And the Winner is….
‘D’you think they’ll give us time for a coffee?’, Dawn asked, wronging her hands nervously.
‘I doubt it’, Buffy put in, ‘everything’s on turbo-speed here’.
‘Alike to Crash Bandicoot’, Illyria affirmed. She frowned when everyone returned blank looks.
Dawn burst out laughing. ‘B-B-Buffy why…why’d you want to save the k-kittens?!’
Buffy folded her arms as everyone smiled, excepting Illyria. ‘I wouldn’t expect the murderer of Miss Kitty Fantastico to understand, but-’
Willow gasped painfully. ‘Dawn killed Miss Kitty?’
‘Uh, the contest!’ Faith interrupted before things turned ugly. ‘What’s the plan for the runners up? Do we like, wait for the Hellmouth to reopen, if that’s what floats their boat, do we attack the organisers, what?’
‘Well, we’re gonna be sacrificed’, Kennedy answered bluntly. ‘So I say, we stop them before they get out the old spit’n’fire.’
‘Kennedy, for once you speak logic’, Buffy announced. ‘A pre-emptive strike sounds good to me. Any other suggestions?’
‘Um, are Angel, Spike and Oz going to help out too?’, Dawn queried. ‘Surely they’re not just there to ogle the queen’.
Faith, Illyria, Buffy and Willow gave her pitying glances.
Kennedy sighed. ‘Winning sounds better than ever now.’
They fell silent for a moment.
‘And may I welcome our girls back to the stage!’
‘Arghh!’, Buffy cried, ‘it’s time alre-’
‘Quick, my lovelies!’, urged Claire Cleaver, returning backstage. ‘The judges have reached their decision!’
Dawn made a bid for the mirror, but Willow pulled her back. Together, the six contestants hurried back on the stage. The crowd roared in appreciation.
*******************
Tuxedo man smiled sinisterly at his contestants.
‘Yes, our good judges thought long and hard about this. It was very close! But now we have a winner.’
The Chosen Ones shuffled uneasily. Kennedy sneaked a quick squeeze of Willow’s hand reassuringly.
‘Our first runner-up is….oh my god! Willow Rosenberg!’
Willow turned paler, if that was possible, and walked forward to receive her sash. She knew she wouldn’t have won queen, but knowing that she was definitely going into battle was definitely wigsome. She waved awkwardly at the audience, and caught a glance from Oz. He frowned.
‘Our second runner-up…the lovely Dawn Summers!’
Dawn put her hand to her chest, and tottered towards the audience, a smile on her face. Her heart raced. She’d hoped, wished so badly, that she’d won this contest, not only so that she’d have avoided becoming sacrificial meat for whatever they wanted to do, but because she never won anything. Today was a painful reminder of how yet again, she’d been sidelined. Runner-up was good, yeah, but not good enough. The audience cheered.
‘And the moment you’ve all been waiting for, the moment of truth, the first queen of Cleveland’s First Annual Beauty Contest is…’
Buffy, Faith, Illyria and Kennedy looked straight ahead, afraid to breathe.
‘…Faith!’
‘Oh-my-god’, Faith uttered simply through her teeth. ‘Something is definitely up with this-’
‘Just get the crown!’, Buffy hissed. With perhaps just a tinge of bitterness in her eyes.
Faith walked casually to the center of the stage, and waved prissily to the audience, who howled and applauded like she really was some sort of monarch. Tuxedo man placed the sash over her shoulders, and then a glittery tiara on her head.
‘Do I get a country too?’, she joked loudly. The audience guffawed and the presenter smiled broadly.
‘And now, may I present our queen with a very special gift..’
Faith gasped when he presented a beautiful gold and EXPENSIVE necklace thing, with jewels that gleamed endlessly. That sort of thing was worth thousands. It reminded her of a pendant she’d once taken from a mall in New York. To have something like this presented to her because she’d earned it…suddenly, her mouth felt very dry as she touched the cold precious metal.
‘Uh…’ she stammered.
‘Now, in honor of this pageant, I present this gold to you’, he declared, ‘as a diamond amongst crystals. Please, read this aloud’.
He ushered a small white card into Faith’s clammy hands, and she looked at it, frowning, as she read it out;
‘Queens of old and Queens of new,
I hereby present myself to you.
I now stand where I do belong
With happiness, laughter, dance and song’.
‘Congratulations to our Queen!’, he announced to tumultuous applause. ‘And thank you audience for being so lovely! I hope you return to next year’s contest!’
The runners-ups left the stage after a final wave. The audience, excited though disgruntled at having to leave so early, gathered their belongings and slowly started shuffling out the door.
Faith, Cleveland’s Golden Girl, followed Tuxedo man into his office to sign some papers, feeling numb.
*****************************
Leaning against a wall outside of the building, Xander Harris’ mind reeled. Faith’s presentation…it had seemed so familiar…He never could forget something like that, after all the damage it caused.
Finally, he retrieved his cellphone, and dialled a few numbers hastily.
‘Giles? Yeah, it’s me. No, listen, it’s gone wrong. We have a problem…’
****************************
The losers filtered backstage warily, feeling downhearted.
‘I can’t believe Faith won’ Willow said finally.
‘It was the enactment of my melodic symphony that aided her in victory’, Illyria stated coldly.
‘Well, at least we’re all here to stop any evil plans’, Buffy grunted.
‘That necklace was so pretty’, Dawn smiled dreamily. ‘Faith is sooo lucky’.
‘It looked pretty tacky to me’, Kennedy argued.
‘I can assure you young ladies that necklace is very valuable. Faith should feel honored’.
Claire Cleaver smirked at them, her hood pulled down. Dawn gasped out aloud when she registered her scaly head. Before she could say anything, ropes magically bound the girls’ wrists and ankles, and they fell to the floor in a heap of sequins.
‘See!’, Willow managed to exclaim at long last. ‘Told ya she’d have horns!’
***************************
‘Please, ma’am, sign right here’
Tuxedo man presented Faith with a form, and pen, and tapped his feet impatiently.
‘After this’, Faith said, ‘I gotta go, got some serious gloating to do with the losers.’
‘Ah yes’, the man smiled secretively. ‘Just a few more minutes’.
Faith looked worriedly at the stack of papers that he’d just put in front of her, and sighed anxiously.
************************
‘Okay’, Angel said, hiding behind the curtains with Spike. ‘Now what?’
‘You’re the bloody leader mate’, Spike shot back. ‘You can whistle for it’.
‘You care about what happens to Buffy as much as I do. We owe her. Now, am I going there alone?’
Spike rolled his eyes. ‘I suppose not’
Angel peeked from behind the curtains. ‘Is everyone gone?’
‘How the bloo-’
‘Okay, don’t answer that. Now. Backstage.’
They stealthily moved out of their hiding place, and jumped two feet in the air.
‘Oz!’, breathed Angel, as Spike run a hand through his hair nervously. ‘What are you doing here?’
Oz raised an eyebrow at the two’s ruffled appearance, but thankfully did not enquire what they were doing behind the curtains.
‘No time. We’ve got to get backstage’, he replied.
‘See, a man who knows what he’s doing’, Spike shot at Angel. ‘Why am I working for you again?’
**************
Claire laughed manically, her robes billowing under the magical pressure that kept the five women tied and helpless. Buffy and Kennedy struggled, but their Slayer strength had been rendered useless.
‘You girls don’t appreciate the implications of entering a contest!’, she spat. ‘Only the beautiful, the great, can enter! This is a privilege!’
‘What?’, Buffy retorted in annoyance, ‘dressing up like fashion dolls and be graded by pathetic little men? A privilege? I don’t think so’
‘Shut up!’ Claire warned, pulling out a ceremonial looking dagger and matching goblet. ‘Now, your beauty will be truly appreciated!’
Dawn whimpered.
‘Ghladya’s goblet’, Illyria stated dryly, bringer of the mouth of Hell, quenching blood of the rejected’
‘Clever girl, Winifred!’, Claire beamed ugily. ‘Shame about the hairstyle’.
She moved forward, and slit Illyria’s wrist. Blood flowed easily into the waiting goblet.
‘Oh my god’ Kennedy whispered, as Claire approached her with the dagger. She flinched as she was cut. Then it was Dawn’s turn.
‘Please’, she begged. But to no avail, her blood was also collected.
‘Dawn!’, Buffy struggled. Hearing her sister murmur in pain. But still, she couldn’t move, and Claire just as easily pierced her skin for her precious blood.
Buffy eyed her captor in disgust as she raised the goblet to her nostrils, and sniffed it as if a bowl of soup. So much for the pre-emptive.
‘Interesting…the blood of Slayers, an ancient and the Key to destruction. This will surely strengthen the mystical link. I almost can’t wait to see what you’re made of’, Claire smiled at Willow menacingly.
Willow smiled weakly back. ‘Definitely not sugar and spice’
Suddenly, the dagger thrust itself into Claire’s forehead, and she screamed horrifically, dropping the Goblet to the floor with a clatter. White ooze seeped from the wound, and she fell, lifeless.
The magical ropes unravelled, and Buffy, Willow, Illyria and Kennedy jumped to their feet. They all collapsed into a hug with Willow.
‘I’m kinda glad I remembered that floating pencil spell now’, she said giddily.
Kennedy whispered into her ear softly, ‘Will, I’m so sorry about-’
‘Shhh’, she replied, relieved that they’d escaped the re-opening extravaganza of the Hellmouth. ‘Is everyone okay?’
They all pulled apart. ‘We’ll heal’, Buffy said, meaning her and Kennedy. ‘Give an hour.’
Illyria glowered.
‘And I guess you’re fine’, Willow chirped. ‘Goddess an’all. Dawnie?’
Dawn moaned, still on the floor, blood forming a small but dark puddle.
‘Dawn!’, Buffy cried, and rushed to her side anxiously.
******************************
Angel, Spike and Oz run backstage, not fully expecting the carnage before them. The vampires smelt blood instantly, from cup on the floor, to the demonic mess called Claire Cleaver, to Dawn, seemingly bleeding dangerously.
‘Angel’, Illyria greeted, noticing the intruders before anyone else. ‘The mission has been completed’.
‘No it hasn’t’, said Spike, and run to Dawn. Before anyone could protest, he grabbed her bleeding wrist and fastened it to his mouth.
‘Hey!’, Buffy shouted in horror. ‘Spike, she’s not a free meal, she’s-’
‘It’s okay’, Angel sighed, wishing he’d have thought of something so heroic. ‘He’s not eating her. He’s stopping the blood flow. A bit like a leech. Except, you know, not’.
‘Never heard of that before’, Kennedy frowned, her arm around Willow at the sight of Oz.
‘Apocalypse over?’, Oz smiled, looking at Willow hard.
‘We girls managed it just fine’, Willow grinned. ‘Just because we’re in a beauty pageant doesn’t make us damsels!’
Angel brooded, remembering the days where this rule applied every time.
Dawn stirred, and Spike let go of her wrist. She widened her eyes at the blood around Spike’s mouth.
‘Hey!’, she protested weakily. ‘What do you think you’re doing?’
‘You’re fine, pet, just a little servicing on my part’, Spike answered flippantly, grabbing a scarf behind him and wrapping it around her wrist. He licked his lips in concentration as he tied the knot securely.
‘That’ll do it’
‘Spike’, Buffy said in disbelief. ‘You saved Dawn’s life.’
A tear rolled down her cheek
‘Okay’, said Angel. ‘Can someone explain why there’s a dead lady by Faith’s bikini?’
*********************
Faith was in the middle of form signing, when she lost patience.
‘Listen’, she said, throwing down the pen. ‘You have my address, Send me the rest in the mail. This is enough. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m seeing my friends.’
Faith stroked her necklace, it’s smooth surface comforting her. She hoped she wasn’t too late to help them. How long had he kept her here?
‘That won’t be necessary’, a voice declared casually.
Faith looked at the doorway in surprise. Leaning against the doorframe, clad in a lime green zoot suit, was a red demon, a huge smile on his face. She looked back at the Tuxedo man, whose head had now turned wooden and Pinocchio-like….
‘What the-?’
‘So this is my sweet Queen’
Before she could retaliate, Sweet grabbed his prize and leaped into a dazzling portal, leaving his purple minion to dance in glee.
This time, there would be no wavering of the clause.
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