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Reviews for Unexpected Visitor




littlewiccan 08/07/06 - 07:23PM 3: The Portal Signed
I agreee with slayerfest's reveiw of the first chapter, your verb tenses are off and it would help if you broke it up from one big paragraph. As for chapters 2 and 3 the concept is good but it bothers me that it seems to be only dialogue. It usually helps to have more descriptions of movements or reactions and the seemingly insignficant he says, she says to indicate who is speaking might help i nsome places as well. Other than that the idea is promising. Well good luck and I hope that you take this reveiw as just constructive cristisim because that is all it is meant to be. P.S. thanks for the review : )

Author's Response: Ok, I will. This is like my first fic so I'm still learning. So, thanks for the review. And I will take your advice:)

yanya 07/07/06 - 12:33AM 3: The Portal Signed
i like it alot and you need to continue

yanya 07/07/06 - 12:31AM 3: The Portal Signed
i like it alot and you need to continue
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