ACT IV
INT. OVAL OFFICE
BARTLET
Young man, there's no one else in here.
JORDY
No... There's one more.
SPIKE
Are you daft?
Suddenly a letter opener jumps from the desk and
starts floating in midair, right by Bartlet.
RILEY
Knife!
Riley jumps in between the President and the
knife. Jordy tackles the president to the ground.
Riley gets stabbed in the shoulder and is then
thrown against the wall by an invisible force.
Spike rushes forward but is punched in the face
and knocked to the ground.
XANDER
Liv! She's going to the President!
GEN. MACNAMARA
She?
Liv moves in front of the President, but promptly
gets decked.
TOBY
What the hell is going on here?
Xander runs to Riley and grabs his "shock gun" and
fires it. A vague female form is seen as the
General pulls out his side arm and aims at it.
GEN. MACNAMARA
Shoot her again!
Xander fires again and as the form appears. The
general fires one shot and a female body suddenly
appears and falls to the ground, shot through the
head. The general shakes his head and drops his
gun.
GEN. MACNAMARA
Oh sweet Jesus. Marcy.
LEO
Where the hell did she come from?
MAYA
She was invisible.
LEO
Yeah, I kinda got that part.
RILEY
General?
GEN. MACNAMARA
She was in one of our programs. She was
a specially trained assassin. Covert
jobs. I didn't think...
The General's voice trails off.
JOSH
Wait... So we've had the wolfman,
Dracula and the invisible woman show up?
Can we just have Frankenstein here so
all my favorite monsters can be here
tonight?
CJ
General, what did you do to that poor
girl?
GEN. MACNAMARA
She was already that way when we found
her.
XANDER
She's from Sunnydale, isn't she?
The general nods his head.
RILEY
You knew her?
XANDER
She... It's a long story.
SPIKE
Wait, is that the bird you and your
friends all ignored so she just
disappeared?
XANDER
Yeah, well that's the short version.
CJ
Okay... if we can just skip over the
whole invisible woman thing, what the
hell was she doing attacking the
president?
XANDER
Government cuts. Am I right General?
GEN. MACNAMARA
I... I got a report from her division
head. Apparently with the President's
directive to cut costs she took it upon
herself...
BARTLET
My God. Are you kidding me? She came
after me because of budget cuts?
TOBY
Sure as hell explains why a hammer costs
$200 dollars.
GEN. MACNAMARA
We had grounded her three years ago
after a bad mission. Too unstable. When
the rumors started that her division
would be cut...
BARTLET
Jesus God.
SENATOR COLE
I told you these cuts were a bad idea.
BARTLET
Shut up Bertram.
Bartlet shakes his head.
BARTLET
All right. I've had enough of this for
the evening. General, you've done so
well at keeping this whole supernatural
division a secret I expect that you can
handle the removal and internment of one
dead assassin.
GEN. MACNAMARA
Yes sir.
Bartlet turns to his staff as Riley and the
General confer.
BARTLET
You people go home. Forget this ever
happened. If you can... drink as much as
possible.
JOSH
You don't have to tell me twice.
Toby, CJ and Josh head toward the door and leave.
Bartlet turns toward Xander, Spike and the Odd
squad.
BARTLET
As for you guys, a grateful but
disgruntled President thanks you for
your very weird service to me and this
country. What do you want from us to
keep quiet?
XANDER
Sir, it was just an honor...
Spike interrupts.
SPIKE
I could use a pardon for the several
thousand people I killed when I was a
soulless vampire.
Everyone gives Spike a weird look.
SPIKE
What?
Everyone shakes their head at Spike.
JORDY
How about more of those cool key chains?
BARTLET
You're kidding me, right?
MAYA
You'll keep a national secret for key
chains?
JORDY
It's not like anyone will believe us.
MAYA
Good point. I'll take the keychains too.
BARTLET
Fine. It's a deal.
XANDER
Thank you Mr. President.
BARTLET
Thank you. Now get the hell out.
The gang starts to file out. Xander shakes hands
with Riley.
RILEY
It was good seeing you again.
XANDER
Same here.
Awkward pause ensues.
XANDER
You know what I mean.
Riley smiles.
RILEY
Keep assface over there in line would
you?
SPIKE
Stick in your ear, Finn.
Liv approaches the President.
LIV
Mr. President?
BARTLET
Yes, Olivia. I mean... Liv.
Liv extends her hand.
LIV
Circumstances withstanding, it was an
honor to meet you.
Bartlet shakes her hand.
BARTLET
My dear, if half that supernatural crap
they told me is true... then you have a
very large burden on your shoulders and
quite frankly it's the first time I've
ever met someone else whose job I don't
envy.
Liv smiles.
BARTLET
If fate of the world rests in your
hands... well I can't think of a better
person to take care of it.
LIV
Likewise sir. Must be a New Hampshire
thing.
Liv walks out of the office with the rest of the
group.
BARTLET
Hear that Leo? That little girl thinks
we can save the world?
LEO
Yeah. Know what I think?
BARTLET
What?
LEO
We're doomed.
BARTLET
And on that note, I'm going to bed. Make
sure someone cleans up that mess.
LEO
You going to tell Abby about this?
BARTLET
Leo... nobody talks about this ever. Get
my drift?
LEO
Yes sir. Just wanted to make sure she
didn't think you were going off the deep
end.
BARTLET
I took that leap when I let you convince
me to run for this job. I tell 'ya Leo,
when I think about all the work you did
getting me elected all the crap we went
through to get where we are today...
LEO
Yeah, yeah, yea... You could beat my
head in with a baseball bat.
BARTLET
Yeah, that about sums it up.
Both men walk out the door together.
INT. OUTER OVAL OFFICE.
XANDER
Come on guys. Let's go home.
JORDY
Guys, let's take a moment. We just saved
the President's life.
Liv rolls her eyes and smacks Jordy upside the
head.
LIV
And got paid in key chains.
JORDY
Okay... Moment over.
MAYA
Let's get out of here. This place is
freaking me out.
LIV
Yeah, I'd rather be back home.
JORDY
On the hellmouth.
MAYA
Fighting for our lives against the
forces of evil.
SPIKE
Beats hanging out with politicians.
MAYA
I hear that.
The gang heads off as Xander is about to follow
them...
CJ
(OS - Sotto)
Mr. Harris!
Xander turns to "see" CJ hanging out down the
hallway. They meet halfway in between. Both are
very uncomfortable.
XANDER
Ms. Cregg...
CJ
Regarding that night...
XANDER
Yeah.. uh...
CJ
Right... see... um...
XANDER
Maybe...
CJ
Things better left unsaid...
XANDER
Oh God yes.
CJ
So... if anyone asks...
XANDER
No power on this earth. Believe me.
CJ
Because...
XANDER
No power on this earth.
CJ
Right. Gotcha. Nice... uh... seeing
you... um... no offense, but if we ever
happen to see each other walking down
the street someday....
XANDER
We both agree to run away screaming.
CJ
Great. Let's never do this again.
XANDER
Have no problem with that... um do you
still have that tattoo....
CJ glares at him.
CJ
What did we just say?!
GO TO BLACK.
XANDER(VO)
Um. Right. Never mind.
END ACT IV
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
For those of you now going "WTF?", let me just say that this is what happens when you have writer's block and a West Wing marathon just happens to be on. As a result you see what happens when you blend Aaron Sorkin with some Joss Whedon. This story is a little out of the continuity of the series (hence the 2.X), so I'll get back to the original story line in about a week or so.
I generally don't like crossovers, so I'm a little neurotic about this one. If you guys hate it... say the word and it's toast.
And just so Aaron Sorkin doesn't sue my ass (Well he should on general principle)...Disclaimer: All characters of the West Wing belong to Aaron and NBC. The rest belongs to Joss Whedon
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