Creative Works   

Once Again (Page 3)
By Amy Mina
amymina(at)yahoo.com

Disclaimer: Characters such as Buffy, Angel, Xander and others belong to Joss Whedon and the WB. The few characters that I have made up such as Marissa and Jeff belong to me.

. . .

Part 3

Buffy slowly stood up to look around at the area that she was trapped in within her mind. It was beautiful, calm. She hadn't left here since the first day she had left the world of the living. Knowing that in order to return she had to move out of her comfort zone, she left and head towards the other part of her mind. The part that she stayed as far away from as possible.

Once she reached it, Buffy looked around at what used to be her mind, memories. The only word she could use to describe what it looked like was a battlefield. Every good memory had been brutally crushed by the guilt of what had happened to her friends. For Buffy, it was time to face the music. She slowly moved out, thinking she was ready to face whatever came her way.

Buffy walked around the potholes and headed towards the other side of the destroyed field where she thought she would find freedom. Suddenly, she stumbled across a computer. She squatted down to look at the screen, and it held a spell that Miss Calendar had been working on.

"What the heck?" she whispered quietly to herself.

"Buffy," called a voice nearby. Buffy stood up quickly to face the person.

"Miss Calendar," she replied.

"Please, call me Jenny. It's been a long time."

"Yes, it has," said Buffy.

"Buffy, I know you're feeling guilt about my death." Buffy looked surprised, and Miss Calendar continued. "If you weren't feeling some type of guilt, you wouldn't be here."

"Yeah."

"Buffy, listen to me," she said, taking up Buffy's hands in her own. "It wasn't your fault what happened. If it is any one person's fault, it is mine."

Buffy quickly withdrew her hand, feeling the guilt clamp down on her mind like a weight. She looked down, trying to avoid the open stare of Miss Calendar.

"Buffy, if you are going to escape from this prison that you have encased yourself in, you need to forgive. I'm telling you this now, because you will fight against many feelings, and if you don't conquer them, you will not make it." Buffy's head shot up and the question radiated from her eyes. Miss Calendar nodded her head. "Yes, Buffy. You will die. As you forgive yourself for the things that happened, it will get harder. And at some point, you're going to have to truly forgive Angel."

Buffy looked away, her inward strength wavering. It was too late to go back though, she had left her comfort zone, and now she had to fight to survive. Looking for Miss Calendar, she discovered that the young woman was gone. A weird feeling overcame her as guilt assailed her mind. She remembered Yanna, when she first helped the slayer and her friends conquer Malcolm, the demon in the computer. Then when the master arose, risking her life to fight against the forces of evil and save mankind. She even tried to hold Willow back from the touch of that creature when it would have easily won. Hanging limp over the dead bones of the master, if she hadn't been helping Buffy, she wouldn't have been there. The kiss the Miss Calendar and Giles had shared in the library. Buffy felt the guilt shoot up. No, she thought, shaking her head back and forth, I can't give in. This is in the past, and even I need a break from the guilt. She needed release. She plowed forward, stumbling, ignoring the guilt. She needed to find a way to get rid of it. She turned to the sky and screamed.

"I'm sorry!" she screamed, within her mind "I let you down, and I am sorry, but I can't change what happened! I need to let go!" Her mind became over cluttered with all of the memories. She fell to her knees pain, rocking back and forth.

Suddenly, the incredible feelings of guilt stopped. Buffy looked around, wondering what had happened. The memories were still there, but they felt different. The memories gave her joy instead of sorrow. The computer that had been laying in her path, and wouldn't allow her to move on, vanished as if it had never been there. Buffy smiled as the figure of Miss Calendar appeared and vanished for the last time, to whisper a thank you. She finally got rid of the guilt. How she did it, she wasn't totally sure, but they were gone, and now she could move on.

One down, at least two to go.

. . .

Xander dropped off Angel at the library. He quietly thanked the new librarian for offering to let Angel spend the days there. Now that Giles was no longer needed, the next watcher took over the library duties as well. Xander didn't know what he would do with the blind guilt-ridden-vampire-turned-human. He would go crazy at the house, between boredom and guilt, it might do him in. Xander let his thoughts linger to right after Angel had changed back to human. He had been a great person to hang out with. They went everywhere together, did the dumbest things together. Now that Angel felt his blindness was some sort of payback, he was always punishing himself. Although Xander honestly thought that Buffy would never returned, he prayed that she would. That would be Angel's only way back. Xander pulled into Cordelia's driveway and beeped the horn. She came running out in her dress of the latest fashion. As she got on, she gave him a lingering kiss.

"Morning, honey," she said, brilliantly smiling.

"Morning to you too." He put the car into reverse and headed to the hospital. Cordelia was the head nurse there. It had been discovered that she had quite a flair with helping to heal people and help them feel better. After being rejected by the popular crowd when dating Xander, she had really changed, and for the better. Now, she and Willow got along well.

"Daddy wants us to change the church that we are getting married in. He wants to invite more people." Xander groaned. He loved Cordelia, but her family was still the pain that they had always been. "Don't worry," assured Cordelia, "I told him no. Our wedding is not to increase his business. I like the chapel we are getting married in."

"That's good."

"Willow came by to have her dress fitted last night. She looks gorgeous. I love her hair. I think I might dye mine red."

"I don't think so," said Xander, smiling. "I like it brown. It's beautiful."

Cordelia smiled. "Thanks hon. So, are we definitely set for October 13th?"

"Yep, I called yesterday to make sure." Xander and Cordelia had seen it fitting to be married on the day of Marissa's birthday, and they last day that Buffy had talked to them. "Are you sure a month is enough time?"

"Absolutely. I am an expert in planning events such as this. I need Angel to come by tonight for a fitting. Is Giles going to be here soon?"

"Yep. He's flying in with from England with Joyce in two days."

"Great. Smooth as silk so far." Cordelia put her hand in his, which was now resting in the middle of the seat. "Have I ever told you I love you, Alexander Harris?"

Xander smiled. "Last time you saw me. But you can say it again."

Cordelia's mouth broke into her brilliant grin. "I love you Xander."

"I love you too, and if I wasn't trying to drive with now, I would kiss you."

. . .

Angel took the book that the librarian gave to him, and read it. Braille was still hard for him to comprehend fully. Going slowly, he found out that it was a romance, and not much to his liking. Whenever he read those, or heard those, he thought about Buffy. Those stupid romances are nothing like real life, it is so much harder to be separated from the one that you love. His mind drifted back to happier times, when Buffy had been a large part of his life. He remembered everything from her blonde hair to the sound of her voice when she spoke to him. He remembered her lips on his, which was a regular occurrence towards the end of their "normal" relationship. He slowly walked over to the stairs and sat down, leaning his head up against the railing. He let himself totally succumb to the thoughts of his beloved.

He went from the feel of her lips and her hair to their last night together. He remembered everything, from the surprise party to the night that would bring him the peak of happiness and the valley of horror. He thought about every moment, slowly moving from one to the next. When he reached the end, to the part where he was sucked out of his body, just to watch for three years, he started to cry. He began to think about everything he would change, and he began to bawl. More than anything, he wanted to tell her that he loved her. That's all.

. . .

Daniel, the new librarian and watcher, walked out of his office and found Angel still sitting like that, totally oblivious to the that was looking at his. He shook his head and smiled. He hadn't know Angel as the evil vampire that he was told used to exist. He knew him only a few short weeks before the accident that caused him to lose his sight. Dan had pity on the "young" man. Dan had never been ripped from the one he loved by a moment of love and true happiness. Having to live through that was hard for Angel, especially with his beloved trapped in a coma. Dan had never met her, but from what he had heard, she had been a talented young women in every way. Pretty, smart when it came to slaying, letting her instincts take over. He wished that his young slayer, Lita, would be half that. She didn't really care about her slaying. Daniel sighed and headed back into the office. Lita had never met Angel, due to the fact that Angel would often hide in the back room when she came around. Daniel was happy about this; all Lita did was think about guys and her next date. Every night she went out, Dan would bow on his knee and pray to God to make sure that the young man doesn't get hurt. He knew it also bothered Lita to have a watcher that actually believed in God. He could remember the first time she found him praying.

"A Christian???" she exclaimed. "My watcher is a Christian? What, does this mean I need to attend services now to, wear dresses, and sing to the almighty God? I don't think so."

Dan sighed again, picking up Mr. Giles' journal to read some more. Between the journal, and the little information he dragged out of Angel, he could tell that this young woman had been incredible. Looking out his window into the library, he saw that Angel was beginning to cry again. He was mouthing something, so Dan went to see what it was. Angel, still very ignorant to his presence, kept saying it.

"I only told her twice, only twice! The most precious person to me in the world, and I only told her twice!" Dan wrinkled his brow in confusion, not sure what Angel was saying.

"Angel?" asked Dan. Angel visibly shook from the surprise at someone being there and turned in Dan's direction. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, fine. Sorry about that. I'm going to go read in the back room now. Let me know when Xander gets here."

Angel got up and walked to the back, tapping his cane along the way. Trying not to trip over a stack of books, he opened the door and sat down in the corner. He opened the book, but ignored it and began to cry again.

. . .

"That girl deserves a right to know her father, no matter what he has done in the past!" said Giles. "No one else will ever replace him, no matter how hard you try."

"Mr. Giles, please sit down," said the Watcher's Council. "You have made your opinions quite clear, but you have to look at it from our point of view. There is a former vampire, a vicious killer, and the father of a daughter of a slayer, who is at this point, incapacitated due to his influence and is trapped in a coma. If you were in our position, what would you do?"

Giles refused to sit down, and he felt himself heat up with anger. "It is not your decision to make! She needs her father, he's paid for his crimes, and he is paying right now. Don't make it even worse for him. You aren't God, you should all stop trying to take over his role!" Joyce was sitting next to Giles and squeezed his hand tightly. Even before he even married her, he treated Buffy like a daughter, and would continue to fight for her till the end.

"Mr. Giles! You are out of line!"

"I am not out of line!"

"Mr. Giles, for the last time, sit down, or else we will be forced to take extreme measures."

Giles pushed up his glasses and sat down, knowing that if he got himself into trouble, all he could expect was them to reject him all together. Anyway, he smiled inwardly, I still have one more idea.

"Mr. Giles, we understand that you want this child taken care of, but you need to uderstand that we must protect her for the sake of her mother-"

. "You sure didn't care when my daughter was being attacked at from every side by Angelus. You shouldn't be doing this for the sake of guilt." Joyce was just as enraged as Giles, and was sick of the junk that the council was giving them. She now stood up and took the place of her husband. "She suffered for months at the hands of Angelus, and now that she may never return to us, you throw these ridiculous arguments at us to make you look good. Well, we have a surprise for you."

"As what is that, Mrs. Giles," asked the magistrate, trying to humor her. Giles smiled, knowing what was coming, and Mrs. Giles glared at his, annoyed at being treated like a two-year-old for years now when it came to the council. Of course, her three-month pregnancy didn't help matters, and only let her anger flow more freely.

"I have read the Watcher's Handbook and regulations from cover to cover. In it, I have found an area that said--" she turned to the page that she had book marked, "If a slayer dies with no husband and a child or children to be cared for, if there is a member of the family that knows about her secret and is willing to take on the child, they get first chance at the child." She snapped the book shut. "I know, I am willing, and I want to see my granddaughter."

Giles had to keep from jumping up in a round of applause. They were leaving for Sunnydale the next day, and had hoped to take Marissa with them. Giles gave her a kiss on the cheek as she sat down still quite heated. He turned to look at the magistrate, to see the man shocked at his wife's outburst. "Well," said Giles, not being able to resist, "Right there is set the rules for you. I think that there is nothing else to discuss. Where is our granddaughter?"

"I guess that I have no choice but to award you full custody of the child. I will contact the family that is caring for her, and have them pack her stuff and be ready. When would you like to take over the duties of her care?"

"Tomorrow," said Joyce abruptly. "We are leaving for Sunnydale and she is going with us."

"Tomorrow?" he asked in shock. "That's only one day."

"Congratulations. We will be ready at eleven in the morning to pick her up. Warn the family that she is staying with that we will come for her, and take her to the US with us. Her papers are already in order and her ticket is paid for."

"Yes, Mrs. Giles. We will make sure that she is ready."

"Thank you."

. . .

Giles was still laughing about the meeting later that night. He had never seen the magistrate bend to someone's will so quickly. He tried to sleep, very excited about taking Marissa back with them to Sunnydale to stay. Joyce turned to him, wondering if he was okay.

"Yeah, I'm fine. You really let him have it," said Giles to his wife. He could imagine her smiling in the darkness. "I have never seen him change his mind so quickly before."

"I'm wondering if I should have not been so mean to him. I was rude."

"You didn't hit him."

"Neither did you."

"But that was my next step, and then kidnap Marissa."

Joyce laughed. "Are you sure we didn't over due it?"

"Not at all. We've been fighting for three years to get custody of her for Angel or us. It's a good thing that you decided to read through the manual, or else our fight might have failed." When he got no response, he turned towards his wife. "Joyce?" The quiet sound of her breathing confirmed that she was asleep, and he followed her lead.

. . .

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