where's the eight ball?
BRAD
Eight ball? It's over there
(points to a broken eight ball lying on
Maya's puppet)
I smashed it. Was that bad?
Xander stumbles over and picks up the broken parts of the eight
ball.
XANDER
This is not good.
MAYA
Brad! What were you thinking?
BRAD
How was I supposed to know?
XANDER
What am I going to do now?
VOICE(OS)
Reply hazy. Ask again later.
The entire group stops and looks over at...
ANGLE ON:
The puppet.
LIV
(freaked)
Did... Did...
BRAD
(also freaked)
Did that thing just talk?
The puppet gives a "puppet smile" and waves at the group. It's
voice is somewhat cartoonish.
PUPPET
Signs point to yes!
The group stands dumbfounded. Except for Liv who faints and
falls flat on her face.
From "Solo":
INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - KITCHEN
Xander and Liv talk while watching Pongo.
XANDER
He's not evil, Liv. He's a creature called
Ekul Reklawyks. Dawn looked him up for me.
LIV
What's a Ekool Reklaw-whatever you called
it?
XANDER
It's actually part of a gestation stage for
an Oracle spirit. At this point they can't
make any prophecies, but they are keyed in
on what is the truth. Usually they don't
take physical form in our dimension, so I
guess you can say we're lucky to have him.
LIV
Can we just stuff him back in the eight
ball?
END PREVIOUSLY
TEASER
INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - BASEMENT
Spike lies asleep in bed. He rolls over and
snuggles up with a pillow. Only problem? Not a
pillow, it's Pongo. As Spike snuggles up to Pongo,
Pongo (also asleep) snuggles back.
This of course wakes up Spike who opens his eyes
sees the Puppet and wigs.
SPIKE
Bloody hell!
INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - KITCHEN
Pongo flies and bounces off the wall at the top of
the steps.
SPIKE(OS)
If you ever do that again I'm
stuffing you through the sodding paper
shredder!
XANDER(OS)
Spike! What the hell is going on
down there!
Xander comes barreling down the steps, knocks
Pongo over and sends him flying into the kitchen,
knocking off Pongo's nose. Xander doesn't notice
and continues to stomp down into the basement.
SPIKE(OS)
That idiot puppet of yours was
snuggling up to me again!
XANDER(OS)
Ohhh... Was Spikey feeling lonely?
Pongo pulls himself off the floor and dust himself
off. When he realizes his nose is gone he panics.
PONGO
Outlook not good!
SPIKE(OS)
You better keep a lid on the puppet
Harris or I'll rip out your spleen and
have it for lunch!
Pongo finds his nose, dusts it off and puts it
back on his face.
XANDER(OS)
Glad to see that soul of yours is
working out so well for you.
Pongo goes over to the coffee machine, pulls out a
jar of coffee and loads it up in the machine.
SPIKE(OS)
Bugger off!
XANDER(OS)
Look, if you're not happy about
living here-
SPIKE(OS)
Bloody right I don't like living
here! Between you, dog-boy and the
puppet I can't get a good day's sleep
around here!
XANDER(OS)
Oh like having you around is a
stroll in the park!
SPIKE(OS)
What's that supposed to mean?!
Pongo starts the coffee machine and heads toward
the main room and turns on the TV which almost
drowns out the sound of Spike and Xander's
bickering.
NEWSCASTER
(filtered)
-rise in gang activity, Lt. Lockley had
this to say...
WOMAN'S VOICE
(filtered)
It is not uncommon for small towns such
as this to be used as a so-called port
in the trafficking of drugs like... oh
say PCP...
Jordy comes down the steps and approaches Pongo.
JORDY
Hey Pongo... um I've been having this...
problem lately.
PONGO
It is decidedly so.
Jordy doesn't like the sound of that.
JORDY
Is there-
XANDER(OS)
All I'm saying is would it kill you
to pick the towels off the floor?!
Spike and Xander come into the kitchen. Xander
goes to the coffee machine and Spike goes to the
fridge and pulls out a bag of blood.
SPIKE
Would it kill you to write down
wheetabix on the shopping list when you
finish it off?!
Xander fixes a cup of coffee and Spike nukes a
"mug 'o blood" in the microwave.
XANDER
After what I saw you do what you do with
that stuff? Yeah. I really got a craving
for 'blood 'n cereal'.
JORDY
Oh sorry. That was me. But it was more
milk and cereal than blood.
SPIKE
Why don't you stick to eating Alpo and
leave my stuff alone?
XANDER
Jordy, why am I getting calls from
Sister Margaret regarding you cutting
class?
Jordy shrugs. Spike snorts.
JORDY
It was mostly slayer-
SPIKE
Like you're a good example.
Xander shoots Spike a glare.
XANDER
Jordy? What's the rule?
JORDY
Do as you say, not as you did.
XANDER
So there. So was all of it slayer
related?
JORDY
Um... Pretty much none really.
Xander shakes his head.
XANDER
Jordy...
NEWSCASTER
(filtered)
And now we go to Andrea Cambern on
location for what appears to be a very
prognostic anniversary.
Pongo turns to the TV where a Woman Newscaster is
standing outside the Frick and Frack Novelty
store.
WOMAN NEWSCASTER
(filtered)
Thirty years ago today, a decision
making toy was born and has since provided
years of enjoyment and fun. That toy...
The magic eight ball.
The woman holds up a magic eight ball and the
camera does a close up. Pongo looks at the screen
and begins to shake and he grabs his head like it
is about to pop. He gets closer and closer to the
screen and all sound fades out as he stares at the
eight ball on the telly. Just when the shaking is
about to be at it's worst...
PONGO
Outlook not so good.
Pongo snaps out of it.
WOMAN NEWSCASTER
...ensuring fun for generations to come.
Spike slams his blood mug down on the table next
to Xander's.
SPIKE
It's not the bloody same!
Xander is waving around a box of wheat chex.
XANDER
It's wheat! It got an "X" at the end!
What's the difference?!
PONGO
Outlook not good!
NEWSCASTER
(filtered)
So what would the eight ball say about
you and I getting together tonight,
Andrea?
JORDY
Hey guys? I've gotta get going. Can we
do this later?
WOMAN NEWSCASTER
(filtered)
I'd say "Don't count on it", Jerry.
Pongo taps Jordy on the leg trying to get his
attention.
PONGO
Outlook not good!
Jordy pushes Pongo away.
NEWSCASTER
(filtered)
Well maybe Wally could use it to improve
his forecasting?
XANDER
Jordy, are doing okay? You seem really
out of sorts lately.
JORDY
I'm fine.
Pongo is bouncing around trying to get everyone's
attention.
PONGO
Outlook not so goooood!
XANDER
You sure you don't want to talk?
JORDY
I'm fine!
Pongo starts beating the TV with the remote.
PONGO
OUTLOOK NOT SO GOOD!!
SPIKE
Will somebody shut that bloody thing
up?!
XANDER
What is it Pongo?
Pongo sighs in frustration and points at the TV.
PONGO
Outlook not so good!
Jordy looks at the TV.
WEATHERMAN
(filtered)
....with highs in the upper 60's this
evening. Tomorrow will be partly cloudy
with a thirty percent chance of rain...
JORDY
Looks like Wally the weatherman is wrong
about the forecast again.
Pongo starts waving his arms around in frantic
puppet mode.
PONGO
Sources say No! Sources say No!
Suddenly a seam in Pongo's arm pops open and some
fluff leaks out.
XANDER
Jeez Pongo... that's like the third seam
this week.
SPIKE
Can't we neuter him or something?
XANDER
He's a puppet, not a puppy! What exactly
are we supposed to... neuteralize?
SPIKE
I say we start with the head and go from
there.
Pongo sighs in frustration. Jordy starts to head
out the door.
JORDY
I better get going...
XANDER
Jordy-
JORDY
I'm fine!
Jordy slams the door behind him. Xander sighs and
picks up his mug.
SPIKE
What's wrong with Lassie?
Spike crumbles some wheat chex into his mug and
stirs it.
XANDER
I don't know. He's been acting strange
for the past week.
SPIKE
Maybe we should neuter him.
XANDER
(not funny)
Ha.
Both Xander and Spike sip from their respective
mugs, make a face of disgust and spew the contents
from their mouths.
They exchange mugs. Xander takes a sip of his
actual coffee to clear his mouth, makes another
face of disgust and spits it out.
XANDER
God! That's horrible.
(looks in cup)
What's that floating in there?
SPIKE
Wheat Chex. Told you it wasn't the same.
Pongo stares wistfully at the TV.
PONGO
(mournfully)
Outlook not so good.
And another seam on the other arm pops open
sending out more fluff.
Pongo sighs as we...
END TEASER
ACT I
INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - MAIN ROOM
Pongo frantically goes through the yellow pages
like a mad... uh.. puppet. Finally he comes across
a large ad for Frick and Frack's Novelties. He
grabs the phone and dials the number.
VOICE
(filtered)
Frick and Frack's Novelties. Home of the
rubber chicken. Can I help you?
PONGO
Signs point to yes.
VOICE
(filtered)
Uh... great. Is there something specific
you are looking for?
PONGO
Yes. Definitely.
An awkward pause ensues.
VOICE
Are you going to tell me what you want
or do I have to guess?
Pongo opens his mouth to try and say something but
he can't force the words out. So instead he
says...
PONGO
Yes.
VOICE
(filtered)
Look bud. I don't have time to be
messing around. Are you going to tell me
what you want?
Again with the Pongo hesitation.
PONGO
Sources say no.
Without a word from the other side the line goes
dead. Pongo starts beating the phone on the floor.
PONGO
Outlook not good! Outlook not good.
Suddenly a hand pulls the phone out of Pongo's
mitts. Pongo is turned around to see a very
serious Spike
SPIKE
See hear young... thing. This is a
phone. Not a toy. Xander would be very
upset to learn that you've been making
phone calls so you better stop-
Spike thinks about that for a moment.
SPIKE
Pfft. Why should I care? Here...
Spike hands the phone back to Pongo.
SPIKE
If you need help with international
calls, let me know.
Spike hops on the couch and starts channel
surfing. Xander comes down the stairs.
XANDER
Hey Pongo. We're out of needles and
thread. Actually... we've never had
thread or needles. So...
Xander holds up a roll of duct tape.
XANDER
We'll improvise.
Pongo gives the tape roll a look of horror.
PONGO
Sources say no!
Xander picks up Pongo and places on the kitchen
island and starts patching Pongo with duct tape.
PONGO
Sources say no.
XANDER
Yeah well, I say yes.
Spike is flipping through channels and stops on a
TV commercial.
ANNOUNCER
(filtered)
Come on down to Frick and Frack's for
the finest in tricks and gags that will
amaze and astound your friends!
Pongo starts vibrating again and another seam pops
open. Pongo points at the TV.
PONGO
OUTLOOK NOT SO GOOD!
XANDER
Pongo!
Just as Spike changes the channel.
WEATHERMAN
(filtered)
...with a thirty percent chance for
rain. Tomorrow...
Xander gives Pongo an exasperated look.
XANDER
Okay Pongo. We get it. Bad weather
forecast.
PONGO
Sources say no! Sources say no!
Spike tosses the remote on the table
SPIKE
How the hell am I supposed to watch the
telly with that stuffed poofta going off
every five minutes?
XANDER
Gee Spike. I feel your sorrow. How will
you ever enjoy another episode of
Passions?
SPIKE
Fine. I'll just do some work in the
basement.
Spike pulls a pick-axe out of the weapons cabinet.
SPIKE
Don't mind the noise.
Xander is to engrossed in patching up Pongo to
notice.
XANDER
Whatever.
Spike heads downstairs as Xander patches the final
seam on Pongo.
XANDER
There. Isn't that better?
PONGO
Sources say no.
XANDER
Look, when I get a chance I'll pick up
some-
A loud thump is heard from the basement, followed
by a couple more.
XANDER
Oh crap!
Xander runs downstairs.
XANDER(OS)
You are not digging a tunnel to the
main sewer line!
SPIKE(OS)
I thought you told me to spend more
time out of the house.
Pongo hops off the kitchen island; grabs the phone
and hits redial.
VOICE
(filtered)
Frick and Frack's Novelties. Home of the
rubber chicken. Can I help you?
AUDREY(VO)
Yes...
INT. ST. BUFALARI'S - LIBRARY
Audrey sits at the library table with her friends
talking on her cell phone.
AUDREY
I'm calling in to voice a complaint? I
ordered a new ipod that was supposed to
come in a metallic rose pink but instead
came in a metallic light pink and I'd
like to know why your company is so
fashion impaired to make such a large
fashion error?
We pan over to the next table where Maya and Liv.
Both have their heads lying down on the table
looking at Audrey in sheer boredom.
MAYA
Worst. Job. Ever.
Liv can barely keep her eyes open.
LIV
Tell me again how she's supposed to save
the world?
MAYA
My most recent theory is that an evil
demon attempts to suck her brain out and
dies of starvation.
AUDREY
Hello! They are two totally different
colors. Are you blind?
Liv rolls her eyes.
LIV
But what of her useless knowledge of
clothing trends? All that information
would be lost for the ages. Everyone
would be forced to wear flared jeans and
velour for the rest of their lives.
MAYA
Oh. The horror. If she'd only use her
fashion powers for good instead of evil.
LIV
The world would be a better place.
Jordy approaches and sits down at he table.
JORDY
You two look mellower than usual.
MAYA
We're playing "World without Audrey".
JORDY
How's that going?
LIV
The world would be safer and happier but
less fashionable.
JORDY
I can live with that.
LIV
You'd have to wear flared jeans for the
rest of your life.
JORDY
Okay, that I'd have to think about.
MAYA
Where were you this morning?
JORDY
Caught in the house of dysfunction.
LIV
Again?
JORDY
Spike and Xander, I can usually handle,
but Pongo was in rare form this morning.
MAYA
What crawled up his fluff?
JORDY
Something about the weather.
INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - MAIN ROOM
Pongo is on the phone again. He is very agitated.
VOICE
(filtered)
No! Stop calling here!
PONGO
Outlook not so good!
VOICE
(filtered)
You call here again I swear to God I'm
calling the police!
PONGO
Outlook not so good!
INT. ST. BUFALARI'S - LIBRARY
Jordy is continuing with his story.
JORDY
...so I missed the first part of Trig
and O'Donnel gave me detention.
MAYA
Again?
LIV
Jordy!
Liv flops over on the table hitting her head
against it. Hard.
JORDY
What?
MAYA
Today was your turn to play bodyguard
for Audrey during cheerleader practice.
Remember?
LIV
(depressed)
Tucker and I were supposed to go over
the restriction digestion and gel
electrophoresis on transgenic plants
with southern hybridization.
MAYA
Okay... you just made that up right?
Liv pouts.
LIV
Now we can't go over the results of the
purified plasmids using the restriction
enzymes and the agarose gel!!
JORDY
Can I fear her and be in awe of her at
the same time?
LIV
This sucks.
MAYA
Can't you just bring Tucker to practice?
LIV
Hello? Bouncing cheerleaders vs. me? I
don't need the competition.
JORDY
Why don't you just do it later at your
house?
MAYA
She's not allowed to do any lab
experiments at home after the great
volcano experiment of 1998.
LIV
(pouting)
It was just a small fire.
MAYA
You made MAGMA!
JORDY
Magma?
Liv rolls here eyes.
LIV
It wasn't real magma.
Maya sulks.
MAYA
Tell that to my Malibu Barbie dream car.
JORDY
Why don't you go to Xander's? He won't
mind as long as you set something of
Spike's on fire.
XANDER(OS)
Won't mind what?
Xander surprises everyone by sitting down at the
table.
MAYA
What are you doing here?
XANDER
Apparently when you get detention three
days in a row it's a state law for the
parent or guardian to be called in and
be tortured by nuns.
JORDY
Sorry.
XANDER
You and I are sooooo having a talk when
we get home.
LIV
So can I use your place for an
experiment with Tucker?
XANDER
What's a "Tucker"?
MAYA
Budding crush.
LIV
No jinxing!
Xander frowns.
XANDER
Potential boyfriend?
LIV
Did you hear me with the "no jinxing"? I
definitely said "no jinxing".
MAYA
Definite potential.
LIV
Is anybody listening to me?
XANDER
I better have him checked out.
LIV
Checked out? But...
XANDER
Liv, trust me on this... The boyfriend
factor when it comes to slayers? Usually
not a good track record. And let's just
say that Brad-
LIV
*NOT* my boyfriend.
XANDER
Okay... still not a great start.
LIV
Are you telling me that since I'm a
slayer my love life is destined to suck?
XANDER
Well... there's always the exception.
I'll give him the once over and then
check with Pongo.
JORDY
If he's gotten over the weather report.
INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - MAIN ROOM
Pongo is vibrating something fierce. His seams are
splitting all over the place. The vibrations get
worse and worse until his puppet body explodes
violently sending fluff and felt everywhere.
As the dust clears a naked man with blue skin and
gold hair stands on the remains of the puppet. He
looks at his hands and body in amazement.
PONGO
Outlook... not so good.
END ACT I
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