ACT III
INT. CJ'S OFFICE - EVENING
CJ walks into her office and sees Danny sitting at
her desk with his feet up.
CJ
Get out of my chair Danny.
Danny gets out of her chair with a smile. This is
an old game for them.
DANNY
So those kids doing the interviews,
they're from St. Bufalari's right?
CJ
Yes. Why?
DANNY
Checked them out.
CJ
Is it a slow news day Danny? Because the
rest of the country seems to be
interested in military spending.
DANNY
Found out some interesting things.
CJ
What? Another Conspiracy? Don't tell
me... they never went to St. Bufalari's.
DANNY
Oh they go there. Only thing is these
kids aren't on the school newspaper.
CJ
How do you know that?
DANNY
There is no school newspaper. Just as
there is no teacher named Riley Finn or
Alexander Harris working at the school
and for the big finale... no essay
contest at the city, county, state or
national level that would give them
access to the White House, the senior
staff and the President.
CJ
You're just a little bit jealous, aren't
you?
DANNY
It was a slow news day.
CJ
Right. So why are they here?
DANNY
That's what I'm asking.
CJ gives Danny a troubled look. Danny smiles and
walks toward the door.
DANNY
You'll look into it?
CJ
I'll look into it.
Josh walks into CJ's office.
JOSH
Hey Danny.
DANNY
Josh.
Danny leaves.
JOSH
Hey.
CJ
Hey.
JOSH
There's this rumor going around the
office about you going to this place in
Oxnard. You know anything about it?
CJ
Josh, there is no power on this earth
that is going to make me tell you that
story.
CJ suddenly gives Josh a steely glare.
CJ
What have you heard?
JOSH
Not much. Just you. Oxnard. Some sort of
bachelorette party... Are you sure you
don't want to share this with me?
CJ
No power on this earth!
JOSH
Fine. What do you know about these kids?
CJ
The high school kids?
JOSH
Yeah... these two brats cornered me in
my office and beat the crap out of me.
CJ
Those kids beat the crap out of you?
JOSH
They weren't mean to you?
CJ
I just had the girl.
JOSH
What do you know about them?
CJ
Well Danny just told me that there is no
school newspaper, that the teachers
aren't really teachers and that there
wasn't a contest.
JOSH
So there were no essays?
CJ rolls her eyes at Josh's silly question.
CJ
That I haven't confirmed.
(going nuts)
JOSH! OF COURSE THERE WASN'T ANY
ESSAYS!!
JOSH
Don't yell at me. Who put this together?
Toby walks in.
TOBY
Hey what do you know anything about the
kid with bad hair interviewing the
senior staff?
JOSH
It's more than just a kid.
TOBY
There's more of those... things?
JOSH
There are kids... plural as in three,
two adults and one of the kids is following
the President around all week.
TOBY
What?
CJ
Not only that, but their story doesn't
check out.
TOBY
You mean the story you told the press
this morning.
CJ
That would be the one.
TOBY
And you got this story from?
CJ
Leo.
JOSH
Something doesn't add up.
TOBY
That's great Spanky, but I think the
rest of the little rascals are way ahead
of you on this one.
JOSH
Why is everyone being mean to me today?
TOBY
Who's being mean?
JOSH
You are.
TOBY
This isn't mean. This is me being
pleasant. What's your problem?
CJ
Josh got beat up by the kids in his
interview.
TOBY
You mean to tell me that the
Katzenjammer twins beat you up in the
interview?
JOSH
Shouldn't we be talking to Leo?
Toby scratches his head and nods.
TOBY
We should be talking to Leo.
Toby walks to the door as CJ and Josh follow him.
CJ
Were they really that bad to you?
JOSH
I'll give you the details if you tell me
about Oxnard.
TOBY
Oxnard? What the hell is this about
Oxnard?
CJ
No power on this earth!
INT. WHITE HOUSE ENTRANCE
Maya is collapsed on the couch. Xander and Jordy
are keeping an eye on the security checkpoint.
MAYA
We've checked the kitchen, the
commissary, the mural room the map room,
the steam trunk distribution venue...
XANDER
I know. We've seen it all. Just keep an
eye peeled.
MAYA
Yeah, well the only thing my eyes are
going to see are the back of my eyelids.
Jordy is looking off in the distance.
XANDER
Jordy? What is it?
Jordy shakes his head.
JORDY
I don't know. I think I'm coming down
with something. I keep hearing and
smelling things that aren't there.
MAYA
Maybe it's Abraham Lincoln's ghost.
XANDER
Nah, I saw him upstairs and he's just
interested in watching American Idol.
Maya gives him a look.
MAYA
You're kidding right?
Xander just smiles but stops as he "sees"
something going on at the checkpoint.
XANDER
What's going on over there?
Senator Cole is going through the checkpoint with
his staff.
MAYA
I think that's the guy who finagled an
appointment with the President.
XANDER
Senator Cole?
MAYA
That's him.
XANDER
From the Armed Services Committee?
MAYA
That's him.
XANDER
That governs military spending.
Jordy is looking at Senator Cole with keen
interest. He nods.
JORDY
That's him.
MAYA
That's him as in...
JORDY
He's not human.
XANDER
Let's go.
Xander starts down the hallway with Jordy and Maya
following him.
MAYA
Xander? Cane?
XANDER
Oh. Right.
Xander unfolds his cane and taps like a normal
blind person.
JORDY
So what's the plan?
XANDER
Um...
MAYA
We have no plan.
XANDER
I'd just thought we'd grab him.
MAYA
Because that's a sure way not to attract
any attention.
XANDER
Then we just have to get to the Oval
office first and warn Liv and Riley.
JORDY
And if they beat us?
Xander pulls out his cell/pda.
XANDER
I do have a backup plan.
(into cell)
Moose to Peabody. Come in Mr. Peabody.
INT. LEO'S OFFICE
Leo comes into his office to find Josh, Toby and
CJ waiting for him.
LEO
You guys just look like you drank coffee
laced with Drano.
TOBY
Newsflash. The coffee around here is
Drano.
LEO
That explains a lot.
CJ
You know what I'd liked to have
explained? Why three kids and two adults
are running around with a fake story
about winning a contest.
JOSH
And getting to hang out with the senior
staff and the President.
Leo looks them over, gets up and closes the door
to his office.
LEO
You know?
TOBY
We know the essay contest was fake. We
know you lied to us. It's not the first
time, but I thought you were over that.
LEO
Who else knows?
JOSH
Donna suspects.
CJ
Danny knows.
LEO
Danny? Danny knows?
CJ
It's a slow news day.
TOBY
Which it won't be if the press finds out
we've lied to them! Again! You want to
tell us what the hell is going on Leo?
Leo sighs and sits down at the desk.
LEO
Ok. But you won't believe it.
TOBY
Try me.
INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE OVAL OFFICE
Xander, Jordy and Maya rush up to the entrance in
time to see Senator Cole and his team enter the
Oval Office through the Outer Oval office where
Debbie and Charlie work.
JORDY
We're too late!
XANDER
No. It's okay.
MAYA
Hello! Demon! Oval Office! Bad! Very
Very Bad!
XANDER
No. It should be all right. In my vision
the President was alone when he was
attacked. There's a whole bunch of
staffers going in with that guy. As long
as they stay in there, he should be
safe.
JORDY
Uh... Xander?
Jordy points to the Oval Office entrance. The
entire staff who came in with the Senator has come
out of the office, including Liv and Riley. Xander
and crew rush into the outer office. (The
Senator's staff has left to go elsewhere)
INT. OUTER OVAL OFFICE
XANDER
What are you doing?
RILEY
The President asked to speak with the
Senator alone and since...
XANDER
The senator's a demon!
RILEY
What?
Xander pulls out and yells into the phone.
XANDER
Moose to Peabody! Now! Now!
Jordy wolfs out as Liv kicks the door open.
INT. LEO'S OFFICE
Josh, CJ and Toby sit at Leo looking
flabbergasted.
TOBY
You're kidding me right?
JOSH
Leo, be straight with me. You're not
drinking again are you?
LEO
No. I'm not kidding and I'm not
drinking. Although after today I'm not
so sure a drink would be a bad idea.
CJ
Are you telling me that there is a....
Shouts are heard from the other room
TOBY
What the hell?
Everyone rushes to the door and opens the Oval
office door to find...
INT. OVAL OFFICE
Everyone rushes into the room to find Spike
(vamped out) holding the Senator up in the air
with one hand. Riley has one of his shock guns
pointed at the Senator. Liv and Jordy have jumped
on top of the president. Xander and Maya are
holding the doors to the office shut from the
Secret Service.
BARTLET
What the hell is going on here?!
SPIKE
Oh, just saving your life mate!
Secret Service begin running into the room. Leo
heads them off.
LEO
Back off gentlemen! The president is in
no danger.
BARTLET
Somebody please tell me why I have two
kids sitting on my chest?
CJ
What are you doing to the Senator?!
SPIKE
This is no Senator, luv.
Spike rips off the mask revealing the demon's
face. Everyone gets dead quiet.
JOSH
Why do I feel like I'm on an episode of
Scooby Doo?
TOBY
Senator Cole is a monster?
CJ
But he's a democrat!
SENATOR COLE
Put me down!
SPIKE
Don't think so mate.
Bartlet is finally able to distangle himself from
Liv and Jordy.
BARTLET
Leo? Is there something you need to tell
me?
Leo sighs.
LEO
Somebody get General MacNamara up here.
Spike lights up a cigarette with one hand.
RILEY
Spike, there's no smoking in the White
House.
BARTLET
With all due respect young man, shut the
hell up.
(to Spike)
Can I bum one of those off you?
INT. OVAL OFFICE - LATER
Bartlet is sitting behind the big desk. Everyone
else from the preceding scene, plus the general,
is scattered around the room. Spike is keeping an
eye on the Senator. Bartlet looks like he's about
to blow a gasket.
BARTLET
That's the most preposterous thing I've
ever heard!!
GEN. MACNAMARA
Mr. President...
BARTLET
Hank, I've known you for a long time,
but what exactly have you been smoking?
XANDER
It's true sir.
BARTLET
Who the hell are you?
XANDER
Xander Harris, sir. I'm a watcher.
BARTLET
Would you mind telling me how a blind
man can watch anything?
XANDER
It's a title. Liv is a Slayer. I'm kind
of a... counselor for her.
BARTLET
What the hell is a slayer?
LIV
That would be me.
BARTLET
And what are you exactly?
LIV
A girl with super powers who is destined
to fight evil.
BARTLET
This is a joke right? A little girl with
super powers?
RILEY
This is not a joke sir.
BARTLET
Are you still from New Hampshire?
LIV
Yes sir.
BARTLET
Well it can't be all bad.
ANGLE ON: TOBY AND JORDY SITTING OFF TO THE SIDE
The President is still arguing with the rest of
the staff/Xander. Toby leans nervously towards
Jordy. Spike is nearby smoking a cigarette.
TOBY
(To Jordy)
So you... You're a werewolf.
JORDY
Yep.
TOBY
With the "grr", the fur and the whole
full moon thing?
JORDY
I've got a therapy program that keeps it
in check.
TOBY
Therapy program. Of course. Did somebody
tell Lon Chaney?
JORDY
Who's Lon Chaney?
TOBY
You're a werewolf and you don't know who
Lon Chaney is?
SPIKE
Kids. No respect for history.
TOBY
Tell me about it. What are you supposed
to be?
SPIKE
Vampire. But I've got a soul.
TOBY
Oh. I see. And that makes it all better
then doesn't it?
SPIKE
For the most part. And if it eases your
mind, Bela took his cues from me.
TOBY
Really? Is.. is that supposed to be
comforting?
ANGLE ON: THE PRESIDENT
BARTLET
How can Bertram be a demon?! He and I go
to the same church every Sunday. He may
be a total pain in the ass, but his
heart is in the right place! No offense
Bertram.
SENATOR COLE
None taken, Mr. President.
XANDER
Mr. President, he could be a demon who
took the Senator's place.
SENATOR COLE
Young Man, just because I'm not human
does not mean I can't love this country
just as much as you. That very argument
is prejudicial, something that I've
fought very hard against my entire
sixteen years in office.
MAYA
Demons can be catholic?
SENATOR COLE
Reformed demons can, thank you very
much.
(To Spike)
You should know something about that,
now wouldn't you? Plus you think I'm the
only one out there in congress? All
demons lust for power... Congress is the
place for it.
JOSH
There are more demons in congress? Can
you supply me with a list?
Everyone looks at Josh as though he's nuts.
JOSH
What? I shouldn't take advantage of
this?
CJ
This has got to be the most bizarre
evening I've ever had.
JOSH
More bizarre than Oxnard?
CJ
No power on this earth!
BARTLET
Okay. Okay. I've had enough talk about
visions, vampires, demons and little
girls with super powers. I understand
you all wanted to protect me, but what
you people fail to realize is that this
office is bigger than just one man.
Believe me, if I die in office, we've
got a whole backup plan ready.
SPIKE
What plan is that?
JOSH
The constitution.
SPIKE
Oh. That rag.
BARTLET
So if you don't mind, I'd like my little
world to get back to normal. While I
appreciate all the help of the
supernatural, I'd rather do without it.
And if I die, then I don't have to deal
with the cover up.
LEO
Mr. President...
BARTLET
Look. It's late. I'm tired and I'm just
one step away from chucking this gig to
the vice president because I've had all
the supernatural crap I can take for one
day. So let's leave it at this ladies
and gentlemen. By executive order, this
day has never happened. What happened
here in this office will not be told to
a living soul. If any of the fifteen
people in this office...
XANDER
Uh... sixteen.
BARTLET
What?
XANDER
Sixteen people are in this office.
BARTLET
I think I know how to count young man.
JOSH
I count only fifteen people.
Jordy looks over at the office door and notices it
is ajar. He begins looking around the room.
Looking down he sees two footprints standing in
the carpet.
JORDY
No... he's right. Someone else is in
here.
END ACT III
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