See parts 1, 2, or 3. Whichever you choose, they all more or less say the same thing.
***
Xander walked slowly and silently through the streets of Sunnydale, pondering over the events of the last hour. It was almost too much emotion for him to bear: unspeakable joy at Angel being dead, and also sorrow, not for Buffy but for Willow's sadness at Buffy's sorrow. And now that Drusilla was dead, Spike was bound to find out about his killing her. More enemies. Now that Angel was dead, he wasn't sure what was going to happen. Before, when he thought too much about the future, he would concentrate on Angel's demise; but now, there was nothing to set his sights on for the future. All he could see was rocky relationships with his old friends, and nightly murder. But it wasn't murder, he rationalized, it was survival. Animals do it all the time, he thought, and they never call it murder then. But, another side of him argued, animals weren't likely to be eating their own species. He shook his head. His conscience was trying to make a comeback.
Look on the bright side, he told himself, no more Chem tests to flunk, and no more parental arguments to run from. And no more days of just talking with Buffy. No more days of hanging around the library with the Slayerettes. No more days of *being* a Slayerette. No more...
"Why so somber, mate?"
Xander startled at Spike's voice. He had been so involved in his thoughts that he hadn't sensed the vampire approaching.
"Nothing, just thinking about the future," he mumbled, quickly glancing around him to get a good grip on his surroundings, in case a fight possibly ensued here.
"The future's lookin' damn bright," Spike said happily. "Good thing you got the Slayer to show up, otherwise I'm afraid Angel would still be pestering us."
"You knew the whole time I was getting Buffy involved?"
Spike shook his head. "Of course. What do you think I am, an idiot?"
Xander bit his tongue.
"Oh, and do you know where Drusilla is?"
Xander looked up, mentally preparing himself. "Uh, no, I don't. Have you been to the warehouse yet?"
"Yeah, and she wasn't there." Spike eyed Xander suspiciously.
"Have you thought about the graveyard?"
"Why in hell would she still be there? She's smart enough to get out of there while the Slayer's hanging around that place."
"Dust really doesn't have too many thoughts...at least not enough to be smart."
Xander mentally kicked himself. The words had just popped out of his mouth. Spike's eyes grew wide. He grabbed Xander in wild rage and threw him to the ground.
"You bloody bastard..." he seethed between growing fangs. "After everything I've given you...you killed her."
"Given me?" Xander laughed from the ground, not even attempting to stand up. "You've given me nothing. Eternal separation from my friends, that's what the hell you gave me."
"I gave you the opportunity to kill Angel, that's what I gave you. I gave you eternal life. I gave you strength you never even dreamed of having. And you repay me with this."
"I didn't owe you shit," Xander growled, finally standing up. "And I never will."
Spike's face was completely contorted in his rage, but Xander sensed something else beneath the anger. Spike backed away from Xander, not in fear, but in preparation. His face, however, was softening, and growing sad. Xander watched him carefully, and saw a single tear roll down the blond vampire's cheek. Xander furrowed his brows, not knowing what to expect.
"But why did you have to kill 'er?" Spike asked, his voice laced with sobs to come. "She never did anything wrong, she was perfect..."
"Spike, she screwed Angel day in and day out," Xander said cautiously. "Really, you're better off without her. Yeah, she was, uhhh, she had a very *unique* personality. You're not going to find that again, I betcha."
Spike looked at the younger vampire, now trying to hold back his sobs, although unsuccessfully. His body lurched forward suddenly, his mouth and eyes opening wide before they turned to dust. Buffy stood behind him, crossbow in hand. Xander looked at Buffy in amazement, having been sure before that she wouldn't be able to fight for a long while.
Buffy walked towards him, crossbow falling to her side. "Couldn't leave any unfinished business," she said. Xander felt a cold chill run down his already cold spine at Buffy's voice. His feelings were confirmed when she raised the crossbow again to aim at his heart at point blank range. He looked at her, surprised.
"Why did you leave before?" she asked, her voice cold and impersonal. The way she always talked to vampires, Xander recalled. Xander opened his mouth, hoping it would trigger his brain to think of something to say. "It doesn't matter," Buffy said quickly and stiffly. "Never say anything referring to Angel, good or bad, I don't care. If you ever bring him up, around me, or anyone else, I will kill you. Quickly, for who you used to be. Who you're not anymore. You know Xander, you're even more of an ass than you used to be, if you can believe it."
Xander formulated a biting comeback in his mind, but held his tongue. The Slayer was the one with the crossbow. He stood silent.
"Do you understand what I'm telling you?" the girl asked.
Suddenly, Xander thought, she was less of a girl, and more of an assassin, a soldier in a never-ending war that could never be won. He knew then that his relationship with Buffy would not be rocky. There would be no relationship at all. All the same, he nodded his head in understanding, making a mental note to get out of this situation as soon as was possible. Buffy swiveled on her heel, briskly walking away, towards the school. The vampire stared after her, not so much surprised, but disturbed. He knew all along this would happen. He didn't know how, but he knew.
* * *
Xander laid in Angel's bed, his own bed, staring at the ceiling. It had been two weeks since the demise of the Slayer's enemies, and Xander hadn't seen her since. He had talked to Willow a couple of times on the telephone, and had run into Cordelia accidentally while walking one night. Other than these few encounters, he had seen nothing of his old friends. He would have been grateful if it weren't for the extreme loneliness he was experiencing. He thought before that he could block it out, but he discovered his assumption was wrong not long after the fight in the cemetery. He startled when the phone rang. He picked it up quickly, confused and slightly angry that someone would call at three in the afternoon, when he should be sleeping. And on a Saturday! Somethings never change, he thought gratefully. He was still sleeping at three in the afternoon. Willow was calling, and Xander smiled despite himself. When he heard the tone of her voice, however, the smile was gone.
"Xander, you need to get down here right now."
"What? Why?"
"We found the curse, Xander. Buffy's going ballistic. We can't control her...we need your help..."
"Curse?"
Xander felt like an idiot for having no earthly idea what she was talking about. From the prolonged silence on the other end, Willow thought him an idiot too, he was sure.
"Xander! The curse? Angel's curse?"
That hit Xander hard. Buffy would be tearing the place up. And if she decided to blame someone, he would be at the top of her list. That caused Xander a bit more than a little nervousness at venturing out...much less restraining a rampaging Slayer. But Willow's desperation convinced him more quickly than his mind could protest.
"Are you at the Library?"
"Yes."
"I'll be there soon. Try to keep her in there."
"It's gonna be hard, Xander."
"Try Will."
He hung up the phone and rushed out his door, running outside into the light. There he realized it would be quicker to go through the sewer system. He had been exploring the tunnels underneath Sunnydale during the last two weeks, and knew the way to the library by heart. A left, a right, two more lefts, and he was there. He was at the door to the stacks, and he could hear commotion inside. He pushed the door open slowly. Inside the library was a complete mess. Books had been thrown off the shelves, shelves had been toppled, and Buffy was now busy smashing Willow's computer as the hacker cried out to her to stop. Xander ran over to the Slayer, grabbing her from behind and attempting to restrain her. Buffy struggled against him a few seconds, before easily flipping him over her. Xander landed on his feet, ducking immediately from the swing he sensed coming. It did come, and Buffy, blind in her rage, lost her balance. Xander took the opportunity and pushed her into the bookcage. He slammed the door, yelling at Giles for a lock. The Librarian managed to find one, albeit slowly, and locked the door. Xander and Giles backed away from the door immediately.
"YOU!!!!" Buffy screamed. "If it weren't for you, he'd still be alive!!!"
"You're the one who killed him, Slayer." Xander said, surprising himself. He was beginning to talk like a normal vampire. Buffy, he thought sadly, wasn't the only one changing.
"If you hadn't set up the ambush, he'd still be alive! We could work the curse! He'd be himself!" she screamed. "He'd be mine again!!"
"It's done with!" Xander yelled, raising his voice to half the level of hers. "It's over! Accept it!"
"Damn you!" The Slayer screamed. "Damn you to hell!!"
"Too late, bitch."
Willow glanced at Xander, surprised and disturbed. Buffy flew into a whole new rage. Giles moved towards Xander, preparing to escort him out of the Library now that the vampire had done his job, but Buffy broke down the cage door. Giles backed away from Xander as Buffy attacked him, almost hoping Buffy would finish the vampire off after what he had said. The Slayer wrestled Xander to the ground, holding him there with incredible strength that Xander had never seen her use before. He looked into her eyes, and he became more frightened than he had ever been in his life.
"You forgot about our little deal," she breathed. "You mentioned Angel. I can kill you now with no guilt."
Xander struggled with all his might. He couldn't move an inch. He closed his eyes and laid completely still. All he could think was that after everything he had been through, the monsters he had faced in his old life, the demons in his new, he was going to be killed by someone who was once his friend and greatest ally. He shut out everything; Buffy's rambling, Willow's pleading, and Giles complete silence. Buffy's grip weakened, then was gone. Xander barely noticed. He only responded when Willow shook him and called him out of his trance. He looked at his best friend, who was crying insanely, and then to Buffy, who was crying also, into Giles' shoulder. He struggled upright, leaving what he was sure was his deathbed. Willow pushed him back into the stacks and towards the door he had entered from.
"Xander, you need to go..."
"Willow, she could still be dangerous. I can't let her hurt you..."
"She only got worse when you came. She's broken down, she's not going to go into a flying rage like that again."
"How do you know?"
"Xander."
The vampire looked into Willow's eyes. In them he saw sadness, pity and a whole lot of pain. He knew the look. Buffy had given it to him before, after she witnessed his seemingly increasing vampirism. She was losing a friend.
"Willow, no..." he whispered.
"Xander, you've changed." She looked down at the ground, struggling with herself. "I want you to know, whatever happens to you, no matter how much you change, I will always love you and always be your friend. But now, you need to stay away from here. Buffy, Giles, they don't trust you. I...I don't even trust you. You need to stay away from all of us for now. If there's a time, Xander, when we can try to be close again...a time when we can really work at it, since that's what it's going to take, I'll contact you. But for now..."
"I know. I know, I just...you're all I have in this world Will."
"I'll always be in your world. But this time is not good for worlds colliding. So please, go."
Xander turned towards the door. He stood for a second or two, looking into the dark tunnel of the sewer system. He spun around quickly, gave Willow a tight hug, said good- bye, and disappeared into the darkness.
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