ACT II
INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - MAIN ROOM
The Odd squad sit and talk quietly. Xander and
Kelly are in the kitchen getting to know each
other.
LIV
So you guys know the plan?
MAYA
No, Worm. We haven't been listening to
you obsess over every detail for the
last half hour.
JORDY
I just kinda zoned out after about five
minutes. Are we doing anything other
than checking out her story and checking
around town for those vampires that were
chasing her?
LIV
Uh... no. That's pretty much it.
JORDY
Coolness. I'll take the West side, you
take the east?
LIV
You got it.
(To Xander)
Hey, Mr. Harris. Jordy and I are going
on a second sweep.
XANDER
Be careful.
KELLY
Bye guys!
Liv tries to smile and waves back at Kelly. Before
Jordy can leave, Maya pulls him aside.
MAYA
Hey. Cujo. What was the deal with you
back at the cemetery?
JORDY
I'm... I'm not sure. I just... lost it.
MAYA
Yeah. You never lose it. Well once...
but...
JORDY
I don't know what happened, but I'm
fine.
MAYA
Did you forget to drink 'feet' or do the
chanty thing today?
JORDY
No I did all that.
MAYA
Maybe you should talk with Harris.
JORDY
Look... it was just a one-time deal.
Okay? Lay off!
Maya gives Jordy a look of concern. Jordy shakes
his head.
JORDY
I'm fine. Look... tell you what. I'll
drink an extra potion before I go and
I'll do some more meditation when I get
back. 'kay?
Jordy gives Maya a smile. Maya smiles back as
Jordy pulls her into hug.
MAYA
Okay. But be warned, I never cried at
the end of Old Yeller.
They smile.
JORDY
Got it.
They smooch.
KELLY(OS)
Hey you two! Get a room!
MAYA
Great. Comments from the peanut gallery.
JORDY
Well, maybe if we're lucky she's evil
and we'll have to kill her.
MAYA
You say the sweetest things.
EXT. CEMETERY
Liv patrols solo through the graveyard. She's
talking on her pda/cell.
LIV
Find anything?
MAYA
(filtered)
I'm currently trying to hack my way into
California's records to verify Kelly's
birth certificate, but I did find
something weird.
LIV
What's that?
MAYA
(filtered)
I asked Pongo if Kelly was Xander's real
daughter and he hesitated and wouldn't
answer.
LIV
What?
INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - MAIN ROOM
Maya is sitting on the floor pulling on a puppet
arm that goes beneath the couch.
MAYA
Then he crawled underneath the couch and
he won't come out and won't answer any
more questions. I think I fried his
puppet brain. Pongo! Come out here!
Pongo makes a puppet groaning sound and tries to
pull his arm away.
LIV
(filtered)
You fried his brain with a question?
Maya drops the puppet arm and frowns.
MAYA
I don't think it was the question that
did it. What scares me is that I think
it was the answer.
EXT. CEMETERY
Liv frowns.
LIV
I don't like the sound of that.
MAYA
(filtered)
Once again... master of the
understatement.
LIV
Let me know what you find from public
records and-
Liv stops for a second and looks off in the
distance.
MAYA
(filtered)
Liv? Okay... you know I hate it when you
break off in mid-sentence.
LIV
I'm fine. I'll check back in 20.
MAYA
Liv? Where are you-
Liv turns off the PDA and slowly moves behind a
clump of trees where there are two vampires hidden
watching an access road that runs along the
cemetery. They are both wearing robes.
VAMP1
The time is at hand.... soon the time
for restoration will be here and the
Defiler will meet her undoing.
The second vamp rolls his eyes and tugs his
VAMP2
Yeah. Whatever. Is there some point
where I have to start talking like that?
Because if so, stake me now.
VAMP1
You have only just joined our Order. You
do not know our master's power. Once you
have passed the level of initiate-
VAMP2
Uh-huh. Whatever. I'm just here for the
free blood. And what is with this robe?
It feels like burlap.
VAMP1
They are like the robes our master first
wore... eons ago. When the sire of our
sires walked the earth before he
forsaked his human attributes.
Liv creeps closer to the vamps, listening to
VAMP2
You mean like those freaky hooves Khaos
and Aionios have for hands? 'Cuz if
that's what happens after a couple of
centuries, I'd prefer to keep my
opposable thumbs.
LIV
(to herself)
Hooves?
Liv inches forward and steps on a twig making a
snapping sound.
VAMP2
What was that?
VAMP1
Intruder! Intruder!
The two vampires rush toward Liv. Five more
vampires show up around her.
LIV
Crap.
VAMP1
Ahhh... The slayer.
LIV
Sorry just "a" slayer actually. Little
"a" not a big one. I've still got the
powers of the chosen ones though, so you
might just want to you know... run away
before I destroy you all.
The vampires all laugh.
VAMP2
Seven to one odds? I don't think-
The vamp turns to dust, revealing FAITH standing
behind him with the stake she just used.
FAITH
So why are all you big bad vamps picking
on half-pint? I mean that's just mean.
VAMP1
It's her. The other Slayer. The-
Faith rolls her eyes and throws her stake into the
vamp's chest... dusting him.
FAITH
Ya' know, I've been around almost as
much as B, but I always get billed as
the other slayer. I'm like the
Dangerfield of slayers. It
LIV
What do you think? Five to Two? Is that
fair?
FAITH
Better tie one arm behind our backs to
make it even.
The girls fly into battle. Before the vampires can
even react they dust one each. Faith takes on two
of the vampires as Liv takes on one. As one of the
vampires charges Faith, she responds with a
scissor kick and a quick staking. The other
vampire is able to land a punch but is quickly
staked as well.
Liv blocks a kick and punch, before dropping and
sweeping the leg. The vamp falls on his face and
Liv wastes no time in staking him from behind.
FAITH
Not bad half-pint. Need to work on your
stalking skills a bit.
Liv pouts.
LIV
Vampire hearing sucks.
Faith smiles and gives Liv a reasurring pat on her
back
FAITH
Enh. No biggie. You've come a long way
in short period of time. Of course,
you'll never be better than me and
eventually you'll be known as the third
string slayer, but you'll live it down
eventually.
Liv and Faith laugh as they walk along.
FAITH
So where's the apocalypse? Harris left a
garbled message on my voicemail that I
needed to get down here as soon as
possible. You got another boyfriend with
demonic heritage that got turned into a
vampire?
LIV
Okay. First of all... NOT my boyfriend.
FAITH
Not what I heard.
LIV
It was a crush. That ended when the guy
came back as the undead.
FAITH
Riiiight. I've heard that one waaaay too
many times. Except usually they were
already undead. And they came back from
hell not from the grave. And sometimes
there was a soul involved.
Faith shakes her head in confusion
FAITH
I've got to start hanging out with some
normal people. So if there's no
apocalypse, what the hell am I doing
here?
Liv frowns.
LIV
Mr. Harris didn't tell you?
FAITH
He just said it was some kind of "family
matter".
Liv sighs.
LIV
Come on. There's someone I think you
should meet.
INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - KITCHEN
Faith sits at the kitchen island with a stunned
expression on her face. Her mouth opens and moves
around, but nothing is coming out. Xander and
Kelly sit on the other side of the kitchen island,
both are somewhat on the amused side.
FAITH
She's... She's...?
XANDER
Our daughter.
Faith's eyes bug out and she begins to massage her
temples. Kelly gets a sly grin.
KELLY
Mommy... I was thinking I could stay
with you during the summer.
FAITH
Holy sh-
Kelly gives Faith a look. Faith catches herself.
FAITH
-hish kebob. Are you F-
(catches herself again)
-reakin' kidding me here Harris?
XANDER
Let's just say I "see" her in you.
FAITH
No. No way. No way this is happening.
You mean when you and I... and...
then... coma?
KELLY
There's a sentence in there somewhere, I
know there is.
FAITH
(blurts it out)
She's not mine.
Kelly looks hurt. Xander winces. So does Faith.
XANDER
Kelly, why don't you go hang out with
Maya and Liv?
KELLY
Whatever.
Kelly sulks as she walks away.
XANDER
Kelly... come on.
KELLY
Whatever!
Xander turns angrily on Faith.
XANDER
What the hell is wrong with you?
FAITH
Wrong with me? Are you telling me your
buying this crap?
XANDER
She's part of you and me Faith.
FAITH
Dude there is no way she is my kid.
XANDER
Yeah? Well as much as I hate to admit
what happened, it did and she's the
result.
FAITH
Yeah. No way. No how. That kid is not
mine.
INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - MAIN ROOM
Despite their best efforts, Kelly can hear
snippets of the conversation and it is not the
happy parts. Maya and Liv look on with a mixture of
doubt and sympathy. Kelly plays with a charm on
her necklace.
LIV
Not exactly the best family reunion.
MAYA
If it helps, I've known both my parents
since birth and the constant rejection
is still there.
KELLY
Yeah. Your Mom ever say that you weren't
hers?
MAYA
Uh... no.
KELLY
Then shut your pie-hole.
LIV
That's a nice necklace.
Liv leans forward and fingers the charm on it.
KELLY
Yeah. My foster mom gave it to me. It's
supposed to protect me.
MAYA
Do you want us to call her? Let her know
you're okay?
KELLY
You can try. You got a phone that talks
to the dead?
MAYA
Well, actually...
Liv nudges Maya.
MAYA
Uh... no. We don't.
LIV
What happened to her?
KELLY
Those guys who were chasing me. That's
what happened.
Liv and Maya share a look.
FAITH(OS)
Look you prick...
Liv and Maya look over at the Kitchen.
INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - KITCHEN
FAITH
Don't tell me you haven't thought about
it!
XANDER
Yeah because that just happens to be a
happy memory for me!
The argument dissolves into Xander and Faith
yelling at each other at the same time.
MAYA
If you gave Faith a bottle of Vodka, I
could be at home right now listening to
my parents.
Liv looks over at Kelly... or rather where she
was. Liv looks to the front door and sees that it
is ajar.
LIV
Guys...?
Xander and Faith continue to tear into each other
verbally. Liv puts her fingers in her mouth and
lets off a high pitched whistle.
LIV
Guys!
XANDER & FAITH
WHAT?!
LIV
Kelly's bolted.
Xander and Faith look around.
XANDER
Oh that's swell.
FAITH
Don't start with me Harris.
XANDER
I think we've gone beyond start. I think
we're in the throes of heated debate.
Xander grabs his coat and pulls a sword out of the
weapons cabinet.
XANDER
Let's go Faith. Time to pick up the kid
from school.
Faith rolls her eyes in frustration and starts to
follow until Liv steps in front of both of them.
LIV
Mr. Harris, before you go we've noticed
some strange-
XANDER
Look, whatever the apocalypse of the
week is, just deal with it. If you can't
kill it, page me.
In a huff both Xander and Faith leave.
LIV
Crap.
MAYA
What now?
Liv thinks for a second.
LIV
You break into California's database
yet?
MAYA
Almost there.
LIV
Check out her foster parents. I'm going
to do some more digging. Have Jordy head
over to the cemetery where we were
ambushed. I'll meet him there.
EXT. CAPE KENNETH STREETS
Xander is stomping through the streets with Faith
sullenly trailing him. They get to a crossroads
and Xander stops and "looks" around.
FAITH
You know where she went?
XANDER
No.
FAITH
So the plan is just to stomp around all
over the place and hope to run into her?
XANDER
You got a problem with that?
FAITH
I'm not the one with the problem.
XANDER
What's that supposed to mean?
FAITH
It means in the some-odd years since
"it" happened, you and I still have some
unresolved issues.
XANDER
Yeah well some things are better left
unsaid.
Faith grabs Xander by the arm and spins him
around.
FAITH
Look... our "working" relationship,
isn't exactly working at the moment.
XANDER
Faith, as much as I'd love to hash out
the fact that you tried to kill me,
there's a kid running around at night in
hellmouth-infested- vampiredom. It
doesn't matter whether or not what if
you think that kid is yours or not.
She's in trouble or will be. So if you
want to get off your road to redemption
kick for a moment, I'd kind of like to
get on with the finding of OUR child.
Xander stomps off.
FAITH
(gently)
Harris.
Xander stops and turns to look at Faith.
FAITH
Is she... really?
XANDER
Look... there's a bond between us and
her. It's an aural thing. I've seen it
between Lucy and Liv. We have that with
her. It's not as strong... but it's
there.
FAITH
I just don't... I don't how. I mean
could this be... some weird slayer
thing? Some alternate reality where she
just popped in from? You know... like
that place without lobsters?
XANDER
Okay... First of all, it's a "world
without shrimp". And second, is it that
hard to believe that she's our kid?
Faith looks away and swallows hard.
FAITH
It's... It's hard to believe that
anything good might have come out of
what I did to you.
Xander is stunned.
Xander and Faith just stare at each other.
EXT. CITY STREET OF CAPE KENNETH - ELSEWHERE
Kelly is wandering the streets, not looking where
she's going. She runs into the two cloaked figures
that are Khaos and Ainonis.
KHAOS
Hello my dear.
AIONIOS
This would be the part where you scream.
She looks at them with an unreadable expression
and then screams in horror.
EXT. CITY STREET
Xander and Faith look at each other and take off
at top speed. They run around the corner to see
the two cloven handed vampires with Kelly. Khaos
has his hooves positioned around Kelly's neck and
head.
AIONIOS
Hello Faith.
XANDER
Friends of yours?
FAITH
I don't think we've met.
KHAOS
Drop the sword Watcher and stand down.
AIONIOS
We wouldn't want anything to happen to
the little girl now would we?
Vampires slowly trickle in around Xander and
Faith.
XANDER
Let her go.
Khaos rolls his eyes.
KHAOS
How heroic. Let's cut the crap shall we?
We'll let her go and you get captured.
That's how it's supposed to work, right?
Faith and Xander look at each other. Xander drops
his sword.
AIONIOS
That's a good boy.
Khaos releases Kelly as the vampires tie up Xander
and Faith.
XANDER
Kelly! Run!
Kelly sneers at him.
KELLY
Why?
Xander's face drops.
KELLY
Oh, I'm sorry. Is this the part where I
tell you it's a trap?
(gives them and evil smile)
Suckers.
Xander looks over at Faith who glares back.
XANDER
Don't say it. Just don't say it.
FAITH
Dumbass.
XANDER
Yeah. That pretty much sums it up.
The vampires standing behind Xander and Faith hit
them hard knocking them out as we...
GO TO BLACK.
END ACT II
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