ACT III
EXT. A ROAD
SPIKE
We're never going to find it.
XANDER
Shut up Spike.
SPIKE
When I found it, I was in Africa.
XANDER
Uh-huh.
SPIKE
When you found it, it was where?
XANDER
Africa.
SPIKE
I'm thinking we should be going to
Africa, don't you?
XANDER
It doesn't work this way.
SPIKE
Get it through that bloody thick skull
of yours Harris! We are never going
to...
Xander stops walking. So does Spike. They look at
each other...
ANGLE ON: THE CROSSROADS
Xander and Spike step up to the crossroads and
look around.
SPIKE
This is it, isn't it?
XANDER
Feels right.
Xander pulls out a bottle of rum and a box of
cigars.
SPIKE
It's long way from a place he calls
home.
Xander places the bottle of booze and the cigars
on the ground.
SPIKE
I sure hope you know what you're doing,
Harris.
Xander pulls out a candle, lights it and places it
by the bottle of rum.
XANDER
(quietly)
Me too.
SPIKE
I heard that.
XANDER
Should be any time now.
SPIKE
So what's got your knickers in a twist?
XANDER
I don't know what you're talking about.
SPIKE
It's the girl isn't it?
XANDER
No.
SPIKE
Something about this big bad that's
coming our way has got your head all
twisted 'bout, Harris. You're not seeing
straight. And it's got something to do
with the slayer.
XANDER
Look, what makes you think you know me?
That you have any idea what's going
down? I'm the prophecy guy, not you.
SPIKE
So what's going to happen?
XANDER
Don't have a clue.
SPIKE
(snorts)
Prophecy guy. Doesn't take much to see
that it's Amy behind this mess.
XANDER
It's more than just her Spike. She never
had this kind of power. I know it. It's
just... I had that vision telling me it
was something I had faced before and all
this time I thought it was something the
scoobies faced. Now I find out it's
something I faced. And if it is what I
think it is...
SPIKE
What?
XANDER
"We're going to need a bigger boat."
SPIKE
What?
XANDER
"Houston. We have a problem."
SPIKE
Okay, you'll need to translate, because
I don't speak dork.
VOICE(OS)
He means it's bad juju...
Spike and Xander turn to see Ellegua lighting up
one of the cigars.
ELLEGUA
...a creature of such dark magics and
evil that it staggers the imagination.
(takes a long puff on the stogie
and smiles)
Mmmm... Havana.
(to Xander and Spike)
Xanda-man! Bloody William! To what do I
owe the pleasure?
XANDER
I've come to collect on a favor.
ELLEGUA
Favor? What favor do I owe you?
XANDER
Short memory? Iggy and I took down that
demon pretending to be one of your
brethren.
ELLEGUA
Seems to me we got what we both wanted.
You got your slayer alive and kicking
and I got my reputation cleared. Looks
like it was mutually beneficial.
XANDER
Then... Then I'll owe you one.
SPIKE
This isn't the bloke you want to owe
favors to Harris. Trust me on that one.
XANDER
When the hell have I ever trusted you?
SPIKE
Your blind loyalty to your friends is
giving you a blindspot the size of a
mountain Harris. A favor to this guy is
the equivalent to a deal with the devil.
ELLEGUA
Spike... is that any way to talk about
an old friend?
SPIKE
After what I did for you? Uh-uh. We're
*NOT* friends mate.
XANDER
This is my deal Spike. If I don't learn
something about what's coming...
SPIKE
I knew it! It's the slayer isn't it?
XANDER
Something is coming for me and everyone
around me Spike. I have to know how it's
going to affect her.
ELLEGUA
Like the girl before her, Xanda-man, you
cannot change her destiny. Exchange
it... maybe... but sooner or later the
ones you love will come to harm. You
sure you want that favor?
Spike give Xander a hard look. Xander nods.
SPIKE
You're a bloody idiot.
XANDER
Yeah? Well... somethings never change.
ELLEGUA
The demon your looking for is Nuggano
Eyia. He was imprisoned outside your
world through the Olos Nah and has now
been released.
SPIKE
What does it want?
ELLEGUA
What it always wanted... to purge itself
of its human aspects.
SPIKE
Is that all?
ELLEGUA
Well that and to destroy the light of
heaven, the fires of hell and anything
in between.
SPIKE
Yeah. That's some bad juju.
(to Xander)
So where do we find that bigger boat?
XANDER
Does it... does it still need...?
ELLEGUA
Yes. In order for the ritual to be
completed, it needs the blood of a
slayer. And the one it wants... well
let's just say this boy knows how to
hold a grudge.
SPIKE
(snide, to Xander)
I knew it. It's all about the slayer
isn't it?!
XANDER
When is it coming for her? For me?
ELLEGUA
Oh...
(checks his watch)
Right about now.
INT. THE PARTY
Izithunzela break through the door and multiple
windows. Teenagers scream and run in horror. Liv
jumps over the couch, grabs an Izithunzela and
throws into another group of izithunzelas,
knocking them back out of the house. Maya runs up
behind her.
MAYA
See... and you thought it would be a
quiet night.
LIV
Joy.
Audrey appears at Liv's side, much annoyed and
still drunk.
AUDREY
What the hell did you do?!
LIV
I didn't do anything!!
AUDREY
This is the first party I've been able
to go to in weeks and its ruined!
MAYA
Hey guys? Demonic forces attacking!
Let's keep things in perspective. You
wouldn't happened to pick up any iron-y
type weaponry would you?
AUDREY
What good is being sarcastic to a
monster?
MAYA
Iron-y not irony.
AUDREY
What are you talking about?
Liv reaches into her boot and pulls out a solid
piece of pipe.
LIV
Just this.
MAYA
Kind of simple don't you think?
Liv bashes an attacking izithunzela in the head.
The creature drops like a stone.
LIV
Sometimes the simple things are the
best.
MAYA
I stand corrected.
Another izithunzela heads toward them.
AUDREY
Focus! Focus!
Liv turns in time and bashes the izithunzela in
the head.
LIV
This is actually not very challenging.
MAYA
Uh... Worm?
Liv turns around and sees a hoard of izithunzela
slowly coming towards them.
LIV
Aw crap.
AUDREY
Oh god. We're all going to die!
LIV
Shut up Audrey!
MAYA
Any ideas?
Liv looks around and sees the wet bar filled with
liquor bottles.
LIV
Just one...
EXT. AFRICAN VILLAGE
A young girl, LATEESHA, is tied to a table. She is
crying hysterically. People are gathered around
the table chanting. A tribesman dressed in robes
approaches her.
TRIBESMAN
Kali Nuggano! xuu-a baa-saambwa e xali
omuxaana abathakathi!
From the darkness a cloaked figure appears.
CLOAKED FIGURE
Enywe musaambwa bo xuu-fukiilila.
Lateesha's mother runs forward but is held back by
other tribe members. She is crying hysterically.
MOTHER
Se wase omu-xanna! buu-lombi!
XANDER(OS)
Excuse me!
Xander walks into the fray looking through his
phrasebook. The tribe gives him a wide berth and
eye him suspiciously.
XANDER
(reading from the book...
subtitled)
Do not eat this fish! It has much
pancakes! Give the frogs to me and no
one has to be massaged!
CLOAKED FIGURE
Sanna-nu?!
XANDER
Uh...
(reading more from the book...
subtitled)
I am the newspaper delivery boy! Give me
my subscriptions!
CLOAKED FIGURE
Xwiira bulesya!
The tribesmen start to approach Xander menacingly.
XANDER
I've got to get another phrasebook.
Igqhira steps forward in front of the cloaked
figure.
IGQHIRA
(Subtitled)
Do not listen to this pretender! He is
not our Orisha!
CLOAKED FIGURE
(Subtitled)
Xwiira bulesya!
Igqhira holds the clay urn up to the sky
IGQHIRA
Baa-kiika! Xuulila wase laka! Xuxwacala
xungu eesa! Xwi-yanaga oumuoone setaani
y Olos Nah!
Suddenly rain clouds begin to gather and lightning
strikes the clay urn, causing it to glow
IGQHIRA
Xwi-yanaga oumuoone setanni y Olos Nah!
The cloaked figure gives out an unearthly scream
as it is pulled into the clay urn. Winds blow as
thunder and lightning strikes all around the village.
The tribe members scatter in fear. Xander rushes
forward and unties Lateesha, setting her free. As
the demon disappears into the urn, Lateesha runs and
hugs her mother.
MOTHER
(subtitled)
Are you okay?
LATEESHA
(subtitled)
I can do without being tied up ever
again.
XANDER
Lateesha?
Lateesha turns and eyes Xander warily.
XANDER
My name is Xander Harris. I'm here to
train you. To help you become a slayer.
Lateesha gives Xander a confused look.
LATEESHA
(subtitled)
I have no idea what you're saying.
The Igqhira steps forward and stands between the
slayer and her new watcher. Xander rubs the bridge
of his nose in frustration.
XANDER
And you don't speak English. Great.
LATEESHA
(subtitled)
Honorable Igqhira, who is this man?
IGQHIRA
His name is Xander. He is your Watcher.
LATEESHA
(subtitled)
The newspaper delivery boy with one eye
is my watcher?
Lateesha gives Xander the hairy eyeball. Xander
gives her a big smile.
XANDER
(through his teeth)
She's not buying it is she?
IGQHIRA
No. Not one bit.
Lateesha shakes her head.
LATEESHA
(subtitled)
Great.
(turns to walk away)
We're doomed.
INT. THE SMOKING REMAINS OF TUCKER'S HOUSE
Fire trucks and police cars are everywhere. Kids
are being treated for smoke inhalation. The
firemen are busy putting out the remains of the
fire. Liv and Maya watch somewhat in awe. Audrey
is bored out of her mind.
Xander and Spike approach the girls and stand next
to them. They both silently survey the wreckage
for a moment. Xander cocks an eyebrow.
XANDER
So.
(beat)
What did you girls do tonight?
MAYA
Took the night off. Hung out with a few
friends.
LIV
Oh. I met a cute guy.
MAYA
And then you burned down his house.
LIV
Well... not on purpose.
SPIKE
It's not fair. I go on a hike with
Oracle-boy and you guys get to burn a
house down.
AUDREY
Whatever. Can I go home now?
SPIKE
It's just not fair.
AUDREY
Shut up and take me home.
Audrey stomps off. Spike sighs.
SPIKE
(to Liv)
Next time, you meet the tribal god and
I'll burn down the houses.
Spike follows Audrey, grumbling all the way.
MAYA
Well tonight has to rank high on the
weird-o-meter.
XANDER
Night's not over yet.
TUCKER (OS)
Liv!
Xander and Maya exchange glances as the handsome,
yet somewhat sooty, Tucker runs up to Liv.
TUCKER
Are you okay?
LIV
Yeah. Um... ah... Sorry your house
burned down.
TUCKER
Well, it's not your fault.
Liv emanates guilt from every pore.
TUCKER
I'm just glad you weren't hurt. I mean
what are the odds that homeless people
would attack the party and burn the
house down? Granted I'm going to
grounded until I'm 30. But you have to
marvel at the odds of that happening.
MAYA
Well look on the bright side... it
burned all the evidence of the party.
LIV
You're really reaching for that one,
aren't you?
Tucker touches Liv's arm and gently pulls her away
from Xander and Maya so they can have a little
privacy.
TUCKER
Listen um... Liv, if I survive my
parents... I was hoping you'd be my lab
partner in chem. Is that okay?
Liv gives Tucker a big goony grin. Maya rolls her
eyes. Xander looks on, somewhat sadly.
MAYA
(sotto to Xander)
Lab partners? Can we say Geek love?
LIV
Sure. I'd be happy to be yours. uh...
partner. Lab partnerUm... Do you have a
place to stay?
Xander and Maya snort and giggle at Liv's
discomfort. Liv shoots them a glare and turns back
to Tucker.
LIV
Um... do you have a place to stay?
Tucker gives her a strange look.
TUCKER
Yeah. My room.
LIV
That... that wasn't your house?
TUCKER
Oh, no.
We pull back to see a huge mansion behind the
burned remains.
TUCKER (VO)
That was the guest house.
END ACT III
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