ACT II
INT. WHITE HOUSE CORRIDOR
Liv is walking along with Riley and Leo.
LEO
You okay? You need something to eat?
LIV
I think food is a bad idea right now,
Mr. McGarry.
LEO
I've never seen a little girl throw up
so much.
(looks at Liv and then Riley)
How is a girl that small supposed to
protect the commander in chief?
RILEY
Trust me sir. She's a slayer.
LEO
You say that like it's supposed to
mean something to me.
RILEY
Trust me sir. She's got what it takes.
LEO
Uh-huh.
Leo sticks his head into the Outer Oval office
Secretary.
RILEY
(sotto)
You can handle this right?
LIV
Um. Okay. Sure.
RILEY
Oh boy.
LEO
(OS)
Charlie? Debbie? Can I see you in my
office please?
CHARLIE
(OS)
Can it wait?
LEO
It's about an old friend from back home.
Debbie Fiderer and Charlie Young scoot out of the
outer oval office and into Leo's office with
seconds to spare. Leo, Liv and Riley.
DEBBIE
What's going on Leo?
LEO
Charlie Young, Debbie Fiderer, this is
Olivia Fontaine and Riley Finn. They're
from the Secret Service.
Liv's eyes bug out. Riley nudges her back to
reality.
CHARLIE
She's secret service? What are you? 15?
LIV
Almost sixteen.
RILEY
She's in our undercover division.
LEO
We have reports that the President's
life is in danger from someone inside
the white house. They will be posing as
a teacher and student who will be
following the President's every move for
the rest of the week. No one, and I mean
NO ONE is to know their real purpose
here.
DEBBIE
Not even the...
LEO
Not even the President. I also want you
to clear off his schedule this week.
Only the stuff we cannot absolutely
avoid.
DEBBIE
What excuse should we...
LEO
I don't know.
LIV
Um.. Excuse me?
LEO
Yes?
LIV
I'm pretty good with computers. I could
muck it up pretty good.
Leo smiles.
LEO
This is a pretty expensive and secure
piece of software Miss Fontaine...
LIV
All I need is a magnet and some duct
tape.
DEBBIE
Does this mean I'll lose all my data and
be without a computer for a week?
LIV
Probably.
DEBBIE
Oh, I like her. She's a keeper. Come
with me sweetie.
Debbie ushers Liv out of the office like a mother
hen.
CHARLIE
Leo... Can you tell me anything?
LEO
No. Just keep an eye on him. Anything
weird, let these two know.
CHARLIE
What about the detail...?
LEO
I've talked to Ron, but no one else is
to know. Got that?
Charlie nods but looks nervous.
RILEY
Don't worry Mr. Young. Anything that
happens to the President will have to
come through me first.
CHARLIE
I'm sorry, but that's still not a
comforting thought.
LEO
Charlie. I need you to keep your head in
the game. I know how you feel about the
old man. I've been with the guy forty
years. I'm not going to let anything
happen to him. Now before anything else
happens, we need to get our cover story
straight with CJ.
INT. WHITE HOUSE BRIEFING ROOM
CJ walks in for the morning briefing.
CJ
Good morning everyone.
The press gives their typical "Good Morning CJ"
response.
CJ
Let me start off with the most obvious.
For those of you wondering where the
President's schedule is today... so am
I. Due to what could best be described
as bizarre computing accident, the
server and any backups of the President's
schedule for this week were complete
erased.
WOMAN REPORTER
Can you describe how it was erased?
CJ
You're asking the wrong person. The IT
guy tried to explain it to me in English
but what it all boiled down to was "Bad juju.
Much Magic."
MALE REPORTER
So what are you doing about the
schedule?
CJ
For security sake we are canceling most
of the President's personal and
non-policy oriented appointments as we
rebuild his calendar.
WOMAN REPORTER
Does that include any talks with
Congress regarding the cuts in military
spending?
CJ
No the President will be meeting with
Senator Cole from the Armed Services
committee regarding our recently
announced plans.
Danny Concannon, the bane of CJ's existence,
raises his hand. CJ sighs.
CJ
Danny?
DANNY
CJ, Can you tell us anything about some
high school students who are
interviewing staff members this week?
CJ flips through some papers on her podium.
CJ
Yes they are Olivia Fontaine, Jody
Framkin and Maya DuCoin. They are essay
winners from St. Bufalari's High School. Olivia
and her teacher will get to shadow the
President this week, while the other two
will interview staff members for their
school newspaper.
DANNY
Any reason why they get access to
everyone and we don't?
CJ
Yes. They're much cuter and don't ask
annoying questions.
INT. TOBY'S OFFICE
Jordy sits in Toby's office alone. Toby walks in
and spies Jordy and eyes him suspiciously.
TOBY
Who the hell are you?
JORDY
I'm no one of consequence. You?
TOBY
Likewise. Get the hell out of my office.
Donna pops her head into the office.
DONNA
Toby! There you are. This is Jordy
Framkin.
TOBY
We've met. What's he doing here?
DONNA
He's interviewing you for his school
newspaper.
Toby gives Donna a look of death, but Donna is
pretty much used to it.
TOBY
Really. Who put this together? Because
you know, I'm only the White House
communications director and this kind of
thing is usually run by me.
DONNA
Leo.
Toby scratches his head neurotically.
TOBY
Uh-huh. Great. Wonderful. And he's here
because?
DONNA
He wrote an essay. Be nice.
Donna leaves. Toby sighs.
TOBY
What was your essay topic?
JORDY
The internal cover up of the President's
medical condition and the affect on
American society.
TOBY
Really?
JORDY
No. It was about how a bill becomes a
law. I plagiarized it from School House
Rock.
TOBY
Really.
JORDY
I wrote it in iambic pentameter.
TOBY
Ah. I see. Are you trying to be funny?
JORDY
Little bit.
TOBY
It's not working.
Toby pulls out a cigar and removes the wrapper.
JORDY
I'll work on it.
Toby sighs and lights up the cigar.
JORDY
Should you be smoking in front of me?
Isn't that a negative reinforcement of
bad habits on today's youth?
Toby looks at Jordy and raises his eyebrows.
TOBY
That must have been some essay.
INT. CJ'S OFFICE
CJ sits behind her desk, with Xander and Maya in
the typical interview position.
CJ
So you won a contest?
MAYA
I wrote an essay.
CJ
What was it on?
MAYA
How the media represents women in
politics.
CJ
And how does the media portray women in
politics?
MAYA
Um... a little bitchy.
XANDER
Ahh. Maya...
CJ laughs.
CJ
That's okay. That's actually pretty
accurate. I find that most of the press
either casts us as either being power
hungry or stupid.
MAYA
Which are you?
XANDER
Maya!
MAYA
You don't mind do you? I'm actually just
trying to embarrass him.
CJ
Well you're doing a pretty good job.
CJ gives Xander a long hard look.
CJ
(To Xander)
I'm sorry, but have we met somewhere
before?
XANDER
Uh, it's possible. Unfortunately I am no
longer good with faces.
They all share an uncomfortable laugh.
MAYA
What did you do before becoming the
press secretary for the White House?
CJ
Well before this, I was the press
secretary on the campaign and before
that I did publicity out in California.
XANDER
Oh, hey I'm from California. Where you
from?
CJ
LA. You?
XANDER
Sunnydale.
CJ
That would be the big hole in the
ground, right?
XANDER
Right.
CJ
Never been there myself, but I did come
close one time. I was up there near
Oxnard for a bachelorette party and...
CJ looks at Xander. Both turn white as a ghost.
MAYA
What? What happened?
CJ and Xander stand up quickly and start gathering
their things.
CJ
Uh.. gee.. Sorry, I just remembered I've
got a... thing.
XANDER
Right. No Problem. We've got a... thing
too.
MAYA
What thing?
XANDER
(sotto)
She's clean. Let's go.
Xander hustles Maya out the door.
MAYA
What the hell happened in Oxnard?
XANDER
Nothing. Nothing at all.
MAYA
Are you a rotten liar. Spill it Harris.
XANDER
Unh-uh. No way. No power on this earth.
INT. OVAL OFFICE
President Bartlet is signing a ton of paperwork as
Debbie shuffles each page. They are a well
organized team.
BARTLET
Are you telling me that the entire
schedule is gone?
DEBBIE
Kaput. Except for Bertram Cole, he
rescheduled and will not be denied.
BARTLET
Cole. That Candy-Ass has the nerve to...
never mind. Since my schedule is gone,
does this mean I get to go home early? I
haven't done that in twenty years. Abby
might die of shock.
DEBBIE
The First Lady is in Israel.
BARTLET
Well then the shock isn't worth it.
What's next?
DEBBIE
Mr. Riley Finn and Miss Olivia Fontaine.
BARTLET
What the hell do they want?
DEBBIE
They want to bask in the glory that is
you.
BARTLET
That sarcasm?
DEBBIE
Yes. Miss Fontaine won an essay contest
at her school and now she and her
teacher will be shadowing you for the
rest of the week. So you better be on
your best behavior.
BARTLET
I guess this means I can't wear
sweatpants to the office, watch ESPN and
eat cheetos while they're here.
DEBBIE
You never do that.
BARTLET
I only do that when my schedule suddenly
disappears. Anything I need to know
about these people?
DEBBIE
They're from some hack state up North.
BARTLET
Which one?
DEBBIE
New Hampshire.
BARTLET
Well why didn't you say so!!
Bartlet pushes himself away from the unfinished
paperwork and marches to the doorway.
BARTLET
Charlie! Let these fine people from the
great state of New Hampshire in here! We
have many things to discuss and orate
about!
DEBBIE
Mr. President, we have some more...
BARTLET
I'll finish it later. Citizens of my
home state are here to visit!
Debbie sighs and picks all the paperwork as
Charlie ushers in Riley and a very nervous Liv.
CHARLIE
Mr. President, this is Riley Finn and
Olivia Fontaine from Cape Kenneth, New
Hampshire.
BARTLET
Ahhh... Cape Kenneth! Beautiful little
town. I went there for a couple of weeks on
vacation when I was governor. Has it
changed much?
Liv is frozen to the spot.
RILEY
Ahh... no not at all sir. Still the same
quiet little town.
BARTLET
Good. Good. So you must be Olivia, what
grade are you in?
LIV
Eep.
RILEY
uh.. she's a little nervous.
CHARLIE
She's already thrown up twice in the
outer office.
BARTLET
Really? Would it help you to know that
the White House and the Oval Office was
designed to be intimidating to foreign
heads of state? Why if I'm not mistaken
the Dalai Llama once threw up in the
mural room.
CHARLIE
I thought he had the flu.
BARTLET
Yes, but now Olivia knows that she and
the Dali Llama have something in common.
Liv smiles nervously.
BARTLET
There we go! Finally a sign of life.
Sit! Sit! Tell me, where do you go to
school, Olivia?
Riley and Liv sit down.
LIV
Liv.
BARTLET
I'm sorry?
LIV
Everyone calls me Liv.
BARTLET
Right.
LIV
I go to St. Bufalari's.
BARTLET
Saint? She's a saint now?
LIV
I thought she was always a saint.
CHARLIE
Who's a saint?
BARTLET
Bufalari. Quite an odd bird Bufalari. Do
you know what she is a saint of Mr.
Finn?
Riley is caught off guard.
RILEY
Uh... no.
BARTLET
Pay attention Finn, there's going to be
a pop quiz later.
Liv mutters something to quiet to be heard.
BARTLET
I'm sorry dear, what did you say?
LIV
She's the patron saint against demon
possession.
Riley, Charlie and the President Bartlet are
impressed.
BARTLET
A+ for you Ms. Fontaine! Yes she was!
St. Bufalari was an Augustinian nun at
Amelia and the sister of Blessed John of
Rieti...
Bartlet continues on his lecture. Charlie leans in
and whispers to Riley.
CHARLIE
You might want to take notes, he wasn't
kidding about that pop quiz.
INT. BULLPEN
Josh Lyman is breezing through the hallway looking
at three different types of documents, barely
looking at where he is going.
JOSH
DONNA!
Donna appears, as if by magic (but not really)
right beside him.
DONNA
No need to shout.
JOSH
Don't sneak up on me like that.
DONNA
I didn't sneak. I just was.
JOSH
Well whatever it was don't do it again.
DONNA
Fine.
JOSH
Do you have a copy of the President's
schedule?
DONNA
No one has a copy of the President's
schedule.
JOSH
I know that. I want to know why.
DONNA
It went whoosh.
JOSH
Someone flushed it down the toilet?
DONNA
It was erased from the system.
JOSH
Erased.
DONNA
Yes
JOSH
From the system.
DONNA
Again yes.
JOSH
How?
DONNA
I asked the IT guys.
JOSH
And?
DONNA
Whoosh.
JOSH
I don't suppose anybody printed out the
schedule? You know... for safety's sake?
DONNA
You could suppose but you'd be wrong.
Besides if we actually printed out the
schedule it'd be the size of a telephone
book.
JOSH
(sarcastic)
God I love computers.
DONNA
By the way you're late for your
interview.
JOSH
What interview?
DONNA
The interview with the essay winners
from St. Bufalari's high school.
JOSH
Why would I want to interview a high
school student?
DONNA
They're interviewing you.
JOSH
Why do I want to be interviewed by them?
DONNA
Because they're essay winners.
JOSH
That's some prize.
DONNA
One of them gets to shadow the President
for the week.
JOSH
What? You're kidding. Who put this thing
together?
DONNA
Leo.
JOSH
Leo? Leo did this? Doesn't this seem
weird to you?
DONNA
If you think this is weird, you should
see the kids doing the interviews.
JOSH
Something's not right here.
DONNA
Well I'm sure your giant head will
somehow figure it out. In the meantime
you need to be interviewed by the kids;
here's the memo you wanted regarding the
democratic party fundraiser and your
mother called twice about Thanksgiving.
JOSH
Twice?
DONNA
Once to find out if your were coming and
the second time to remind you that she
lives in Florida now, not Connecticut.
JOSH
(grumbling)
You forget one time and they never
forgive you.
DONNA
They're waiting for you in your office.
JOSH
Who?
DONNA
The kids.
JOSH
Right. Right.
INT. JOSH LYMAN'S OFFICE
Josh enters his office. Xander, Jordy and Maya are
waiting for him.
JOSH
Sorry I'm late. This whole calendaring
snafu has thrown us into a tailspin. I'm
Josh Lyman.
Josh shakes everybody's hands.
XANDER
This is Jordy Framkin and Maya DuCoin.
JOSH
And you are?
XANDER
Xander Harris. I'm a guidance counselor.
Josh sits down, looking at the memo; checking his
computer for e-mail and rummaging through his
desk.
JOSH
Nice to meet you. So you kids won a big
essay contest, huh? What were your essay
topics?
MAYA
'Chauvinism in the White House: Why only
one woman is on the Senior Staff.'
JORDY
'Why Americans think Rush Limbaugh is
right.'
Josh looks up from the memo he's reading and give
the kids a nervous smile. Maya and Jordy squint at
him with a look of intimidation. They smell fear.
Josh laughs lightly.
JOSH
Those must have been some essays. DONNA!
MAYA
So what exactly do you do here?
JOSH
I'm the Deputy Chief of Staff. I manage
our legislative agenda and shape
domestic policy.
JORDY
What exactly is a legislative agenda?
JOSH
It's keeping track of the bills and
resolutions on the floor of congress
that we either want to have squashed or
passed.
Donna enters the room and give Josh a glare.
DONNA
What?
Josh hands her the memo
JOSH
The fundraiser will serve dinner and
drinks before nine?
DONNA
Yes.
JOSH
This says "serve diner and dinks before
mimes". If that actually happens, I'll
RSVP.
DONNA
It was a typo.
JOSH
No those were typos. Fix that,
will you? Important people are going to
be reading that.
Donna takes the memo and walks out.
MAYA
So you manage congress?
JOSH
Pretty much.
JORDY
Doesn't that violate the checks and
balances inherit in the system?
JOSH
No.. It's not like that.
MAYA
But if there's a bill you don't like,
you have it squashed.
JOSH
Sometimes before it reaches the floor.
JORDY
And that doesn't violate the checks and
balances inherit in the system?
Josh is a little on the intimidated side.
JOSH
No... It's... It's just politics.
Maya and Jordy sigh simultaneously and make some
copious notes.
MAYA
(While writing)
Seems to me you're interfering in the
legislative process.
JOSH
We're not interfering with the
legislative process.
MAYA
No, you're just ignoring the
constitution.
Jordy and Maya look at each other and make copious
notes.
JOSH
(to Xander)
What do you feed these kids?
Xander laughs.
XANDER
I load them up with sugar and caffeine,
tie them to a chair and force them to
watch C-SPAN.
(to Maya and Jordy)
C'mon guys. Lighten up.
Maya and Jordy give Xander a look as though he's
undermining the government. Difficult to describe how
that looks exactly, but that's what it is
MAYA
"Lighten up"?
JORDY
Fine. So this "Deputy" thing. Does it
come with a badge?
Josh laughs.
JOSH
No. It's a just a title.
MAYA
So the title isn't important?
Josh smiles and shrugs.
JOSH
Chicks seem to dig it.
Maya gives Josh a fierce look.
MAYA
Really? "Chicks", huh?! Do you think the
League of Women voters would find it
offensive that you refer to women as
"chicks"?!
JOSH
Oh come on!
Maya and Jordy look at each other, shake their
heads and make more copious notes.
JOSH
That was just a joke!
(to Xander)
Can you make them stop?
Jordy gives Josh a fierce look.
JORDY
Oh... so now you want to stop the
freedom of the press?!
Josh gives Xander a look of panic. Xander sighs.
XANDER
If only I could.
INT. BULLPEN
Maya and Jordy exit with Xander following them.
MAYA
That was fun.
JORDY
You should have seen me with the bald
guy. I actually made a vein in his
forehead pulsate.
XANDER
You pick up anything?
JORDY
I swiped an ashtray with the
presidential seal.
XANDER
Anything demony?
JORDY
No. You?
XANDER
No.
JORDY
That eliminates the Staff members who
can approach the President by
themselves.
MAYA
What about that guy?
Xander peers into an office where Will Bailey is
pounding away on his laptop surrounded by boxes of
documents, about 20 different bicycles and
campaign posters for Sam Seaborn. Will looks up
at Xander.
WILL
Can I help you?
Xander ignores the question moves the kids along
XANDER
Yeah, he's harmless.
JORDY
Great.
XANDER
So now the only thing to do is to watch
for outside threats.
Jordy stops and turns around.
XANDER
What is it?
In front of Jordy is a desk where some papers have
dropped onto the floor. Jordy frowns.
MAYA
What's wrong?
JORDY
Nothing. Just... thought I heard
something.
INT. JOSH LYMAN'S OFFICE
Donna enters and sees Josh who is completely wiped
out.
DONNA
You okay?
JOSH
Those kids were brutal! It was like
being torn apart by pit bulls!
DONNA
You should have seen Toby when that boy
with the hair was done with him.
JOSH
They interviewed Toby too?
DONNA
And CJ. Something must have happened
between CJ and that teacher. They've
been trying to avoid each other ever
since.
JOSH
What teacher?
DONNA
That Harris guy. The one who was in
here.
JOSH
He said he was a guidance counselor.
DONNA
That's weird.
JOSH
Something's not right about these guys.
DONNA
Maybe it's because you called the League
of Women Voters a bunch of chicks.
Donna hands Josh a couple sheets of paper.
JOSH
I didn't call the.... never mind. What's
this?
DONNA
The make-do schedule we have available.
JOSH
Great. They cancel everything else but
Bertram Cole from the Senate Armed
Forces Committee.
DONNA
Who's he?
JOSH
The devil himself.
INT. SENATOR COLE'S OFFICE
An Aide is talking with a secretary on the phone.
AIDE
Did you confirm?
SECRETARY
Yes. He has a meeting with the President
at 7:00.
AIDE
Check to make sure their agenda matches
ours and that they expect Senator Cole's
staff to come along.
SECRETARY
Right.
The Aide walks back to two giant doors and knocks.
AIDE
Senator Cole? Senator Cole?
INT. SENATOR COLE'S OFFICE
It's pitch black in the office. We hear only the
sound of Senator Cole's voice
SENATOR COLE
What is it Ally?
AIDE
(OS)
We've confirmed your meeting with the
President at seven.
As we pull up to the Senator's desk we see a large
ugly demon working on a realistic latex mask. The
demon smiles a toothy grin.
SENATOR COLE
Excellent.
END ACT II
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