Reviews for Unexpected Visitor
| slayerfest |
08/08/06 - 03:18AM |
6: Le's go! |
Signed |
It is an interesting premise but it's all very rushed and seems to be mostly compiled of dialogue. It'd be cool if you could throw in a bit of detail. Other than that, I am very intrigued. I like the reference to Anya's fear of rabbits. I'll wait for the update. :)
Author's Response: I'll do that. This is like my first fic so I'm still gettin the hang of things :)
Anyway, thatnks for the review! :)
Author's Response: P.S I really like your Zelda story. I can't wait till you update that! |
| littlewiccan |
08/07/06 - 07:23PM |
3: The Portal |
Signed |
I agreee with slayerfest's reveiw of the first chapter, your verb tenses are off and it would help if you broke it up from one big paragraph. As for chapters 2 and 3 the concept is good but it bothers me that it seems to be only dialogue. It usually helps to have more descriptions of movements or reactions and the seemingly insignficant he says, she says to indicate who is speaking might help i nsome places as well. Other than that the idea is promising. Well good luck and I hope that you take this reveiw as just constructive cristisim because that is all it is meant to be. P.S. thanks for the review : )
Author's Response: Ok, I will. This is like my first fic so I'm still learning. So, thanks for the review. And I will take your advice:) |
| yanya |
07/07/06 - 12:33AM |
3: The Portal |
Signed |
| i like it alot and you need to continue |
| yanya |
07/07/06 - 12:31AM |
3: The Portal |
Signed |
| i like it alot and you need to continue |
| yanya |
07/06/06 - 09:23PM |
2: What? |
Signed |
| its so sad that Xander cant see anya and you left me at a cliffhanger |
| yanya |
07/06/06 - 02:18PM |
1: Unhappy |
Signed |
it was an interesting paragraph and i hop that xander and anya get to see each other again
Author's Response: Well ya never know.... Maybe dreams can come true. |
| slayerfest |
05/14/06 - 02:07AM |
1: Unhappy |
Signed |
The tenses are very jumpy and you might want to divide it into not all one paragraph. As for the plot, it's very interesting. I'm very curious as to what happens next. You've got a good idea, for sure.
Author's Response: Well your in luck... I have for you another chapter. Also started 3rd chapter. |
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