Reviews for Changed
| Cheza |
04/24/06 - 01:54PM |
1: Part 1 |
Signed |
| ooo its a good cliffhanger, personally, I think Oz should have known better than to trust some random witchy chick...but he was just looking for a cure. Anyway, I'll check more out. |
| MissEdith |
04/04/06 - 04:28PM |
1: Part 1 |
Signed |
I hope you don't mind constructive criticism because that's what I'm about to give you. I feel like this story has some good potential, but also some things that need work. 1) There are several typos and stuff; you might want to read this over a few more times before posting it. 2) "She was about to call him when a rather handsome young lad appeared in front of her, panting and out of breath." There are two problems with this sentence. The first is that the word "lad" sounds really out of place in something that is from Willow's point of view, seeing as how people don't really say "lad" in America. The second problem is that I assumed it was somebody Willow didn't know. Willow is asking herself where Oz is, so it seems strange that when he appears he's not immediately referred to as Oz. I hope you know what I mean. 3) Oz is too wordy. Much too wordy.
Author's Response: Thanks for the tips! I'l take them in mind when i wirte again soon!
Author's Response: I know what you mean about Oz being to wordy, I had real trouble writing for him lol! Hope I do better next time! |
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