Reviews for Running on Faith, Season One
| Poison Pen |
09/19/04 - 11:54PM |
1: Pilot: Goodbye Boston |
Signed |
Hi, filmtheory! I read your bio, and I think it’s fantastic you’re aspiring to be a screen-writer. Awesome ambition. Because of it, I’m going to get a little (make that a lot) more detailed in my review than I would have been otherwise.
First off, just let me say that I really liked this “pilot.” Its pace is breath-taking, and that’s a good thing. I felt no urge to skim, and I appreciate the fact that your prose isn’t bogged down with unnecessary details. You’ve portrayed great and realistic interaction between the characters. And, as already said by a couple of others, this segment is whole enough to stand on it’s own, but it leaves enough important unanswered questions to compel the reader to tune in to the next episode (which I definitely plan on doing).
Following are a few things I noticed in the text. Take what you need, and dump the rest.
“Come on!” Connor said as he stepped inside the apartment. “Instead of super hearing, why couldn’t you have given me super-un-hearing? Like, I could just not here (hear) stuff. Disturbing stuff that scars and causes bad dreams and indigestion.”
“Yeah,” Connor said. “I know.” Connor sat on a beat up couch that looked like someone had found it on the side of the road. “Think you’ll ever get clear of this? Possibly during my life time?” (lifetime)
Connor stood uncomfortably as Faith walked around him, looking him up and down. “Scrawny as all hell,” she said harshly. She wasn’t being playful or flirtatious. She really didn’t like the idea of babysitting this bag of bones. “If this were anyone else asking, Angel, the kid would be out in the rain holding his duffel bag full of Gap clothes over his head again. (Missing end quotes”)
“Yeah. The movie where the boxer who the Russian, right?” (This line didn’t make sense to me—I think you’re missing a word or two)
Faith broke out with a smile. It was her first sincere smile since, (no need for a comma here) joyful Angel had arrived. In fact, it was her first sincere smile since she’d come to Boston. “No problem, man,” she said, grinning. “Anything for you. But I guess you knew that.”
Faith nodded. “Yeah. But the cavalry is coming soon. I just hope it’s my cavalry. Last few vamps I staked seemed to have this shit-eating grin like they had their own back up (backup) on the way.”
Angel nodded. “So you have back up (backup) coming? Who?”
“Fresh from Giles and Willow’s academy o’ watchers,” Faith laughed. “Then a few weeks after that, I got Buffy coming by to check up one (on) me. Also known as snooping. At least if it were Andrew here, he’d spend his time bugging Spike and leave me alone.”
“Ewww,” Faith said. “I mean, I know he’s pretty, but he’s a bit young, no? Well, then again, I guess he’s not. I mean, Buffy was only what? 17?” (spell out seventeen)
Faith nodded. “He’ll be okay with me. But come back soon. This is the most fun I’ve had in a long time. (Missing end quotes”)
An engine roared and a loud crash, the grinding of metal on metal, alerted Connor to the fact that the car was being slammed into him. He threw his hand on the trunk and pushed his body up. He brought his feet down, now finding the car had been pushed under his body. (I found the first sentence slightly awkward. I humbly suggest: An engine roared. A loud crash and the grinding of metal on metal alerted Conner that the car was going to slam into him.)
Faith looked up to see Connor spring from the back of the car, bounce from the rood (road), and land on the car that slammed theirs. Gunfire rang out again, missing him, as he rolled down the back of the offending car.
Faith jumped up, grabbing the fire escape above her and pulling herself up. She scanned the street to see where the gunman was. The muzzle flash caught her attention and she saw him. Third floor of a building perpendicular to their street. He was yards away, so (recommend you kill the word “so”) obviously packing a rifle a bit better than your average street thug would carry.
I hope you find this somewhat useful. Thanks for the fine read!
Author's Response: Thanks for the beta read of ep 1. I was unable to get a beta reader on my own and, as noted, I’m also writing stuff I’m trying to sell. Those things suck up most of my editing time, usually leaving me pretty sloppy here. I’m glad you liked the story and are planning to go on. Much of the next few chapters have cliffhanger endings, so hopefully you’ll have read the whole season before you know it. |
| Danielle_G |
09/11/04 - 02:03PM |
1: Pilot: Goodbye Boston |
Signed |
Hi! I really loved your Fic! I hope you update soon cause I cant wait to see what happens next. I gave you a 10 Rating!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review, especially such a kind one. More chapters are definitely coming for my “Season One.” I’m glad I have you interested in what’s coming next. |
| adancer |
09/08/04 - 02:27PM |
1: Pilot: Goodbye Boston |
Signed |
WOW! THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO DESCIBE IT! WOW!
Author's Response: Thanks. This is the second “Wow” I got today, so I’m feeling pretty good about myself. One of thing that makes me happy is that other authors whose work is so good seem to like my stories. Thanks again for your feedback and your own wonderful stories. |
| Kevin |
09/08/04 - 12:33AM |
1: Pilot: Goodbye Boston |
Signed |
I read this story after seeing your reviews for Angeldove. Can I just say WOW! Wow did that rock. This was an awesome, awesome story. It was a great as a stand alone, yet set relationships and conflicts that could easily fuel a long series. I’m skeptical that you can keep up this pace. If you can . . . Wow!
Author's Response: I deeply appreciate your feedback. Thanks for leaving it. I’m glad you like the story so far. I too hope I can keep up the pace and, of course, your interest. |
| Angeldove |
07/06/04 - 12:18AM |
1: Pilot: Goodbye Boston |
Signed |
I have only just started this series and am loving it. I am intrigued by the idea of this group of people in their own staring roles outside of the Buffy/Angel centric world. Sure I love to see them and do appreciate the cameos, but its time to explore other characters and you are doing a great job thus far. And I've only just begun. Also, you have Faith's voice down to a science!
Author's Response: Thanks for the comments. I agree that these are interesting characters and deserve their own story (obviously). I hope you’re not too disappointed that the focus temporarily drifts from faith and a bit toward Buffy, but the story will ultimately belong to Faith and her crew. Hope you keep reading. |
| eerie_ave |
07/04/04 - 03:20AM |
1: Pilot: Goodbye Boston |
Signed |
This is the second awesome series I've read in this archive. With only four chapters done, I’m already completely riveted. I love the awesome action and cliffhangers. Although the first chapter resolved itself nicely, each of the other three have left me gasping for breath and screaming, "I need to know what happens next! Now!”
My only suggestion is that, since the series is called "Running of Faith," that Faith should be in it a bit more. However, I've yet to read a fanfic that could match this one for pulse pounding action and suspense. I'm on the edge of my seat, dying to know what happens next and praying you keep up your rapid pace of putting out chapters almost daily.
Author's Response: Thanks for your comments. Unfortunately, I have a feeling the pace of my writing will slow as the story progresses, but I will be putting out chapters fairly quickly. On the god news front, Faith will be appearing more as the story progresses. The original idea was for this to be a story based on her as slayer and her backup. It should be returning to that in the near future. |
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