Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all her friends belong to (big surprise) Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy, and the WB. Course, *we* all knew that, didn't we? Of course we did. But some people (strange people) may assume we, the fanfic writer, hath stolen these characters. So, as a normal precaution, they aren't mine!!!
Thanks to Mediancat for help and great ideas when I was hopelessly lost in the black hole of writer's block.
***
"Where's Xander?" Buffy asked Willow the next morning at school.
"I don't know," she answered nervously. "Maybe he stayed at home. He has been through a lot with everything. He's probably sleeping as we speak."
"Yeah," the slayer reluctantly agreed. She had been getting way-weird vibes off of him the night before, and her suspicions were up. She tried to shake off the bad feeling when she got home, but it wouldn't let her sleep. And it still plagued her today. The two friends entered the library, where Giles was waiting for them.
The watcher eyed the duo, and asked, "Where's the third member of your party?"
"We think he might be staying home today," the hacker answered, giving Buffy no room to voice her concerns. "Y'know, recovering from everything. Asleep."
Giles nodded his head, returning his attention to an open book sitting on the table. Willow sat down at her computer terminal, and Buffy dragged out some weapons and Giles' protective covering. The day flew by, with frequent visits by Oz and Cordelia, and Willow and Buffy actually attending a class or two. Before long, school was over, and the two girls were free. They split up in the courtyard, each going their own way, to so their own things. First thing Willow did when she arrived home was to call Xander. No one picked up. This struck her as odd at first, but then she remembered that his parents would be working, and he would be sleeping. She hoped he would wake up in time to go to the Bronze that night, as Dingoes Ate My Baby were playing, and she needed to talk to him. Being deprived for even a day sent her into withdrawal of his voice. She settled down on her bed and started her homework.
* * *
Xander woke up feeling refreshed and strong. It was weird. He glanced at his watch. It was eight o'clock. He thought of the events of the past days, and wondered what he would do tonight. Quickly, he thought up a plan. He would get some breakfast, visit his house to get some clothing, and go to the Bronze. He knew Willow would be expecting him to show up there, especially after missing school. He stood up and brushed himself off. The old abandoned house where he stayed the night was dusty, but it was fine until he could find a more permanent place. He opened the creaky front door and left to find some breakfast.
He headed towards his house, hoping he would spot someone on the way. When he didn't see anyone alone, he took a little side trip through an alley. Alleys were great hunting grounds, and he off-handedly wished there were more of them. He rounded a corner, and was surprised by a cross thrust at his arm. He cried out in pain, and fell onto the concrete. Buffy Summers rushed to help him up.
"God, Xander, I'm so sorry," she apologized quickly. "What are you doing...here..." It was then she noticed the burn on his arm. Her eyes grew wide with surprise, terror, sorrow, pretty much a mix of everything. She involuntarily backed away from her former friend. Xander watched her carefully, scared of her reaction. He couldn't tell if she was going to kill him, or run away.
"Buffy..." he started, not really knowing what to say, but hoping desperately that something would come to him. "Please, Buffy. It's not what you think."
"You're a vampire," the slayer said, mostly to herself. "I knew something was wrong, I was getting weird vibes off you. They were vampire vibes. Oh god, I can't believe this. Why?"
"Buffy, don't do this," he said, the pain in his left arm searing through his whole body. "We don't have to be enemies because of this. We don't."
"How?" she asked, coming to her more rational self. "You're a vampire. The only way would be if you had a soul." She paused. "Do you? You looked happy to see Willow, but, that could just be an act..." she was talking to herself again. Xander stood, watching her, waiting for her to come back to reality. Suddenly, she asked the question he really didn't want to answer. "Have you killed anyone?"
He couldn't answer. He just looked at the ground. "Oh my god," Buffy muttered.
"Buffy, it's not like that," the young vampire insisted. "I, I still have feelings for Willow, and, and I still love her. This is different than most vampires, I know it. I still care about her..."
"And me?" she asked, breaking him off. "Do you still care about me? Or do you hate me, like a normal vamp should?"
Again, Xander couldn't answer. He had to force himself. He couldn't let Buffy do this. "I do. I do, but I don't. Buffy, I can't stand to be around you. But I don't hate you, I just," he searched for the right word. "I just loathe you."
Buffy let her mouth drop open, as it had been threatening to do for the last few minutes. "Xander..." she began, but he cut her off.
"Buffy, just bare with me, okay? Just give me a chance..."
"A chance at what?" the slayer countered. "A chance to kill us? A chance to deliver us all to Angel?"
"Angel?!" he asked, surprised at the notion. "I hate Angel even more than I used to. I'd kill him if I had a chance. I would never *ever* work with him."
"So you're just a free agent?" she questioned. "You're your own man? Or vampire?" Her eyes welled with tears when she said that. She didn't want this to happen. Not to Xander. She then went on another talking-to-herself phase. "This is my fault. This wouldn't have happened if you'd never met me. You would have a normal life..."
Xander moved towards her and grabbed her shoulders. A zing when through him, but he held on. "Buffy, if it weren't for you, I'd be dead. I'd be dead a thousand times over. You've saved me so many times, I've lost count. If it weren't for you, this whole town would be dead."
Buffy looked up at him with teary eyes. "But you *are* dead. And Willow will be dead after she finds out, and then Oz will be dead, and Cordelia, and the list goes on and on. It's all my fault."
Xander shook her lightly. "Don't do this to yourself. We still need you, Buff, you can't go insane on us, and that's what's gonna happen if you keep this up. Just blame everything on the Hellmouth, because that's what's really causing all this, and get back to the Buffy I know."
She looked into her old friend's earnest brown eyes, and said, "You're right." With that, she pulled a stake out of her sleeve and assumed her fighting stance.
"I didn't mean like that," Xander said, backing away and putting up his hands in a sign of surrender. "Please, Buff, let me prove it to you. You can watch me at all times, and I won't touch any of you, I swear."
The slayer lowered her stake and looked the vampire in the eye. She could always tell someone's true motives by their eyes. And Xander's were clear and truthful. She decided to give him that chance he so desperately sought after.
"Okay," she said, sliding the stake back into her sleeve and placing her hands on her hips. "I'll give you a chance, but one wrong move, and you're dust." He nodded intently. "Where were you going?"
"To my house, to pick up some clothes," he replied, the hands coming down. "You gonna accompany me, or what?"
The two started to Xander's old house. Arriving there, he hesitated.
"What?" Buffy asked.
"I can't let my mom see me," Xander said, hovering between the front door and the stairs leading up from the porch. "She's been through so much, I can't let her think I'm back and then leave her again. I can't do that to her."
He moved over to the window, from which a dim light was coming. He gasped at the sight before him. "What the hell..."
Buffy moved around him to get a better look. "It's your mom, with, Snyder?!"
"What the hell is he doing?!" Xander asked, anger rising. "What is he doing with my mom, in my house, in my neighborhood?"
As they spoke, Mrs. Harris slumped over, and Principal Snyder stood up. He knelt down close to her, and gave her a shot of some kind. He spoke to her, then left, making his way to the back door. Xander bolted for the back of his house.
"Xander!" Buffy cried, running after him, afraid of what the new vampire might do.
Xander ran through his back yard gate, quickly making his way to the back door. He met Snyder coming round the corner of his house. In one swift movement, game face on, he grabbed Snyder by the collar, and lifted him off the ground with one arm, pushing him against the house. Snyder squealed.
"What the hell did you do to my mother?!" Xander yelled at his former principal, as Buffy ran through the gate. She stopped short. Xander's face. He really was a vampire, there was no doubt in her mind now. Snyder didn't answer. Xander growled. "If you don't tell me, I swear to God, I'll kill you."
"Xander!" the slayer cried out, hoping to avert his anger, even though she herself wanted to kill his victim. Only Xander really might. "Don't. We'll need him to tell us what's going on."
"Get off me, Harris!" the piggly man yelled, but Xander only tightened his grip. The principal then turned to Buffy. "Get him off me, Summers, or you'll be expelled."
"You can't expel anyone when you're dead," Xander growled. Snyder began to choke. "Now what did you do to my mother?" Snyder emitted some coughing sounds, as he tried to breathe under the vampire's grip on his throat.
"Xander, please!" Buffy yelled. He didn't move. Finally she grabbed him and pulled him away from the wall, and he released Snyder. She separated the two, focusing mostly on Xander, who's yellow eyes were scaring the hell out of her. When she looked back to Snyder, he was gone. "What the..."
Xander changed back to his human face when Buffy turned back to him. "My mom," he said, making a run for the house. He stopped short at the open door. Buffy rushed inside, expecting him to follow, then noticing he wasn't, returning to the door. Xander sighed. "Buffy, I'm not invited." The slayer quickly ushered him in. Inside, they found his mother waking up from whatever sedative Snyder slipped her. He knelt next to her and smiled. "Hi, mom. Are you okay?" Mrs. Harris looked at her son closely.
"Who are you?"
Xander stood up, as Buffy went down. Snyder had made his mom forget about her son. He was in shock. He felt almost frozen, and he couldn't move. He watched Buffy try to talk to his mom, who insisted that she didn't know them, and for them to get out of her house.
"C'mon, Buffy," Xander said in a soft voice, grabbing her hand. "Let's get what we came for."
They made their way to Xander's room, his mom following them. Seeing her son's messy room, Mrs. Harris asked where all the stuff had come from. Buffy was about to make another attempt to get her to remember, but Xander beat her to it.
"Mrs. Harris, we were using this room. I mean, you were renting us this room, and we're moving out." he said, his voice and face humbled. "Thanks for letting us live here."
Buffy couldn't believe her ears. Mrs. Harris seemed to take this as truth. She bid them farewell, and left the room. Xander looked after her with tears in his eyes. Then he started packing up his belongings. Buffy stared at him, dumbfounded.
"Why did you do that?"
He licked his lips and continued packing. "It's better this way. She won't have to suffer. She won't even remember that she had a son." Buffy watched as his sorrow gave way to anger. He stood up straight, and kicked the nearest trash can. "I guess we don't have to wonder anymore about why no one ever notices everyone disappearing around here. Snyder, and who knows who else knows about this, they brainwash the victim's relatives and friends."
"Why haven't we ever been brainwashed?" she asked, folding one of his sweaters and laying it in the open suitcase on his bed.
"I don't know," he replied, putting his things in a big duffel bag. "Maybe since we're friends with you, you being the slayer. We already knew, so what's the difference?"
Buffy finished loading everything in his closet, and set to work on his dresser. "This isn't over, we'll get to the bottom of this. We'll find out how high it goes."
Xander nodded, and zipped the duffel shut. He slung it over his shoulder, and picked up the two suitcases. Exiting his room, Buffy picked up his guitar case and his stereo. Xander called out, "Mrs. Harris, we're leaving. We'll come back tomorrow night for the big stuff." To which she replied, "Okay, thanks." Then they left the house.
"Can you think of a good place to live?" Xander asked Buffy as soon as they were on the street.
Buffy thought a moment. "Yeah, but you're not gonna like it, and I don't know if even I'll like it."
"It has to be better than the place I slept today," he said.
* * *
Xander set his stuff on the built-in-the-wall bed. The place was nice, but the memories weren't. "Angel's place. I can't believe you would think of this," he said, sitting down on the neatly made bed. Buffy came out of the adjoining room.
"I know," the slayer answered, shaking her head. "But it is nice, and it's safe. And I really doubt he would come back here. It'll be a good place for you."
He couldn't help but nod, standing back up. Then he remembered. "The Bronze! Willow was probably waiting for us there." He looked at his watch. "It's midnight. It's closed. Do you think she'd try the school?"
"I do," Buffy said, and they both left for Sunnydale High. The walk was uneventful, and they sneaked into the building. The library's lights were on, but Buffy stopped him outside the door.
"We have to tell them," she said in a whisper. "Right now."
"Now?"
"Now."
There was no arguing with a slayer, Xander decided, and followed her into their unofficial headquarters. Giles, Willow and Cordelia were all there, seated around the table in the middle of the old room. The library seemed to echo with battles fought. Xander shook off the creepy feeling. Willow stood from her chair, but Buffy spoke before anyone could get a word in edge-wise.
"We have to tell you guys something," she said, turning towards Xander. He looked at her with a glare that said, "Sure, dump it all on me." There was no time to explain his big secret, however, when the room filled with vampires. Giles and Cordelia jumped from their seats, as vampires jumped on them. Willow screamed, attracting Xander's attention. A big burly vamp with really hairy arms towered over her, fangs bared.
"Hey!" Xander yelled, suddenly appearing beside the hairy-armed vamp. Hairy-arms was surprised, and Xander took the opportunity and punched him in the face. The vamp stumbled back, and Xander kicked him in the stomach. Picking up a stake from the table, he dusted Hairy-arms quickly and skillfully. Willow was amazed.
Buffy pulled the vampire off Giles, and kicked him in the face. The blow was enough to knock the vampire off balance, and she pulled the stake from her sleeve and killed him. She looked to Cordelia in time to see Xander dust the vamp that was once attacking her. The remaining vampires formed a circle around the group, and stood, growling and laughing at them. Buffy stood ready to fight, when the vampires seemed to rethink their motives. A few filtered away, some remained. Soon, only three vampires were left in the room. Buffy didn't understand it, and she didn't really care. The three vamps attacked the slayer, watcher, and Xander, as the two remaining girls stood, not being able to do anything but watch. Buffy was faced with a big guy, who was stronger than she was, but not as skilled; Giles faced a female, who was small and quick; and Xander faced a guy built pretty much the same as he was, with about the same skills.
Buffy fought big with a series of punches to the face, and a kick to the stomach. The vampire fell to the ground, but quickly stood back up, grabbed Buffy, and threw her across the room. She fell against the wall, dazed, but still fighting.
Giles had some trouble of his own with the girl vamp, who avoided his every swing. She knocked him down next to the supply bag, and he reached in for some holy water. The girl didn't see that coming, and he splashed the water on her face. She screamed, and ran from the room.
Xander couldn't get anywhere with his fight. His opponent matched him perfectly, and nothing was working. His enemy finally pinned him to the ground, and moved in for a bite. Then his head snapped back, repulsed. "You're one of us?" the vampire's voice was increduousless. That was when Xander's face changed. In the heat of the moment, he didn't even notice. Not like he had any control over it anyway. With the other vampire's confusion, Xander had the upper hand. He pushed the vampire off of him, and grabbed the stake he had dropped earlier on the floor. He easily plunged the thing into his opponent's heart.
The slayer had finally gotten the big vampire down, and staked him. She breathed a sigh of relief and turned around to face her friends. Willow was staring at Xander with wide eyes, in fact, everyone was.
"What?" he asked. No one answered. He stood a minute, trying to figure out why they were staring at him. Then it hit him like a freight train. "Oh...shit."
"You're a vampire?" Cordelia asked, not really understanding.
"Yes, yes, he is," the watcher answered for him. "What are you doing? Infiltrating us for Angel? Planning on..."
"Why do you people always think I work for Angel?" Xander cried, almost getting mad. "What's wrong with just coming to see friends? We were going to tell you, but those other vamps attacked and I didn't have the opportunity to before I got carried away and my face changed and hey at least I killed a couple, and..." he stopped as he noticed Buffy glaring at him. "Rambling?"
"Rambling."
"Okay, well, now you know," he said. "I'm a vampire, but I still care about you guys. Don't ask me why, but I do. So, yeah, that's what's going on."
"You're really a vampire?" Willow asked, moving closer to Xander, hoping to somehow find out that he wasn't for real. His face changed back to normal, and he moved toward her and enveloped her in a hug. He decided against saying anything, at least for right now. They both were surprised when Giles pulled him off of her. Xander gave him a questioning look.
"Get out," the watcher told him. Xander started to protest. "No, you don't say anything. You get out right this instant. You aren't welcome here."
The young vampire gazed into Giles' eyes for a moment, trying to convince him that he was still, for the most part, himself. The man didn't waver. Xander retreated. He moved towards the door.
"Xander, I still love you," Cordelia cried after him. He turned and gave her a sad smile.
"I'll call you tomorrow," he said. Turning to Buffy, he said, "You, too." Then to Willow, "You, too. I hope you'll still accept me."
And he left.
* * *
Xander picked up a meal on the way out of the school's neighborhood, then wondered what to do for the rest of the night. It was at least five hours until sun-up, and Sunnydale was void of anything interesting at this hour. He wished that Giles hadn't been so quick to dismiss him, so that he could try to explain what he was. The only problem was that *he* didn't know what he was. Maybe a hybrid of some kind, like Angel was, only with no curse. His head hurt from trying to figure it out. Pushing the subject from his mind, he decided to let Buffy deal with explanations. He knew she would give him a chance, but Giles was an entirely different story. Willow would probably accept him, as would Cordelia, but Giles he wasn't too sure of. But he knew the watcher would trust the slayer, so maybe...he shook his head. He really needed to think of something else. Then a thought hit him. He really wanted to talk to Spike. He didn't know why. In most of Giles' books, a vampire would stick with his sire for a while, he remembered suddenly. Memories were so clear to him now that he was changed. Can you say, mixed blessing? So he decided to return to the abandoned warehouse where Spike would probably be. Walking there, he saw Angel and Drusilla wreaking havoc in the graveyard. That was good, that meant only Spike would be at the warehouse.
* * *
Spike searched through the mini-library of the old warehouse. He was surprised that Xander hadn't returned here yet. He picked up a copy and blew the dust from it, hoping to be able to read the title. He was surprised by a tap on his shoulder. Spinning around, he was pleased to see his latest creation.
"You said you wanted me to help you," Xander said, standing in the doorway of the small room. "Help you kill Angel."
"Yeah, that's what you're here for," Spike said, rising from his wheelchair.
"When?"
"Soon."
"Soon when?"
"Soon."
"Look, I'm not your little lap dog to run all your errands, okay?" Xander said, growing impatient with his sire. "I've got my own things to do."
"Like talk to your slayer friend? Or the redhead one? Willow?" Spike countered, taking Xander by surprise.
"How did you know about that?"
"When I made you, I didn't do the deed completely."
Xander's confusion was evident in his face. "What do you mean, not completely? I'm a vampire, isn't that pretty much complete?"
"Have you ever heard of Warex?"
"What?"
"It's an ancient ritual," Spike said, "for making vampire-human hybrids."
"Why would you want that?" Xander asked. "Wouldn't it be better to change me completely?"
"If I changed you completely, there would be no way of insuring you wouldn't join Angel. And, I need someone who can do a little bit of daylight work."
"Daylight? You mean I can go out in the sun?" Spike nodded. Xander looked at the ground, thinking hard. "Okay..."
"You haven't wondered why you still have feelings for that redhead?"
Xander sighed. When you're right, you're right.
Spike continued. "And you hate Buffy, not because you never did really care about her, but because...."
"She's a slayer," Xander finished, moving around to the other side of Spike. "Hince, friction."
Spike nodded. Suddenly laughter resounded through the old warehouse. Spike jumped into his wheelchair. Xander dove for a hiding place. Angel and Drusilla entered the small library, dragging a sick-looking teenage boy with them. Drusilla pushed the boy closer to Spike, a wicked smile crossing her face.
"Spike, we got you a snack," she said, spinning in circles before crouching next to his chair.
"Yeah, sorry we couldn't get you a better one, but, you know, first come, first serve," Angel said, a mocking grin on his face. "You get leftovers."
"Sorry, dear, Angel was being a pig," she cooed, giving Angel a patented Drusilla-grin. Angel grinned back.
Xander crouched behind a bookshelf, wishing that either Angel would leave soon, or he could attack him right then and there. As the second wasn't really an option, he waited. Luckily, after a few more pokes of fun at Spike, Angel left, Drusilla trailing behind him. Xander came out of hiding.
"Soon? You promise?"
Spike smirked. "I promise."
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