ACT III
INT. VALENTINE MANOR - FOYER
MRS. VALENTINE
Come in girls. I can't tell you how much
this means to me.
MAYA
Well Mrs. Valentine, Brad was very special
to us. Right Liv?
LIV
(Acting like an Airhead)
For sure, Haley! Mrs. Valentine, I think
you've met my mother and Mr. Harris.
MRS. VALENTINE
I have. It's very nice to see you again.
LUCY
We just felt that it was important to come
down and give our condolences.
MRS. VALENTINE
Girls, I left some of Brad's personal
effects upstairs in his room. Why don't you
go take a look at them while we have some
coffee?
LIV
(Over exuberant)
Let's go Haley!
Everyone gives Liv a strange look as Maya and Liv start walking
up the stairs together.
MAYA
(sotto)
Kind of overselling it, aren't you? We're
undercover. We're not supposed to bring
any undue attention to ourselves.
LIV
(sotto)
You'd know what I'd like to undo some
attention to? My butt. These skirts barely
cover it.
MAYA
That's the basic idea, Worm.
LIV
You know that cheerleading is a complete
throwback to the feminist movement.
MAYA
You can be a feminist and still shake your
booty.
LIV
Yeah. Right. I see Gloria Steinem on Soul
Train all the time.
INT. CAPE KENNETH SEWER SYSTEM
Spike, Angel and Jordy walk the sewers. Angel has cleaned
himself up and has his spiky little 'do again.
SPIKE
Seems kind of silly cleaning up and then
taking a dive into the sewers.
JORDY
At least he smells better.
ANGEL
I told you, I went underground.
JORDY
Not literally though, right?
ANGEL
No.
JORDY
Because in that Anne Rice novel...
ANGEL
It doesn't work that way.
JORDY
Oh. That's good to know.
SPIKE
Why exactly is small fry tagging along?
JORDY
I'm good in a fight.
SPIKE
Against what? A good stiff wind?
JORDY
I can hold my own.
SPIKE
You and what bleedin' army?
ANGEL
He's a werewolf, Spike.
SPIKE
You're a werewolf?
(to Angel)
How do you know he's a werewolf?
ANGEL
I just know.
SPIKE
And what good does a werewolf do us when
there's no full moon.
JORDY
Like I said... I've got skills.
SPIKE
Bloody hope so.
(to Angel)
You sure you know where you going?
Angel waves his charm which is glowing and pulsing a certain
way.
ANGEL
Trust me. This works.
SPIKE
So what... You got that thing to keep track
of me and Dru?
ANGEL
Not quite. Just happened to work that way.
SPIKE
Then who's it for?
ANGEL
Not your problem, Spike. C'mon let's get a
move on.
(Beat)
So... um...
SPIKE
Ask the question.
ANGEL
You and Buffy?
SPIKE
(shakes his head)
No.
Angel smiles.
SPIKE
Gave me this whole stupid speech about...
ANGEL
Cookie dough?
SPIKE
Oh bloody hell. She gave me the same speech
as you?
JORDY
What's wrong with cookie dough?
INT. VALENTINE MANOR - KITCHEN
Mrs. Valentine serves coffee to Xander and Lucy.
LUCY
You can't believe how shocked I was when I
heard the news.
MRS. VALENTINE
I know. It's weird. There are times when the
doorbell rings and I half expect him to be
at the door when I answer it.
XANDER
(A little panicky)
Well if that happens, you shouldn't let him
in!
Mrs. Valentine gives Xander a strange look while Lucy rubs her
forehead as though she's in pain.
XANDER
Because... that would be...
LUCY
A dream.
XANDER
Right. A dream. And if you let him back that
would be like...
LUCY
Not letting him go.
XANDER
Right. That would be... bad.
MRS. VALENTINE
I've never heard that.
XANDER
It's a Freud thing.
Mrs. Valentine gives them a look of confusion.
MRS. VALENTINE
Can I get you some more coffee?
XANDER
Please.
As Mrs. Valentine turns away as Lucy smacks Xander's head.
XANDER
What?
INT. VALENTINE MANOR - BRAD'S ROOM
Liv and Maya poke through Brad's stuff
MAYA
What exactly are we looking for?
LIV
Something demonic.
MAYA
And we're supposed to find that here?
(checks under bed)
Among his...
(steps back)
Eww!
LIV
Did you find something demonic?
MAYA
No. Just Brad's porn collection.
LIV
Eww.
Maya looks over a shelf of several dozen trophies featuring
martial arts.
MAYA
I never realized that Brad won so many
tournaments.
LIV
Certainly gives him an edge now.
MAYA
I thought all vampires were supernaturally
good at that stuff.
LIV
Apparently what the human host knows carries
over.
MAYA
Host?
LIV
Technically Brad's body is possessed by a
demon. Hence "host".
MAYA
Huh.
LIV
What?
MAYA
(thinking)
Just had an idea, that's all.
LIV
Share much?
MAYA
Not yet. It's kinda screwy.
INT. MAUSOLEUM
It's your typical dark and scary place. Candles flick strange
light on multiple coffins and crypts.
Drusilla dusts off the top of a stone crypt and lays out a
table cloth on top of it.
DRUSILLA
I know a beetle...
She places a couple of candles on top of the table cloth and
lights them.
DRUSILLA
That lives down the drain...
She lays out a set of four dishes
DRUSILLA
Its coat's very slimy...
She lays out the utensils.
DRUSILLA
But terribly plain....
She puts down a coffee service...
DRUSILLA
When I take a bath...
It comes up the pipe...
She sets out a delicious looking cake.
DRUSILLA
Together we wash...
Together we wipe...
SPIKE(OS)
Hello Dru.
Drusilla turns to see Spike, and Angel standing at the entrance
of the Mausoleum.
SPIKE
Lovely spread you have here.
INT. VALENTINE'S KITCHEN
LUCY
It must be so hard on his father too.
MRS. VALENTINE
Oh he passed on a long time ago. He would've
loved to see how Brad has grown up.
(sighs)
I know that Brad is gone, but in many ways I
know that he lives on...
Xander spews coffee everywhere. Lucy gives him a look of
disgust. Mrs. Valentine gives him a strange look.
XANDER
What?!
MRS. VALENTINE
In.. my heart.
XANDER
Wow! What hot coffee! Really hot. Sorry.
The doorbell rings.
MRS. VALENTINE
Excuse me, I should get that...
LUCY
We'll just clean up here.
MRS. VALENTINE
Thank you. You're so kind.
Mrs. Valentine leaves.
LUCY
Really smooth there, Sparky.
XANDER
Sorry.
LUCY
What do you think?
XANDER
Seems pretty normal to me. I think Angel and
Spike were way off on this.
INT. VALENTINE MANOR - FOYER
Mrs. Valentine opens the door to find Haley in her cheerleader
uniform.
HALEY
Hi Mrs. Valentine! My name is Haley. I
talked to you earlier about putting together
a memorial for Brad?
MRS. VALENTINE
I don't understand. Are there two girls
named Haley on the squad?
HALEY
No.
MRS. VALENTINE
Well then who's upstairs going through
Brad's things?
HALEY
Maya!
ANGLE ON: Maya and Liv at the top of the steps with a box of
Brad's trophies and memorabilia.
LIV
Uh-oh.
MAYA
They're onto us Mugsy.
Haley marches in past Mrs. Valentine.
HALEY
You weren't supposed to be working on the
memorial wall! That was my project! Mine!
MRS. VALENTINE
Girls... what were you doing upstairs?
LIV
Uh... we were...
Suddenly the front door slams as if under it's own power. Mrs.
Valentine's eyes begin to glow red.
MRS. VALENTINE
(guttural)
It's not nice to snoop around in other
people's home.
Haley turns to Mrs. Valentine and begins to scream.
INT. MAUSOLEUM
Dru continues to set out trays of cakes and... well body parts.
ANGEL
Long time no see.
DRUSILLA
Not since you and grand mummy were very
nasty to each other.
SPIKE
You shouldn't have made a fuss. Since we're
here to torture you for information and then
kill you.
Drusilla claps her hands and giggles happily.
DRUSILLA
Oh... I've been a naughty girl. I made your
favorite...
(holds up a plate of human fingers)
Ladyfinger?
ANGEL
Jordy. Now.
Jordy jumps out from behind a pillar, partially transformed,
and grabs a hold of Drusilla and immobilizes her. Drusilla
hisses and struggles
DRUSILLA
No! No puppies allowed! Bad dog!
JORDY
Woof.
Angel pulls out a sword and points it at Drusilla neck. She's
begins to giggle excitedly. Jordy holds her steady.
ANGEL
I promise you Dru, this is going to hurt you
much more than it's going to hurt me.
DRUSILLA
(gleefully)
Daddy's angry. We mustn't make Daddy angry.
SPIKE
That's right, love. Maybe you could tell us
a little us a little bit about your new
little boy.
DRUSILLA
Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. My little Spike is a little
jealous.
SPIKE
Now, now love. Don't make us cut off your
fingers.
ANGEL
Just tell us all we need to know about your
new boyfriend.
VOICE(OS)
Or...
Spike and Angel turn toward the voice.
ANGLE ON:
Brad leaning up against the entrance of the mausoleum.
BRAD
You can just ask him yourself.
END ACT III
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