Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy & Co. Joss Whedon and the WB do. No copyright infringement intended.
Author’s Note: This takes place in the second season after “When She Was Bad” but before “Reptile Boy”. It also splits off here from Buffy’s brief drinking incident in that ep.
NOTE: This symbol:+++ means dream sequense.
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Part Seven
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The irony of it all was that if Joyce Summers knew the truth of why Buffy was spending the night with Willow and Xander, she would have been deeply concerned about the welfare of her daughter. But she didn't know. She thought that Buffy had finally patched everything up with her two best friends. She had no idea that the girl had finally broken. In any case, they had no intention of telling Joyce the truth. Yet.
"Willow?" Angel stepped over to where she was sitting next to the bed set up in Giles' office. She looked up at him through steady and yet obviously sleep-deprived eyes. She favored him with a small smile.
"What's up?" Willow asked, looking back over at Buffy who was sleeping fitfully on the bed. After breaking down in Willow's arms, she had collapsed in exhaustion. The fever hadn't been long in coming so the group was all taking turns watching Buffy to ensure that the fever didn't spike upwards. All but Willow.
"Why don't you let Giles take over for you for awhile. You've been up all night. You've got to be exhausted."
"I am. I'm not leaving."
"Willow," Giles said, placing a hand on her shoulder,"This fever is probably merely a symptom..her body may have shut down..in a manner of speaking..until her mind is ready to deal with everything that's happened to her."
"I understand that. I'm still not leaving her." She ran a wet cloth lightly over the Slayers' sweaty forehead."She's burning up. This is where I need to be."
"Angel and I won't leave her, you know that." Giles replied.
Willow turned and looked at him squarely and yet her eyes, so wide and frightened told a different story. "Giles, please..I need to do this. I need to be here for her. I..I know Buffy..if this were me, nothing could make her leave my side. I can't leave hers. Please understand..I can't." Her lip trembled slightly as she turned her gaze towards Angel, " I know you love her; well so do we- Xander and I. And you know that if Giles hadn't given him the Tylenol PM, he'd be right here too. In any case, I am. Please..I need to be here."
Angel nodded. The bond the Buffy shared with the Slayerettes was stronger than most lifelong friendships. And although Xander had pushed Buffy away in his time of grief, Angel had always believed that he would eventually come around. It was the nature of the friendship.
"Alright. We need to concentrate on bringing her fever down."
"Um, Cordelia and Jenny..er..Ms. Calendar went to the local pharmacy for..I believe it was Aleve..they said it is a.."
"Fever reducer," Willow replied softly, offering Angel the cloth. She looked at Giles. "Buffy will be alright." It wasn't a question.
Both Giles and Angel stepped away from her and started to talk amongst themselves. For a few moments, Willow listened but her attention quickly fell away from their conversation about the Slayers' detoriating physical health to her own thoughts.
And after circling around in her head like buzzards, they always came back to one simple question: how could she have allowed this to happen? Besides Xander, Buffy was easily the best friend she'd ever had. Sure, there had been times when Willow had wondered if it wouldn't have all been easy if Buffy had never come into her life. But those moments were few and passed very quickly because when it was all said and done, what Buffy had brought to the friendship far outweighed the danger of being a Slayerette.
Willow touched Buffy's hand, "I miss you so you gotta get better because I need you. I need you to laugh at my jokes and to tell me that everything is going to be okay. I need you to rescue me from vampires and burning buildings..." She laughed nervously.
From the doorway, Giles and Angel exchanged worried glances. This was the first mention Willow had made of the fire and the incidents that had started this whole mess. It occurred to them that perhaps in their concern for Buffy, the other injured party may have been accidentally neglected.
Giles started to take a step forward, hand outstretched in a comforting way but Angel stopped him. Shaking his head, he whispered, "This isn't our place and we both know it. I'll wake Xander up."
Giles nodded and listened as Angel crossed the floor over to the stairs leading up to the second floor of the library where Xander was laid out on a blanket. His eyes never left Willow's back as the girl continued to talk to her sick friend.
Angel rested his hand on Xanders' shoulder and shook the boy lightly. Xander groaned and tried to turn away but Angel held him in place. "Wake up. Willow needs you."
Almost immediately, the boy sat up. Then he groaned and put a hand to his head.
"Easy does it," Angel said softly as he offered Xander a hand and helped him to his feet.
"Right. Tell my head that." Then he blinked. "What's wrong with Willow? Is she hurt? What happened?"
Angel ignored his first comment and moved onto his questions," Willow is in with Buffy and I'm worried about her."
"Why?"
"Let's just say I think she needs you right now."
Xander looked like he was about to question Angel further but he chose not to. Nodding, he followed Angel back to Giles' office. Giles gave him a look and then left with Angel.
For a moment he just stood in the doorway watching her as she continued speaking in low voice to Buffy. He might have contented himself with that were it not for what he saw when she turned her head ever-so-slightly.
Tears. Drifting down her face in slow streams. Her face was drawn and sad and she looked like she was on the verge of letting something explode. That was more than he could handle.
"Oh God, Will...what's wrong?" Xander cried, moving to her side and clutching her hands away from Buffy's form. Willow looked suprised at first but she quickly recovered.
"Wrong?" Willow stammered, "Nothing. I'm just..worried is all. Worried about Buffy, I mean."
"So I hear. You been up all night?" He pulled up an extra chair and sat backwards in it. Leaning over, he lightly brushed the tears away from her eyes. She caught his hand and moved it away.
"She needs me, Xander." Willow whispered, turning to look at him. He gace her a sympathetic look and then squeezed her hand.
"We both do, Will. She and I. We're a trio..the three Stooges. It's our destiny." He smiled sadly at her,"I'm worried about her too but I think there's more to this than you're telling me."
"This? The only 'this' is that Buffy's fever is still climbing..."
"Will, come on, we've been friends since I can recall..what's going on with you?" Xander asked. He took the cloth from Willow's hand and placed it flat on Buffy's forehead. The girl moaned and turned her head to the side, her eyes moving to the beat of some dream that was clearly disturbing her.
"Nothing.."
"You know, it's okay to be scared. I mean, you were trapped in the building for several days. I know.."
"Xander."
"..that I'd have been scared out of my mind. And you've..."
"Xander, please."
"..been so strong. I don't think I could be so.."
"Xander, shut up!" Willow yelled suddenly, her eyes as wide as saucers. A tear rolled down her cheek. "Just shut up. You don't know what you're talking about."
He locked eyes with hers; his unwavering and steady, hers scared and vulnerable and he said in a soft voice, "Then tell me. Help me understand."
"Xander, it doesn't matter."
"It does to me and I can guarantee you that it does to her also," Xander replied. "That's what this is all about, isn't it?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Ever since Buffy got sick, you've been the rock of the group. You've been here for all of us. Oh God, Will..we haven't been here for you."
"That's ridiculous. I'm just doing what Buffy would do if our places were reversed."
"Maybe so but this is right now and it's time to talk about you."
"I don't want to," Willow whispered, looking back at Buffy. "Now's not the time, Xander. She's sick..she needs our strength."
"I agree but you know what else she needs, Will? She needs to know that you're okay to because if she doesn't think you are, she'll do the same thing you've been doing."
She shook her head, "Xander..I think.."
"Will, you've pushed it all back. Everything that's happened to you so that you can help Buffy. We all want to do that but right now I want to help you. I love Buffy with all of my heart but you're my Willow..you're my best friend...let me be here for you."
Willow dipped her head,"Who are you and what did you do to my goof-ball friend."She tried to laugh nervously but Xander wasn't buying. He placed his thumb under her chin and lifted it.
"I'm right here. Willow, listen to me..I almost lost you. I've never known what pain or heartache felt like before Buffy told me that you were dead. It hurt more than I could ever imagine. When I saw you alive, suddenly all the lights went on and it was all okay..but it wasn't. It's not and Buffy's not the only one who needs help. Talk to me, Will. I'm right here."
"What do you want me to say, Xander? That I was scared? Fine..I was scared." She stood up and moved to fluff Buffy's pillow. As almost a nervous gesture, she brushed her hand past Buffy's forehead. "I was scared that I would never see you or Buffy again. And then..then I was scared because I didn't want to die." She looked up at Xander and he saw a tear course down her cheek. He lifted a hand to stroke her cheek and she pressed her palm against it. "It was like suddenly I knew what Buffy must have felt when she went to face the Master. It's desperation, it's fear and it's like no matter what..no matter how you try to yourself that you're death serves a greater purpose, you're still angry."
"I know," Xander soothed.
"No, I don't think you do. Xander, in the moments that I was sure I was going to die, I hated Buffy. I hated her like I've never hated anyone and that made me sad. And then I hated myself and for a few minutes I wanted to die because I would rather die than hate like that. Do you understand that?"
He shook his head, "It would be a lie to say that I do but I will say this. I know you, Will and you're one of the best people there is. Everyone has bad thoughts..God knows what mine did to Buffy. I guess what matters after that though is what we really feel. I think even in the moments when I felt like I could have hurt her, I still loved her."
Willow nodded but the fear remained in her eyes. Xander reached out and pulled her to his chest. There was the briefest moment of resistance and then it fell away and she accepted him embrace. A moment later, she allowed herself to break down.
* * *
First he'd tried to get her to let Giles take her home but that had been met with strong resistance. Then he tried to get her to lie down but she'd insisted on staying near Buffy so he'd finally relented and let her stay curled in his arm. He really didn't mind. It actually felt natural. He gently stroked her hair as he continued to watch Buffy toss and turn. It'd been an hour since he'd come in to talk to Willow. He knew that Cordelia and Calendar had returned with the Aleve but neither of them seemed exactly eager to intrude upon the trio despite the fact that nothing was going on in Giles' office.
"Xander?" Willow murmured, rubbing a closed fist past her eyes.
"Right here, Will." He lifted her up a little so that she could see his face without having to strain. "How ya feeling?"
"Drained." The young Hacker replied groggily.
"That's no surprise," he laughed, gently stroking her face,"You had quite a release. You feel any better?"
She nodded slowly, "I think so." She sat up and leaned against his chest, "How's Buffy?"
"She's gonna be okay. You want to know why? Because we're here for her. You and I."
Willow nodded and was about to reply when a very low voice rasped out, "Will? Xander?"
They both exchanged looks and looked over at Buffy who's eyelids were at half-mist revealing blood-shot blue eyes. More importantly however, it meant that she was conscious. "Buffy!" They both cried simotaineously. They practically fell over each other rushing to her side.
Weakly, the Slayer murmured, "Hey guys." Willow pressed the back of her hand against Buffy's forehead. Xander looked at her, eyed wide, waiting for a verdict. She took her hand away and gazed over at Xander. And then just like that, her face broke into a large smile, "Her fever's broken."
Xander let out a visible sigh of relief and it occurred to him that he'd been holding his breath. Unable to stop himself, he whooped. He made a step forward as if to hug Buffy but her weak, fragile state convinced him otherwise so he reached out and grabbed Willow.
They both hugged each other tightly and Willow felt tears stinging her eyes. Xander broke away. "I'll tell the others."
Willow nodded and moved over to Buffy,"How you feeling?" She brushed a strand of wet hair away from the slayers' forehead.
"Exhausted. And like I've been a fool." Buffy said softly. Her hand trembling, she reached up and touched Willow's cheek, "You're crying."
"We've all been so worried about you." Willow replied.
"I know and I'm sorry," Buffy's voice trailed off. Her eyelids sunk downwards for a moment but the girl fought the fatigue and managed to stay conscious.
"That doesn't matter right now," Giles said as he came through the door with the others. Xander went and stood next to Willow while Angel and Giles moved to the other side.
"Hey, hey..the gang's all here," Buffy whispered. They all had to lean forward in order to hear her and even then it was a strain.
"That's right. We're here and we'll be here. Now why don't you close your eyes and get some sleep," Angel murmured, leaning down to kiss Buffy ever-so-softly on the cheek.
Buffy opened her mouth to protest but the mere fact that even that movement was exhausting convinced her otherwise. She felt Willow take her hand and squeeze it and a small smile spread over her face. She allowed her eyelids to shut and before even a moment had passed, the
Slayer slipped into sleep. This time peacefully.
Giles motioned the others to follow him out of the office. Angel placed a blanket over Buffy's sleeping form and shut the door behind him. "That's a relief."
"Well that figures," Cordelia said, shaking her head,"Ms. Calendar and I take a trip to the pharmacy..all for nothing"
"Oh get over it," Xander said,"Just admit it, you're as relieved as we are." He gazed at her evenly. Finally she nodded. "Alrighty then."
* * *
Willow took a deep breath and then balled her fist and knocked on the door. A moment later she turned the knob and stepped in with Xander on her heels."Hey, Buffy."
The Slayer looked up from where she was lying, back propped up on pillows, under the blankets of her bed. After they'd brought her home the morning after the bar brawl, Joyce had asked a doctor over and he'd said she'd come down with the flu so Buffy'd been home in bed for the last three days.
"Hey guys!" Buffy said cheerfully. She put down a romance novel and smiled up at the Slayerettes. "Good of you guys to drop by."
"Well we tried yesterday and the day before but your mom wouldn't let us up," Xander said with a smile. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a Hershey bar. She took it from him with a large grin.
"Yeah, she gets kinda nazistic when I get sick." Buffy replied. "Doesn't matter, she told me you guys came by. Thanks."
"Anything for our fearless leader," Xander laughed. He regretted his words the moment he saw Buffy's expression grow glum.
"Not so fearless," she said softly, looking down at her hands.
Willow jumped into motion instantly. She sat on the side of Buffy's bed and reached over and lifted up her friends' chin, "No, don't do that to yourself."
"I can't stop thinking about it all. What a moron I was. God, I was so out of control...I could have gotten someone killed.."
"But you didn't!" Xander cried as he sat on the other side of her bed. "You didn't. We all make mistakes, Buff. It happens."
"He's right. What's important is having the strength to acknowledge your mistakes and ask for help. You did that."
Buffy shook her head, "It was you guys. It's always you guys. I would have kept going but when I saw Cash throw you, Will and I knew it was my fault..I just..I dunno..I felt this emptiness and I knew it was my fault and all I knew was that no matter what else..I didn't want to..I couldn't lose you guys."
"It wasn't going to happen. You're the Slayer. We're the Slayerettes. It was meant to be." Willow replied.
"Yeah," Xander chirped, "Like marshmallows and chocolate. Or like peanut butter and jelly or ranch and pizza or.."
"Xander," Willow said softly.
Buffy held up a hand, "No..I don't mind. It's nice."
"Good," Xander said. "Now..on to a lighter subject. We brought a movie over."
Buffy lifted an eyebrow, "Yeah? Who picked it out?"
"I did. 'Revenge of the Cat Paws from Jupiter Part 7'. It's highly recommended."
Buffy laughed. "Sounds like fun."
* * *
+++"I'm proud of you, Slayer." Sir Joshua Dale said as he walked around her. She resisted the urge to grab his arm and hold him in place but that really would be taking these bizarre dreams too far.
"I have something special." Buffy replied. And it was true. For the last several nights, the trio had been together. They'd talked about everything and it had felt so good to be able to just let everything out in the air.
"Good friends. Very few Slayers ever had that. Mostly because of fear. You're lucky."
"Right. In any case..thank you."
"I had nothing to do with it. It was you. You decided to fight. Just remember..a lot of your battle has nothing to do with vampires..it has to deal with how strong you are. Fare thee well Slayer." Dale said, moving back into the shadows.
"Oh..hey wait..I wanted to ask you about your whole King Arthur connection."
"Another time.." he called back.+++
Slowly the darkness of her dream gave way to the light streaming in through her window as her alarm clock went off. With a groan she rolled herself out of bed. It was her first day back at school and although she was eager to get there, the getting up part was never fun. Muttering, she made her way to the shower.
* * *
"How are you feeling, Buff?"
Buffy spun around and yelped. She grabbed at the towel she'd been using to dry her hair and placed it over her half-naked body. "Pike, I'm getting dressed!"
"I see that. You're still as.."
"Stop right there. Turn around."
Reluctantly he obliged, "So, I've been told that I'm allowed to roam again. You're no longer in immediate need of my services."
"Was I ever?"
"Yup."
"Okay, you can turn around." Buffy grumbled. She looked at him and sighed. "Honestly, I'm okay or at least I'm getting there."
"I know so I'm gonna get going. I wanna head down to Tijuana. I hear they have some interesting exhibits there." Buffy rolled her eyes. Pike took a step forward and made his hand solid. He touched her face. "Just remember..I'll be here for you."
She placed her hand over his, "I know."
* * *
"Let me see," Willow insisted as she shook her head. Reluctantly the boy handed over his hand. Willow turned it over in her hands and sighed. "Men. Well, so do you feel better now?"
"A little. It was actually kinda fun."Xander said with a smile.
"What was kinda fun?" Buffy asked, approaching the rail Xander and Willow were sitting on. They both greeted her with warm hugs which she was quick to return in the same manner.
"Oh, Xander bruised his hands boxing with Angel."
Buffy lifted an eyebrow in amusement, "You were boxing?"
"Yeah, he said it would be a great way to work out some tension. You know..get to kick his ass. Well that was the general idea. Mostly it was just the punching bag kicking my ass but it was fun just the same."
"I bet." Buffy shook her head. She looked away out at the grass for a moment and then looked back at her friends who had quickly caught on to her mood swing.
"Buff?" Xander asked.
"Oh nothing. Um, you guys still coming with me to the AA meeting tonight?" There was a bit of apprehension in her voice.
Willow warmly took her elbow and made sure that the Slayer saw her full smile, "We wouldn't miss it for the world." Buffy looked at Xander and he gave her the same smile. Immediately she nodded.
"Cool."
The bell rung in the distance and the three friends stepped away from the rail and started to move slowly towards the school building.
"And afterwards we can Bronze it?" Xander suggested.
"Buffy?" Willow asked as she moved around to Buffy's left. In appearance, the Slayerettes were flanking Buffy. Whether it was to protect her or to offer her their support,it just felt right.
"Sounds like a plan." Buffy grinned. The second bell rang loudly and though they were somewhat aware of the fact that they were late for class..the trio could care less.
-Fin
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