"Falling Apart"
Author:
Holli
Email: summersfinn@hotmail.com
Sunnydale, 2007
Spike was in his kitchen, heating up a fresh cup of blood in the microwave when the doorbell rang. "Come in!" he yelled as the timer on the microwave went off, signaling that his blood was fully heated.
Suddenly, he heard the patter of feet and the two blonde heads peered around the corner. He turned around and there they stood, staring at him, though remaining quiet…unusually quiet. For a moment anyway. Suddenly, they yelled, "Uncle Spike!" and attacked him.
He lifted Kennedy into his arms as Logan started kicking him in the shin. "Where’s your mom?" he asked them, wincing at the pain in his shin from Logan’s kicking. He looked up and saw Buffy and Riley trailing behind. "What’s he doing here?" he asked, pointing to Riley.
Buffy gave him a sad smile, then turned to Riley. "That’s what we came here to talk to you about. It seems that this world’s Buffy and Riley aren’t us," she said. That was the best possible explanation that she could give him.
Before he could ask anything, he felt Logan yanking on his pants leg. "Where’s Peaches, Uncle Spike?" he asked him.
His attention was taken from the people in front of him to the child at his side. "Outside," he said, setting Kennedy on her feet beside Logan. "She’s out in the backyard. Why don’t you two go outside and try to find her so that I can talk to your Mom and Dad," he told them. They asked their parents if it was all right, then they ran for the door.
Grabbing his mug of blood, he led Buffy and Riley into the living room. While they sat down on the sofa, he paced the floor in front of them. "Okay, run this by me again. You two aren’t…you. Am I correct?" he asked them. They nodded. "Then, who exactly are you? Because you look a lot like Buffy and Riley."
Buffy took a deep breath. She had no idea how to explain it to Spike because she really didn’t know how to explain it to herself. "We’re exactly who we are: Buffy and Riley. We just aren’t *this* world’s Buffy and Riley."
"Well, what world are you from if it’s not this one? And since you’re not Buffy and Riley of this world then what happened to them? And how did you get here?" he asked them, trying to understand all of this.
"That’s just it, Spike. We don’t know any of that, but since you obviously know us, we were wondering if you could tell us what has been happening with this world’s Buffy and Riley."
That was something that he could do. He’d been with Buffy and Riley since day one and had gotten closer to the couple since his own marriage crumbled. He sat down across from the couple and taking a deep breath said, "Well, where do I start?"
Sunnydale, 2000
After her shower, Buffy milled about the apartment, keeping her distance from Riley. Even after her walk earlier, her brain was still mush. She was confused; there was no doubt about that. She wanted Riley in her life, yet she needed him out of it. God, how did her life turn to shit?
She stood in the bedroom, staring at the bed that she and Riley had shared the previous night. Was that a mistake? What was going through his head? He couldn’t possibly be thinking that I want him back, could he? She took a deep, ragged breath, running her fingers through her hair. "Oh, get over it, Buffy. How could he think you want him back when you really never wanted him to go away?"
Just thinking about him sent a shiver of desire through her body. Sitting there on the bed, she remembered waking up to the feel of him touching her. It had been a heavenly feeling…one that she wouldn’t mind having again. Though, it had also freaked her out.
What could she do to change things, though? Tell Riley? If she did that she could possibly lose him forever…then again, maybe he’d forgive her and they could repair their relationship and their marriage. She needed to do something though.
Sliding off the bed, she walked out of the bedroom and down the hall. Pausing in the archway into the living room, she spied Riley sitting calmly on the sofa watching TV, and, surprise, surprise, he was drinking a beer. Had he become an alcoholic without her knowing?
After a few moments of just standing there, staring at him, she finally spoke. "Riley?" she said, quietly. He turned in her direction, smiling. Well, that was a start, she guessed, realizing that he no longer wore his towel. She gave a sigh of relief. Now, he wore gray sweat pants. That was it.
He turned in the direction of her voice. Well, at least she was still talking to him. Why had he told her what he’d told her at lunch? He very well could have fucked himself over and pushed her straight into another man’s arms. He didn’t want to do that. "Hey. I was wondering when you were going to come out of there," he said, his attention more focused on what she was wearing that her herself.
What was she wearing? It was more like what she wasn’t wearing. Over the years he’d gotten used to Buffy wearing skimpy little nightgowns and negligees and all those womanly things along with his shirts, which more than covered her. Tonight, though, she was wearing a simple nightshirt that barely fell to her thighs; he could even see her perky nipples through the soft white fabric. Cursing himself for his thoughts, he returned his attention to the football game that he was watching.
"I was gonna cook supper. Are you hungry?" she asked him.
Unwilling to look at her, he just shook his head, hoping that would be enough for her; he kept his focus on the TV before him. Suddenly, the ref made a bad call, forcing him into fits of hysterics. He jumped off the sofa. "What kind of call was that? You fucking moron. That was totally fair. New ref! New ref! New ref!"
Buffy didn’t move. "Well?" She waited a beat. He still didn’t answer her. "Do you want me to cook or not?"
Without looking at her and without thinking, he said, "Do what you want, Buffy. I don’t care. You’ve done what you’ve wanted these past few months anyway," raw emotion twinging his voice. "Since when do you need my two sense or permission," taking a swig of his beer.
"Do you have to act like that?" He looked at her, but didn’t answer. She threw her hands up in the air, turning on her heel and walking back into the kitchen throwing over her shoulder, "I don’t know why I even bother."
Looking into the refrigerator and cabinets for a full meal to cook, Buffy found that she had nothing for a worthwhile meal so hurriedly, she got dressed and headed for the door, but Riley decided to get off his ass and heed her getaway. He grabbed her wrist, yanking her around to face him. "Where are you going?" he asked.
"To the grocery store. There’s nothing here for me to cook so I thought I’d go out and buy some stuff. Do you mind?" she asked him.
He shook his head. "No, not really, but…" When she gave him her ‘get out with it, already’ face, he said, "Can I come with?"
Her demeanor softened and she smiled up at him. "Yeah. I’d like that, but, you know, you’ll need to get dressed."
Halfway to the room, Riley turned around. "Since we’re going out, why don’t we just go out and eat. I mean, if you could stand being alone with me in public. Maybe we could even hit the Bronze like we used to do. We don’t have anything better to do, do we?"
"Well, I thought that you did…drunkenness and all…" she said, gesturing to the empty beer cans on the floor.
"Oh…that? I, um, I…I’ve had a lot on my mind lately." He smiled at her. "Move it, woman. I am not taking you out looking like that. Makeup, a pretty dress, maybe even a smile. Go. Now," he said, pointing to the bathroom.
Without another word or complaint, Buffy obeyed orders and headed for the bathroom. A night alone with Riley…what could be so bad?
Sunnydale, 2007
She folded her napkin in her lap as she looked at her husband from over the table. "I’m just worried about her, Matt. She hasn’t been to work in two days. That’s just not like Buffy. She hasn’t called in sick or anything. Everyone’s worried. Why should I be an exception? She’s my best friend."
Matt continued to ignore his wife’s concern over their friend. He picked up his glass, taking a sip of his wine. "I’m sure she’s fine, Emmy. You worry too much. She probably went up to San Francisco to visit her parents for a while. I don’t suppose watching Riley leave was easy for her to handle."
Emmy sat back in her chair. Yeah, Matt did have a point. He made a point of making a point to her. She hated that. "I would just like to know that they’re okay…both of them. I miss them both and I feel sorry for them both. You know this is all Buffy’s fault. She could have prevented all this shit from happening if only she hadn’t come up with this fucking idea of making Riley believe that she was having an affair."
Okay, that was his cue to intervene. "It really wasn’t Buffy’s fault, Em. She’s confused and hurt and she truly believed that making Riley move on with his life was best. You can’t blame her." He took a deep breath. "On some levels, I think it was easier to let him go because Riley was also at fault."
He watched as her eyes glazed with anger. It was coming. He just knew that he had stepped into that forbidden territory: never argue with your wife if you don’t want to be in the doghouse, but he didn’t agree with her. "What do you mean Riley was also at fault?"
"Look, Emmy, all I am saying is that Riley has fucked up a few times over the years in his marriage and a lot of other places. He’s missed some key stuff and a lot of that Buffy still holds against him. And much to our dismay she still blames herself for losing that baby. Looking back, do you remember ever going over to her house to console her? Cuz I don’t. She went through something traumatic and all we did, as her friends, was tell her that with time comes healing. We didn’t open our hearts to her and let her tell us exactly what was wrong. Of course, Buffy wasn’t quick to share either."
"Well, I would *love* to stay here and argue this with you, Matt, but I am going to go see what is up with Buffy. Hopefully, I don’t find her passed out on the floor or something," Emmy said, grabbing her purse and heading for the door. "I’ll be back soon."
Willow emerged from the bathroom just as Graham with Nick at his side and Georgina in his arms, was sneaking off for the door. "And where do you think you are going?" she asked him.
Nick looked up at Graham. "Guess we’ve been caught, huh, Dad?" he asked his father.
Graham looked down at Nick, handing him Georgina. "Here. Take your sister so I can talk to your mom." Obediently, Nick took Georgina and they moved to the opposite side of the room. Graham turned to Willow, holding up his hands in protest. "Now before you go Oprah on me, we were just going downstairs."
"Graham Miller, I am wet not stupid!" she yelled at him, throwing the towel that her hair had been wrapped in at him. "I know you were going to spy on Buffy and Riley," she told him.
Of course, she was right. When wasn’t she right? "Look, Will, I’m…"
"Taking me with you."
Now he was confused. He stopped to scratch his head. "I thought you said that spying was immoral and no one should do it." He watched as her robe dropped to the floor. He caught her smile and suggestively wagged his eyebrows at her.
She held his gaze as she dressed with him watching her. "Forget what I said. I want to see for myself that Buffy and Riley aren’t together. I want to come."
Graham’s grin widened. "You want to come? I think that can be arranged," Graham said, following her to the door.
Sunnydale, 2000
They had opted to stroll through Sunnydale on foot instead of driving. It was a beautiful night. It was breezy; the moon was full, stars twinkled. It was a very romantic evening. It had taken her an hour and a half to get dressed. She had tried on every dress in her closet and in Willow’s, finally deciding upon a wine colored, double spaghetti strapped dress that fell just above her knees.
Looking at the man beside her, she noted that he looked just as good yet casual as usual. Blue jeans and a sweater. He still looked nice, though. "What’s it like where you are?" his raspy voice whispered in her ear. She turned to look at him, noticing the smirk on his lips.
She stopped, and spying a bench a few feet away, led Riley to it. They sat down. She noticed that he sat so close that their legs were touching. It didn’t bother her; neither did it bother her when he took her hand, entwining their fingers together. She even welcomed the jolt of electricity that flowed between them. "So, has tonight really been that bad? You know, being alone with me and all?" he asked her.
Her eyes focused on their fingers. His left entwined with her right. He still wore his wedding band. Her eyes moved to her left hand…but she didn’t. She wracked her brain to try to remember what she had done with it…then she remembered that she’d given it to Riley and he’d left it on her dresser as he left the room *that* morning, saying that no one but her deserved to wear it. She felt her eyes moisten just thinking about it.
She didn’t dare meet his gaze, afraid that he would notice that she was on the verge of tears, as she said, "No it really hasn’t. I almost forgot how much fun we had together."
Had. Past tense. Over. Done. He had put some hope into tonight, though, they hadn’t hit the Bronze yet. Maybe she’d remember how much fun they’d had dancing, being in each other’s arms…with any luck she’d remember. With any luck that night they would be not only be husband and wife again, but Buffy and Riley again.
She patted his hand. "I forget how easily I can forget all my problems when I’m with you, even when sometimes you’re the cause of them." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "I always treasured our time together, Riley. Don’t get me wrong. But I don’t know what happened. Maybe our lives got to us. Being married and having children, I mean. We didn’t have time to sit back and spend time together anymore."
"No, we sure didn’t," he agreed. "After you graduated and began working at the hospital, everything got more complicated. Both of us started working later. The twins were spending more and more time between daycare and Spike…maybe we took on too much too soon."
Standing up, she said, "Yeah, I think we did…take on too much too soon." She held out her hand to him, which he took, allowing her to help him to his feet. She touched her fingers softly to his cheek. "But I don’t regret anything, Riley. Our marriage may be on the rocks now, but…" she was silenced by Riley’s finger over her lips.
He took her hand in his. "Shh!" he said softly. "Let’s not talk about this now. We’ve had a marriage free evening so far. Let’s keep it that way," he told her. "You up for some dancing?" he asked as they began walking again. She nodded. Holding hands, they began walking in the direction of the Bronze.
Sunnydale, 2007
Riley walked downstairs after his shower to find Buffy sitting on the sofa, staring blankly out the window. He didn’t want to disturb her so he just stood there, watching her. She’d taken her shower before him, but her hair was still damp. She shifted on the sofa, moving her knees so that she was propped up on them, thus causing her nightgown to hike a little up her back, revealing her black floral panties and the skin of her back. He had to swallow hard so as not to let any bad thoughts enter his mind, but he was a guy, Buffy was a girl and technically they were married so he succumbed and let the perverse thoughts enter his mind.
She could feel his eyes burning into her, but she didn’t make a move to go to him or turn away from the window. She was still trying to digest the information that she’d gotten from Spike earlier that day. Not only had Buffy lost the baby, but also she’d kept from Riley that there was a chance that she could bear no more children. So much had happened over the years between them…to them, that she couldn’t start to understand or comprehend. They were two totally different people.
"Buffy?" she heard Riley say her name. She turned, seeing a shirtless, smiling Riley leaning against the wall. Watching, he made his way across the room to her, collapsing beside her. For a few moments, he didn’t look at her, nor did he touch her. He then pulled her into his arms and just held her close. No words had to be spoken. They both knew what the other was thinking. "We won’t turn out like this. I swear to you we won’t."
She smiled against his chest. "I know we won’t. At least, we’ll try…" she said, pushing herself into a sitting position. Looking into his eyes, she asked, "Why do you think Buffy is doing this to Riley? I mean, I’m pretty sure she loves him…I’m almost positive, and I know Spike told us why, but I still ask…why?"
He turned to her, cupping her face in his hands. "Buffy, honey, I know you’d love nothing more than to solve this mystery on why Buffy is doing this to Riley, but we have no idea what is going through her head. We’ve never met her so we can only assume that she’s only doing this with everyone’s best interest at heart."
Her head fell into his lap. "But the way Spike made it sound is like it’s over for them. I mean, is this our fate? Are we fated to get married and later divorce after something so tragic? Because I don’t want to divorce. You’ve already divorced once and I don’t believe in divorce. When you marry someone it should be because you love them with your whole heart and you want to spend the rest of your..." she noticed him staring at her. She smiled, asking, "What?"
He leaned down kissing her softly on the lips. She blinked her eyes, continuing to stare up at him in shock. "What was that for?"
His thumb caressed her cheek. "For what you just said. When I got married all those years ago, I was blinded by love. I don’t think I really loved her. I think I was confusing love and lust." He stopped. "Do you want to hear this?" he asked her, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable about him talking about his ex-girlfriend and ex-wife.
She shook her head. "No, it’s fine. You were forced to sit through my past with Angel so I should be able to listen to you talk about your ex-girlfriend." And she listened as he talked about the day that he’d met Randa Bentley and the day that he nearly killed himself over her.
He sighed just thinking about it. "Now, I just look back and realize how stupid I was to believe anything she told me. My entire family knew what kind of girl she was and they tried to tell me, but I never listen. I was blinded by what I thought was love and it destroyed me."
Should he tell her? Well, she deserved to know. Better now than waiting a year like the other him did. "One night I got really drunk and I went driving. My kid brother and sister tried to take away my keys, but I was intent upon doing what I wanted. I was grieving, anyway. So, I got in my truck and I hightailed it into town…when I woke up, I was in the hospital."
She sat up, climbing onto his lap. "Oh, God." She touched his cheek softly, then his lips, thinking, this girl really destroyed him and for that she hated whoever it was. "Were you okay?" it slipped from her lips before she could stop it.
He nodded. "I had a punctured kidney, a broken leg and my blood alcohol level was four times the legal limit. After that I realized that Randa wasn’t worth it and I had too much to live for. So, I took my scholarship to UC Sunnydale and moved down here. I actually let myself forget that she even existed. I wish I would’ve told you sooner."
"Riley, it’s okay. I mean, I kept Angel from you for months. I’m just surprised that you’re still with me."
His eyes widened. "What about you? I tell you that I was married and almost fathered a child and you’re still here. Why, Buffy? I mean, what do I have to offer you? Knocking you up in a few months? Leaving you impregnated with two kids? What kind of relationship is that?"
"A good one." She made him look her in the eye. "You were honest with me about your marriage for that I am glad. And why wouldn’t I still be here? Do you think the knowledge of you sleeping with some bimbette farmgirl is going to make me cower in a corner and cry?" She wrapped her arms around his neck. "Well, sorry to disappoint, Mister Finn, but I do not scary so easily. You’re stuck with me for a *long*, long, long time."
Their lips inched closer and closer together until finally they met in a sweet, chaste kiss much like their first. It increased in passion suddenly. Riley’s hands skimmed up Buffy’s sides, taking her nightgown with them. She lifted her arms, knowing his intentions.
He buried his head in the crook of her neck, taking the skin that he found there between his teeth, eliciting a groan from Buffy. He began nibbling and sucking until he’d marked her, not quite sure what made him do it. He worked his way to her throat, kissing down until he reached the swells of her breasts. He took one soft, taut breast into his mouth and from then on he was unable to stop the sounds that came from the woman in his arms.
Emmy parked her suburban behind Buffy’s car, glancing in the driveway where she found Riley’s jeep parked. "What the…?" she muttered aloud. Was he really there? Could they have…? Would she have done it? She stood there pondering these questions as she heard, "Who the hell are you?" behind her.
She spun around to find a rather tall, handsome young man standing there with a redheaded woman and two small children. "Who the hell am *I*? I think I need to be asking you that question. This is private property you’re trespassing on. I could have you arrested."
Graham stepped forward. He recognized the woman from a few nights back. What the hell was she doing back? And how exactly did she know Buffy and Riley? "I’d like to see you get us arrested, lady. I’ll have you know that I’ve known the people that live here for over eight years and there’s no way that you’re going to keep me from seeing them. Who the hell are you anyway?"
She extended her hand. "Emmy Webster. I’m a friend of Buffy’s. I work with her. I came over here because I was worried about her."
Willow stepped beside Graham, shifting Georgina from one hip to the other. "Worried? How…why?" she asked.
Emmy looked towards the house. "Buffy and Riley have been…having problems. Their marriage kinda hit a rough spot and since then it hasn’t hit any good spots. Then she did something I could kill her for and…I’m sorry I didn’t catch your names."
Willow pushed Graham out of the way. "Hi, I’m Willow Rosen-Miller." She looked at Graham who was shaking his head. She still had a habit to say Rosenberg instead of Miller. She couldn’t help it. She’d been a Rosenberg for the better part of twenty years and he expected her to just up and get used to saying Miller. That’s what he thinks…She turned to Graham. "And this is my husband, Graham."
Emmy looked down at the children. "And these are your children, I assume?"
"No, we stole them from the orphanage down the street," Graham said sarcastically, getting swatted again by Willow. "Would you stop that!" he barked at her.
Willow rolled her eyes. He was getting too pissy to be around. Usually she was the one with PMS around this time of the month, but now it seemed to be all Graham. "You’ll have to excuse him he has this notion in his head that Buffy and Riley are headed for divorce."
They both watched as Emmy’s skin paled. Theirs paled as well. There must have been some truth into what she’d just said. Emmy looked down at the ground, then back up at the two people in front of her. "I’m afraid your husband’s notion is correct. They are headed for divorce…and in the worst way possible."
"Well, we are going to march in that house and talk some sense into them, then," Graham said as he rounded the side of the house. He stopped in front of the bay window, his jaw dropping to the ground.
Emmy and Willow stopped behind him. "Yikes!" Willow said. She pulled Nick in front of her, shedding his eyes with her hand. "And they’re supposed to be divorcing?"
"My guess is that that is parting sex," Graham said, intent on watching the scene before him. "You’d think they’d have the sense not to do that in front of a window or at least close the blinds!" Graham continued watching, then he laughed. "Ooh, a boob!" Willow grabbed him by the ear, leading him away from the window so that Buffy and Riley could have privacy even though they didn’t look like they cared who saw what they were doing.
"I guess we should, uh, leave so that they could do that without spectators," Willow said, slapping Graham square in the chest when he craned his neck once more to see what was going on in the living room. "Emmy, you’ve been friends with Buffy for a while, right?" she asked. Emmy nodded. "Could you tell us what happened between them that is leading them toward divorce? I mean, they’re our best friends and we’ve sucked at keeping in touch so we don’t know what’s been going on."
Emmy knew enough about Willow and Graham to know that they were good people. Both Buffy and Riley had told her everything that she ever needed to know about the couple, so it was like they’d been friends just as long as she and Buffy had. "Well, we could go out for coffee or something if you guys would like. I can tell you *exactly* what is leading them to divorce and then you’ll be just as pissed at Buffy as I am."
Willow followed Graham to their car, keeping a tight hold on the child in her arms. Something tragic must have happened for Buffy and Riley to be headed for divorce. As long as she’d known them, as long as they’d dated, there hadn’t been anything that could drive a wedge between them. Not even a vengeful ex-wife or a murderous ex-boyfriend. So, she had to wonder…what had succeeded?
Sunnydale, 2000
The Bronze was kicking that night packed to full capacity for the first performance of Sunnydale’s latest teen band. Since the Dingoes had gone platinum, the Bronze hadn’t had as much action, but hopefully with the unveiling of the new band that would all change.
Riley held on tightly to Buffy as he guided her through the crowds. Everywhere they turned there was someone or a whole crowd of someones blocking their path. Feeling a tap on his shoulder he turned his head slightly to Buffy. "I want something to drink," she yelled in his ear over the loud music. He nodded his head and led her in the direction of the bar.
In line Buffy had been extremely fidgety. She’d played with the hem of her dress, the straps on her sandals, the buttons on his sweater. He could say that she was bored but when he’d look at her she would be smiling and doing a little sway of her hips. She wanted to dance; that he knew for sure.
After much persuasion by Riley, the bartender finally gave it up and handed them two beers. The Bronze had just started serving alcohol, but liquor was only handed out to those who had a valid ID. The bartender gave Riley a skeptical look, glancing to the girl on his arm, but when Riley said, "I’m really really thirsty," he gave in and handed him the beers.
So, here they were now, Buffy’s hand tightly grasped by Riley’s, him leading her through the crowd in a desperate search for an empty table. Wrapping her arms around his waist, leaning her head against his shoulder, she whispered, "I don’t think we’ll be finding a table tonight."
Suddenly the chill in the Bronze didn’t matter as much to him anymore because her touch, by her own free will, heated up his entire body. "Don’t give up hope so soon," he whispered back. He grabbed her hand, maneuvering her through the crowd trying desperately not to spill his drink while at the same time trying to get to an empty table before someone else snatched it. "Here, Madame," he said, pushing out her chair for her.
She thanked him with a smile as she took her chair. Before Riley could even sit down, she was tapped on the back. She turned around to face a guy who looked no older than a senior in high school. "Hey baby, why don’t you leave the scmuck your with and join us."
She smiled politely at him. "Uh, thanks, but no thanks," she said.
"Hey, it’s your loss," he said, before turning back around to his friends. She heard him say, "Women. Can’t live with them, and can’t get one to leave with you." His friends erupted into laughter, but she could only shake her head, smiling. After a few more moments, Buffy slid her chair closer to Riley, linking her arm through Riley’s and resting her head against his shoulder.
"If this is uncomfortable for you just tell me and I’ll move. I know things have been strained between us lately and that’s my fault, but I don’t want us to feel weird around each other," she told him.
He lifted her head. "Buffy, neither do I. We’re in a time where we were just finding out that we were in love with each other and things between us were perfect and I think that we are just caught up in the moment."
She looked him hard in the eye. "Is that what this is? We’re just caught up in the moment?" she asked him, total seriousness etched all over her face. She didn’t want to be ‘caught up in the moment’. She wanted it to be a realization for both of them of what they had been missing all those months.
He didn’t know what to say. "Well…yeah. What else could it possibly be, Buffy? We both know that this can’t be anything more. I mean, when we go back, we both know that our divorce is looming."
All she could do is nod and say, "Yeah."
He took a deep breath. They were getting along, talking and holding hands. He didn’t want that to end, but he couldn’t milk it for what it was worth. He didn’t want to let her back in, then have her stomp on his heart once they returned to their time. "Do you want to go somewhere a little more private? It’s getting kinda loud in here and I think somewhere quiet will give us time to talk." He slid out of his chair, holding his hand out to her.
With a simple smile, she took his hand and let him lead her out of the club. Outside they stopped so that he could help her into her jacket, then they started up the street. "So, where are we going?" Buffy finally managed to ask him after they’d walked two blocks.
He smiled, squeezing her hand. "Well, as much as I know how you hate my country music, I know there’s a rinky dink little dance club around here. When we used to argue I used to go there, knock back a few drinks and make a fool out of myself line dancing after a few too many. The music’s not as loud as it is at the Bronze so we can actually have a civil conversation where we don’t have to yell to hear each other."
"Now, that sounds good," she said, returning his smile. They walked the rest of the way in silence, both lost in their own thoughts. Buffy was debating letting Riley back in, telling him the truth while Riley was doing the same thing.
They walked in silence until they reached the little dance club. Riley led her inside where they were bombarded by country music and people in cowboy hats and boots. She laughed softly as she tried to picture Riley in a cowboy hat, boots, chaps and stirrups. It would be an awfully funny sight.
Riley turned around when he heard Buffy snickering softly behind him. "What’s so funny?" he asked her. When she kept snickering at him, he asked, "What’d you do?" as he led them to a table.
He pulled out her chair for her once again, then sat down across from her, seeing the twinkle in her beautiful green eyes and the smirk on her lips. "Okay, Summers, spill, already. What is so funny?"
He watched as she took off her jacket, complaining about how hot it was. He wondered how she could be hot when he was freezing. While he spaced out, Buffy was explaining what she had been laughing at. "…so there. That’s what I was laughing at."
He looked up at her confused. "Huh? Wait, repeat what you just said. I wasn’t paying any attention. Sorry, Buffy." His eyes drifted from her face down her throat to the swells of her breasts that were peeking out of their dress confines.
Buffy followed his gaze, then looked back up at him. Folding her arms on the table, she looked directly in his eyes. "Like what you’re looking at?"
He smiled, sheepishly, sitting back in his chair. "Hey, what can I say? I’m a guy. Guys like breasts and yours are…" he trailed off when a waitress approached their table, order pad in hand.
"Okay, so what do you folks wanna drink?" she asked, chomping on a wad of gum, not looking up from her pad.
He looked at Buffy. "Whatever you get is fine with me."
He nodded, smiling at her. "Okay." He reached into his wallet, pulling out a twenty-dollar bill. "I want a bottle of tequila rose and two shot glasses."
The lady looked at him skeptically, looked at Buffy, shrugged her shoulders, and then went on her merry way. He turned to Buffy who was still staring at him. "What?" he asked her.
"You didn’t finish telling me about my breasts. You said they were…and then you stopped. What were you going to say?" she asked him, watching as his cheeks burned bright red. "Oh, come on, Riley. You’ve talked about my breasts before. Why so nervous to talk about them now?"
His face suddenly paled. "Well, when I talked about them before I was conscious that I had a great marriage. I had a wife that I loved, that loved me back, but now I’m not sure about anything. So, let’s just drop it." He looked up at her, seeing the hurt look on her face. "Come on, let’s dance." He pulled her out of her chair, onto the dancefloor just as the songs switched from a slow song to one of the line dances. "Uh-Oh!"
"Hey, Riley! Show us those moves of yours!" someone from the bar yelled at him. He looked up to find the voice, which belonged to that of the burly bartender, Stan.
He turned to Buffy. "Think you could keep up?" he asked her. She looked at the DJ, to Riley, then to the bartender and the crowd that had gathered around. She nodded, letting him take her hand and lead her to the middle of the dancefloor. "Just follow my feet."
As they began moving their feet first to the left, again to the left, then to the right, to the right again, she asked, "What’s the name of this dance, Riley?"
He looked up at her for a millisecond, then returned to concentrating on the movement of his feet. He was familiar with line dancing; he was a farm boy and from Iowa after all. Line dancing was in his blood, but he was still a little rusty so he had to watch his feet closely for fear at anytime he would trip over them and embarrass himself, but Buffy also. "It’s called the Stroke," he finally told her.
She laughed, continuing to move her feet wherever Riley’s went as she listened to the lyrics of the song. "You know, this is a kind of racy song, don’t you think, Riley?" she asked him.
He was the next one to laugh, letting go of her hand, hoping that she had followed his lead long enough. "A little, but it’s a fun dance and gets you in the mood…to dance I mean," he said when she threw him a wicked smile.
When the song ended, clapping exploded throughout the room. Riley grabbed Buffy’s hand, bowing gracefully. "Thank you, thank you. I’m glad that we were here to amuse you all!" he yelled into the room.
From behind the bar, the bartender yelled, "Do it again without tripping over your two left feet, Riley, and you and your lil lady get drinks on the house."
Riley looked at Buffy. "You up to do it again?" he asked her. She nodded, taking his hand and leading him back onto the dancefloor. As the music started, Buffy was the one leading Riley this time. He watched the fluid motion of her feet and the gentle ease of her moves. She was almost better at it than he was. Dancing, that was, not it as in…why was he thinking about *that*?
At the last verse, she turned a little too fast, and fell into his arms, propelling him backward onto his back. Riley hit the ground with a thud, laughing and holding her tight. Caught up in the moment, her lips met his in an undeniably perfect kiss. His hands cupped her face, his fingertips grazing along her cheeks. He felt her fingers move through his hair and his insides melted. It had been *so* long since Buffy had reacted to him like this and he’d longed for it.
She couldn’t make herself pull away from him. His lips and the strokes of his tongue along hers were electrifying, magnetic. It had been building all night the anticipation, the desire, the passion, the lust, the love. Everything. All the emotions, all the feelings that she’d been trying to push aside and forget were all culminating in that moment. Right here with this one kiss.
"Hey! This is a public establishment. If you two want to grope get a room at the motel across the street!" the DJ boomed through the microphone with an uproarious laugh to go along with his less than thrilling musings at their PDA.
Buffy slid off of Riley, her cheeks burning, then clambered to her feet. Holding out her hand, she helped Riley to his feet, straightening his clothes. "Maybe we should…" she paused to wipe her smeared lipstick from Riley’s lips, "…make a quick getaway."
She ran her fingers softly over his lips. "You get my jacket. I’ll meet you outside," she told him. He found her leaning against the wall, staring up at the dark, star filled sky.
"You know they say that the full moon can make you do things that you really have no control over." She pushed herself off the wall. "Wonder if that has anything to do with tonight." She shrugged her shoulders. Bunching Riley’s sweater in her fist, she pulled him to her, kissing him long and hard. "Let’s get home."
Sunnydale, 2007
What the hell was he doing to her? Her heart was in her throat…no, wait, that was horribly wrong. Her heart was…in her chest; it was her brain that wasn’t in her head. The way that he was kissing her…her brain was anywhere but in her head.
She heard him breathe her name against her throat and he was…everything. His hands, his lips were all motion against her skin, sending her body spiraling higher and higher. His lips were moving down her throat, encountering the soft swell of her breasts. He kissed one, then blew gently, causing her to dig her nails into his shoulder blades.
"Riley…what are you doing to me? I can barely form a coherent thought right now and with you doing…*that* it is making it worse," she breathed through the thick fog of her desire.
He stopped his ministrations to her breasts to gaze into her eyes. "Buffy," he choked out, his voice hazy with passion, his hands moving up to cup her breasts. "The whole point of this is to make you *not* think." He squeezed her breasts, emitting a groan of gratification from her. Bringing his lips close to her ear, whispered, "It’s to make you *feel*."
He moved her beside him on the sofa, then moved onto his knees on the floor, kneeling in front of her. "What do you think you’re doing?" she asked him, shoving her hands into his thick, dirty blonde hair as he began raining kisses down the column of her throat.
He ignored her question for a few moments, delighting in continuing what he was doing for he could tell that she was enjoying it. Her skin was hot under his lips and he knew that she wanted him just as much as he wanted her.
Stopping what he was doing, he looked up at her. "Buffy, I’ve waited three long months for this. Do you want it as much as I do? Because if you don’t then I promise to stop. I won’t do this unless you’re with me."
Sitting up, Buffy cradled his face in her hands, forcing his lips to meet hers. "If you do stop," she told him between kisses, "this entire relationship is over," she said with a smile.
His lips twisted into a feral grin. "Can’t have that, now can we?" he said seductively, his head returning to its position of coddling her breasts. His lips resumed their trail, moving farther down her body, stopping to lick the circle outside her navel before continuing his path south.
He traced the hem of her black floral panties with his forefinger, tactfully toying with her, swimming with the fact that she was eager for him to touch her or taste her, even. She was swiveling her hips and lifting them, urging him to get the show on the road. "My, my, impatient, aren’t you?"
"Riley," she ground through her teeth, "…you are starting to piss me off. And if you don’t…" she trailed off, when his tongue touched the skin just above the hem of her panties.
Riley smiled, glad that she had shut up. He was sure that if he didn’t move things along sooner, that she would demonstrate her slayer strength and have him on his back in mere seconds. If there was one thing that you *never* denied Buffy it was her sexual pleasure. No, no, no.
He remembered instances when he’d gotten hurt trying to prolong her climaxes or even when he took his time making sure that he touched or tasted every inch of her body. They weren’t serious injuries: she’d bang his head against the headboard, or the footboard, or claw him with her fingernails. He actually welcomed the bodily harm that she inflicted on him; it was worth it.
He returned his attention to the woman in front of him. Hooking his fingers in the sides of her panties, he slowly eased them down her legs, kissing each inch of her that he divulged in the process. He slipped her panties from her ankles, setting them beside him on the floor. He pulled her legs over his shoulders, moving his head ever so slowly to her moistened core, spotting the evidence of her arousal. He dipped his head, breathing heavily against her.
"Riley!" she screamed. He laughed then gave her what she’d been wanting. His tongue contacted when her femininity and she arched her back. His tongue slipped around her lips before touching her warm core. He felt her shudder, then as he sped up the thrusts of his tongue, Buffy began wiggling and bucking about.
God, she tastes great. He had almost forgotten how good it felt…not only to give her this much pleasure, but to find her warm and wet and ready, knowing that all of it was for him. Her wiggling to get away from him became more amorous, so he took her clit into his mouth and began to suck. He started very gently just to calm her down but then he gave her more.
She began shifting around, trying to get more, trying to push his head further into her, and then she let out a loud scream and it couldn’t be helped, he bit her. What more could he do? If he let her yell like he knew she could, she would wake the sleeping children upstairs.
Then her whole body froze, and she came. She was still bucking and mewling about under him as he drank her in. He then, dug his fingers into her warm thighs so as to keep her still.
Breaking the contact with her, he looked up, his eyes meeting hers. "If you don’t stop moving I am going to hurt you."
Her eyes darkened as she cocked her head to the side. "Oh, you will. What’s the big bad solider gonna do to me?" she asked, a wicked smirk playing at her lips.
Raising up on his forearms, he moved toward her on the sofa. "I am going to do *stuff* to you. Stuff that’ll have you screaming," he paused, burying his head in the crook of her neck, nipping the skin he found there between his teeth. "Stuff that’ll have you lamenting, that’ll make you cum so hard you’ll see stars."
She pushed him away. "Well, then soldier boy, show me *exactly* what you plan on doing to me. I want my punishment *now*." She stood up, grabbed Riley’s hands, and pushed him down onto the sofa. Climbing onto his lap, she straddled him.
Running her hands down his arms, over his chest, she asked, "So, soldier boy, are you gonna do something to me or are you just gonna sit here and stare at…me?" she asked, a smile creeping across her lips as she felt a stiffening beneath her. "Well, hmm, that’s interesting. What should we do about that?" she asked him, her fingers dancing down his chest. She pulled open his pajama pants, taking his member flat in her palm, enclosing her fist around it. "It’s now…or never."
He wanted her so badly and he was so hard, which Buffy knew and yet here she was…on his lap no less, her thighs nestled over his damn erection. She should’ve known better than doing that! So, here they sat, his throbbing cock nestled between her warm thighs, wanting desperately to slip inside her and she wanted to chitchat. Well, there would be none of that. Grasping her by the back of the neck, he pulled her head down, engaging her in a passionate kiss, her hands snaking their way around his neck.
Before she knew what was happening, Riley was pushing her back. He held her against his chest with one arm, feeling around for the floor with the other. He guided her onto the floor, then quickly, he disposed himself of his pajama pants. Bracing himself at her entrance, he leaned down for one more kiss, this more delicate and shorter, than the others were, before he sheathed himself inside her.
Her nails dug into his shoulders as he slid into her. For so long, they hadn’t been here…like this and she’d gotten used to the feeling. She had forgotten the feel of him, the depth of him. But it felt so irresistibly wonderful. He looked down at her. "Maybe this wasn’t a good idea."
What the hell was he saying? This was a great idea and he had been the one who had initiated it. Not her…him. Mr. Cool. Mr. Casual. Mr. I-Can-Go-to-Iowa-for-an-Entire-Summer-and-do-without-sex. "Why wouldn’t it be?" she asked him, wrapping her arms, tightly around his neck, guiding his lips down to meet hers.
He moved away from her lips. "Because we’re being unsafe, Buffy. This could have everlasting consequences. Do you want to deal with that?" he asked her.
"Well, do you want to move and go searching for a condom in a married couple’s house? I doubt that you’ll find one as I’ll doubt that you’ll move."
He laughed, shaking his head. "You’re terrible."
"You love me."
He smoothed back her hair. "I am not denying that, but you are terrible, and I am rather enjoying it."
"Well, there. Now, shut up and let’s get this party started." With an evil grin, she knotted her ankles around Riley’s waist, pulling him farther into her. What more could she do? He was on top, of course, but that’s where she rathered him. He grabbed her hands, pulling them above her head, entwining their fingers as he began to thrust into her.
For the first few strokes, she lay still, enjoying the feel of him, rubbing against her chest, the friction between their two bodies driving them. She couldn’t believe how long she’d waited to be with him. She’d wasted so much time…over what? Her fear, what his brother said, the fact that she almost cheated on him. None of that mattered now. All that mattered was him…them, and here, now.
Oh, God…Oh, fuck, he felt…so good. He was keeping his strokes short and fast and she wasn’t sure how much longer he would be able to hold out so she held on for as long as it would last. Three months of built up tension could do a lot…yet a little for a guy.
Her legs suddenly became weak and she couldn’t hold them around his waist anymore, so they fell from around him, hitting the floor. His thrusts became frenzied and he began searching for release. She could feel the sputterings in her stomach. The aching had stopped, now it was the total sense of fulfillment, she just needed…Her walls contracted against him…and she came, her nails digging into his arms, breathing his name.
He slowed his thrusts as she came. When he was about ready to curse, he felt the tightening in his groin and he knew that he was on the verge as well. His lips met hers once again as he released, exploding into her with wave after wave of powerful sensations. Collapsing on her chest, his breathing ragged, he clung close to her, their bodies creating a slick median.
Buffy hugged Riley tight as they came down from the high of their climaxes. She ran her fingers over the damp skin of his back, then up into his tangled hair, mussed by her fingers running incessantly through it.
After regaining his strength, Riley pushed himself up on his forearms, staring straight down into those green eyes that were responsible for seducing him, that held so much love. He leaned down, kissing her lips, softly, more deeply, not with as much passion as his previous kisses. As much as he tried to keep it like it was, sweet and gentle, Buffy forced it into everything that he didn’t want it to be. But as her tongue swept into his mouth, he realized that his body was once again reacting to her. He pulled her against his chest and bounded upstairs to the bedroom, slamming the door and locking it behind them.
Sunnydale, 2000
They were still holding hands as they headed back to the apartment. Buffy’s entire personality had changed in a matter of seconds. Despite the fact that she’d become awfully touchy and that she kept kissing him, it was scaring him. Okay, so it wasn’t really scaring him as much as it was upsetting him.
He had to wonder if it was the booze getting to her or maybe that she was getting a kick out of seeing him turn into a panting puppy at her feet. He didn’t know what it was that now had her acting like this, but he didn’t like it one bit.
They had decided to take a detour near the beach and were now walking along the pier. Buffy had long since become extremely quiet, which had given him time to put things into perspective. He made a lot of decisions during her silence the biggest that there was no way that he was going to let her take him for a ride. She’d done that for seven goddamn years.
Not knowing what else to do, he did the only thing that he could do: he started an argument. He’d meant for it to be the beginning of a conversation, but it hadn’t come out the way he’d intended. "So, do you know any good lawyers?" He caught her worried look. "I know I don't. We'll need to look into them once we get back. I mean, why stay together longer than we have to. We both want this marriage over."
Here she was willing to let him back in, to confess about everything that she’d done and hadn’t done and he was gung ho for divorce, ready to throw in the towel. Well, that was fine with her, then. If he wanted a divorce, then she'd sure as hell give him one. "I'm sure Emmy could recommend one or even Bryant. I think his brother is one." Why'd she say that? Why did she bring Bryant into the conversation?
He'd dropped the line, but hadn't expected her to bite on it. "There’s a lot that we’ll have to settle amongst ourselves. Mainly and most important is what we're going to do about the twins. Their welfare is the most important thing to me."
"And it isn’t to me? They are my entire world, Riley."
"As I once was…" he felt the muscles in his jaw began to flex. He so didn’t need to get mad right now so he’d have to postpone it. "Are we going to have joint custody? Will they live with you? Or me? I’ll tell you one thing, Buffy, I sure as hell won’t have another man raising *my* children. If you get remarried that’s one thing, but Logan and Kennedy are my children."
She understood that. She hadn’t event thought about remarriage; she hadn’t even thought about divorce! But she had absolutely no intentions of remarrying. Hell, she didn’t even know if she was going to be able to let Riley go…Like Spike had once said, it was just ‘tough guy talk’. That’s all it was. It was a good plan in her head, but it sucked once it was on paper.
He shouldn’t be attacking her like this, but there was no going back now. He’d have to see this conversation through. "Have you thought about any of that? Remarriage and where the twins will wind up?"
"Noooo," she drowned out. She stopped walking. "I haven't got past the 'divorce' part, Riley. But the twins will be with me. They *have* to be with their mother."
He dropped her hand. "Oh, they *have* to be? I don’t think their lives will cease to exist if they don’t live with you, Buffy, but you need to think about what you are going to do after the divorce. You're the one who wants the divorce anyhow. I was sure that you'd have your entire strategy mapped out by now. I thought that Bryant would've already proposed and that you two were--" he stopped when Buffy interrupted him.
"There's a lot that Bryant and I are, but engaged, we're not. We're both married and," she nearly choked on the words, "he still loves his wife. He doesn't want to leave her. When I told him that I was leaving you he told me not to expect him to do the same." She was getting good at the lying game; now they just came rolling off her tongue.
"Well, you sure know how to pick them, don't you, Buffy? I mean, you had Angel who loved you with every part of him. He let you go even though it hurt him to, leaving you open to have a normal life, a normal relationship, then when you finally have everything you dream of…" He stopped to take a breath. "I gave you everything that I could. I did my best for you. I loved you with every inch of my soul, hoping that would be enough, but I guess a guy's gotta make you miserable and be out of your reach to please you."
Before she realized what had happened, her hand had contacted hard with Riley's cheek. "Damn you, Riley!" she whispered to him, then turned on her heel and started walking away. It was only a moment before Riley caught up to her. He grabbed her arms, willing her around to face him, but she pushed him away.
"I'll have you know that I loved and cherished everything that you gave to me. You gave me things that I thought I could never have. More importantly, you gave me Logan and Kennedy. You treated me with respect and love…I just wished that you wouldn't have wasted all these years on me, Riley. You shouldn't have had to waste that on someone that didn't…"
His eyes were focused on the ground, but the way her voice suddenly became scratchy he had a feeling that he knew what she was going to say. "Say it, Buffy. I know you were going to anyway. I think it'll be easier for everyone if you say it. Be honest for one goddamn time in your life why don't you!"
She let the words out in nothing but a whisper even though they held no honesty at all: "…that didn't ever love you." She regretted saying them almost immediately.
She saw the muscles in his jaw contract. She hated to watch the way his jaw clenched; it only clenched when he was upset. She hated herself for doing that to him, but what more could she do?
He threw his hands up in the air. "Everytime I try to understand you…you are like a damn puzzle, Buffy. Everytime I get one piece in place, the entire thing comes tumbling down and I have to start all over. I don’t even know why the hell I try. I thought tonight had gone great. You’d even kissed me."
She snickered at him. "I guess you could say that I was caught up in the moment, Riley. It happens to us all at one time or another." She took a deep breath. "Look, I don’t want to fight and I don’t want to keep throwing things in your face…I had a great time tonight. I thought you did, too, so why are you attacking me?"
He ran his fingers through his hair, keeping his back to her. "Because Buffy…the way you were acting tonight…it was…We acted like we used to act…" he said, leaning against the rail of the pier, staring out over the ocean, watching the waves crash against the pilings.
She walked toward him, stopping beside him, but not reaching out to touch him. She’d done enough touching and that was probably what set him off. "How were we acting, Riley? Like a couple that enjoys each other’s company? Like a couple who have always been good friends? A couple that just wanted to go out and have a good time? There was nothing wrong with our behavior tonight, Riley."
He turned to face her. She could see the tears rimming his eyes, threatening to spool down his cheeks and it sent quivers throughout her entire body. His voice cracked as he began to talk. "No, Buffy *our* behavior was not wrong. *Yours* was. I had managed to close you out of my heart and accept that things would never be the same between us again. I accepted your affair, the divorce and the knowledge that you no longer loved me or wanted me, but after tonight…" he turned back around. "I’m so fucking confused…you have me so goddamn confused."
She put a hand on his shoulder, "Riley, I never meant to…" she started to say. She hated seeing him hurting especially when it was she who was responsible, but she had no idea what she could tell him. The truth? But what would that solve? Telling him the truth would only cause more heartache for the both of them and make him hate her even more. She couldn’t live with that.
He pushed her hand away. "No, Buffy. Just leave me alone. I need to get a few things straight." He took a deep, steadying breath. "I’ll meet you back home." Then, he moved past her and headed down the pier. Once she couldn’t see him anymore, she fell onto a bench, her head falling into her hands, tears falling like rain. This was all her fault…
He had no idea what to do how to fix things, make her see reason. If there was a reason for her to see. It was over. He understood that now. There was no going back at all. He had to face the fact that he’d lost Buffy forever.
There was no winning her back. Even here…even being in this world, her feelings for him were still the same.
Shoving his hands into his pockets, he realized that he had no idea where he was, but he really didn’t care. He needed time to think and clear his head about everything. After their reconciliation all those years ago, after the aftermath of Randa, he had promised her, actually they had promised each other, that nothing would keep them apart again for so long…lo and behold look what happened.
It was partly his fault, though. Willow had been right. What had he been thinking leaving his pregnant wife alone with two small children? Was he brain-using deficient? He’d been so blinded by hearing that his dad had had a heartattack that that had been the only thing he’d thought about. He’d honestly thought that Buffy would be safe in San Francisco. Giles had encouraged her to go, not wanting her to be alone with him out of town and having her with her mom, eased his mind a little bit.
He had called her twice a day to check up on her and to tell her how things were going in Huxley. Even after her brief stay in the hospital, she had kept mum about the accident when he’d called. He’d asked how the baby was and how she was feeling and she would lie and say that she was fatigued and all that normal pregnancy stuff.
Why hadn’t he thought of it before? If Buffy could lie about that, she was capable of lying about anything…everything, else. Looking up, he realized that he was just a block away from St. Marc’s Church. Figuring that it wouldn’t hurt to get some *good* advice, he headed for the church.
He swung open the heavy wooden door, hit by the holy water smell of the church. He walked in, dipped his fingers into the bowl of holy water and did the sign of the cross as he made his way to the confessional booths at the front of the church.
Stepping inside he took a deep breath, listening as the little door opened up and the priest spoke softly, saying, "What burdens you, child?"
He debated with himself for a few moments whether to stay and confess or to just run and live with the guilt, but the only way to get absolution was to confess, so confess he did. "Forgive me, father for I have sinned. It’s been…" he thought for a few minutes, "…one month since my last confession."
He sighed, heavily. "I don’t know what to do father. My marriage…it’s in ruins. My wife…she confessed to me that she’s been having an affair and I don’t know whether to believe her and do as she wishes and abandon her, our children, our marriage or fight for us."
"Do you love this woman?"
Simple question. Simple answer. "Very much…but she has told me that she doesn’t reciprocate. How could I live with her day in and day out knowing that?"
"My young son, there’s not very much you can do. If she says that she no longer loves you and that she has found love with another, then you have hit a dead end. She has not only failed you, but she has also failed the God that looked upon you when you pledged your love to one another. Do you know why she took solace in the arms of another?"
Did he know? Not exactly, but somewhat. "Well, I don’t know for sure, but a few months ago she had a miscarriage…it really tore her up inside. I think that maybe she found comfort with someone else because being with me reminded her of the child we lost." Even though it wasn’t my child, he thought.
"From the way you speak of her it sounds as if your love for her is still quite strong despite what she has done to you."
"It is…"
"There is something else plaguing you. The Lord does not frown upon you if you’ve made mistakes for they can be righted and forgiven. Go on with your confession," the priest instructed.
Here goes nothing…"Father, I violated her in a way that I don’t think can be forgiven. The morning that she confessed everything to me, I was so upset that I came very close to taking advantage of her. If there was a chance that we could repair our marriage, I don’t think I would be able to touch her again knowing what I could have done."
"My son, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You didn’t go through with that and hearing the regret in your voice, I know that you are indeed sorry for what you did and could have done to her, but what counts most is that you controlled yourself. You didn’t go through with the act and for that you will be able to be forgiven."
The priest gave him his penance then sent him on his way. As he left the church, he didn’t feel as sorry for himself, but still regretted that day. As he made his way home, he knew that there was a chance that Buffy wouldn’t forgive him for that day…
Graham was sitting at the kitchen table, staring at the bottle of whiskey in front of him, when Riley walked in later that morning. Riley looked at Graham, sighed, then sat down in front of his best friend. Playing with the napkin dispenser in the middle of the table, he asked, "How is she?"
Graham sat forward in his chair, folding his arms on the table. "Upset. She’s been crying since she got back. She told me what happened between the two of you. The dancing, the kisses, the groping, and the fight on the pier. She told me everything. I think more than she wanted to tell me." He looked down at his hands, and then his eyes met those of his friend. "She’s hurting, Ri. I mean, seriously hurting. Willow had to go in there and put some sort of spell on her to get her to go to calm down and go to sleep."
Riley slid out of his chair and walked down the hall to her bedroom. Pushing open the door he saw her lying in bed. Her long, blonde hair was splayed across the snow-white pillow, her face still wet with her tears. Riley could feel Graham behind him. "I never meant to hurt her and I regret everything that I told her…What did she tell you, Graham? I need to know *exactly* what she told you," he whispered to Graham, his eyes still focused on the beautiful girl in the bed.
Graham slid past Riley into the room. He sat down beside Buffy, smoothing back her hair, saying, "You know I can’t betray any confidences, Riley. Buffy trusted me enough to tell me things…things that she couldn’t tell anyone else, you especially. Give her time and she’ll tell you. I’m sure." He slid back off the bed, pulling the sheets to her chest, making a face when he accidentally touched her breast. He bent down to kiss her softly on the cheek before standing and pushing Riley out of the room, following him out.
Once back in the kitchen, he told his friend, "Riley, I understand that you’re hurt by what she did tonight…she knows it, too, but what she won’t tell anyone, me, Willow, or you, especially you, is that she wants you."
Riley shook his head. "No, Graham, she doesn’t. She’s made it perfectly clear to me that she doesn’t want me, our marriage or any of it. She even said that she never loved me, Graham."
Graham spun around, closed the space that separated him from Riley and jabbed his friend once, very hard, in the jaw. "If you believe that shit than you really don’t deserve her. Dammit, Riley, do you think that if she didn’t love you that she would’ve been so crushed when she lost your baby." He watched as Riley opened his mouth to speak, but glaring at him, Riley closed it. "Good. I know you were going to remind me that she told you that it wasn’t yours, but she was lying, even I knew that."
A look of confusion washed over Riley’s face. Graham grabbed his arm, leading him into the living him. Throwing him down onto the sofa, Graham sat down on the coffee table in front of him. "You’ve been with Buffy for over eight years, Riley. You can’t tell me that you believe this shit that she’s been telling you. If you do then you’re more pathetic than I thought."
"Oh, so I’m pathetic because I believe my wife when she tells me that she’s having an affair? Graham, I’ve worked seven long years with her to trust her and vice versa. We’d gotten to the point where there were absolutely no lies between us…up until the miscarriage, anyway."
He sat back against the sofa. "Before then things were great. We went to dinner by ourselves twice a month. After the twins went to bed we would stay up and dance in the den. We would make love…and it was great…magical." A smile crept across his lips.
"She would fuss over the small stuff: I would forget my briefcase and she’d drive all the way across town in her p.j.’s to bring it to me. If I didn’t push the chair in after I got up from the table. If I’d leave wet towels on the floor of the bathroom and even if I used her razor to shave…little indefinite things."
Graham watched the smile that passed across Riley’s face. "When she did that stuff, I loved her for it, but it would get annoying…some of it, but yet, when she didn’t do it, things weren’t the same. I miss that."
Graham used that moment to slap him upside the head. "Then, fight for her, dammit. I know you love her. You wouldn’t be this upset and melodramatic about it if you didn’t and I know that she loves you, too, even though she won’t admit it. Buffy wouldn’t have stayed with you had she not loved you."
Riley jumped off the sofa. "I don’t know if I could open myself up to her again or even if she could do it." He stopped to look up at his best friend. "Did she tell you that I almost raped her?" Graham shook his head. "I had been so furious at her. She’d told me a lot of stuff, mainly that she was leaving me for that scmuck that she was screwing and I don’t know…something inside of me just snapped. I don’t know what came over me, Graham. I wasn’t myself. I was irrational, but when she told me that she didn’t love me, everything came to me, then."
The words were already formed on his tongue so he just spat them out. "But you stopped, right?" Graham asked.
Riley turned around his eyes stone cold. "Yes, God, I don’t think I could stand to be around her if I had. I don’t want to lose her, Graham, but I feel as if I already have," he said, leaning against the wall, slowly lowering himself to the floor.
Graham walked to sit beside Riley. "You haven’t lost her, Riley. I think that she thinks that she’s lost you. You two just have to remember how much you love one another. It’ll be a few days before Giles gets those books for us to figure out the mystery that brought you here so until then, I suggest you spend as much time with her as possible." With that said, Graham stood up and walked out of the living room back down the hall to Willow’s room.
After debating for a few minutes between the sofa and Buffy’s room, Riley settled that he would go to Buffy. He quietly eased himself through the door, not wanting to wake her. He walked around to his side of the bed; the side that she wasn’t sleeping on was entitled as his side, stripped down to his boxers, then climbed into bed beside her.
He lay on his side, drinking in her beauty. Her fair complexion, her feather soft, honey blonde hair, those full, inviting, lips. He loved every inch of her; missed every inch of her as well. How could he make them right? Could they get back the romance, the love that they’d once had? More importantly was Graham right? Did Buffy still love him and had she been lying about everything?
Scooting closer to her, he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer, holding her close as he drifted off to sleep.
Sunnydale (Well, on the way there, at least), 2007
"Take a left here…I think," Joyce said, referring to the map. She actually had no idea where they were. The map wasn’t too accurate and it had been a while since she’d been to Buffy and Riley’s and it didn’t help things that Giles had decided to take one of his ‘shortcuts’. There hadn’t been anything short about the cut.
Giles pulled onto the shoulder, put the car in park, then snatched the map away from his wife. "Do you know how to read this bloody thing?" he asked her, trying to make sense of the map in his hands.
Joyce rolled her eyes, looking out the window at the cars whizzing past them on the highway. "No, Rupert, I *have* no idea how to read a map. If you hadn’t took that shortcut we wouldn’t be stuck in the middle of nowhere trying to figure out how the hell to get to Sunnydale. This is all *your* fault. I blame it entirely on you."
His eyes widened as he looked at her. "It’s my fault, is it? Well, you were the gnat in my ear, yelling, ‘Hurry, Rupert. I want to get to Sunnydale to see Buffy. Take the shortest route possible.’ I specifically remember you saying that."
Her head whipped around to face him. "Oh, you are so petty. Where’s my phone? Maybe Spike could give us directions." Giles let out a deep sigh as he handed her his cell phone. Why oh why did he agree to join her on this vacation of sorts to visit Buffy and Riley? That’s what phones were for.
Sunnydale, 2007
Since their night together both Buffy and Riley had been all smiles. They’d longed for a repeat of that night, but couldn’t since the twins had slept with them the past few nights due to nightmares on both their parts. So, they’d been forced to lie next to one another without touching or anything else. And it had killed them both.
So, here they sat across from each other at the breakfast table, calmly eating cereal while staring at each other as they played footsie underneath the table. Every once in a while she’d tease him and her foot would wind up between his legs and he’d shoot her a look that would send tremors throughout her body.
She looked to her left where Kennedy was sloshing her Cheerios around in her bowl, then to her right where Logan is doing the exact same thing. Wrenching her foot from Riley, she told the twins, "If you’re finished you can go into the living room." They immediately sprang from the table and ran into the living room.
After they were gone, Riley slid out of his chair, stalking around the table to meet her. She jumped out of her seat to heed him, but it didn’t work; he was faster than she was. He had her backed against the wall in no time, plundering her mouth with his, his hands moving all over her body.
Having an urge to touch him, her hands flattened against his chest, realizing at that moment how hot his body was. "You know you’re really hot," she told him between kisses.
"Hard, too," he breathlessly breathed out against her neck as he began nipping at the tender skin there. He wanted her bad and he really didn’t want to wait another minute to ravish her. "Now," he finally said, "I want you now."
She didn’t put up a fight as he scooped her into his arms and carried her upstairs, first making sure that the twins were fully occupied by the television. Since they were they quickly ascended the stairs where Riley practically ran to the bedroom. He set her on her feet so that he could shut and lock the door. By the time he turned around she was fumbling with the buttons of her nightshirt. In a fit of passion, he bunched the shirt in his fists, and yanked hard, sending buttons flying everywhere. "Hey! That was my favorite shirt!"
He smiled sheepishly, shrugging his shoulders. "I am not going to say that I am sorry because I’m *really* not," he confessed as he pushed her down onto the bed. He grabbed the bottom of her pajama pants, pulling them off quickly, throwing them behind his shoulder, and delighting in the fact that she wasn’t wearing any underwear. "Well, hmm, this is different."
"Riley," she said as she began pushing down his boxers, "I really don’t feel like chitchatting. Can we just…?" It was a silent plea, which he immediately obliged her on.
Buffy and Riley both groaned as he claimed and filled her. They soon found a torturously fast rhythm each losing themselves in the other. The only things that could be heard were soft whispers of devotion, the slapping of their skin, moving together as one, and their panting. Just as Buffy was nearing orgasm the doorbell rang. Riley stopped driving into her, his head falling onto her chest. "What the fuck? It’s only eight o’clock in the morning!"
She listened as Riley began cursing like a sailor on top of her. She thought it was kinda sweet and sexy. Never interrupt a man on a hard on. She couldn’t help but smile. "I guess we’ll have to pick this up later, huh?" he asked her.
"Most definitely." He slid out and off of her and began tossing her clothes to her. He slid back on his boxers, not enjoying the ‘unfulfilled’ feeling. He watched as she scooped her shirt off the floor. "You know, if I didn’t love you so much, I’d hate you for destroying my shirt," she said, as there was a knock on the door. That knock was followed by another knock, which happened to be insistent pounding.
"Mom! Mom! Open the door! Hurry! Mom! Dad! Open! Hurry! Hurry!" they heard Logan yell. Buffy hurriedly finished dressing, nodding to Riley who was already waiting by the door, his hand poised on the doorknob.
Throwing open the door, his jaw dropped, figuratively, of course, to the floor at what stood in front of him. Who would be more accurate though. Logan and Kennedy were there, in the arms of Graham and Willow who were smiling pridefully at them. "Look, Mommy! You don’t have to be sad anymore cuz Aunt Willow and Uncle Graham are back."
Buffy exchanged knowing glances with Riley, somehow knowing that their farce as leading the lives of Buffy and Riley were about over.
Sunnydale, 2007
Logan and Kennedy slid off of Graham and Willow, bounding downstairs. Once they were gone, Buffy said, "Oh, my, God! What are you guys doing here?" Buffy wrapped her arms around her best friend; not willing to say how inopportune the time was for she and Graham to stop by.
Willow hugged Buffy tightly, a tear slipping down her cheek at finally being able to see her best friend again. Though, still mad at Buffy for what she was doing to Riley, despite Riley’s being there and the two looking awfully flushed, Willow held onto the moment as long as possible.
Wiping away the tears that she had shed, Willow stepped back, grabbing Graham’s hand. "Let’s go downstairs," Buffy said. Following Graham and Willow downstairs, they found not only their two kids, but also Graham’s and Willow’s along with Emmy and Matt and their kids. "What’s going on?" Buffy asked as Emmy and Matt stood up.
"We all need to talk, Buffy," Emmy said matter-of-factly, walking into the kitchen.
Riley grabbed her hand, leading her into the kitchen. Lifting her by the waist, he deposited her on the countertop, then jumped up beside her since all the chairs at the table were taken and, besides, they had gotten accustomed to sitting on the counter.
"So," Riley said, slapping his hands together, "what’s the unofficial pow wow all about? Cuz you know it’s *extremely* early in the morning and we didn’t fathom all of you barging in on us. Hope this is for something worthwhile and not that you had wanted to invite us out for coffee, if which the answer is no."
Graham slid out of his seat, moving to stand in front of Buffy and Riley, his arms folded across his chest. "Do you two wanna tell us what is going on?" Graham asked them, watching as Riley grabbed Buffy’s hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing it softly.
Graham watched in awe. Throwing his hands up in the air, then running them through his dark brown hair, he asked, "Okay, I am utterly confused. What the *hell* is going on here?"
"Why Graham, whatever do you mean?" Buffy asked in a silly singsong voice, taking her hand from Riley’s lips. They didn’t need to get distracted.
"Don’t play dumb with me you two. Something fishy is going on here. Emmy and Matt informed us on your little inept marriage situation. So, I wonder how in the world can you two go from nearly separated to fucking on the couch…" he trailed off, glancing at Willow and Emmy who both turned bright shades of red and turned around in their seats.
Riley dropped Buffy’s hand, jumping off the counter. Standing in front of Graham, he had the man backed into the wall in no time. "How did you know about that?"
Graham smirked at him. "You left the damn curtains open. I’m probably not the only one who saw what the two of you were doing." Graham looked at Buffy, smiling. "You know, Buff, you haven’t changed much since college." Seeing Riley seething, he decided not to add anything pertaining to her supple breasts.
Buffy hopped off the counter, standing beside Riley. "So, this little meeting has to do with *that*? What two people can’t have sex anymore? Is that it?" Buffy fumed.
Emmy slid out of her chair. "No, it’s not about that, Buffy. It’s just that *this*," Emmy said, gesturing to her and Riley, "…is a little perplexing. One moment you’re telling me that it’s best for him to be as far away from you as possible, then the next you’re as close to him as two people can possibly be…I just don’t understand it. And Willow and Graham didn’t understand it either. It’s like you’re not even yourselves."
As soon as the words tumbled from Emmy’s mouth Buffy and Riley looked at each other, which both Graham and Willow saw. Graham pulled Willow out of her chair, then told Buffy and Riley to follow him, leading them out the backdoor into the backyard. "Okay, what is going on, Riley? What was that look about? There’s something going on here that you’re not telling us."
Riley looked down at Buffy. "Well, I guess they have a right to know. If Spike knows, then they should." Buffy nodded her approval. "We’re not exactly the Buffy and Riley from here."
"Excuse me?" Graham and Willow repeated in unison.
"Apparently, there’s been some universe switcheroo," Buffy began to explain. "I began having visions of this time…so Willow did a spell on me and the next thing I know I’m a wife and a mommy and I’m in 2007 instead of 2000."
Graham stepped forward, searching Buffy’s face. She wasn’t joking. "You’re not kidding."
Buffy shook her head. "I wish. When we got here, Buffy and Riley’s marriage was a sheer wreck. She told him that she was having an affair and I’m pretty sure if you talked to Emmy that you know all about so it I am not going to go back through it. To cut a long story short, we’re not the ones from this world."
Graham walked a few feet away, scratching his head. He had just accepted the fact that his friends were divorcing, and now *this* gets thrown at him. How was he supposed to take that? The people that he’d waited three long years to see were suddenly in another dimension or universe or whatever and the people that he’d known when he was twenty-three had taken their places.
You’d think battling the forces of evil for nearly a decade or at least helping to battle them, would help prepare him to hear anything absurd or out of the ordinary. Though, he’d lived away from the Hellmouth for almost four years; away from the weird occurrences and extraordinary.
Willow took on the voice of reason as she always did, in either world. "Do you know how you got here? Or how to get back?" Willow asked them, grabbing Graham’s hand to steady him.
Riley shook his head as Buffy let go of his hand, walking to the twins’ swingset a few feet away. Watching, she sat on one of the swings and started twisting herself around. He wondered what was up with her. As he turned his full attention back to Willow, explaining or beginning to explain how the switch took place, Graham moved along toward Buffy.
"Hey, Buff. You okay?" he asked, squatting down in front of her, his hands resting on her knees, his eyes, on her breasts.
She shrugged her shoulders. "Just a little embarrassed that you guys saw Riley and I doing, you know, what we were doing." Her head fell into her hands. "That is just so…God, I feel so…cheap."
Graham squeezed her knee softly. "You’re not cheap. Not even close to clearance rack or on sale for five percent off. You’re priceless, Buff. You couldn’t be cheap or look cheap or act cheap even if you wanted to." He leaned in closer. "But, tell me something. It was good, wasn’t it?"
Appalled by Graham, she smiled as she kicked him back. "Graham Miller! I am outraged that you would ask something so crude as that." She thought for a moment. "But, to be truthful, it was wonderful."
"Ah-ha!" Graham implored, pointing a finger in her face.
Buffy frowned at him. "Ah-ha? What the hell is that ‘ah-ha’ about, Graham?" she asked him, the smile still plastered on her face.
He was about to tell her exactly where his train of thought had been leading him, but that was cut off by the appearance of Riley and Willow behind him. He stood up, brushing off his ass, which now probably had grass stains on his new Levis. He was so going to get her back. Good ammo was teasing her about seeing her breasts. He felt his lips curl into a smile just thinking about it.
Riley wrapped an arm around Buffy, pulling her close. "Willow is going to try to get a hold of Xander and everyone in L.A. also Giles, too, so that we can start to figure out how exactly we got here."
Buffy nodded. Although, she wasn’t sure that she wanted to go home. She could get used to living a life where she was Riley’s wife and the mother of his children. Though, her only reason for going back would be to experience getting married, going on a honeymoon, and giving birth to her children for herself. Plus, Buffy had made so many mistakes that she wanted to right…
Sunnydale, 2000
Willow came awoke slowly; realizing that something was tickling the skin of her back. Her eyes flew open, her head turning slightly, spotting Graham sitting next to her, a long stemmed red rose in his hand. "Morning," he whispered, before leaning over to kiss her lightly on the lips.
She blinked a few times to better focus. "What are you up to?" she asked him as she turned over. Her eyes drifted to the clock that read eleven o’clock, but before she could have a freak attack, Graham was straddling her waist, pinning her down to the bed.
Nuzzling her neck, he whispered, "I am up to nothing. I swear." He smiled against her neck and bit her softly. "I figured that since we have the apartment to ourselves today, we could do whatever we wanted."
Willow abruptly sat up. "What do you mean we have the apartment to ourselves today? Where are Buffy and Riley?" she asked him.
He took her hands in his, kissing each softly before meeting her gaze. "Riley took Buffy out today." He watched as her eyes widened. "Down to the beach for a picnic. Don’t worry they’ll be fine."
"Graham, no, they won’t be fine. One of them will wind up coming back dead! How could you let them leave?" she asked him, pushing him off of her, holding the sheet close to her body.
Graham fell back against the pillows. "I didn’t *let* them go, Will. They were gone before I got up. They left a note for us, telling us not to worry and that they’d be back this afternoon."
He watched as she bit her bottom lip. "Now, to me, at least, this is a blessing in disguise because we can do whatever we want with them gone." Taking her offguard, he jumped off the bed, pulled her into his arms, then flung her backward onto the bed, making her careen back in a fit of giggles.
He pushed her red hair behind her ear as his fingertips brushed softly against her rosy cheeks. "I just worry about them, Graham. I mean, I know the past few days they’ve been spending time together and I’ve been happy, but Buffy is still keeping her head straight about leaving him or having him leave or whatever. I don’t want the years to go by and have to worry about my friends’ marriage ending in divorce."
He lifted her chin. "You have nothing to worry about. They’ll realize what they’re missing soon enough." Graham inched his lips toward her. Lower…Lower…Lower…The ringing of the phone pierced the silence of their bedroom.
Willow fumbled behind her head for the phone. "Hello? Oh, Giles, hi. Nothing. Oh? Great. We’ll be there, then." She replaced the phone back on its cradle, then turned back to Graham. "We have to be at Giles’ tonight. The books just arrived so, research. So, we have time to…" she let the statement just hang in the air, waiting to see what Graham would do.
As expected, he threw the sheets over their bodies, saying, "Good. I’ll have you all to myself for a few hours."
They’d managed to find a secluded little strip of beach, where they could watch the waves hit the cliffs and where they could be alone. After a huge lunch and a long conversation about the years spent together, their happier times, they had fallen back on the blanket and fell asleep.
Buffy woke slowly, realizing at once that her head was in Riley’s lap. She opened her eyes to find that Riley was still asleep so she let him be. Sitting up she stared down at her husband for a few moments, then moved her hand to his face.
She traced the contours of his face, memorizing every crease, every wrinkle, every dimple. He moved to meet the caress of her hand. She leaned down, pressing her lips softly to his. Then, she stood up quietly, leaving Riley alone to sleep.
She sat down at the shore, watching as the sun began its decent beyond the horizon, thinking about the last few days. After that night on the pier, she’d taken things into a whole different perspective. The way things looked was that they would be stuck in this world for a while, so why had she been picking a fight with Riley every chance she got? She decided not to do that, but try to get along with him for the time being.
She knew that inevitably she would wind up being a slave to her feelings, and give herself to Riley. The way he’d been treating her the last few days…he was being so considerate and loving, much like he’d been before she’d dropped the bomb on him about her affair.
God, she missed him and the way things used to be between the two of them. Waiting for him to come home from work, showering together, watching him eat dinner, standing side by side at the kitchen sink as they did the dishes together, dancing in the den, being wrapped in his arms when they went to bed, and making love to him. She missed that more than anything.
She wanted all that back, she wanted him back, but she just didn’t know how to right the wrongs she’d made. She took full blame for her marriage being where it was, but she just wished she knew what to do or what to tell Riley to make it…
Strong arms circled her waist, his chin resting on her shoulder, and his legs falling next to hers in the sand. She needn’t have to move a muscle to know who it was. She’d been with him long enough, been wrapped in his arms so many times to count, that she knew the feel of him. "It’s beautiful, isn’t it?" Riley whispered in her ear.
She covered his hands with her own, leaning her head against his shoulder. "Yes, it is. It also drudges up a lot of memories." She unwrapped Riley’s arms from her waist, taking his hands, entwining their fingers together. "Remember those nights when we used to cuddle on the roof and watch the sunset?" she asked him.
"Yeah, I remember," he breathed against her neck. "Seems like a lifetime ago, though," he admonished. He remembered those nights just as plainly as he remembered every single, solitary intimate moment between them.
A few moments of silence proceeded Riley’s comment while Buffy was in silent contemplation. After a few minutes, she said, "Riley, do you think we’ll ever go home?" It had been scaring her the past few days thinking about now being able to see her kids again. What if Willow and Giles couldn’t get to the bottom of the switch? What happened to them then? Did they just stay here and live this life over again?
"I sure hope so."
She sighed, watching the waves crash against the shore. "It’s not that I am ready to go home. I like being with all my friends and…you, but I miss our kids. I’ve been worrying about them and having nightmares about them."
He turned her around in his arms so that they sat face to face. Brushing her blonde hair out of her face, he asked, "How come you didn’t tell me this sooner?"
She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly. "Because it wasn’t until last night that they scared the shit out of me. The last one, from last night…they were all alone at the house and they were calling out for us and crying. Spike showed up to get them, but as soon as he walked in the house, he burst into dust. Then, I see Laurel and she’s turning them, Riley." She fell into his arms.
He cradled her close, holding her tightly, wishing that he could whisper comforting words to her so that she wouldn’t worry, but the fact of the matter was that she was their mother; she would always worry. "They’re okay, Buffy. I’m sure that everything is fine."
"I just don’t like worrying, Riley. I’ve worried in the past and you said I was being too overprotective, but I’m not even in the same parallel as them! I want my life back, Riley. I want them…I want…" she stopped, realizing that she was showing him what her heart wanted.
"You want what, Buffy?" he asked her. From the picnic blanket they could hear the ringing of Graham’s cell phone that Riley had brought with them. He had wanted her to answer his question, but reluctantly he slid away from her and walked back to the picnic blanket to retrieve the phone. Flipping it open, he answered, "Hello? Oh, hey. Yeah, everything’s great. Uh-huh. Oh? Do we need to be there? You sure? Okay, uh-huh. Bye." He flipped the phone closed as Buffy stepped beside him.
"Who was that?"
"Graham. He and Will are going to Giles’ tonight. Giles got those books in and they called a serious research pow wow for tonight."
Her green eyes lit up. "What are we waiting for? Let’s get outta here and get over there," she said, dropping to her knees to pick up the remnants of the picnic. Riley halted her clean up by grabbing her wrist and pulling her to her feet.
"Graham said we needn’t worry about going. He said they have every end covered and that if they find anything we’ll be the first they contact. He said for us to just enjoy ourselves tonight."
Buffy fell onto the picnic blanket. "So, what do we do?" she asked him. Then, she got an idea. "Let’s go to that country club again." She watched as Riley’s face fell. "Oh, come on, Riley! We had fun."
He fell down beside her and was a little perturbed when she pulled his head into her lap. "I had fun, too, that night. More than you can imagine. I always have fun with you, but I think about what happened later and suddenly the night wasn't as fun."
She ran her fingers through his thick, dirty blonde hair. "I’m sorry about that, Riley. You know I would never toy with your emotions and make you think something was happening when it wasn’t. If I did, I’m sorry and I promise not to do it again."
"Look, Buffy, I won’t lie to you and tell you that I didn’t like the attention that you were giving me that night. I took it for all it was worth, but I think I misinterpreted what you were feeling, too. I know you don’t love me and I accept it, but you should know that I love you. No matter what…I always will."
Surprisingly, she bent down pressing her lips gently to his. "I wish I could reciprocate your feelings, Riley. Really I do and you deserve better than me. I think you were right. I am like Randa."
He sat up quickly. "You are *nothing* like Randa. When I said that…I wasn’t thinking. I was just lashing out at you and I never meant to say that. *Never*. I mean, yes, it hurt to know that you hurt me in the same way that she did and that you never loved me like she did…actually, maybe you are like her…Let’s just not talk about this anymore."
He stood up, holding his hand out to her. As he pulled her up, he saw her tear-streaked face. She wrapped her arms around his neck. "I never meant to hurt you, Riley. I just wanted you to know the…I just wanted you to know the truth." She pushed away from him and began picking up their picnic.
They walked hand in hand across the sand back to the car in silence. Staring out the window, Buffy focused on the passing scenery, tears falling unseen from her eyes. She couldn’t do it anymore. She couldn’t lie to him anymore. She didn’t like the animosity between them. She had to tell him…but how?
L.A., 2007
They were all gathered in Angel’s office after getting a very cryptic phone call from Angel that afternoon. He’d left the same message on each of their answering machines: "Get over here. Bring clothes for a few days. I’ll tell you when you get here."
So, here they all were gathered in Angel’s office, waiting for the vampire to show his face and tell them exactly what this was all about.
Cordelia snapped to the present, catching the tailend of Wesley and Xander’s argument. "…I particularly fancy Brandon with Kelly," Wesley told Xander.
Xander made a face, looking at Anya who shrugged her shoulders. "Kelly? Miss I’m-better-than-everyone-else-because-I-not-only-slept-with-my-best-friend’s-boyfriend-but-also-her-brother. Sorry, Wes, but I don’t agree with you there. It’s a toss up between Susan and Tracy."
Cordelia used that moment to butt in. "What the hell are you two talking about? And if it’s what I think it is, FYI, 90210 has been cancelled for years. What brought on the idiotic conversation about that?" she asked as the three boys ran in followed closely by Doyle.
Anya chose that as her cue to reprimand the conversation. "Xander was reading in the newspaper something about a new class of 90210 or something like that and knowing that Wesley was a big fan, he asked his opinion on it. Wesley said that he was a Melrose fan himself more than 90210 yet Wesley knew all of Dylan, Brandon, and Steve’s girlfriends in every which order and that was when the conversation about their favorites of each cast member’s steadies came into play." Anya finished out of breath.
"Look, Mom, Doyle bought me an ice cream," Brock informed her. She smiled sweetly at him as he ran off to inform Xander of his dairy treat. After telling Xander, Wesley and Cordy, Brock burst into Angel’s office, closing the door behind himself. "Uncle Angel, can I come in?" he asked.
Angel looked up from the book he was reading, regarding the toddler in the only way he knew how. He closed his book, then motioned Brock over to his desk, picking him up and depositing him in his lap. "Is everybody out there?" Angel asked him.
Brock nodded. "They’re cranky, too. Cordy keeps saying that if you don’t get out there soon she would stake you herself. That’s mean for her to say. You should bite her," Brock said happily.
Angel couldn’t help but laugh at the thought. Cordy a vampire? It did have its qualities and most were annoying. He placed Brock on his feet and together they walked out of his office. His friends stood up and before any questions could be asked, he said, "Buffy’s in trouble. We need to be in Sunnydale right away."
"I came all the way down here for the Slayer? I thought the all-powerful Buffy could handle her problems all by herself. What’s happened now that she needs our help?" Cordelia asked Angel.
Angel let out a deep, ragged breath. "It’s hard to explain. Willow could barely explain it to me, but the specifics are that Buffy needs help. And she’s our friend so we have to help her. But, you know, Cordy, if you want to stay here and take care of all the kids that’s fine by me. I’m sure Xander and Anya wouldn’t mind either."
Xander and Anya shook their heads profusely. "That would be fine with us," Xander said, pulling Anya against his chest.
Cordelia looked down at the three little boys who were smiling evilly at her. "No, uh, I’ll go. I’ve wanted to see Buffy anyway. Has anybody talked to her lately?" she asked. "She was supposed to come down last weekend to see the baby, but she didn’t."
"Yeah, she was supposed to. I wonder if anything happened…" Xander and Cordy looked at Angel. "Did something happen, Angel?" Xander asked him.
Angel remained silent. What Willow had told him had seemed like it could happen, but he’d never heard of alternate universe switching. But if it indeed had happened, magic surely was involved. "Look guys, Willow just semi filled me in. We’ll find out everything when we get there tonight. We’re closing up shop for a few days so that we can be of help to Buffy and Riley."
Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Is this about rescuing her so you’ll feel superior to that husband of hers? Cuz you know it could happen since their marriage hasn’t been so great lately."
"Cordy!" Anya, Wesley, and Xander yelled at her. They all knew of Buffy’s pregnancy, the miscarriage and the problems with her marriage; all of them except Angel. Buffy hadn’t wanted him to know. They hadn’t asked any questions about her request, but kept it from Angel.
Angel stood up straight. "What do you mean their marriage hasn’t been great lately? Did he do something to her? Did he hurt her? Cuz if he did…" Angel started to threaten.
Xander walked toward the cursed vampire, holding his hands up in supplication. "Whoa! Calm down, Angel. Riley would never hurt her on purpose…but he did. Buffy got pregnant after years of trying with Riley. She was a little over two months pregnant when a drunk driver hit her car on the way back to Sunnydale from San Francisco. Riley was out of town visiting his dad in the hospital in Huxley and Buffy blamed him for not being there during that time. Since then, their marriage hasn’t been the same," Xander explained.
Angel nodded his head. "Doyle, I have some books downstairs in the basement that you need to get. I think they’d be useful for helping Buffy. Could you go get them?" he asked his assistant. Doyle immediately complied, leaving the room at once.
How come Buffy didn’t tell him? She had said that if anything went wrong in her life and if she needed anyone to talk to, that she would turn to him in a heartbeat. He had hoped that she would make nice on that. But maybe talking about her marriage with him…maybe she wasn’t comfortable talking about it with him. He surely wouldn’t be comfortable listening to it.
He felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around and saw Anya behind him. "Angel, are you okay?" she asked him. He’d become very special to her since she’d started working for him, which was something that Xander didn’t quite understand…something that he didn’t quite like either.
He grabbed Anya’s warm hands in his cold ones. "I’m fine, Anya. " He touched her cheek softly. "You have nothing to worry about. I’ll be fine," he assured her.
Doyle happened back into the room, dropping the crate of books onto the floor. "Here are those books, Angel. Some weird picks though."
"You guys start loading up the cars, I’ll be down in a minute." He watched as they vacated the room, then he walked back into his office. Staring for a few moments at his bookshelf, he sauntered toward it, moving back a few books until he uncovered the envelope. With a deep breath, he took it from the shelf, falling into his chair behind his desk.
He emptied the contents of the envelope onto his desk, smiling at the things that reminded him of her: numerous pictures and the cross that he’d once given her. Then, he picked up the ring. "I’m sorry, Angel, but I can’t have this anymore…its too painful to remember our time together…" She’d handed him the ring, then she’d left. Things between the two of them hadn’t been the same after that day.
For years, he’d thought about once his curse was lifted, about having a life with her, being able to walk in the daylight with her, making love to her, and possibly having children with her. During her frequent visits over the years, she had informed him time and time again how much she loved Riley and that she would do nothing to give him or what they’d achieved up.
He’d lived to accept that, but now knowing that Buffy and Riley’s marriage had reached a dead end or a yield momentarily, he could only hold out hope…Hope that maybe Buffy would be his again, like she once was…before *he* let her go. He replaced everything back into the envelope and returned it to its place on the bookshelf. Suddenly, he was enlightened by the many possibilities Sunnydale could offer him.