TEASER
EXT. AFRICAN SAVANNAH
TITLE: Somewhere in Africa
It's night out as the camera pans around the
savannah, showing all sorts of life (animals and
what not). The camera settles on a small hut
standing alone in the middle of no where.
OLD MAN
(subtitled)
Hurry! There isn't much time!
INT. HUT
The walls of the hut are covered in arcane
drawings. An old African man is helping a young
African man pack. They are frantic.
YOUNG MAN
(subtitled)
Honorable Igqhira... Are you positive
that N-
The old man shoots the younger man a look of
warning
OLD MAN
Ixwhele! Do not speak its name!!
YOUNG MAN
...that he who cannot be named will
return?
The old man gives the young man an additional
glare as he continues to throw strange artifacts
into the younger man's satchel.
OLD MAN
Do you doubt me as well, Ixwhele?
YOUNG MAN
It's just that the legend of N-
OLD MAN
Do not say its name!
The young man giggles.
OLD MAN
Oh... So now I'm amusing as well as
doubted.
YOUNG MAN
I'm sorry Igqirha. It's just every time
you say that I think of those books...
you know the one with boy, the scar and
the glasses.
The young man holds up his hands in the form of
glasses and smiles. The old man shakes his head.
OLD MAN
(subtitled)
I know the elders of the tribe doubt my
prophecies, but I have no time to deal
with their slow witted thinking. They
have become modern and now ignore the
voices of their ancestors.
YOUNG MAN
But master Igqhira... you are the
guardian of the Olos Nah. Could you
not...
OLD MAN
No time! No time! You must warn him
before it is too late.
YOUNG MAN
But I could guard it for you! Take it
far away.
OLD MAN
The powers of the Olos Nah are too
dangerous to be handled by a novice. Now
stand here.
The old man guides him to a certain spot on the
floor. The old man hands him a slip of paper.
OLD MAN
This is his name and where you can find
him.
The old man also hands him what appears to be a
bucket.
OLD MAN
You'll need this once you get there.
YOUNG MAN
What is it?
OLD MAN
Just a bucket.
The young man gives him a confused look.
OLD MAN
For motion sickness. Trust me.
The old man begins to chant. In a fancy light show the
young man disappears into thin air. The old man
steadies himself and then begins to run around
frantically in the hut...
OLD MAN
If I only had enough time... I can
perhaps prevent it happening before it
is...
A bolt of energy hits the old man and he screams
in pain as he is slowly incinerated into nothing.
The Vizier enters with a smirk on his face.
VIZIER
Too late.
EXT. CAPE KENNETH CEMETERY
It's a quiet night in the cemetery, interrupted
only by a giant flash of light and the Young Man
from Africa appearing from out of no where.
The young man dizzily falls to his knees tries to
get up only to fall to the ground. He leans on the
bucket for a little bit, deciding whether or not
to be sick. After a moment or two he is finally
able to stand. He turns around to see a group of
men behind him. All of them grin at the young man
evilly.
MAN
You okay? We saw something that looked
like lightning over here.
YOUNG MAN
I am fine. Please help. Looking for...
The young man pulls out the piece of paper given
to him.
YOUNG MAN
(butchering the name)
Alanchandar Hair-rist.
The young man looks up and gasps as the group of
men have vamped out.
YOUNG MAN
(subtitled)
You are not hu-
The vamps move in quickly and subdue the young
man.
YOUNG MAN
AAAHHHH!!!
Just as the vamps are about to bite into him we...
CUT TO:
INT. ST. BUFALARI'S GYM
It's cheerleader practice time. Audrey is leading the girls in a new routine.
CHEERLEADERS
Ah-huh! This my (grunt) All the girls
stomp your feet like this!
The girls continue doing a booty shakin' routine
to Gwen Stefani's "Hollaback Girl". Liv and Maya
watch on in absolute horror as they butcher the
song to pieces. Both are in their school uniforms,
with Maya wearing her arm in a cast/sling.
MAYA
Is that what I look like?
LIV
No, you usually have a nauseated look on
your face.
MAYA
I'm not sure who I hate more. Audrey or
Gwen Stefani.
LIV
Do you think Audrey realizes that Gwen
is making fun of cheerleaders?
MAYA
She is?
LIV
I think so.
MAYA
Do you even know what a hollaback girl
is?
LIV
Um... no.
MAYA
You are so uncool it is almost scary.
LIV
I know. I'm a rebel.
MAYA
Gimp.
LIV
Airhead.
MAYA
Worm.
SPIKE
That's lovely. You two going to have a
throw down or what?
Liv and Maya look over and see Spike smoking a
cigarette and watching the cheerleading routine.
SPIKE
I'm just saying it's a natural thought
process... two girls arguing. Catholic
school uniforms... Tossing each other
around...
Spike give them a dirty-minded look and grin. Maya
and Liv respond with a look of disgust.
SPIKE
Just me then?
MAYA
Just so you know Spike... When you die
you're going to a very special kind of
hell. The one with child molesters
and...
SPIKE
Yeah, yeah, yeah, been there. Nice
during the winter months.
Maya shakes her head in disgust. Liv picks up her
school bag.
LIV
You're late.
SPIKE
Sorry half-pint, I've just got this
thing about going out into daylight and
bursting into flames. Think I should see
a doctor?
Liv tries to think of a comeback.
LIV
I'd see a... ah.. um...
Maya leans in and tries to feed her a comeback.
MAYA
(sotto)
Proctologist.
LIV
Proctologist... uh for.. um...
MAYA
(sotto)
The stake that I'm about to ram up
your...
LIV
Maya!
Spike smirks.
SPIKE
You're not one for the quippage or puns
are you?
MAYA
She's better at slicing and dicing the
undead.
(threatening)
Want to see her in action?
SPIKE
I'd like to see her in those leather
pants again.
Liv blanches. Spike laughs. Maya glares.
MAYA
Special. Kind. Of. Hell.
SPIKE
What are you going to do about it Luv?
Unless you've got a special power... and
I mean other than quacking like a
duck... I'd leave now before that other
arm mysteriously breaks.
Maya gives Spike an angry look, grabs her book bag
and stomps off. Liv follows her and stomps past a
smirking Spike.
As Spike chuckles to himself, Liv turns around and
bashes Spike's head into the wall. It bounces
nicely.
SPIKE
OW! Bloody hell!
LIV
You... You... Big... Meanie!
Liv runs off after Maya. Spike gathers himself up.
SPIKE
Damn it all. Hate this bloody town.
END TEASER
ACT I
EXT. CAPE KENNETH - MAIN STREET
MAYA
Big meanie?
LIV
I couldn't think of anything quippy.
MAYA
Isn't that a part of the whole slayer
super power package?
LIV
Apparently not.
Maya smiles and nudges Liv with her good arm.
MAYA
Maybe there's a manual on it.
LIV
I wish. How's the arm?
MAYA
Big ol' throbbing mess of pain. But the
painkillers make it all worthwhile. I
just have to hide them from my mom. Last
night she found my bottle and spent four
hours watching the weather channel.
Liv gives Maya a guilty look and then looks away.
MAYA
I saw that.
LIV
What?
MAYA
The look of guilt. You can't blame
yourself for this Worm.
LIV
Just seems that everyone I care about
lately seems to get in the line of fire.
And hurt.
MAYA
Don't worry about me. Wherever you go,
I'll be by your side... kickin' the ass
of the major bad.
Liv doesn't look so sure.
SFX: Doorbell ringing.
EXT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - DOORWAY
Xander opens the door to find a police detective
standing there.
POLICE OFFICER
Alexander Harris?
XANDER
Yes?
The detective flashes a badge.
POLICE OFFICER
Officer Muldoon. We found a dead body on
the Franklin street cemetery last night
and we were hoping you could help us
identify it.
Xander frowns.
XANDER
Why me?
POLICE OFFICER
Because he was carrying your name and
address.
Xander's look becomes troubled. The detective
pulls out a picture and holds it up to Xander.
POLICE OFFICER
Do you know this person?
Xander gives him a grim look.
XANDER
Sorry officer
(takes off sunglasses)
but I don't think a picture is going to
help.
The detective reacts to his damaged eyes.
POLICE OFFICER
Oh sir.. I apologize I...
Xander smiles and puts his sunglasses on. He waves
away the detective's apology.
XANDER
It's okay. Hang on a second.
(calling)
Luce?
Lucy comes to the door.
LUCY
What is it?
XANDER
Does this photo look like anyone we
know?
Lucy takes the photo and grimaces.
LUCY
Oooo. What happened to him?
POLICE OFFICER
Bled to death. No M.E. report yet, but
if you ask me some animal ripped his
throat open.
Lucy and Xander exchange a knowing look.
XANDER
Do we know him?
LUCY
You might. He's wearing an outfit you
might see out of Africa.
POLICE OFFICER
Africa?
XANDER
I spent a couple of years in Africa with
the Peace Corps. What's he look like?
POLICE OFFICER
Early 20's. About 5'10", thin. 150
pounds tops. Shaved head. Had a strange
tattoo on his back.
XANDER
What was it?
The police detective hands another photo to Lucy
POLICE OFFICER
Umm.. Kind of like a stick figure
jumping in the air?
LUCY
Wearing a banana on his head.
POLICE OFFICER
I thought it was a court jester's hat.
That sound familiar to you at all?
Xander frowns and shakes his head.
XANDER
I wish it did. It could be a family I
knew from Africa that was trying to
contact me.
POLICE OFFICER
The guy also had a bag full of some
weird looking artifacts. How he got it
through customs, I'm not sure.
XANDER
Any chance I can take a look at those?
The detective gives Xander an odd look.
POLICE OFFICER
You mean...
XANDER
I mean touch them. See if they feel
familiar.
POLICE OFFICER
There is still a question of whether or
not this is a homicide. I'll check with
my lieutenant and let you know.
XANDER
Thanks.
The police officer leaves and Xander shuts the
door behind him. Lucy hugs Xander and gives him a
cute pout.
LUCY
So I guess our date is off.
XANDER
Absolutely not. I can work around this.
LUCY
Oooo. Take charge guy. What's the plan?
XANDER
Uh... dinner...
LUCY
Uh-huh...
XANDER
A moonlit stroll through the town
square...
LUCY
Mmm-hmm....
XANDER
Then we break in the city morgue and try
to talk to a corpse.
LUCY
See this is nice. Romantic evening
followed with total ick.
XANDER
Or we could break into the police
station and see what mystery African guy
was carrying...
LUCY
Ahhh... the romance. This is why I have
to beat the other women off of you with
a stick.
XANDER
There's other women? Where's the women?
Lucy gives Xander a passionate kiss.
XANDER
Never mind the other women. Commence the
beating... uh.. Of the women... the
other women... with a stick. Man, that
didn't come out right.
LUCY
I got the gist. Date's off?
XANDER
Rain check?
Lucy gives him a quick kiss.
LUCY
Rain check.
INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - MAIN ROOM - LATER
The entire Odd squad, including Audrey and Spike
are there.
XANDER
So to sum up: African guy killed while
trying to track me down; weird tattoo
which needs to be identified; and at the
police station there is a bag full of
African knick knacks that might help
figure out what is going on. Any
questions?
JORDY
Can we get ice cream later?
(Everyone gives him a strange look)
I miss Chao-Ahn.
XANDER
Liv, I want you to head out on patrol
and see if you can track down the
vampires who killed this guy. Lucy is
going to sneak Jordy, Audrey and I into
the morgue to see if Audrey can talk
with this dead guy. Spike...
SPIKE
Just what makes you think you can order
me around?
XANDER
Because I thought you'd like to break
into the police station and steal from
the evidence room.
SPIKE
(quickly)
I'm in.
MAYA
So I'm going with Liv on patrol, right?
Xander and Liv exchange a "look".
XANDER
Maya... I think it's best that you stay
behind.
AUDREY
Excuse me? Why does gimpy here get to
stay while I put my life in mortal
danger? It's not my fault I go all Haley
Joel Osment whenever there's a dead body
around.
MAYA
Look, I can handle...
XANDER
In the past two weeks you've been
knocked unconscious and gotten a broken
arm. Maybe you should just be
"research-girl" for a while.
MAYA
How long is a while?
JORDY
Maya...
MAYA
What? You're taking his side?
JORDY
Taking my side, which is the 'keep my
girlfriend in one piece and unbroken'
side.
Maya shoots Jordy an evil glare.
MAYA
Oh so while you guys are all out saving
the world, I'm stuck here with the moldy
books and Pongo.
Audrey holds her hand up in the air.
AUDREY
I'll stay with the moldy books.
(beat)
What's a 'Pongo'?
Pongo the wonder puppet pops up beside Audrey and
waves his arms enthusiastically.
PONGO
Outlook is good!
Audrey gives Pongo a blank stare and then looks
back to the group.
AUDREY
Yeah. I'm okay with the morgue.
MAYA
So I'm just stuck here, right?
LIV
Maya... We just want you to be...
MAYA
You too? Fine. Whatever. Go.
Maya turns and walks into the kitchen. Spike
smirks and starts heading for the door.
SPIKE
Nice to see you still have the same
touch with women, Harris.
Xander grimaces. Lucy gives him a supportive hug.
LUCY
She'll come around. She's just being
stubborn.
XANDER
I hope so.
LUCY
How about that moonlit stroll?
Xander smiles.
INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - KITCHEN
Jordy approaches Maya.
MAYA
What do you want?
JORDY
For you to be safe.
MAYA
You don't think I can take care of
myself?
JORDY
I think you have a broken arm.
MAYA
Oh like that would stop you or Liv from
going out. You're supposed to support
me.
JORDY
And I fully support the concept of a
non-damaged you.
Liv approaches Maya with a couple of pieces of
paper.
LIV
Maya, Mr. Harris wants you to track down
the tattoo on that African guy.
Maya snatches the papers out of Liv's hand.
MAYA
Fine. Whatever. I guess no super powers
means I'm just a librarian now.
JORDY
Who happens to have the mighty power of
search engine navigation.
Maya shoots Jordy a look.
JORDY
So we're not making with the funny
anymore?
LIV
Maya you have...
MAYA
A broken arm. What are you, a broken
record?
LIV
Why are you taking this out on me?
MAYA
What? You don't think I know Miss 'queen
of the guilt complex' had something to do
with this?
LIV
I just want you to be...
MAYA
Whatever. Go on your secret missions.
I've got moldy books and Pongo sitting
to accomplish.
LIV
Maya
MAYA
No. I get it now. I'm just the Velma.
JORDY
The what?
MAYA
You're Shaggy, she's Scooby. Xander and
Lucy are Fred and Daphne. You guys get
to pair off for hijinxy fun while I'm
off wearing earth tones and
babysitting... Scrappy. I'm the research
girl with no hope of fitting in. The odd
wheel out.
JORDY
I think you're way out of context here.
LIV
Yeah, we just want you to be...
MAYA
Don't say it. Don't say that word.
AUDREY
Excuse moi? I'd just like to say
something.
The odd squad turns and looks at Audrey.
AUDREY
Just for the record. They're right and
you're wrong. I mean... come on... other
than being a smart ass what else do you
have to offer?
Audrey smirks. Maya smirks back. Audrey turns and
walks away. Maya grabs a nearby stake and makes to
attack Audrey. Jordy and Liv grab her and hold her
back.
MAYA
Oh come on. You know you want me too.
LIV
Let it go Maya.
Maya drops the stake. She shakes loose Liv and
Jordy.
MAYA
Better get going.
LIV
Maya...
MAYA
Go. Just... go.
Maya turns away and goes upstairs.
JORDY
Velma? Where the hell did she get that?
I'm mean she doesn't even wear earth
tones or glasses.
Liv looks up the stairs with concern.
LIV
I really don't know, Jordy.
INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - TRAINING ROOM
Maya is pulling books out for research. She stops
and wipes some tears from her face. She takes a
deep breath and continues to pull more books.
END ACT I
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