Chapter 10 - No Promises
Fred sighed and looked out through the dark window. Giles, beside her, driving, noticed the pain within those pretty brown eyes and sighed himself, wishing he'd been there to stop Connor. Wishing that he'd been able to save Buffy. Wishing he'd known Winifred Burkle before her little trip into the unsolvable.
"It's hard? Going back I mean?"
Fred smiled. "Hard, Happy, Sad, Lonely, Terrifying, Beautiful." She looked at him and the smile dropped from her face. "It's difficult and scary to go back because I know that my friends aren't there anymore but there will always be a part of me that belongs in the hotel. I would rather die there, fighting alongside so many beautiful people, than waste away in Texas."
Fred had never counted herself beautiful before Charles, he had made her beautiful. She was never confident or extrovert or opinionated before she loved Charles. She was never involved. She just had herself. Pylea had made her into someone she had never thought she'd have to be. Loving Charles had made her beautiful and losing him had made her strong.
"I can't promise that it will be easy, or cosy but Winifred, I can promise you that I am always here."
"Oh Mr Giles," She said with a heavy sigh. "promises are lost on me anyway."
-----
"Angel. Who was on the phone?"
He looked up and sparks flew through the room as his eyes met Faith's. "Giles. Fred. They're coming here."
"OK." Faith turned, cursing quietly under her breath that she hadn't been quite able to start the conversation she had wanted.
"Umm, Faith?" She turned to face him again. "Vampire hearing."
She rolled her eyes. "Shit." She said again.
"What was it that you really wanted to say Faith?"
"What do you think?"
Angel sighed. "Haven't we..."-
"Don't you dare patronise me Angel." She moved closer to him. "I love you and unless I'm hugely mistaken, you feel the same. What's the point in hiding? Connor'll kill me if he feels like it anyway."
"You don't understand."
"I understand that your scared, that your hurting, that you say you can't love me but I don't understand why!"
"Stomping around like a kid isn't going to change anything."
"So...what?" She screamed "I'm just supposed to wait until you're ready to grow up?"
Angel raised his eyebrows, a glimmer of a smile on his lips. "I need to grow up? Jeez Faith."
She stood staring at him for a moment, feeling about 2cm tall before shaking her head and walking away. "You just don't get me. You just don't fucking get me."
-----
Spike walked out of his room, just in time to catch Faith as she came storming past the door. He took her by the shoulders and she collapsed into him and let the long awaited, hurt tears drench and wash over her. He held her, missing Buffy more than ever, wishing he was man enough to let himself weep on Faith's shoulder as she was his. He had recently distanced himself from the familiarly of his friends, his new found distance had worked, except for on Faith who thought she understood. What she didn't know, what he'd never tell her, was that as she cried bitter tears over Angel's reluctance to let her in, the same scared, mumbled fears of loss flashed through Spike's own mind. Every friend he'd ever haduntil then had died or left him, and he didn't think he was strong enough to go to another funeral, or read another letter of "goodbye".
Faith felt Spike's distance even as he held her. She felt reluctance and fear as he stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head and as her pain and frustration disintegrated into nothing, she felt that same level of emotion building up within the barriers that Spike had put up. A new leap of understanding filled her, and as he pulled away from the embrace and looked into her big, beautiful eyes, they both realised how little sleep they'd be getting that night.
Spike opened the door and let her into his room.
-----
Dawn rolled her eyes. "OK Dad I wont even attempt escape tonight." She chewed on a stick of gum. "Satisfied?"
Angel wasn't anywhere close to satisfied, but as the memories of the last few hours clouded his head, he nodded, kissed Dawn's cheekbone lightly and knew there was somewhere else he ought to be.
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