Chapter 5 - Admission
"Connor!" Dawn walked towards him. "You touch him and I swear to god, I'll kill you where you stand."
"Dawn," He said, raising an eyebrow, without even turning around. "Pleasure I'm sure. Is tough guy here a friend of yours?" He eyed Oz suspiciously.
"He used to be."
Connor turned to look at her. "Aw baby... just a taste?"
Dawn flicked her hair from her face and sighed. "You heard what I said Connor. I'm not your "baby" not anymore. I'm through with it." She glanced at Oz. "Go to the hotel you'll find them all there."
Oz nodded and slunk off.
"I've heard it all before Dawn. So many times. It's over, I'm good now" he spat on the floor beside her feet. "To hell with that; its as simple as balck and white; Good and evil, when you get a little colour to your innocence, no matter how much white you try to put back in, you'll never be pure again. You'll never be clean. You'll just be a sad sicko who fell in love with her sister's murderer." He grinned.
"Maybe, but at least I wont be and will never be prepared to be; the sad sicko who murders his friends."
Connor kissed his teeth. "Harsh baby; below the belt."
"I have no concern in the area below your belt."
Connor slunk forward. "Are you sure about that?" he held her face in his hands for a moment before kissing her; lightly at first, but when she responded, he deepend the kiss, backing her against a wall.
Feeling his body pressed against her so tightly, her knees weak and her heart telling her never to stop, she pulled away from him , stole one last fleeting glance at "the one" and fled back to the hotel.
-----
Music blared from Faith's room. It was 7 am. Xander stumbled, exhausted, out of his room. Rapping loudly on her door, he sighed. He didn't seem to get any peace anymore.
"Sorry Harris I'll turn it down k?" She shouted through the door without even opening it.
Angel appeared behind Xander. "How about turn it off?"
Xander closed his eyes and shook his head. "I'll be downstairs."
Angel opened the door, and walked in, Faith was sitting beside the computer desk. Writing something whist rocking out. She smiled when she caught his eye. "Hi Angel."
I need to tell this secret be sure to keep it down
If this gets out I don't know what I'll do
I've held it in through many heartaches and all you did was smile
Can't you see I've fallen in love with you, with you
"I'm sorry if I woke you."
He shook his head and sat down beside her. "No. I couldn't sleep anyway." He glanced at what she was writing, and she raised her eyebrows before shutting the computer down.
"Wouldn't you just love to know." She looked at him; the heartache of the past months overwhelming her. She was scared to admit to herself and to him that she loved him, She had always loved him. She had looked on him as Angel, as Angelus, as a lost little boy who had fought total mental breakdown. She loved him through his past. He could keep apologising forever; he could keep feeling guilty about the life's he took, it made no difference to her. She looked at him and she saw his soul. "There are so many things we need to talk about." she said and he swallowed hard.
"What do you mean Faith?"
"I mean... we need to talk about you. About Wes and Cordy and Me. I need to stop lying to myself and bottling things up."
Angel blinked and shrugged his shoulders. "So we are talking about us? As in us us."
"As in how we feel about each other. I'm not expecting you to declare your love for me and us live happily ever after. That's not my life and its not yours. But what do you feel?" She moved towards him and bit her lip.
"I can't..."-
Apology accepted, erase what's in the past
You need me you don't need them
And in spite of my mistakes, I've learned there's so much I can take
I can't believe what I'm saying
Don't walk away so quickly I haven't lost it yet
I just need to be honest with myself
"You can't what Angel?"
He looked at his feet. "Just forget."
"I'm not asking you to... do we... are we feeling the same thing?"
"I'm not ready Faith. I can't be. In succession I lost Buffy and Cordelia and why? because I was weak and slept with Darla. Because I'm not human. They died because of me and I'm not saying that I don't want to..." He looked at her and pushed her hair from her face. "I'm just saying I can't. Not now. Not to you."
And all the times I've used my shoulder to wipe away the tears
I vowed to see you with nobody else, or else
Apology accepted, erase what's in the past
You need me you don't need them
And in spite of my mistakes, I've learned there's so much more I can take
I can't believe what I'm saying
Then it hits me, fooled again
Into thinking, we'd be more than friends
The messages you left for me, will all go unreturned
I need some time to think about the facts
I opened up my heart to you and you hid yours away
So silence is the best way to react, react
Apology accepted, erase what's in the past
You need me you don't need them
And in spite of my mistkes there's only so much I can take
I can't believe what I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying
They sat in silence, looking at each other, until
Xander's call came from downstairs.
-----
"It's Oz. Oz is here!"
Xander was pleased to see his former friend. Not that him walking in off the streets all scruffed up and different hadn't made him want to scream like a little girl. Faith and Angel walked down the stairs stoney-faced, the tension between them clearly visible even to Xander.
"Werewolf boy!" Faith smiled genuinely. "How ya' bin'?"
Oz smiled back. "I've been about getting threatened... Nothing to write home about other than seeing Dawn out there with Connor."
Spike walked downstairs. "Dawn's gone."
-----
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